Courage Needs You
by Eris' Puppet
Summary: She was sixteen – he was almost thirty. It was as wrong as it was right. It was scary, it was exciting, it was everything she never knew she wanted. There was so much passion, so much pain, so much realization that love was never an easy thing.KakaSaku
1. I, i

**Attention: **This story is no longer active aka no more updates! If that bothers you, then please don't read for you'll just be upset in the end.

**Author's Note**: Just a few things before you read. The story will differ from the manga and anime where I don't have Sasuke chasing after Orochimaru, nor does Naruto leave to go train with Jiraiya.

This takes place four years in the future, making them either sixteen or fifteen, and this will be a two arc story.

The first arc will be the romance arc, taking up a good chunk of the story, depicting how Sakura and Kakashi finally get together and come to terms with their relationship while also trying to keep it secret from their peers. Don't expect things to be too rushed between the two, as I can't imagine them suddenly waking up one day realizing they love one another. It might seem kind of plot-less till the second arc which will be the mission arc – changing both Kakashi and Sakura's lives completely. I can't say much else lest I spoil it for you.

It's PG to PG-13ish for now, but I'll probably need to up the rating later.

And one last thing. I have been informed that the beginning of my story resembles another so if you notice that it's purely coincidental – although its your choice whether to believe me or not O.o

And that's it for now. Enjoy!

* * *

**Courage Needs You – Chapter 1**

The room was graveyard silent, besides the subtle pen scratches that each stroke brought. Stacks of paper and a mountain of scrolls surrounded the Hokage, providing a makeshift hideaway that was definitely not by her own choice.

Another peaceful day, another day spent doing paperwork. Funny, she thought the paperwork would have receded considering missions were at a low the past couple of months. The most thrilling thing as of late was an escort mission ambushed by a group of moronic thugs who got their butts kicked three ways from Sunday.

It wasn't that she wanted trouble per se, but a little excitement was well overdue.

She stifled a yawn when a knock clomped against her door. _Finally _a distraction!

"Come in."

In came Kotetsu, holding a new stack of the current bane of her existence.

"This is the latest report concerning the Grass and Leaf border mission," he said, placing the folder atop the teetering stack of papers.

She sighed, eyeing the paper with an intense sense of disdain. If she had known this was in the job description, she would've given it a second thought – and a third, and maybe even a fourth.

"The mission went smoothly I take it?" she questioned, opening the folder and flipping through its pages with a mild interest.

"No injuries or casualties of any kind, Hokage-sama."

Not that she was expecting any; it was a simple information retrieval mission that consisted of a unit of three chuunins, after all.

"All right, thanks Kotetsu," she said by her way of dismissal. He gave a nod and 'poofed' from her office.

She skimmed the report, informing her that the rumors of disturbance along the Leaf and Grass border were simply that – just rumors. No evidence of any kind to suggest otherwise. Signing it, she put it in the section labeled 'Shizune', who would file it for her later.

Thank god for the person who thought up assistants and secretaries.

* * *

Up and down, down and up. Through her pink wisps of hair, Sakura peeked at Naruto and Sasuke, who were too busy glaring at each other to notice her gaze. Pursed lips and furrowed brows indicated that neither was even close to giving up any time soon. Unlike her, they were competing, giving them that extra adrenaline boost which would long outlast Sakura's weakening stamina. 

She could feel her thin arms starting to shake; the slight ache in the beginning was now a full-fledged flame rippling through her muscles.

It was only ten more.

Up then down…

Her goal was so near.

Up and down…

So close, but…

Up – down…

Never close enough.

Up, down, up, down…

She started trembling, her whole body a wobbly mess. She briefly wondered if a Richter scale was getting readings before she collapsed against the soft grass with a groan; whether it was from exhaustion or defeat, she wasn't quite sure. Rolling onto her back, she felt beads of sweat tickling her skin before disappearing to dampen her cherry locks.

Staring lazily into the bright blue afternoon sky, she could see from her peripheral vision the continuous up and down motion of her two teammates. She sighed airily. They were both still going strong.

The requirement was two-hundred pushups in ten minutes, and she was still unable to complete it. It wasn't even as if she could come back and finish after resting since their sensei had integrated a time limit with their exercises. She lay there for a few more minutes in limbo, feeling neither happiness nor misery, while trying to block out her teammates and their apparent success.

Frowning and feeling disparaging, she hoisted herself up with unsteady arms before proceeding to her next task. She knew she wasn't as physically strong as Naruto or Sasuke, nor would she ever be, but sometimes it was so blatantly obvious that thoughts of resentment towards them and childish feelings of the world being unfair, filtered through her mind.

She knew her male counterparts would complete their four-hundred pushups in their ten minute time frame with ease, before dashing off to do their hundred laps within an hour limit, while she was only required to do fifty.

Honestly, she just wasn't made to do this kind of training. It reminded her of boot camp, or the like. She cursed her sensei, wishing he were here to suffer and endure this so-called 'stamina training' as well, even though she knew it probably wouldn't even cause him to break a sweat. She sighed enviously. How he managed to do one-thousand three-fingered pushups with her on his back, she had no idea but felt a new sense of pride knowing her sensei was indeed that strong.

Scanning the area, she knew he was probably in some nearby tree, reading his latest edition of Icha Icha Paradise while keeping a protective eye on them. He was the only person she knew who could successfully pounce at any moment while still being lethargic. It was a Kakashi thing, she supposed.

It was remarkable though, that in the last four years he hadn't changed a bit; still managing to be the same twisted and belated individual that she always knew him to be. In fact, not a whole lot had changed at all.

Even though they had all successfully made chuunin, they still trained under Kakashi with a mutual agreement. He had yet to pass any other genins. If it wasn't for the fact that she knew Kakashi was a morally righteous man, she might have thought he failed the other genins on purpose so the tie between all four of them wouldn't be broken. But he would never fail a potential ninja because of sentimental bonds. Hell, she wasn't sure if the man knew how to be sentimental in the first place.

Rounding her tenth lap she caught sight of Sasuke and Naruto zooming around the bend, making her realize she almost envied the blond. Without nisus and just being him, he managed to capture a lot of Sasuke's attention in these last years. Not in a romantic sense, but a brotherly bond (which both would quickly die before admitting). Through the bickering, insults, and bruises, they both silently enjoyed the competition and having each other to remind them the importance of training and being a ninja.

She was so lost in her wandering thoughts that she suddenly stumbled on the uneven ground, falling unceremoniously on a patch of dirt. How embarrassing for a chuunin to trip so easily, was the first thing she thought before filtering that information away to dwell on later. She lay there uncaringly, feeling the sting of a new cut being infected by the dirt underneath her.

Was it weird that she enjoyed the pain? She told herself she shouldn't, but telling herself repeatedly did nothing to convince herself of the truth. Laying there for a few more seconds, she decided it might seem awkward if the others saw her and languidly pulled herself up.

Is it always going to be like this? She thought dejectedly before a sudden 'poof' broke her from anymore musings.

"Oi Sakura, what's bothering you?" he asked in his no-nonsense manner which she had become familiar with over the years. She inwardly shrunk away while sighing at the same time. She really hadn't wanted him to see her fall like that – or at all.

Dusting herself off, she stared at her teacher who indolently leaned against a tree.

"Nothing Kaka-sensei," she said impassively. "I'm just a bit distracted – that's all."

A silver eyebrow rose up. "I see…"

Sore, hungry, frustrated, and now miserable, Sakura crossed her arms bitterly while blowing a few strands of hair from her face, allowing Kakashi to see the glare in her eyes. She knew he knew she was lying, it would be idiotic to think otherwise since he was one of the most perceptive people she knew, but honestly, she did not feel like explaining things to her teacher at this moment. She was simply not in the mood. Hopefully if he knew her as well as she thought he did, he would let it slide and let her continue on with the training that he ordered.

"Well," he pushed off the tree to stand in front of her, "since you do seem to be rather distracted today, I'll grant you early leave."

For a split second, relief washed over her that she was allowed escape from his hellish boot camp drills, but… as soon as that second passed a familiar tingle crept and spread through her chest like a rose vine, pricking and piercing its way through her system in an unending mess of swirls and curls. She cringed; she always experienced that tingle whenever she felt hurt.

It wasn't right – nor was it ever right when she felt like this, which seemed to be happening more frequently than was acceptable. She felt torn between anger and liberation, but felt more comfort and reasons to be angry than relieved. She was annoyed that he would even permit her to go in the first place, but she was even more livid that secretly inside it was what she wanted anyway.

This wasn'thow she was supposed to be. When did she lose her will and determination? When did her confidence slip away? And how dare he give her the option of leaving! It was…degrading. It would have been so much simpler if he ordered her to continue on with her training…then she wouldn't have had to feel these conflicting emotions. Glaring heatedly up at her teacher, who still towered over her despite her growth spurt, she tried to control her frustration directed at an undeserving and oblivious Kakashi.

"No, I'll continue and finish the training that you prescribed Kaka-sensei." She stepped around him to continue with her laps, but not before catching his furrowed brow. What he was furrowing at, she had no idea and forced herself not to dwell on it either. She could do this. She _had _to do it. She needed to prove to herself that she was better than this…better than what they thought of her.

Kakashi silently watched as his student continued jogging with short labored breaths. He had ordered this training exercise to help their endurance and stamina levels; albeit primitive it was still very affective.

Even though he had singled Sakura out to do half the exercise requirements compared to the boys, he could clearly see she was still having difficulties with it. Although she was a genius at GenJutsu, she still had a long way to go to prepare her body, and not just her Chakra skill anymore.

Maybe I should have asked less of her, he pondered, before glancing over his shoulder just in time to see Naruto and Sasuke whiz by, both of them neck to neck trying to outdo the other. He smiled.

* * *

With a soft thud, Sakura collapsed against her bed; her whole body feeling entirely numb and feeble. Worming her way further into the soft cotton fabric, she let herself indulge in the simple pleasure of lying down. She only wished her mind could have gone numb from today's training as well. 

She had managed to accomplish 476/500 sit-ups, 195/200 pushups, and 41/50 laps, each within their own time frame. She had failed all her requirements while her two teammates surpassed theirs with flying colours. Oh well, she thought, heaving a sigh. It wasn't like Kakashi was paying attention to her training anyway.

Sighing, she took note that she was doing that quite a lot lately before a loud gurgling grumble erupted. That's right; she had missed lunch today with her only nutrition being that of a granola bar she had snatched in the morning before dashing off to 'their' meeting place. Without even needing to look through her curtains, she could see the bright reds and oranges peeking through, indicating it was indeed evening already.

Rolling over in fetal position and squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to let sleep overtake her, but the grumbling and tightening in her abdomen wouldn't have any of it. Lying for a few more minutes, in a miserably lazy state, she knew the knot in her stomach would not leave and thus, she was forced to crawl out of bed.

Sauntering into the kitchen, she was met with only empty cupboards and a deserted refrigerator.

With her mind continuously sidetracked, she had forgotten that she needed to grocery shop today since both her parents were away on missions, _again_, and wouldn't be returning for another week. She silently shook her head. To simply forget was not in her nature.

_Alone again eh, Sakura?_

Pitying herself seemed to be a new habit she had acquired over her teenage years also.

In actuality, she knew she should have adapted to her parents life style long ago, but she could never seem to find comfort in being by herself. The people who enjoyed their solitude and seclusion, much like Sasuke, she could never understand. The world is filled with so much suffering; one shouldn't have to feel the anguish of being lonesome as well.

Not having the patience or energy to go shopping, she decided it was easiest to go into town and eat at the nearest ramen shop. Shopping could be worried about tomorrow, amongst other things.

Slipping her blue sandals back on, she trudged into town with anything but enthusiasm. She reminded herself that laundry was also at the top of list of things to do. She was meaning to do it today, just like her grocery shopping, but also like that it slipped her mind. Today's outfit had been the last clean one and she sulked knowing she would have to improvise tomorrow.

The ten minute walk went by slowly as she finally arrived at the shop. She could see a few blobs which she deciphered as people through tired eyes who were eating quietly and peacefully.

Paying them no heed, she slumped down on the nearest available stool and ordered her shoyu ramen with a tanmen topping.

"Well isn't this a surprise."

Pivoting to the right, she saw his right eye curved, the only sign of him smiling. How she had missed the large halo of silver hair to begin with, she wasn't quite sure.

"Oh sensei, I didn't see you there," she said voicing her thoughts. She was not the only one who found that fact unordinary. He brushed it off though, thinking and knowing she was still exhausted.

"I've never seen you here before," he said, voice betraying nothing even though he was curious inside. He watched her eye his empty ramen bowl, before turning tired, almost half-lidded dewy green eyes in his direction.

"I forgot to go to the market today."

She seemed almost dejected at the fact that she had forgotten something, Kakashi observed, forcing himself to hold in his grin and bite his tongue unless he remind the girl that yes, she was indeed human and humans made mistakes and forgot things all the time. Things which she would in turn scoff at, as if saying 'ya, maybe you buddy, but I'm better than that'

"So I take it you come here often?" she asked behind a stifled yawn, and in his usual smooth monotone voice he replied:

"I live five minutes from here," he said, ambiguous as always.

"Really?" Sakura couldn't help as her eyebrows arched. Even though she had known Kakashi for four years and saw him almost everyday, she had no idea where he lived, so the news was shocking yet thrilling at the same time. She had almost expected to hear him live in the woods isolated by himself miles and miles away, considering how late he always was when it came to their meeting place…now she knew how idiotic that notion was. Kakashi was simply Kakashi, and would never be punctual, no matter how close the destination was.

Her train of thought ended as a hot bowl of ramen was placed neatly in front of her. She even forgot her sensei was beside her, as she twirled the noodles around and around the chopsticks in a state of reverie. For some reason, she could never find enthusiasm to eat. Only the logical and intellectual part of her allowed her to keep herself sustained.

Keeping quiet, Kakashi noted she still had her dirty red top and black shorts on from earlier. Her knee was still scratched up and muddy from when she fell, and her hair was nothing less than disheveled. In all honest truth – she looked anything but dignified.

He continued to stare at her openly, but with his usual steely gaze. He needn't to bother trying to be subtle for she was in such a state of oblivion that she seemed to block out everything but her bowl of ramen.

He knew she was just extremely weary at the moment, and the numb, weak feeling she felt right now would probably be replaced by aches and stiffness when she woke up. He had a pretty good idea she would be far from happy tomorrow, but then, she should've been used to such conditions anyway.

But, besides the obvious, something just wasn't quite…right. Dark charcoal eyes scanned her over in contemplation, morphing into suspicion.

She was usually a well kept girl, who cared about her appearance as much as the next. The Sakura who sat next to him, shoveling noodles into her mouth with lacking energy, was not the Sakura he had known these last few years.

The differences weren't large or copious, but small faint characteristics that she seemed to have accumulated over the months. The average person would have never noticed, and he wasn't sure if it was because the changes were too small and insignificant to spot, or because she was too ingenious to make it noticeable. Nevertheless, he found his stomach turning and knotting in atypical discomfort. Maybe one of these days he should show up on time for the girl…

He watched her give a soft satisfied smile as she lay her money on the table before standing on wobbly legs.

"I'll walk you home."

Sakura started at his voice, her mind still muddled and foggy from fatigue. How could she have forgotten he was there? Shaking her thoughts away, she gave a tired smile in his direction, relieved when he didn't comment on her distracted deportment.

"Thanks, sensei."

She figured it took less energy to comply than to argue, and a small part of her also felt content that she would have company - even if it was only for a few minutes. The ten minute walk was uneventful and for the most part silent. The sun had completely hidden itself and the moon was starting to illuminate the sky in its steed. This time she did not let herself forget Kakashi's presence and achieved that by glancing at him as discretely as possible. If he was aware of her occasional staring, he didn't let it show as he continued with his long strides, slouched walk, and pocketed hands.

Sakura freely yawned and ran a hand through her hair, or at least tried to as it got snagged in numerous knots. She let out a frustrated sigh and glanced at Kakashi one more time, in what she hoped was an inconspicuous manner.

What was inconspicuous to most was only blindingly obvious to the Copy-nin, as he silently wondered why she kept peeking at him through her cherry tangled locks. Fortunately for her his interest wasn't strong enough for him to voice his question. He was surprised she still seemed to find her way home in her hazy state.

She frowned as her house came to view. It was dark and uninviting, making her want to walk away.

"Thanks again for walking me home Kaka-sensei," she said, honestly feeling appreciative. She gave him a smile, one that didn't quite reach her eyes then paused.

"Well…I guess I'll see you tomorrow then," she continued as she walked up to her front door. Kakashi gave a nod in acknowledgement. Just as she was about to close her door, she heard him call out.

"Oh and Sakura," he paused till she opened up her door again. "You still owe me twenty-four sit-ups, five pushups, and nine laps," he grinned, before disappearing in a flash. She was right – he was just too damn perceptive for her liking.


	2. I, ii

**AN: **Thanks to everybody who has reviewed so far, I really appreciate it! It's great to see other KakaSaku supporters. So thanks again and here's the next chapter.

* * *

**Courage Needs You – Chapter #2**

"Morning Sakura-chan!" Naruto grinned from ear to ear. "Hmm, you don't look so good."

Sakura simply glowered and walked past him, still too drowsy to act out her anger, in fact, she couldn't even remember the last time she had yelled at him. The glowing embers of her spirit which were so easily lit aflame before were now a simple boring dry ash.

When she had awoken this morning, she felt as if she had just taken the chuunin exam fifty times in a row;every muscle ached, and every move her body protested. She wasn't sure how she was going to last the day. She had taken a hot bath to let her muscles relax, and it had worked beautifully but now the chilly morning air, despite it being May, made her body start throbbing once again.

"Mornin' Sasuke," Sakura greeted monotone, as she sat across from him on the bridge railing. He nodded in response. She had dropped the 'kun' part quite a while ago. Although she still admired him and thought he was the greatest thing since conditioner and lazy Sunday mornings, she had reluctantly forced herself to accept that he would never feel that 'way' about her. It didn't help that he just seemed to grow more and more attractive as the years went on either.

"I wonder if we still need to do conditioning training," she thought aloud, watching in a mixture of boredom and fascination as a grasshopper leapt below her. Naruto's ears twitched from the words 'conditioning' and 'training'.

"Mou, Kaka-sensei better give us a mission and if he doesn't, I'm going to go see the Old Hag myself and demand one from her."

Sakura and Sasuke rolled their eyes in perfect synchronized form at Naruto's declaration. In the last week, since training had begun, Naruto had already 'demanded' a mission from Tsunade three times, and each time he came back empty handed and with a black eye. You would think he would learn.

Two long hours passed. Sakura switched from sitting to laying down flat against the railing with her arms propped behind her head, half paying attention to the usual inane bickering coming from Naruto and Sasuke. This time it was about Kakashi's age.

"I'm saying fifty. I mean, how else do you explain that crop of white hair? He _has_ to be old!"

"Baka! He's not _that_ old! Have you ever seen any wrinkles on his face?"

Naruto snorted. "Unless you have x-ray vision, I don't see how you can see anything behind his mask and hitai-ate either. We only ever see his eye and if we're lucky, maybe his eyebrow."

"Yes, you can only see his one eye, and have you noticed any wrinkles around it?"

Naruto scrunched his face up, as if thinking deeply about the question. "I suppose not…"

"And there you go. Wrinkles are most prominent around the eyes first, so if you can't see any, then there is no way he is fifty years old." Sasuke declared, crossing his arms and sighing, deciding the subject to be closed in his favour.

"Well maybe he uses a Jutsu like the Hokage does and makes himself look younger than he actually is!" Naruto jumped from the rail, a huge knowing grin smeared on his face. "That has to be it!"

"If he could change his appearance like Hokage, then why wouldn't he change the colour of his hair also?" Sasuke countered.

Was he really fifty? Sakura wondered.

A sudden 'poof' appeared behind Naruto and he pivoted around to come eye to eye with an annoyed looking jounin.

"Fifty, huh?" Kakashi wasn't sure whether to be insulted or amused.

Naruto grinned sheepishly, scratching the back of his head in awkwardness.

Insulted it was. He quickly smacked Naruto upside the head. "I'm twenty-nine!"

"Wow, really? That's still old," he said unabashed, not missing a beat in their conversation.

Sakura yielded to a lopsided grin, the first real one in a while, before biting the inside of her cheek softly to stop the giggling bubbling forward at her sensei's almost shocked reaction to Naruto's statement.

"Naruto," she started, trying to keep her mien in check, even though it felt good to let it out. "Twenty-nine is not that old you dummy."

She watched as he seemed to ignore her words and stand on the tip of his toes, leaning forward and squinting his eyes at Kakashi; Kakashi quirked a brow in wonderment.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm looking for wrinkles. Sasuke said they're most prominent around the eyes first."

Sakura wasn't sure, but she was almost positive she saw Kakashi narrow his eyes a tad; maybe as a warning gesture?

"Ha! You're _so _wrong Sasuke," Naruto said, pulling back to give a triumphant smirk towards him.

Sasuke sighed, and surprised himself when he replied. "About…?"

"If you look really, really closely, you can see wrinkles forming at the corner of his eye. And you said he didn't have any. Hn, shows how much the great Uchiha knows." He shook his bowed head, lifting it up with a look akin to pity. "And also considering you have the Sharingan…how embarrassing."

It was quite surprising how large his ego could grow over such a trivial thing, but Sakura was sure it deflated a little as Kakashi and Sasuke simultaneously smacked him, causing him to face-plant onto the bridge.

"Come on, we have training to do," Kakashi said, walking away beckoning Sakura and Sasuke to follow.

* * *

Sakura lay under a large oak, watching the sun try to peek through the pillows of clouds. The rainy season was going to start any day now, she realized, hating the knowledge. 

"Finished already?" Kakashi's voice drawled, staring down at her sprawled yet relaxed position.

Damn, she was caught. She lazily shifted her eyes to him, before staring back up towards the sky. "I'm taking a break" she said a matter-of-fact.

"Is that so?" He stuffed his hands into his pockets, his voice the same neutral.

She smirked, feeling unusually careless today. "Ya, that's so." If others had eavesdropped on their conversation, they might have been astonished that a disciple was talking back to their sensei in that manner, but such was the way of their relationship.

Kakashi remained unfazed and almost felt the need to grin. "That's funny, 'cause I don't remember assigning a break."

For a fleeting moment, she wondered how she could pull off such remarks without corollary, knowing if Naruto and Sasuke did the same, they would be spending a week doing 'D' rank missions. Speaking of which, where was Naruto? She lifted her head and saw them in the distance. What on earth were they doing?

She propped up on her elbows, and jerked her head in the direction of her teammates. "What are those two idiots doing now?"

Kakashi allowed his student to switch topics and answered her question. "They're seeing who can do a one-handed handstand the longest." He glanced in their direction. "By the looks of things, it seems Naruto might win."

"Ya, thanks to the Kyuubi," she muttered, yet Kakashi heard her all the same.

"Well, since you seem to be especially lazy this afternoon, you can help me train a little then," he said over his shoulder as he walked away a few feet. Sakura sighed knowing what he wanted of her, and clambered onto her shaky legs. A week of his boot-camp drills was too much too quick for her muscles to become accustomed. Thank god she had tomorrow off! At least her participation in his training required no effort whatsoever.

She watched him lay down face first, three fingers poised and ready at his sides with his elbows pointed outward. Dutifully she walked over and lay on top of him, once again resuming her sky gazing.

"One," she heard him utter, causing a slight vibration from his back into her own.

"Two."

Now only 998 pushups to go, she thought, shifting down slightly till her head rested securely between his shoulder blades. He either didn't notice or care about her movement, as he continued onto three. She turned her head, and found herself frowning at Naruto and Sasuke who were still in that ridiculous position.

"Four."

Closing her eyes, she basked in the semi-warm afternoon and the heat emanating from Kakashi's back. It felt like the thermal blanket her mom used to give her in winter time when she was a kid. That was the time when she was actually around, and she found herself reminiscing about a past long forgotten. After a while she mentally shook her head, hating herself for thinking and wishing for things that she knew she could never have again.

"Forty-five."

_I guess I was reminiscing longer than I thought…_

She sighed and forced herself to concentrate on Kakashi's warmth; the smooth up and down rhythm of his body; and the feeling of his muscles as they bunched and expanded and flexed beneath her back.

So beautiful, she mused forlornly. _The strength of this man…just so god damn beautiful. _She stirred a bit, feeling the edge of something digging into her side. She groped under the small of her back, and felt the burden inside his kunai pocket. Feeling her way, she snapped it open and yanked out his treasure. She felt him pause mid-pushup, and was almost tempted by her curiousity to open the book, then quickly thought better of it and laid it down beside him.

"It was engraving the side of my back," she clarified. He resumed his training, and she took that as his response.

Six-hundred pushups later Sakura found herself extremely bored. She had imagined every image possible the passing clouds provided; she went through her check list of things to do when she got home; she tried to remember certain lyrics to a bothersome song; and she didn't even have Sasuke and Naruto to glance at anymore. Sasuke had lost some odd one-hundred pushups ago, and it seemed they moved onto bigger and better things to compete against.

"Six-hundred and forty-five."

Itching the nape of her neck for the umpteenth time, she lifted her head and scooped her hair up letting it cascade around Kakashi's neck and shoulders. He paused, making her wonder if she should real her hair back in, incase he was annoyed by pink tresses invading his view. As soon as the thought appeared, it vanished as stubbornness and a wicked smirk took over. It felt good to feel stubborn again, after so many weeks of being so utterly blasé.

Besides, she was doing him a favour and if he couldn't deal with her hair, then she wouldn't deal with being treated as extra weight – even if it did feel nice. A few moments passed, and their surreptitious standoff continued. She suddenly felt him move again, and she inwardly grinned in triumph. She abruptly thought of Naruto and his little victory in finding microscopic wrinkles on Kakashi's face. Well now she knew that even the insignificant battle's felt damn good to win too.

Three hundred and fifty-five pushups later…

Sakura rolled off her sensei, feeling cool earth chill her tepid body. Damn, she already missed Kakashi's warmth. She saw Naruto and Sasuke jog towards them both out of breath, obviously from their latest rivalry. Kakashi stood up, dusted his hands off, and eyed his two students.

"There are some defeats more triumphant than victories", he said, picking up his book and placing it back into his kunai holster.

"Huh?" was Naruto's intelligent reply.

Kakashi sighed. "Just keep it in mind."

"Keep what in mind?"

Sakura gave an irritated growl and threw her hands up in the air, doing what Kakashi was too composed to do.

"I'll see you guys in a couple of days," he said striding away, lifting his hand up in a departing wave. "Oh and Sakura" he said still walking, his voice fading a bit. "No excuses and no breaks next time."

She uttered something noncommittal, before catching Naruto sniffing the air, while walking towards her. He leaned forward and took a big whiff before quickly pulling back, a look of repugnance on his face.

"…what's wrong?" As if she needed to ask. She watched him pinch his nose and lean forward again, whispering into her ear.

"You sort of smell, Sakura."

A look of total astonishment and embarrassment etched her features, and she took a whiff of her own. If she could have, she would have jumped back like Naruto, but unfortunately, she was attached to herself.

_Oh god, sensei must have smelt this too!_

She smacked her forehead, letting out an undignified 'ugh'. Sasuke watched on in amusement. Tomorrow, definitely, she was doing her laundry! No more wearing dirty, sweaty, two-day old clothes. She stalked away, too humiliated to be angry. Jeez, could it get any worse? Suddenly, she felt it start to rain.

* * *

Kakashi tore off his mask and hitai-ate, nearly pressing his nose against the mirror. After a minute of scrutinizing, he scoffed and ambled out of the bathroom. 

"Wrinkles my ass."

* * *

So ya, just a chapter showing some interaction between Kakashi and Sakura, but it's still a long while till they get together. There will be lots of scenes with them, just not them being 'together' together. I'm going to try and show how Sakura has changed, who she is today, and how they develop feelings for one another over a period of time. So what I guess I'm trying to say is that this might be slow moving – I hope that's alright for everyone. 

And that little bit with Tsunade in the beginning of the first chapter isn't relevant right now, but just something to keep in mind for the future

And the reason Kakashi is twenty-nine in this chapter is because it's May, and his b-day is in September :D

So thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


	3. I, iii

**AN**: Thanks for all of the encouraging reviews. You guys are awesome! And just a couple things before you read. First off, I have no clue about Sakura's family – I don't think there is any shinobi background but in my story I have it so both of her parents are jounins. The second thing is I also made it so the characters in my story are clueless as to where Kakashi lives. Just to add more to the mystery of Kakashi :D

And I also changed the summary to the story 'cause the other one was crapola! Hopefully this one is better…

And that's it! Enjoy!

* * *

**Courage Needs You - Chapter #3**

"Ino, you're so bad!"

She grinned puckishly at her gaping friend. "There's no harm in being a little friendly," she countered playfully.

"You call that being a little friendly? Jeez, if that's friendly, I'd love to see you being flirtatious."

Ino rolled her eyes. "You're just jealous."

Tenten bristled; brown eyes narrowed in indignation. "Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"You are too! You just can't admit that you wish he had paid more attention to you instead of me. I know how you are Tenten," she said mischievously, wagging a finger in front of the older girl's face.

The two friends eyed each other; cold blue and dark brown clashing. Passerby's spared the duo a glance – too used to seeing the squabbling teenagers and their daily arguments. Tenten finally relented.

"Fine," she huffed, crossing her arms across her chest. "But what about Shikamaru? What happens when he finds out that you were flirting with a man ten years your senior?"

"Ugh!" Ino said exasperated, throwing her hands up in the air for emphasis. "I wasn't flirting!"

Tenten wryly smiled and cocked an eyebrow, giving her the, you-can't-fool-me-look.

"Besides," Ino went on, proceeding to walk down the street, "Shik knows I would never cheat on him, and he doesn't care if I flirt a little either. He told me o–"

"Ha!" Tenten exclaimed, side-stepping in front of her friend to point an accusing finger at the clueless blonde. "You liar! You just admitted you flirted with him."

"Wha…?" Ino quickly noted her slip and scowled, smacking the pointing digit out of her face before continuing down the road. She tried to ignore the brunette's triumphant grin from her peripheral vision as well. "_Anyway_, as I was saying, Shik doesn't care if I flirt. He says tha –"

"Doesn't he get jealous?"

Ino whirled around and pointed at her friend once again. "Eww, if you interrupt me one more time, so help me God…" and she left it at that, letting her friend use her imagination.

"You two better be careful," a masculine voice warned, startling the two distracted girls. "You might poke somebody's eye out with all that finger pointing the two of you have been doing."

"Kakashi-senpai…" they breathed in unison. His eye curved at them.

"You two girls have a nice day now." And then, he was gone. With a slight stupor, they watched him walk away and disappear in the throng of villagers. Ino suddenly lowered her finger, matching her friend's perplexed appearance.

"That was…odd."

Ino nodded in agreement. "Hey, what do you think he looks like under that mask?" She surveyed Tenten's contemplative expression, before going on. "You know, I bet he's really handsome."

"Oh no," Tenten warned, catching Ino's devilish smirk. "Don't even think about it," she hissed, striding away from her scheming friend. She knew first hand the tactless expedients her friend used to get what she wanted. "I'll have no part in whatever fiendish plan you come up with."

Ino wasn't a bad person per se, she was just…aggressive, Tenten thought as her _pal _clung to her like a lifeline.

"I just want to see what he looks like," Ino said innocently, batting her large blue eyes.

Tenten rolled her eyes theatrically, trying to pry the clutching hellion off of her. "I'm not a guy Ino! You can't win me over by batting your stupid eyelashes." She watched a dawn of comprehension sink into the girl, before she chuckled sheepishly.

"Hehe, sorry force of habit," she said letting Tentengo, her eyes turned upward in proverbial thought. "You know, I've never needed to win a girl over before," she said, finding the whole notion odd yet amusing. "And I have no idea how to go about it."

One would have thought Tenten would have acclimated to her friend by now, but Ino just attested to be a special case.

"Anyway Ino, I don't think it's a good idea to tick off a jounin, especially an elite jounin like Kakashi-senpai. If he finds out you're plotting and sleuthing around trying to see his face, who knows what he'll do."

Ino seemed to mull over her friends wise words, and Tenten jumped on the good thing she had going. "And besides, it's Sakura's sensei, and he knows we're friends with her. He might think she's involved and punish her or something."

"You're right!"

Tenten breathed in relief. "Of course I'm right. Now just forg–"

"Ah, you're a genius Tenten. I totally forgot Kakashi-senpai was Sakura's sensei. It will be so much easier since we have a person on the inside! Now," Ino started, holding her friends shoulders at arms length, "we just need Sakura to help us out."

Tenten groaned, wondering how this happened and why she was involved.

* * *

Sakura staggered, trying to balance the two large paper brown bags in her arms, while trying to avoid the oncoming and going traffic. 

I hate Sunday's, she thought bitterly, knowing it was only half the truth. She hated Sunday's because that was when everybody conveniently had a day off. They crowded the streets; buying, browsing, bargaining, which all effectively blockaded her way. Family outings ensued, friends got together and formed packs. Everybody, everywhere, with everyone. That's what Sakura saw it all as. The only upside to Sunday's was sleeping in and having a day to relax from her training. Sometimes that knowledge was enough for her to bear the onslaught of people.

"Sakura!"

She turned around, scanning the crowd, seeing no one familiar enough to call out her name. She continued walking when her name was bellowed out louder and closer this time. Stopping mid-stride, she waited. A couple moments later a blonde and brunette burst through the mass unceremoniously. Tenten was per usual, wearing a skirt, a jean one this time with a white tank, which Sakura instantly found a little too small and a little too tight on the tall brunette. She knew for a fact it wasn't a dryer accident, nor was Ino's whose happened to be a blood red instead of white. Figures they would be wearing the same shirt despite the colour difference.

They looked so much…older, than their age, she noted, unsure of how to feel about such a thing. She surreptitiously observed her own clothes. Simple khaki capris, and a simple pink V-neck t-shirt. She looked impossibly…simple. She frowned. She was always plain, always ordinary, and always the one who people looked over.

Her friends grew noticeably closer and Sakura instinctively inched back, knowing Ino too long to know the twinkle in her smiling eyes was never a good thing. She would have tried to make a mad dash towards the nearest possible exit, but the cursed paper brown bags hindered her movement as they rested precariously in her arms. Precarious, she thought, just like her situation was about to be.

Abandon the food and run? Or suck it up and face whatever evil plot Ino had formulated this time? Choices, choices.

Her freedom of choice was suddenly halted as the decision was made for her by Ino taking up her vision, a wicked smile on her pretty lips, and a glint in her icy eyes that would make anyone back up in suspicion. Tenten was beside her, staunchly as always.

"Sakura, thank god I found you." Her voice was more vociferous than usual. Something good must be up for Ino to be this excited, only causing Sakura to groan inwardly. The more keyed up Ino was, the deeper the consequences usually were.

She shifted her bags awkwardly, nodding to each one. "Hey Ino…Tenten. Something up?" Why she was even pretending to be dumb, she didn't really know.

"We need your help!"

That was never a good thing.

"Ino, wait," Tenten said, a rare thoughtful expression on her face. "Maybe Sakura's already seen it, and she can just tell us about it and then you don't have to scheme anymore."

Sakura paused, a nonplussed expression creeping onto her face. _Something I've already seen? _

"Oh ya!" she turned towards Sakura, her short ponytail bouncing with her movements. "Have you seen Kakashi-senpai's face?" Her mien matched her speech, both full of desperation and curiousity.

"Kaka-sensei's face? That's what this is about?" This was definitely…different.

"Ya! So have you? I bet he's really good looking. I can tell about these sorts of things. I have an uncanny talent for it."

Sakura agreed; Ino was definitely _uncanny. _"Sorry guys,I can't help you. I've never seen his face either."

Both girls' eyebrows reached toward their hairline. "No way!" Tenten exclaimed. "That's so weird! He's been your sensei for four years and he's never even let you take a tiny peek?"

Sakura's lips down-turned. She never really thought it that odd before, but hearing someone else say it out loud, she found it did indeed seem a little outlandish. Why hadn't Kakashi ever shown them his face?

"Maybe he doesn't like you guys," Ino said with a shrug of her tiny shoulders, either not knowing or not caring about how her words might be taken. "Or maybe it's a whole trust thing. He probably thinks you guys will squeal or something."

The corners of Sakura's mouth tugged lower even more, a full blown frown forming.

"I highly doubt it's due to the fact that he doesn't like or trust us," Sakura countered, unable to keep the scowl off her face. "It's probably just something extremely private to him which he doesn't want to share with anybody else." She eyed her girlfriend's, mentally daring them to rebuke her statement. Between the awkward silence, tension thickened between the trio.

"Hmm…well, I suppose that could be the reason. Anyway, what he thinks of you doesn't matter," Ino finally said, waving her hand dismissively.

_Doesn't matter…?_

"The important thing is girl's, that we figure out a way to get him to take off that damn mask."

Sakura shuffled uneasily from foot to foot, half listening to Ino spitting out ideas to conquer her goal, and her other half debating the odds, pros, and ethics. She couldn't deny she was curious as well, but to plot against him just to have him take off his mask? A sudden feeling of déjà vu settled in.

"I don't think we'll be able to," Sakura butted in, her voice soft compared to Ino's strident one. "Naruto, Sasuke and I all tried a few years ago and it never worked." She saw Ino frown and cross her arms, but found she didn't care at the moment if she upset her friend for she was still a little rattled by Ino's inconsiderate words from earlier.

"Jeez Sakura, you're always so negative," Ino huffed.

_Negative?_

"Don't worry Sakura," Tenten reassured, a semi smile playing along her lips. "We're all chuunin now so we're more likely to accomplish it compared to you and your teammate's years ago."

She watched Ino scanning the area with her brows knit together. "Come on guys; let's go talk about this somewhere more private. Who knows who might be listening?"

"As if anyone cares about your idiotic plan," Sakura muttered just low enough to not attract her friend's attention. God, when had she turned so bitter? Maybe Ino was right; maybe she was negative.

Obediently she followed the delinquent duo to a pretty popular coffee house. They wanted privacy yet they go to one of the most crowded stores in the village? Sakura sighed airily, not bothering to try and figure out the logic in their decision, while also wishing she at least didn't have to lug around her groceries.

A little bell chimed their entry, not that it could have been heard over the boisterous crowd anyway. Sakura paused, letting the aroma of lattes and pastries tickle her nose. The whole coffee house was done in rich mahogany, from their floors to tables and chairs, making the space seem smaller than it actually was. Mustard-yellow and red striped curtains and upholstery gave off a mature and comfortable atmosphere. It would have been a nice place to relax and read a book if it weren't for the stacks of people cramming and taking up every available space.

Peeking between her bags, she spotted Ino and Tenten making a bee-line through the thicket of people towards the farthest table at the farthest end of the store.

_Figures._

Questions silently buzzed inside, wondering why they were heading towards a table that was already occupied, in fact, every table was occupied and even more people seemed to be standing around the already taken tables; talking to old acquaintances, new friends, or annoying colleagues. Sakura squirmed and dodged her way to the back of the room, or at least tried to as people continued to brush and bump into her, making her almost topple the heavy bags one time too many.

While trying to avoid all human contact possible, she watched as her two friends talked to a group of three teenage guys surrounding a table they obviously felt they needed. Slinking past a few more people, she watched the group exchange a few words here and there, and then before she could comprehend what was happening, the group of guys stood up with smiles and let Ino and Tenten have their seats.

"What did you guys say to them?" Sakura asked when she reached them, slumping down in her chair and letting her groceries thump on the ground next to her. She got two rascal smirks in response. Maybe it was better if she didn't know…

"So guys," Ino said, elbows on the table leaning forward. "Have you thought of anything yet?"

Tenten scratched her trademark buns, a habit she had picked up when thinking deeply. "Well, he can't wear it when he takes a shower right? Maybe that could be our chance."

_Oh my god, I'm not hearing this!_

Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose. "You're saying you want to spy on my sensei while he's taking a shower?"

Tenten giggled. "Why not?"

"Ya," Ino chirped, the glint in her eye returning. "That way we can see more than just his face." Her eyebrows wiggled suggestively.

Ugh! Just totally unbelievable. They were nuts; just totally absolutely nuts! "You guys, that's sick! This is my sensei we're talking about! I can't spy on him while he's _naked!_" Oh god, what would he do if he saw her and her friends playing peeping Tom while he was bathing? Sakura cringed. She would move, run away, become a missing-nin; anything but having to face him again if she was caught. Maybe she would be lucky and drop dead from the humiliation instead.

"Oh puh-leeeaze Sakura," Ino said followed by a dramatic eye roll. "You're saying you've never wondered about Kakashi-Jr.?" She said it as if the whole concept was inconceivable; as if it was normal and right and expected for mid-teenage girls to wonder about their sensei's loins.

Sakura gaped, feeling like she was in the twilight zone. She was like a whole other species compared to her friends. Why should she have to feel so incongruous because she didn't want to see her sensei's johnson? And how did it evolve from wanting to pry his mask off to wanting to see his…_thing,_ anyway? All of a sudden the prospect of wanting to see his facial features wasn't so bad anymore…well comparatively to her other choice.

"Don't you guys think its maybe…I don't know…_wrong?_"

Ino scrunched her face up in resentment. "What's so wrong about it?"

_What's wrong with it?** What's wrong with it?**_

It was mind boggling how truly hedonistic they were, with no sense of ignominy either. Obviously morals and ethics wouldn't work against these two. Plan B.

"It wouldn't work anyways guys," she said trying to be as nonchalant as doable. "There will be a shower curtain or blurred glass door or something to obstruct our view. And how did you plan to see him in the shower anyway? It's not like we can walk into his bathroom or sneak in through his window. He's a jounin…he'll _know!_ And then we'll be in trouble. You better come up with something else." Or if she was lucky, nothing at all.

She watched her friends, hope behind her green eyes, wondering if logic and facts would work better against them then her 'it's morally wrong' speech.

Tenten slouched back in her chair, letting out a breath that was between a huff and a sigh. "She's right Ino. We better not underestimate him."

Ino let out a breath that was definitely a huff. "Well what do you propose then?"

"Umm…well he must brush his teeth right?"

"Sorry to burst your bubble Tenten, but he would most likely do that in the bathroom as well, which brings us back to our first problem." Ah, leave it to Sakura to point out other people's idiocy.

"Oh, right."

"What about a public bath?"

_What is with their fixation on bathrooms and bathing?_ Sakura effortlessly droned out their voices, and escaped inwards. Being with Ino and Tenten was like being with Naruto and Sasuke; always the third wheel. Ino and Tenten were too flamboyant and uninhibited while Naruto and Sasuke were too competitive and determined. Her insipid quiet nature couldn't quite mold with theirs for it to be comfortable enough.

She rolled her eyes at herself for her pathetic self-pitying thoughts, before looking around for a distraction.

_I wonder if I broke my eggs when I dropped my bags on the floor. _She peeked at her bags, seeing no seepage through the paper. _It's kinda warm in here…milk doesn't go bad that quickly…does it?_ Another peek at her bags, followed by a surreptitious whiff.

"_Sakura_!"

"Huh? What?"

"Jeez, I said your name three times! Weren't you listening? Eww, don't tell me you weren't listening."

"Sorry," she said halfheartedly. "So what did I miss?"

Ino eyed her suspiciously, before responding. "We were saying we could try when he's sleeping. There's no way that man will also sleep with that damn mask on, and also, while he's asleep, his instincts and reactions will be dulled so he won't notice our presence."

_I'd beg to differ._

Oh well, she decided she could let this bubble float for a while 'cause she needed to get home before her grocery's went bad, and the longer she pointed out her friends mistakes, the longer she would be here until they thought of a decent enough plan that wouldn't result in them being caught. If she wanted to participate in this little gambit, then maybe she would've thought of a scenario for them, but fortunate for her and unfortunate for them, she wasn't interested nor did she want to participate.

"Alright, so it's settled," Ino beamed. "Now tell us where Kakashi-senpai lives and Tenten and I will go and scope the place out."

"Huh?"

"I _said_ tell us where he lives so we can scope the place out, ya know, look for windows to his bedroom, escape routes, etcetera, etcetera."

She leaned back in her chair, face unreadable. "I don't know where he lives."

Ino bolted forward smacking the table, making Sakura jump in reaction. "You gotta be shitting me? I mean, I guess I can understand you never seeing his face – but to have no clue where he lives also?"

God, it wasn't _that _odd…was it?

"That is pretty bizarre Sakura," Tenten said, adding her two cents.

Sakura knit her brows together, wondering if Ino was going to add onto her previous comment of Kakashi not liking nor trusting them, and that was why they didn't know anything about him. She almost wished she would, just so she would have an excuse to snap back at her, alleviating some of her frustration.

"Hey, maybe you can ask Shikamaru," Tenten suggested. "He's smart; he can probably figure it out for us."

_And what, I can't?_ Not that she wanted to of course.

Ino leaned back in her chair, playing with the end of her ponytail. "Hmm, I guess I could, but I don't really want to bug him about this. He would just tell me it's too troublesome anyway."

The corners of Sakura's mouth lifted up barely. "You telling me you're not important enough to make him want to help your cause?" Oh, if she wasn't a sly one.

Ino instantly bristled, reminding Sakura of a furious feline. "Of course he we would help me," she said, maybe just a tad bit too fast. "Come on," she ordered, standing up and striding out of the coffee house. "We'll go see him right now and you'll see! Shik would do anything for me!"

She sure was out to prove something to the world, Sakura thought, grabbing her bags and lagging behind, concealing a sickly satisfying grin. It wasn't that she wanted to upset her friend, just verbally give her a jab back from her crass statement from earlier. It was only fair…right?

Half an hour later, Sakura found herself standing atop the pinnacle of a hill, praying to every god and deity that her groceries would still be edible by the time she got home. Even though her milk was going bad with every second she stood there, she couldn't help but be mildly pleased at Ino trying to convince Shikamaru to help her.

"What do you mean it's too troublesome?" Ino all but shrieked. How could such an easy laidback guy go out with someone like Ino? Sakura felt her temples start pulsating, and decided to stop trying to figure out the conundrum of Ino and Shikamaru.

"Isn't there like some sort of information desk you can go to and ask? I mean, you're a trusted andhigh-ranked chuunin, I doubt they would even think twice about asking you why you need such information."

Shikamaru closed his eyes and sighed, obviously not being able to enjoy his sky gazing any longer with his girlfriend throwing a tantrum beside him.

"They would ask," he said, turning his head to finally look at the rattled blonde. "If his address isn't publicly listed, there is a reason for it, and that reason is usually a pretty good one. They won't give it out without good cause." He gave a lopsided grin. "And I don't think you needing to know his address so you can plot to see his face would fall under the 'important' section."

Sakura pursed her lips, trying to keep in her moderate laugh. She was definitely starting to like Shikamaru more and more.

"I thought you loved me!"

Tenten bit her fist, trying to stop her blatant giggling. Ino instantly noticed and it only exacerbated the situation. Anger and mortification flared in smoldering blue eyes. Her plan of 'I'll show you who has the best boyfriend in the world, who loves me and would do anything for me', wasn't exactly sticking to her envisioned script. It was rare to see Ino this put out, and Sakura felt torn between gratification and sympathy for the blonde.

Shikamaru groaned, frustration evident. "Jeez Ino, you know I love you." He gave a clipped sigh. "Look, I'll see what I can do all right? Now why don't you go do the same and maybe talk to some of his acquaintances to see if they can lend you any constructive information. But for the love of god, do not tell them what for! Lie if you have to. If they find out what your real purpose is, no doubt they'll either brush you off or laugh in your face."

Ino exploded like a firecracker, and tackled Shikamaru into a hug. "See guys, I told you he would do anything for me." She obviously didn't know that gloating wasn't very becoming. Totally unabashed, she crushed her lips against his, making the poor brunette shift and blush in awkwardness from his audience.

"Come on guys, we have some information extracting to do!"

* * *

"There better not be anymore delays – you hear me!" For being the youngest of the group, she sure was the bossiest. 

"Forgive me your majesty that my grocery's were such an inconvenience that I needed to put them away," her sarcasm was only halfhearted, not bothering to make more of an effort as she slammed her refrigerator door and threw out the paper bags. "You know, I'm doing you a favour anyway by coming. It couldn't hurt to show a little appreciation."

"Oh stop your whining, big-forehead!"

Sakura bridled. "I wouldn't talk, Ino-pig."

"Would the both of you just shut up? God, you still act like you're twelve!" She had a point there. "Now shake hands, call a truce, and let's get this over with."

Four hours later…

"I don't know if you guy's have noticed, but this isn't working," Sakura stated, plopping down on a bench in tired frustration. First they had to form and think of a list of people that might be associated with Kakashi. Then after that, they had to go and find said people, and just to continue Sakura's streak of bad luck, the majority of them were away on missions. And then, the people they did manage to find knew about as much as they did; which was absolutely squat.

"Well, if you ask me, I think Asuma-senpai was lying," Ino said, tapping her chin thoughtfully.

Sakura snorted. "That's what you said about Genma, Kurenai, Iruka, and Gai-senpai. Don't you think it might be a little odd if they were _all_ lying?"

Ino's eyes lit up. "Are you saying it's a conspiracy?"

Sakura briefly wondered if Ino deliberately tried to stretch her last nerve to its breaking point, or if she truly was that dim. It wasn't that Ino was per se stupid, but whatever she was, Sakura just prayed it wasn't contagious. She glanced towards Tenten, wondering if it was too late for her friend. She was already showing signs of Ino-disease. If she caught it as well, would there be a cure? Or would she be doomed for the rest of her life flirting and flaunting about with intelligence, morals, and logic being replaced by boys and fashion?

Sakura closed her eyes and shuddered. If that happened, there would be only one option; seppuku. Really, it was the only sane and honorable thing to do concerning humanity. One Ino was enough, two was unbearable, and if there were three? She trembled at the notion.

"Well, since it's a conspiracy we're dealing with, there's only one thing to do!"

Sakura tried to stop the hope from surfacing. "Quit?"

"Hell no! We're going to follow him. It should be easy enough right?"

Sakura only shook her head exasperated_. He'll notice right away you're following him and make you end up following a decoy instead. _

She was about to say that also, then quickly thought better of it. It might be kind of funny to hear them tell her how easily fooled they were. Man, if she didn't win the best-friend-of-the-year-award, then she had no idea who would.

"You're going to be training with him tomorrow, right Sakura?" She nodded at Tenten. "So you'll be in the usual glade?" Another nod. "Perfect, that way we won't have to track him down. What time do you guys usually finish?"

"On average I'd say around four or five."

"All right, so it's settled. Tomorrow, Tenten and I will follow Kakashi, and then after we're done and have scoped the place out, we'll give you a call Sakura." Sounded reasonable enough to her. Standing up she felt a sense of relief she hadn't felt in ages. She was finally free from the delinquent duo. She took two steps when she spotted Shikamaru walking towards them. It seemed paradise would have to wait a moment.

As soon as Ino spotted the exhausted brunette, she pounced, wrapping her legs around his midsection, and clutching her arms around his neck.

"Oh my god, Shik, you'll never guess what we figured out."

He raised a brow and smirked slightly, knowing that whatever was going to come out of Ino's mouth would be something he could laugh about for days to come. "Oh, and what's that?"

She turned her head left and right as if she was being watched, before leaning forward and whispering into his ear: "There's a conspiracy concerning Kakashi's residence."

Sakura and Tenten heard him chuckle. "Is that so?"

Ino bobbed her head up and down enthusiastically. "Ya! It seems that everybody is lying about not knowing where he lives."

"Hun, have you ever considered that they weren't lying and that they actually might not know?"

She furrowed her brows and frowned. "Well, I suppose that's a possibility." She paused in thought then quickly snapped her head back up. "Hey, did you figure it out?"

"Sorry, but it seems you're dealing with a very secretive man here. I tried everything, almost bordering onto illegal, but came up with nothing."

"I see." She slid off him dejectedly then glanced back at Tenten. "Guess we'll just have to follow tomorrow's plan then." She turned back around noticing Shikamaru's questioning dark eyes. "Tenten and I have decided to follow Kakashi tomorrow," she clarified. "It'll be a piece of pie!"

_A piece of pie…?_

Shikarmaru closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, his whole body vibrating with laughter. "I think you mean a piece of cake, hun."

"Cake, pie…what's the diff? Both are filled with calories and trans fats that go straight to your ass."

He smirked good-naturedly. "Anyway, good luck with tomorrow girls, you'll need it!" then he walked away, hands stuffed in his pockets and head still shaking from side to side with silent laughter. Maybe that's why he stays with Ino, Sakura thought, 'cause she makes him laugh.

She pondered the idea all the way home, wondering if laughter would be enough to make someone stay in a relationship.

Arriving home, she kicked off her shoes and stared into the long hallway in front of her. The house was dark and unwelcoming. It always was when her parents were gone. The late afternoon sun shone through the house curtains, setting some of the house in tones of warm reds, yellows, and oranges. She didn't bother turning on the lights and walked upstairs to her bedroom.

Why did she want to come home again?

She lay down on her floral duvet; arms propped behind her head, and eyes staring absentmindedly at the speckled ceiling.

Was there something that she needed to do?

She started picking her brain, knowing she was forgetting something as it lay on the outskirts of her memory. She stopped trying to solve her mild dilemma, and knew in foresight that she would regret it later but still found herself not caring anyway.

She heaved a large, long, and exaggerated sigh. Why did she want to come home so bad when she didn't even like home? It was empty and endless in its silence; the airweighty, stuffy, and thick, clogging her lungs and hurting her eyes. No matter how many windows she opened or how strong the breeze,it would always remain the same.

That's when she knew it wasn't the air. Even though she knew it, the delusion still lingered and engulfed her every time she stepped foot inside her house.

She smacked the mattress in sudden frustration. She hated it when things didn't make sense, particularly when it involved herself. When she was with Ino and Tenten, she wanted nothing more than to go home and block out the inane drama of their life. Now that she was home she almost wished she was back with the girls for they at least entertained her and brought a little normalcy into her life – even if their normalcy was a bit peculiar. But she knew if she went back to them, she would just want to go home again.

It just did not make any sense! She was just ready to smack her mattress again when the phone rang. She debated whether to answer the phone or not, then heaved a sigh and felt beside her for the cordless that laid on her night table.

"Hello, Haruno residence," she said, perfectly listless like usual.

"Oh thank the Lord you're home Sakura-chan! I need your help!"

Sakura blinked, once, then twice. "Hokage-sama?"

"Yes, I need you to come over right away! It's an emergency!"

"Umm, all right, I'll be there soon."

That was highly anomalous of the Hokage, Sakura thought, slipping on her sandals before forcing herself to hurry to Tsunade's office. Sprinting the whole way there, she played with the idea that there was some high-risk mission that only she was suitable for. That she was deemed an important and special kunoichi in the Hidden Leaf. The idea was farfetched she knew, but she still thought it all the same, having not felt this good about herself in a while.

She flew and leapt from rooftop to rooftop; pondering the mission and briefly wondering what it was and if she was capable of even accomplishing it. What if she wasn't strong or intelligent enough to complete the mission and failed? What would Tsunade think of her? Would she ever specifically request her to another mission? Would Kakashi be disappointed in her and Naruto and Sasuke laugh at her? The sudden good feeling she had was wretchedly ephemeral as doubt and self-consciousness encroached her mind.

The feeling was still festering and eating away at her confidence when she approached Tsunade's part time secretary, Shizune. As soon as the pixie-haired woman caught sight of Sakura, she bolted upright and rushed to her side.

"Oh thank the heavens you're here! Tsunade-sama is being driven up the walls as we speak. She really appreciates your help by the way." Sakura let herself be dragged down some hallways without a fight, quickly noticing that Shizune was definitely more powerful than she seemed. A few more hallways later, Sakura wondered if her wrist was going to have an unhealthy bruise on it by the time they reached their destination. Was it absolutely necessary to tug and squeeze her wrist so insistently?

"Is the mission really that urgent?" she asked, becoming slightly more interested, yet worried at the same time. She didn't want to fail…

Without slowing her stride or letting go of Sakura's wrist, Shizune turned her head to the side enough for Sakura to view her nonplussed expression.

"Mission?"

"Well ya…isn't that why Tsunade-sama called me?"

Shizune quickly faced forward again. "Huh? Oh yes, of course of course!" she laughed weakly, then muttered to herself; "I suppose you could consider it a mission."

"What was that?"

"Huh? Oh nothing, nothing. Come on, not much further now."

Rounding one last corner, Sakura was caught off guard as four shinobi, all consisting of different ranks from genin to jounin, walked out of a door from the end of the hallway and ambled towards them with heads bowed and quick desperate strides. That's when her ears pricked up at the sound of screaming and yelling which she was positive was coming from behind that door. It was muffled, but she was pretty sure it was coming from several people. The closer Shizune pulled her, the more distinguishable the voices grew, and there was something just quite not right about it. It sounded too high-pitched…

"Shizune-san, what's going on?"

She watched the dark haired girl wave her hand dismissively while letting out what sounded like a forced and phony laugh. "Nothing, nothing."

_When in vice, say it twice…_

They finally reached the door, and Sakura was seriously having second thoughts about agreeing to come to Tsunade's aid. Shizune abruptly yanked the door open and shoved an unexpected Sakurainto the room, before slamming it closed.

"Oh finally!"

Sakura barely registered the sound of someone else's voice as she stood there, mouth agape, and eyes wide. There were kids – everywhere! At least fifteen of them, ranging from ages two to eight, were wrecking havoc about the room. Several were crying; two were arguing in a corner, some were mindlessly playing, and a couple strays seemed to have discovered the fun in ink. So that's why those four shinobi left in a hurry, Sakura thought, instantly wanting to do the same.

"Hokage-sama, what is going on?" She stepped over a boy throwing a tantrum, bee-lined through the kids using books to make towers, and snatched the ink well from a little brunette girl before approaching the frazzled Hokage at her desk.

"Whose kids are these?"

Sakura almost jumped back as Tsunade leapt from her chair and gripped the front of Sakura's shirt.

"They're monsters! They're worse than the Kyuubi – worse than Orochimaru!" Light brown eyes scanned the room. "They're Satan's children…" she said, all but accusingly. "You're good with children, right Sakura? Please, I need you to look after them. No one can seem to handle them and I can't do it anymore! If I don't get out of here quickly my wrinkles are going to show."

_What on earth gave her the notion that I'm good with children? And how is it that the woman can obliterate a boulder with the flick of her finger, yet she can't supervise a few kids? _

"Umm…I suppose I can look after them for a little while," she said, reluctantly conceding, unable to remove the stamp 'doormat' on her forehead. "But who are they anyway?"

Tsunade let go of Sakura's shirt, leaving it in a crumpled pink mess, before she started rapidly collecting some papers and books from her desk and drawers.

"Some diplomats and commissioners from the Hidden Cloud Village are here to discuss and renew the peace treaty, and several of those bastards, god knows why, brought their families…_including_ these little rugrats you see here. Maybe it's a sign of good faith that they trust us enough to feel secure in bringing their families. That's the only _sane _reason I can conjure up, I mean, who really knows what's going on their fickle old minds."

She finished stacking her papers, and turned to Sakura one last time. "I really appreciate this by the way," she said, and started walking hurriedly towards the door.

"Hey, wai–"

"Don't worry, we just have to discuss the treaty and then they'll be gone, taking these brats along with 'em. I'll be back soon. Bye!" And then she was gone.

So this is why she was summoned. They didn't need her intelligence or abilities – they needed a bloody babysitter, one they knew who was unable to say no. Well, so much for being deemed an important and special kunoichi. Sighing, she slumped down in the leather chair, feeling more dejected than normal about the situation.

"Ano…?" It was the same little brunette that Sakura had taken the ink from.

Sakura hoisted herself up, screening her exasperation. "Yes?"

"Kazuo is going potty in the bamboo tree," she said, pointing towards the corner. Sakura groaned, her heart going out to the poor plant. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Sigh, only a tiny cameo appearance by Kakashi, and this might seem likea pointless chapter but I thought it might be good to introduce other characters to see how Sakura feels and interacts with them. lol and I hope I didn't offend any Ino or Tenten lovers out there – I like their characters, but I just thought it would make things more interesting if they weren't the brightest crayons in the box. Don't worry, there should be lots of KakaSaku goodness in the next chapter. 

So I hope you enjoyed, and tell me what you think.


	4. I, iv

**AN:** Thanks a bunch to those of you who have commented, especially KaraQ who has reviewed each of my chapters so far, and Esther for her funny and very encouraging reviews. I really do appreciate it :D

I don't think there's anything I need to mention for this chapter, so happy reading!

* * *

**Courage Needs You - Chapter #4**

As if walking to her doom, she strode over the bridge, catching sight of Sasuke furtively looking at her with something akin to wonderment and astonishment, before Naruto drew her attention away by hopping off the rail to stand in front of her.

"Hey Sakura, I just noticed you're wearing your old genin outfit! I haven't seen you wear that in years!"

She continued walking; deliberately snubbing the blond till he started circling her like a hawk, inspecting her old uniform as if she were a specimen.

"Naruto, I'm not in the mood." Her grouse lacked the fire she desired

He gave her a cheeky grin, paying no mind to her tired bland tone. "It looks good." He scanned her over once again, not bothering to be subtle.

She felt like this was where she should hit and yell at him, but found the act too troublesome and simply stepped around him instead.

In truth, it was too short and too tight and also her last resort of clean clothes. Yesterday, Tsunade's opinion of soon was six hours. By the time Sakura was allowed to escape the clutches of youth, it was eleven o'clock, and she was beyond exhausted, and not to mention raunchy. She had black marker written all over her arms, a lovely green splotch of puke on her favourite simple pink shirt, and a missing shoe.

_And I really liked those shoes…_

By the time she had showered and changed, she was so far gone that she only had enough energy to throw some dirty uniforms in the washer before collapsing in bed. When she woke up, the clothes were lying in a wet cold bundle and so, she was stuck with wearing the past.

She had debated for ten minutes that morning about wearing the sopping wet clothes and getting pneumonia, or her genin uniform which she had no right wearing. The battle was close, but in the end she chose clean and warm, instead of cold and sick. Either way she lost, it was just a matter of choosing the lesser of two evils.

She subconsciously pulled at her clothing. Really, the thing was just god awfully tight and uncomfortably small. Had she really grown that much? Funny, she felt smaller than she could ever remember…

"Do you think Kaka-sensei is going to make us train more today?" Naruto questioned, keeping his distance incase the temper mental Sakura of the past showed up. "It's been a week and it's not like we even need his crappy training. When the hell are we going to get missions again?"

"Naruto?"

"Ya, Sasuke?"

"Shut up, dobe."

Sakura prepared for Naruto and Sasuke to start their morning ritual of moronic insults, when a sudden 'poof' stopped Naruto mid-sentence.

"K-K-Kaka-sensei…" Naruto stumbled.

"Yo!" He gave a slight wave, smiling beneath that infuriating black mask.

"You're on time…" Sakura whispered, disbelieving what she was seeing. Even Sasuke couldn't help his eyes going wide with surprise. Not once in four years, had their teacher ever come close to being on time, and now, with him in front of them, they weren't sure if anything else could be as astounding. Well maybe if they saw Gaara strolling down Konoha in a dress…

"Wait, what's wrong? Did something happen?" Sakura abruptly asked; the warning bells and sirens blaring inside her head. Maybe he heard reports of her parents since he held a higher status. There was a large part of her that knew she should have been used to her parents being gone, but the nervous anticipation to see them home again from missions, to see them physically well and healthy, would never leave her side.

"Naruto, Sasuke – report to Hokage. Tsunade-sama will give you missions for the day," Kakashi ordered, mood unreadable.

Sakura fiddled with the end of her scarlet outfit as she watched Naruto literally jump with joy before he declared he could reach Tsuande before Sasuke could, and with that, they disappeared from view. She was surprised Naruto left so suddenly without bothering to ask why she wouldn't be joining them like she thought he would. Kakashi also silently reveled that he got them to leave so easily.

"Sensei, please just tell me." She felt her head pound and her eyes begin to mist, not used to feeling so much emotion.

_Were they in horrible pain? Were they already dead? _

Kakashi raised a brow, staring at his despondent student. Obviously he had gone about this the wrong way. Figures, the first time he shows up on time, she immediately concludes that something catastrophic happened.

"Oi, Sakura, calm down! Nothing bad happened," he reassured.

"So my parents are alright?"

"There have been no reports of complications."

He observed as she visibly relaxed her tense and bunched up muscles, before slouching down onto her rump and leaning against the bridge railing. She was just too tired to deal with being scared like that.

"What's wrong then?" she asked, voice going back to the usual disinterest.

Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled. "Sorry to have frightened you like that Sakura, it wasn't my intention."

"Then what is your intention?"

He grew serious yet again. "To help you train."

_To train?_

"What about Naruto and Sasuke?" It just didn't make sense that they weren't here also. Unless…

"Naruto and Sasuke don't need stamina training anymore, although they should be practicing their chakra control…" he said drifting off, inwardly debating if he should order them back.

_I see…so that's what this is about…me not being up to par with my team… _

She knew deep down it was true, but it was the sort of truth you didn't say out loud even if the both of you knew. It seemed Kakashi obviously felt no reserve about stating the facts, even when they were hurtful.

"So to begin today, you'll finish up Saturday's instructions and for ev –"

_He still remembers that?_

"Sensei," she interrupted. "You know and I know that I'm behind and that I'll _always _bebehind. I suppose I appreciate your effort to train me more, but it's probably just going to go to waste. You need to accept that this is me. This is who I am. And I'm not sure what you have envisioned for me, but that's all it is…a vision. I'm sorry." She glanced at him with tired eyes. "Maybe you should just go help Sasuke and Naruto with their chakra training."

He quietly let her finish her speech then continued without missing a beat. "And for every requirement you missed, multiply it by five. So I guess that means you owe me forty-five laps, twenty-five pushups, and a hundred and twenty sit-ups. That's easy enough, right? Afterwards I'll have you spar with me to practice your TaiJutsu. We'll see how that goes before I give further instruction."

Sakura stared at him dumbfounded.

_Did he not hear what I just said?_

"Kakashi-sensei I ju –"

"Do not make me repeat myself, Sakura."

His voice was the usual drawl, but there was a sharp edge of warning that was foreign when directed at her, making it impossible to miss. Sakura almost felt uncomfortable under that frosty tone and stone-cold stare. She had never been a recipient of his current demeanor before and wasn't ready to see the repercussions if she refused his order this time.

Silently, albeit reluctantly, she stood up and headed towards the field from yesterday, avoiding her teacher's intense gaze and ignoring her self-pitying thoughts. She decided to do the pushups first, since they were the least.

Positioning her body above the grass, she bent her elbows and lowered her torso, immediately feeling her arms shake and muscles burn. She visibly cringed before sighing despondently.

Why was she here again? It certainly wasn't for herself. Was it so she could reinforce Kakashi's hopes in her? But what did she care if he was disappointed in her or not. Why did he even have to pay attention to her? Why couldn't he have just let her be…let her fall back and behind where she was always expected to be; to where she always fit best. Why was he trying to change her role in life when she had finally become comfortable and accustomed to it?

Just why the hell did he have to complicate all the beautifully simple things in life? She was simple, that was that, and she didn't have the excess energy to expend in being complicated – not the way in which he wished for her.

_I hate this…_

_Being me…_

_Being weak…_

Was she here in life to give those around her an ego boost? So when they stand beside her they would realize just how much better they are? The strong always looked stronger when compared to the weak, and unfortunately for her, she had been banned from the strong club since birth, and her hopes of belonging and becoming one of them vanished with the seasons.

It's just how it was, and she was used to it.

* * *

Kakashi rested comfortably in a nearby tree. He couldn't remember the last time he had been up so early. He almost felt bad for his student. Almost…

Fetching his beloved book from his pocket, he opened towards the center to begin his daily reading, yet still kept close attention to the female chuunin.

He knew without seeing that she was struggling already. She had taken her body to the maximum limit on Saturday, and no doubt she was still feeling the taxing results.

Last night when he was lying in bed, pondering over his student and her odd behaviour, he came to a conclusion. Instead of reducing the training for her like he originally planned, he decided to do the total antithesis and push her even more. He knew Sakura assumed she didn't belong and that she was only onerous to team seven. It was true she was behind her teammates in skill, taking her another year before she made chuunin, but she had her own talent which surpassed the two rambunctious teenagers as well.

She was unbelievably bright and skillful when it came to GenJutsu and chakra control, but he supposed she realized that could only take you so far. Saturday when he had suggested she go home to rest, she had definitely exuded an aberrant aura of anger, directed at him nonetheless.

Now he understood why.

In her eyes it must have appeared that he already thought so trivial of her that he would dismiss her, thinking her to be unable to complete the training anyway. He had no idea that he may have been acting derogatory.

Although his current intentions were good and hopeful, he knew this wouldn't solve the anonymity that had become of his little kunoichi, but he hoped this would be the start of things to change until he cracked the husk that surrounded his student – the husk he was resolute in breaking.

* * *

After having finally finished her pushups, sit-ups, and rounding her thirty-eighth lap, Sakura felt consciousness slowly slipping away like all good things in life.

And afterwards her sensei wanted to spar with her? Was he insane? Even if her body didn't have a single ache and was in peak condition, she would still be no match for him. Maybe on her best days she could come in hands reach of hurting him, but today would just be a joke. She only prayed he didn't expect too much from her, but knowing her sensei, that wouldn't be the case…

"You're slowing down Sakura," Kakashi stated, as he 'poofed' a little ahead of her before she jogged by him.

"Of course I'm slowing down you uncompassionate Neanderthal," she huffed quietly, to which he simply laughed at good-naturedly.

She gave him one good measured glare over her shoulder, miffed at her sensei and his easygoing nature. He _knew_ she was trying her best, especially since every movement of her body screamed for her to stop, but it seemed that wasn't enough for he still had the audacity to come over here and goad her. Was that his weird twisted way of encouragement?

The nerve of that man.

Rounding her final lap, her jog looked more like a staggering drunk trying to run. People could walk past her at a normal speed considering her astonishingly slow pace.

Finally reaching her mark, Sakura instantly let herself fall to the ground, gasping for breath. Closing her eyes, she didn't care what she looked like or what her sensei thought of her at the moment. The only thing she cared about was getting some oxygen in her starved lungs.

Barely hearing soft footsteps over her haggard breathing, she felt two strong arms slip behind her knees and under her back, lifting her with an envious ease before she felt her side flush against a body.

If not by logic, or by instinct, she knew by smell that it was her sensei. She had been around her teammates more than enough to know their distinctive scents.

Naruto was the easiest to distinguish. He always smelt like the spices fromIchiraku Ramen, even if he hadn't been there that day. She supposed he had gone there and ate enough ramen to last a life time that the juices had absorbed themselves into his skin, permanently making him smell like one giant noodle.

Sasuke smelt completely different. His scent reminded her of the simplicity of nature, consisting of earth and bark, especially after a downpour or when it was humid. It was probably because he was out training in the midst of nature all the time, devoted to making himself as strong as possible. Sakura silently wished she had that sort of discipline as well.

Her sensei though seemed to have a mixed fragrance of spice and nature. It was a pleasant smell, almost convivial as she inhaled what reminded her of cinnamon, which co-mingled with the scent of pine.

Why he smelt of cinnamon, she had no idea and had long ago stopped trying to figure it out. The only reason she had wanted to know in the beginning was so she could file it away in that little section of her mind that was dedicated to everything Kakashi, and so far the space was depressingly empty, but then again, she didn't bother trying to fill it up anymore either. A futile effort to begin with. If Kakashi didn't want you to know anything about him, it was pointless to pursue it any further.

And yet, she still left the Kakashi plot in her brain empty and available – she was hopeless in that sense. But one thing she had learned in life was to not think too much about the nice things. Just take it for what it is and be happy about it. And that's exactly what she did – or at least forced herself to accept.

Sighing, semi-frustrated, she allowed herself to rest her head against his vest-clad torso. Turning her face a tad so her nose was almost touching his chest, she took another whiff, letting the smell of Kakashi tickle her senses.

Not being able to suppress herself, she inhaled his scent again, and again, and again till she felt almost dizzy with the aroma. Her cheeks flushed a healthy glow when she realized she enjoyed his essence a little too much. When was the last time she had blushed? A year ago when she had asked Sasuke out for the last time? Seemed so long ago…

Bending her head down a degree, she didn't want him to see the awkwardness and embarrassment she felt with his one visible eye. She knew from past experiences that, that one goddamn eye spotted more than most two.

For a fleeting moment, too weary to delve too deep into her thoughts, she wondered what she was supposed to be thinking or doing in a situation like this, with her body held securely against him, almost endearing with it's protectiveness – or at least she deluded herself into thinking it was protective. She almost wished there was a guide book to such circumstances just so she knew she was feeling the right things.

Sighing privately, she berated herself for feeling such comfort and safety when all he was doing was offering a temporary carrying service. It was just so like her to read more into something than was actually there.

_"You're saying you've never wondered about Kakashi-Jr?" _She scrunched her face in aversion, why now of all places did she have to start thinking about her conversation with Ino consisting of Kakashi's genitalia? Glancing up, she tried to observe any sign that Kakashi could read her mind. After a couple seconds, she started feeling a little silly about her paranoia.

Readminds She suppressed her secret mirth. The man was perceptive, nota bloody fortune teller

Realizing he stopped, she opened her eyes and watched as he carefully sat her down against a shady tree. Her desperate gasps for breath were short little soft pants now, and her thundering heart was a quiet drumming.

"Arigato, sensei."

"Here." A flask of water was pushed into view. Sakura accepted it gratefully, realizing just how parched her throat really was. She was surprised to find the liquid still quite cool, despite the warm air around them.

Handing the flask back to him, a tired thought slipped inside her mind, making her lick around her lips in a trance like state. She wondered if she just tasted Kakashi's lips on the rim, and swam her tongue around her mouth trying to taste anything new. For a weird few seconds, purely for curiosities sake, she ruminated what his tongue would taste like in her mouth – how it would feel.

And as quickly as the thought entered, it left in much the same fashion, and she was too exhausted to care.

"So what important missions did Sasuke and Naruto get?" she asked conversationally, feeling the weight of his stare oppressing down on her, and the aggravating thing about it was that he did it without even trying. A Kakashi talent, she mused.

Kakashi grinned. "Don't worry Sakura; you aren't missing anything critical. I told Tsunade-sama to give them any 'D' or 'C' rank missions that others were reluctant to do. It'll do them good to help out the community more," he stated, a smirk still plastered behind his mask. "Right now they're probably helping out at the daycare center since Chika is ill."

"The daycare center?" Sakura repeated lowly, a smile creeping onto her lips. She imagined the kids ganging up on poor Naruto and cornering a panic stricken Sasuke till he played with them. She was almost disappointed she couldn't see it.

"Well, now that you're rested, let's continue with the next exercise."

If she had been an expressive person, her jaw would have gone slack and her eyes would have bugged out, but since she wasn't, she settled for her eyes widening just a trifle instead.

Was he being serious? She had probably rested for a whole three minutes and he expected her to spar with him so soon? She watched as he stood up, looking down at her expectantly.

"Sensei, you're being unreasonable!" she said, mind still working around the shock.

Kakashi raised a brow. "So is that a no?"

"You heard me. I'm too tired and too sore to spar with you right now."

"Is that what you're going to tell your enemy? That you're too tired to engage in combat and for them to allow you to rest and regain your strength?"

She found herself bristling at the taunt. "Well how fortunate I am then that you aren't my enemy Kaka-sensei."

"Oh, I'm not am I?"

Sakura instantly frowned.

_What is he up to now?_

She observed as he squatted down till they were eye level. His gaze becoming so powerful she felt it hard to pull away, making her hate him to a mild degree that she was so freak'n powerless against him. Scarcely she saw his hand rise towards her face, brushing away stray pieces of bubblegum hair. He was close and he was touching herin such a way that was unnecessary. She wondered why it made her feel questionably timid and apprehensive inside.

His eyes were hard yet calm, as she felt his assiduous fingers separating strands of her hair in a meticulous manner.

_Is he playing with my hair? _What an odd thing to do…

This seemed to be an act a lover would do with their partner, not a teacher and his disciple, so why didn't the observation scare her?

"Ouch!" Her hand flew to her scalp, instinctively rubbing the sore spot. Glancing at Kakashi, his one visible eye curved in a smile, as he held his hand out before her.

There, dangling between his thumb and index finger were a few strands of her long pink hair.

"Kakashi! How could you rip out my hair?"

He noticed that that was the loudest he had heard her voice in months, and even still it remained meek. He suddenly realized he missed the little kunoichi spitfire, but found the placid girl in front of him questionably intriguing in its own light as well.

"How? Simple, like this," he said nonchalantly, as his adroit fingers plucked another hair from her head, immediately eliciting another weak cry from her.

Was he being immature? Of course.

Was he being low? Very!

Was he proud? Not in the least.

But nonetheless, it seemed to be doing the job. Simply ordering Sakura to spar with him wasn't going to do the trick this time. She wasn't the twelve-year old girl anymore who followed everything he said; she was a sixteen year old now, and she had learned how to rebel.

Just like most teenagers, he thought, a bit miffed at the knowledge since had had never experienced such a phase.

So not having very many options, the decision was to provoke her in order for her to spar with him. And so far messing with the girl's tresses was working beautifully.

Furrowing her brows, she fixed a heated glare towards her smiling teacher – still lacking the fire she desired for the full effect. She was surprised he would stoop so low just in order to supposedly 'help' her train. She thought he had been more mature than this – obviously she had given him too much credit.

"Sensei, do not even think of touching my hair again."

She knew it was an idle threat. In truth he could rip all her hair out and she would be powerless to stop him. She just prayed it wouldn't come to that.

"Ohhh…" he drawled, widening his eye. "And what will happen if I don't stop?"

It was a trap and he was baiting her. What would she do if he laid a hand on her cherry locks again? She had no idea but knew he was patiently waiting for her to answer as he stared lazily into her flaming irises.

Knowing she couldn't answer, he decided to coax her a little more. Moving too quickly for her to react, he snagged a couple more strands that were blowing in the wind. This time the bait would be too enticing for her not to bite – or so he hoped.

"Kakashi!"

She threw a punch towards him without thinking then blinked a couple times.

W_ell I'll be damned…_

Smiling, Kakashi caught her flailing limb with his hand; his larger fingers wrapping around her fisted ones.

She finally acted, he though triumphantly and much to her chagrin.

Slightly recoiling, she should have known such an act would strain her tired muscles but he just made her _so_unbelievably mad sometimes that she couldn't cage her temper – and that was saying a lot since she rarely acted out her feelings anymore. She was also slightly irked at herself for biting; taking hook, line, and sinker down with her also.

Kakashi always was good at accomplishing the impossible.

Even though she was sitting down with legs stretched before her, she tried sweeping her limb closest to him to the side, trying to make him stumble before pouncing on him with a fiery of punches. Of course it never worked out as she planned – life was nice to her in that sense. Swiftly and easily he let go of her hand and flipped back before her leg could connect.

Quickly staggering onto aching limbs, she shoved the pain of remonstration into the back of her mind. This wouldn't work if her body objected. Hesitating only a moment, she charged at him. She tried all her best moves and combo's, but nothing seemed to connect. He was simply blocking or dodging all of her attacks.

But of course this was not surprising. Having seen her fight several times, and teaching her many techniques himself, she was probably like an open book to him and all he had to do was read ahead of her. He most likely knew exactly which of her methods she was going to use, two to three moves before _she _even knew herself.

It was most frustrating.

After about five minutes of her continuous onslaught, Sakura paused to catch her breath. She felt winded already, and winced as her body started to blaze in agony from her efforts.

_Stupid body._

"Ohh…you're done already? Here, I'll make it easier for you. I'll only use one hand," he said, hiding his left arm behind his back. She hated it when people undermined her, even if it was rightly justifiable, it was still degrading. Feeling her rage rush back ten-fold, Sakura charged again. She only wished she could've used NinJutsu or even GenJutsu, but unfortunately he had instructed her that this was strictly a TaiJutsu fight – her worst of all three conveniently.

Just as he promised, he was using one hand and embarrassingly enough, it still seemed to be futile on her behalf – not that she had been expecting it to be.

"Come on Sakura, you can do better than this," he taunted between breaths. Deciding to fuel her fire a little more, he yanked a sliver of hair at the next available opening. Easily for him, it was rather effortless considering the length of her mane.

Just as he anticipated, she growled a bit and willed herself to battle even more passionately. This lasted for about five minutes before he stepped aside and gently pushed her from behind as she threw a punch at him, the simple act causing her to fall on all fours.

He watched as her back heaved up and down, her hair hiding her face from view. Perhaps he had pressed her too hard, if a gentle shove would cause her to collapse.

"That will be enough Sakura. You did well today."

Craning her head to the side, she eyed her sensei maliciously. Evidently her anger had not been quenched yet as she reminisced over her missing locks.

Laughing nervously as he rubbed the back of his neck, Kakashi walked over and helped his fuming student up.

"I'm sorry Sakura, that I had to resort to such petty actions," he said somewhat sheepishly, grinning all the while.

Sakura felt too drained to hold onto her anger any longer, and let it spread and dissipate through her body till there was nothing left.

"How 'bout I make it up to you and treat you to lunch?"

Sakura shook her head. "No thanks sensei, I just honestly want to lie down and die right now. I think even the simple up and down motions of chopsticks would be too tedious for me."

Kakashi frowned, contemplating his next words. "How 'bout I take you to my place then? I have ointments for sore muscles which you could use."

"Your place…?"

His place? She would finally have the answer to the million dollar question? It was too easy though, and nothing ever came this easy for her. She always seemed to be doomed for the long road. A thought struck.

_That's right; Ino and Tenten should be around here right now, getting ready to stalk him. _

The whole idea was still preposterous, no matter how many times she thought about it. Not to mention moronic as well, but hey, who was she to stop them?

Sakura debated the kind gesture a moment. That would mean Ino and Tenten would see her leaving with him, and even if she did lose them, then she would have to lie to them about going to his place. No way was she giving them more incentive to unfold their gambit. And if Kakashi caught them creeping out his bedroom window, he would immediately suspect her of telling them cause how else would they know where he lived?

She knew she was taking too long to answer, so she quickly nodded her head before he took back his offer. So what if she had to lose her stalker friends and lie to them later, it was better than suffering alone in her empty house with nothing but the hum of the refrigerator to greet her.

Slowly but surely, they started walking through the glade; each step bringing a new question and a new level of excitement for Sakura – an emotion she thought she had forgotten. After four years she would finally get to see where he lives! It was so mundane but not, because this was Kakashi! The man of mystery! He was like Houdini and Batman in one. He could disappear then escape to hide-out in his Batcave where nobody knew the location...except her!

She suddenly tickled from head to foot, feeling foolishly important all of a sudden. She would finally be able to up Naruto and Sasuke at something. Would she be allowed to brag? Or would he vow her to secrecy? She prayed that wasn't the case because she could just imagine their reactions if she told them – well maybe Naruto's reaction 'cause Sasuke would probably just arch a brow then walk away.

She couldn't help the curiosity that crept through her veins as well. What would his place look like? Different layouts were instantly envisioned.

Gradually they trekked through the field which they used as their training ground, with Sakura stumbling every now and then as her legs felt more and more like wet noodles.

She felt a gloved hand wrap around her shoulder and press her until she was leaning heavily against him. Evidently he was as worried as her about her ability to walk.

It was somewhat weird, having to be in such near proximity to her sensei like this. It wasn't like this was the first time she had been close to him, but for some odd reason it just felt different today. Maybe it felt weird because it actually felt nice and then she wondered if feeling nice was actually weird, but then she realized people only felt weird if they weren't used to something. She supposed she wasn't familiar with the word nice anymore and the sensations it brought along with it – however pathetic that sounded.

Her musings were unceremoniously interrupted when a pair of recognizable arms snaked under her back and arms before scooping her up.

"Sensei…what are you doing?" She tried her best to push against his chest with her weary hands while watching his eyebrow arch at her inquisitively.

"It'll be faster this way. Why, does this make you uncomfortable?"

His tone wasn't accusing or hurt, or anything at all, but his eye betrayed his slight curiousity. She lowered her gaze in thought. Did she find it uncomfortable? He obviously found nothing odd about carrying his sixteen-year old female student in his arms. Sakura pursed her lips, not trusting herself to answer. She suddenly remembered her friends might be watching and turned her head in every which way, trying to spot the fiends. No doubt they would interrupt this scene to something they could spread rumours about.

Trying to forget about her friends, and not wanting to be seen as immature in front of her sensei, she simply kept silent, and hung her head low so he couldn't see her discomfited expression while she played with the hem of her dress. She quickly balled her hands up to rest on her thighs, knowing he would pick up on her nervousness if she fiddled. It was hard being a stone.

There seemed to be a plethora of awkward and nervous situations happening to her lately. This was the second time today he had carried her, and he _never_ carried her, but it was unlike the first time where she was practically semi-unconscious.

She was fully aware of everything now, having nothing to cloud her mind or vision. It seemed to be a blessing and a curse all in one. She enjoyed the fact that she was able to feel his warmth emanating directly into her side – how the aura of pine and cinnamon wafted through her nostrils – how his arm muscles tightened and tensed under her back and knees from having to carry her.

But the fact that she took pleasure in such things caused some questions to start buzzing as well; questions to which she didn't have answers to, nor was she concerned enough to find them.

After walking like this for a few minutes, she started to notice a pain under the crook of her arm, where his hand was securely holding her. It wasn't a tight or aggressive hold, but concrete enough to grip her in place. As a couple more minutes drew by, the pain intensified and she wished she hadn't noticed it to begin with.

She peaked at the throbbing area inconspicuously, face insipid as she glanced at his four fingers which were a couple inches away from her pit, and not enough inches away from her breast – and then her mind was going screwy again in thinking what it would actually feel like if his hand had been on top of said area.

She wasn't sure if it was boredom or perversion which made her think of such things. Suddenly she felt his body tense like an iron wall of muscle.

"We're being followed," he stated simply, face still set in a mask of boredom.

"Hmm?" That was strange, she thought she would have been the one to notice it first, since well, she was expecting it and all; she supposed Ino and Tenten weren't chuunin for nothing. It was a little irksome though that she couldn't sense them yet – the observation only making the difference in their skill level that much more noticeable to Sakura. She prayed Kakashi hadn't spotted who it was.

"Umm…do you know who it is?" After a few moments of not responding, she wondered if he was ignoring her, or if he simply didn't hear the question. He wasn't even thirty; he wouldn't be losing his hearing yet…would he? Or maybe he simply didn't know, she thought, enthused by the idea.

"Ino and Tenten seem to have too much time on their hands," he commented, bashing her optimism.

She mentally sighed, what else did she really expect from the famous Hatake Kakashi, and what did he expect her to say in return to his comment as well? Lying never worked on him; he would see her eyes shift left or dilate; feel the cadence of her pulse rhythmically change for a nanosecond; or possibly sense a transfer of hormone levels. Hey, with Kakashi, nothing ever seemed farfetched in Sakura's mind, and with good reason. The only way she found it may be possible to lie to her sensei is if she wrote it down on paper. Even then he may comment on the slope of her lines or how they were crossed or curved differently than usual.

"You're friends with them, correct?"

The moment of truth. "…no?" She watched him look at her with an expression that read _why do you even bother? _Good question without a good answer. "I mean yes…?" Well that was rather stupid, in fact, it was so utterly pathetically dumb that she prayed to God the ground would just open up and swallow her whole. But in order for that to happen, Kakashi would need to put her down, which he still had yet to do.

Kakashi looked slightly perplexed in return, wondering where his bright and usually well-versed student went. "Do you wish to go and greet them?"

God no! But if she said that, she would only receive more odd glances and bubbling questions, which he would undoubtedly extract from her later. She suspected he didn't like to be lied to.

"I suppose we can greet them…" What other option did she have? Lie? Been there done that and only succeeded in discovering a newfound stupidity which would haunt her in her dreams come tonight.

He gave a brisk nod of his head, then 'poofed' behind some bushes concealing a crouching Ino and Tenten.

Let the humiliation begin.

They both jumped up startled, looking like they just got caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Not a good way to start off a confrontation, Sakura decided.

"Hey guys, what's up?"

"Oh, h-hey Sakura," Tenten said, giving a slight tentative wave. "We were just around and thought we would come and talk to you."

_Is playing dumb the same as lying? _She'd figure it out later.

"Oh, what did you want to talk to me about?" This was definitely odd having a conversation while your sensei was carrying you, knowing you and your idiotic friends were caught in the act of scheming. She wondered how amused he was.

"Eh? What we wanted to talk about?" Tenten repeated, obviously not prepared to answer the question. She turned to Ino. "Actually, it was Ino that wanted to talk to you. Right Ino?"

Blue eyes went wide. "Eh?"

"Ya, remember you wanted to tell Sakura what happened," Tenten urged, hoping Ino could come up with a reasonable lie.

"O-oh ya," she said, laughing weakly, pinpointing Tenten with a glare that promised death later. "But, I can see that you're busy and all so I'll just tell you some other time," she said, inching back slightly, ready to bolt.

"That's not necessary. You can tell her now and save yourself a trip in the future," Kakashi reasoned, surprising all three. It seemed he was getting more amusement out of this than Sakura had anticipated, since he was prolonging this embarrassing encounter for as far as it would stretch.

"Oh, a-alright…" Ino paused, feeling the weight of three pairs of eyes. She mentally cursed. She was never good under sporadic pressure. "I just wanted to tell you how far Shikamaru and I went last night," she blurted.

Sakura felt her jaw drop. Leave it to Ino to make an awkward situation even more awkward. She fell out of her momentary stupor when Kakashi's body silently shook from repressed mirth. She just hoped he had his fill of amusement for the moment before they all died from mortification.

"And just how far did you go, Ino?" Kakashi asked, an uncharacteristic twinkle of mischief glinting in his eye. Ino flushed a red so red it put a tomato to shame. Maybe Kakashi was part of the ANBU's Torture and Interrogation Unit at one point or time in his career, Sakura thought, playing with the idea.

"I…uh…umm…" was she really supposed to answer his question?

"I hope you were responsible and used protection," he continued, speech monotone, betraying none of his humour.

"Eh?"

He chuckled. "You girls have a nice day now." And then he vanished, 'poofing' from their sight. Both girls collapsed to the ground on their knees.

"Maybe you're right Tenten," Ino started uncharacteristically soft. "Maybe I shouldn't mess with Kakashi."

Tenten bobbed her head up and down enthusiastically.

* * *

Well, that was about the freakiest thing that had ever happened, Sakura concluded, still a little too stunned to care about Kakashi carrying her. In fact, Kakashi carrying her seemed mild in comparison to the embarrassment he put Ino through. She reminded herself never to get on his bad side. Who knew how many skeletons in her closet he knew about?

"Do you think you're going to be all right Sakura?"

"Huh?" She was evidently still shocked. "Ya, but you should be asking poor Ino that though. I think you humiliated her enough for it to be suicide worthy."

He grinned. "I was referring to your physical condition. Are you still in a lot of pain?"

"Oh…" she said, unused to feeling bouts of idiocy – that was more of a Naruto trademark. "Just a little, but that's probably because I'm not moving really…" she said, quickly catching sight of the fact that she made it sound like she wanted him to continue carrying her, as if he were a pack mule of some sort. It was one thing to want it; another in making it obvious you wanted it. And Sakura definitely didn't want her wants to seem obvious – it would just be too…awkward – in this situation anyway.

"But I'm alright to walk," she amended.

_Liar liar pants on fire…_

He gave her a skeptical look. "You sure?"

"Yes."

_No._

He nodded and let her feet slowly drop to the ground with a knowing look – the look of all looks which she utterly loathed! He might as well have told her she couldn't lie for shit, which she knew, but that still didn't stop her from trying.

Wobbling a tad, but forced her muscles to cooperate till she at least got to his place. He kept his pace slow and steady, allowing Sakura to take her time till they stopped in front of his building. It wasn't anything extravagant or eye-catching, but simply seemed to blend in with the rest of Konoha's structures.

She knew she wouldn't have given it a second glimpse if she walked by it on a normal day, but now with the knowledge of this being Hatake Kakashi's apartment, she knew she would forever notice this building as if a beacon had been situated on it.

He opened the door, with her following in awe like she had indeed discovered the Batcave. She slowly trailed behind him till he stopped in front of a flight of stairs. Before she could ask what floor he resided on, he looked over his shoulder informing her he lived on the top floor.

_Figures._

Could she make it all the way up in her condition? She had a nagging feeling no, and clearly her sensei was thinking along the same lines as he looked from her to the stairs, back to her.

"It's alright sensei, I can manage," followed by a pseudo reassuring smile. She wondered if he would buy it, but by the intense questioning gaze he responded with, she knew the answer was no. Even if her sensei was an idiot according to her, he was an observant idiot nonetheless.

Arguing with him would be a losing battle, but then again all battles were losing battles when Kakashi was the opponent, so really she wasn't surprised to find herself quickly relenting.

She wondered why she had tried to assure him to begin with. He wanted to carry her, and if she felt like being honest with herself, she wanted him to carry her as well. Why she felt that way was something she could worry about later – it seemed too inconsequential in the grand scheme of things to fret over now.

So in ridiculously fluid movements she was in his arms and disappointingly enough, he 'poofed' right in front of his apartment door before she could even let herself immerse in that nice feeling once again.

"Do you ever use the stairs?" she asked when he let her down.

He opened the door and peered over his shoulder, a humoured look upon his face. "Only if I'm feeling energetic."

The question of why he didn't tell her to simply teleport as well, never crossed her mind.

* * *

So ya, lots of KakaSaku and a bit of progression for them and Sakura finally gets to see his apartment O.o I wonder what's going to happen (evil cackle)

And I hope this chapter turned out better since my last chapter was disappointing to some.

Loved it? Hated it? Let me know :P


	5. I, v

**AN: **Once again, thanks for the reviews! This chapter was harder than most for me, so your previous reviews were really encouraging and made me stick to it! LOL especially you esther, your humour and enthusiasm is contagious in the best possible way.

And to address some things in your lovely review KaraQ, I'd love to see Kakashi's perspective on a lot of this too, but for some reason I find it tricky trying to delve into his mind and write him where it sounds believable, so most of it will be from Sakura's view…but not all. And about the 'R' rating, funny you should mention that 'cause I've been tossing the idea around in my head. I would like to write a steamy smut scene for all you hentai's (me included) I'm just not sure I could pull it off, but IF I do, I'll have to post it somewhere else. Damn you FF (shakes fist) but I don't need to worry about that till WAY into the future anyway.

And to Tami, thank you for pointing out my spelling error, which I noticed I had made continually throughout my entire fic O.o so that's now fixed.

And ya, that was way too long. Sorry! On with the chapter!

* * *

**Courage Needs You - Chapter #5**

Looking around, Sakura forgot her previous excitement while remaining situated on his couch. She felt like her very presence was ruining the secrecy and mystery that Kakashi had surrounded himself with. It was like she was doing something criminal, as if she didn't even havethe right to be here.

Dainty fingers fidgeted nervously, and her bottom lip swelled as she chewed on it subconsciously. Seconds were ticking by; she was counting them in her head. When she reached two-hundred her impatience grew with her previous apprehension turning to one of agitation.

Trying to calm and distract herself, she absently picking at invisible fluff on his black sofa, noticing two matching armchairs and a plain mahogany coffee table in the center. She hadn't asked where her sensei went when he left the room, assuming he went in search for the ointment he declared he had; so using this time, and a lack for something better to do, she scanned his apartment more thoroughly.

All in all it was very neat and tidy; everything seemed to have a place and a purpose; everything except her that is. She observed how he had an open and modest kitchen, connecting to the large living room in the center where it led to a hallway on her right. Down the hall were three doorways, but due to her lack of observation she hadfailed to see which one he had disappeared behind.

She sighed; this had to be one of the most boring residences she had ever been in. There wasn't even anything interesting to look at. No laid out books, no scrolls, not even a single picture hanging on a wall. Whatever happened to the typical bachelor pad of mismatched furniture; of takeout food containers laying scattered around; of dirty clothes stuffed in corners? Why did Kakashi have to be so annoyingly…perfect? Of course this didn't include his tardiness, his perversion for dirty books, nor his queer hobby of getting on her nerves.

Picking at a couple stray hairs on her shirt, and a few pieces of grass that had managed to stick to her shorts, she let them drop on his wood lacquered floor, sickly satisfied at creating such a minor mess in his otherwise immaculate apartment.

_There, that's better._

Looking for anything else to add to her brew of trivial dirt, and unfortunately finding nothing, she unconsciously wiggled herself more comfortably on his sofa, and laid her head against the armrest. Peeking through the black curtains behind her, she took notice of the sun's position.

It's only late afternoon, she realized, even though it felt like it was late into the night. She knew she looked out of place with her rosy hair, red dress, and green eyes. She was simply too much colour for his apartment, with all the black's and earth tones of his décor. Maybe it was the universes way of telling her she didn't belong here; well, either or, his couch was still comfy.

* * *

Looking through his medicine cabinet and bathroom drawers with the speed of a sloth, Kakashi found the tiny white tube stuffed in the back of one of his drawers. It had been so long since he had bothered to use the cream anymore since pain seemed to happen on a regular bases now. It was just easier to live through it and let his body become accustomed to the discomfort instead. Fortunately and thankfully, humans were amazing creatures at adaptation. 

Taking his time, he closed the drawer and stood in front of the door in contemplation.

Thoughts were warring inside his mind; the pros and cons– his morals and ethics; all of it weighing down heavily upon his brow. It all seemed so brash – too quick, but also the perfect opportunity. He simply hadn't expected it to come so soon; it was only yesterday that this strategy of his had been made. He wished there had been more time for him to sort out his principle's – to convince and justify the actions he had yet to make.

Sighing, he knew what he had to do…what needed to be done. It was high time he figured out what was wrong with his pink-haired kunoichi.

With that determined he swung open his bathroom door and strolled down the hall, filled with a frightening purpose and resolve, only to find it wasted when he was met with a slumbering chuunin.

Growling slightly in frustration, he realized his over contemplative mind had caused a slight predicament in the meantime. As a skilled ninja he easily walked over and crouched down soundlessly, where he then proceeded to casually observe his little kunoichi. Her left arm was bent and tucked underneath her mane; pink hair dripping over the armrest, trickling in front of her face, and brushing around her head in resemblance to a messy disarranged halo. She looked at him with closed lids, mouth partially agape with her other arm laying carelessly over the side of the couch.

She looked serene in a sloppy sort of way, making him silently debate whether to wake her or let her sleep.

He decided he didn't have the heart to rouse her, since he did sort of feel like he owed her some peace considering her abused locks and body which was undoubtedly his fault, but not without good cause he reasoned.

Leaving, only to come back with a plain white blanket, he gently laid it over her and disappeared within his study.

* * *

"Umm, ow…" Sakura muttered, the remnants of sleep still clinging to her words. She rubbed her sore neck and mentally added it to her ever-growing list of sore muscles. Slowly squinting heavy eyes open, she stared in front of her till the haze of sleepiness disappeared. Bewildered for only a second as she looked around the dark room, she realized to her chagrin that she had fallen asleep in her sensei's apartment. 

Quickly sitting up, regretting it afterwards from the jabs of pain, she yanked his curtain to the side and looked into the inky sky. Bending her neck this way and that, despite its objection, she couldn't see the moon anywhere to judge the passage of time.

W_hat if he saw me sleeping? Did I snore…or **drool**? _Panicking, she quickly wiped around her mouth to check for any saliva that may have escaped. She sighed in relief.

Maybe he doesn't know after all, she thought very hopefully, yet doubtful at the same time. Swinging her legs around, she swiftly noticed the white blanket. Any hope where he may not have seen her vanished.

In spite of her optimism being crushed she managed a small bashful grin towards the coverlet. It was trivial of course, but she felt warm inside at the compassionate gesture nonetheless. Deciding she better find him and possibly apologize, she clenched her eyes shut in preparation for pain as she planted her feet on the ground to stand.

"Oh you're up," an unmistakable voice drawled.

Sakura quickly snapped her head in the direction of the hallway, a bit miffed that he had managed to sneak up on her. Intentionally or not, it didn't mirror the image of a skilled chuunin she had tried to convince herself of.

"How are you feeling?" he continued, and walked towards her. Sakura noted that he had taken off his green flak vest yet kept the rest of his attire on like usual, leaving him sleek, dark and mystifyingly appetizing to look at. She wondered briefly if he even had a wardrobe that didn't consist of his jounin uniform.

"I'm still sore," she confessed and watched as he casually picked up a white tube that was resting on the coffee table before extending it to her.

"Here, rub some on where ever you're tense. You should feel better the next day."

The metallic covering was dented and distorted; the end rolled up in tight little coils. It reminded her of an oil paint tube that displayed its usage several times.

"Thanks."

"It's no problem Sakura. You can keep it since I don't use it anymore."

She looked at him curiously. "Why don't you use it anymore?"

He shrugged nonchalantly and pocketed his hands. "No need for it. Sore muscles don't bother me anymore."

"Not ever?"

"Well maybe once in a while."

"So you're saying you still feel the pain once in a while if you've overexerted yourself but you don't do anything about it when you could?"

He paused. "I suppose you could state it like that."

"So is this some sort of macho masochistic male thing?" She didn't mean to sound condescending (although she was positive it came off that way) but this was just another tidbit of information to store in her otherwise empty Kakashi folder. And besides, it was always fun arguing with him…well for her anyway. She wasn't quite sure about how he felt about it…or anything at all for that matter.

"I don't get pleasure from pain, Sakura." It almost sounded like he was reprimanding her for thinking or stating such a thing, but what else was she supposed to think? She could continue arguing with him, telling him he was contradicting his words with his actions, _then_ thought better of it after remembering Ino. Better to stay on his good side for now.

"Well uh, thanks for the blanket," she said after a pregnant pause. Should she apologize for falling asleep? Seemed like the moral thing to do, but for some reason the words were caught in the back of her throat. Strange, it had been on the tip of her tongue before…

He gave a barely perceptible nod. "You're welcome." And then she was aware of him standing there above her, dark and intimidating and blending into his surroundings. She wished she knew where a light switch was…

Maybe coming to his apartment wasn't such a bright idea after all. Wouldn't be the first time she made a bad decision, and she _knew_ for a fact it wouldn't be the last.

Feeling like she should do or say something to break the thickening silence, she unscrewed the corrugated cap and squeezed a little bit of the white cream onto her index and middle finger tips. Placing the medicine beside her, she started slowly massaging the balm onto her left forearm first, making sure not to inflame the muscles in her right. She sure wished Kakashi would stop looking at her like that. It made a simple task such as this seem arduous. Maybe she couldn't blame him; watching the pallid substance absorbing into her skin was sort of hypnotizing.

"What time is it?" she asked on a whim, thinking slight conversation may lighten the mood.

"Midnight." His tone was as bored as his expression. So much for a conversation starter.

She huffed, more at herself than at the situation. "I'm sorry that I fell asleep on you." She didn't mind the concept of apologizing, but she hated the fact that it represented she was at fault for something.

He stared at her for a moment, maybe longer than necessary, taking in murky green eyes before breaking his gaze and ambling towards his armchair. "No need to apologize," he said, chin resting on his fist. "I was busy writing reports."

She felt like maybe this was the part where she should say it was late and that she should get going, but despite the new and awkwardness of their situation, she didn't want to leave. Though he looked exceptionally bored, even by Kakashi standards – sitting there, unmoving, uncaring, with a gaze so powerful yet meaning nothing at the same time – and that he looked fantastically dangerous, camouflaged there by his chair – she still felt safe and warm in his presence. Go figure.

It didn't seem to bother her that he reminded her of a panther, dressed in black with his eyes following her every motion, and if she made anything resembling a wrong move he would pounce and pin her and she would have been too captivated to have been scared.

She knew beneath his clothes and skin were tightly bound springs, looking for an excuse to uncoil and unleash their power, making her briefly wonder what a fully unleashed Kakashi would be like. How much death and destruction could this man cause? Did he ever yearn to kill, just because he knew it would be so simple? The man probably new thousands of ways to take someone's life, and yet, the thought wasn't as disturbing or frightening like she thought it would be.

She continued to absentmindedly rub her arm, knowing he was scrutinizing her every move. She felt unsure whether to be unnerved or flattered that he was still staring at her so intently. After several more seconds, flattery was but a passing thought. She felt bare – exposed – naked before him. As if everything she did told a story to his eyes. It was as if he was gauging her, sizing her up and debating her presence.

She wasn't sure why, but the Kakashi sitting adjacent to her appeared worldly different from the man she knew on the bridge.

He was simply overwhelming in the shadows and silence – enveloping her in his aura of strength and uncertainty. She felt her hands go cold and her throat go tight, confused as to why he was affecting her so strangely.

"You seem bothered," he remarked coolly, disrupting the awkward quiet.

Her body tensed unbidden by his accurate surveillance. "What makes you say that?" she asked, just a tad too cagey.

He continued to observe her, leaving her with silence as his response. She didn't know how to feel about being so obviously ignored. It made her feel questionably isolated inside, as if a chasm opened up inside of her, filling her being with nothingness – like a pocket of air that drifted along, never to be noticed or needed.

"Maybe I should be going." She stood to stand, hoping maybe he would stop her but not knowing what she would do if he did.

"There's no rush Sakura."

Was he saying that to be polite, or did he actually want her to stay? She was no where near an expert at reading her sensei but he seemed to be putting more of an effort into being detached than usual. She wasn't sure what it meant, if anything at all. Sometimes she wished she could just ask, but didn't feel secure enough in her relationship with him to be so candid and open. It was difficult to be open with someone who wasn't open in return.

So sitting there on the edge of his sofa, prepared to either stand or slide back more comfortably, she sat in limbo. There seemed to be an endless amount of things she wasn't sure what to do about, making her feel young, immature, and inept inside.

Her insecurities were quickly forgotten as she heard him rise in a rustle of fabric. He remained wordless as he walked over, stood in front of her and placed rough hands on soft knees before he spread them apart with a deliberate ease. His thumb stroked her once before crouching down to a single knee between her legs – acting as if he had a right to be there.

Her mouth went dry and her eyes grew large, wondering for an evanescent moment what was going on and what he was going to do. She forgot everything at the sound of his voice.

"Lean back." His voice was as dark as the room, shocking her into submission, making her slouch against the back of his sofa. She was too stunned and confused by his actions to remember to blush at his position between her thighs. He remained reticent as he peeled off his gloves in slow movements that caused Sakura's head and heart to swim.

Memories started resurfacing unwillingly. Memories of old cliché romance novels, of discussions her and Ino had, of her mother giving her 'the talk'. She wondered if they would apply here and now – if she wanted it to apply at all.

She didn't see, but she felt as the back of his hand glided from the top of her knee to the tip of her foot; doing it with a grace that made her cheeks flush. Reaching behind, he cupped her heel and lifted her leg till it rested on the top of his thigh. His eyes lifted to meet her gaze.

She felt the world change around her as his charcoal eye pierced her core; stripping her of her bearings and exposing her thoughts. The longer she stared back, the more knowledge he was reaping, and yet, she couldn't tear away. It was as if her eyes were magnetized towards his with an invisible pull.

She inhaled slightly in surprise as his hand brushed against her outer thigh, wondering if it was deliberate and full of meaning or accidental and hollow, before he soundlessly reached for the tube that lay beside her. And through all of this, his eyes never left hers, and didn't till he squeezed some of the cream onto his palm.

He rubbed his hands together leisurely, casually, too offhandedly that made her tense, and then he was touching her; hot, smooth skin gripping each side of her calf before rubbing them up and down in a measured aggressive massage. His hands were deliciously warm, instantly relaxing the muscles beneath his fingers and closing the chasm of nothingness in her belly.

She felt confused, lost in a fog too thick to come back home – not worrying or questioning as she felt his chakra slip into her system. Things happened too sudden – too unexpectedly that she was having trouble catching up. Her head felt empty while her heart felt heavy – swelled with a bliss and a complicated sadness that she would never understand.

She sensed the world continuing on without her, not needing or wanting her piece of the puzzle which she believed would never fit into the grand scheme of things. What was Kakashi's perfectly shaped piece doing trying to connect to hers? They would never fit – she was too jagged and misshapen as if a child had taken a pair of shears to her. There would always be a gap, a loose connection, a side that never quite fit, and yet, it was right.

His hands on her, touching her and speaking to her, were right. The way she could feel his calluses on her skin was right. The way they were alone and familiarizing with one another was right.

She usually would've debated and hypothesized why he was doing what he was doing, what it all meant, and what the outcome might result in, but she couldn't. She was blinded by the luminosity of pleasure and pain, leaving her deaf, dumb, and mute because she was tingling. Tingling all over that made her want to squirm inside her own skin as if it didn't fit right. As if it was too taut about her tissue and bones, making it itch and burn and beg to be shed.

She felt asphyxiated, trapped and closed in. Her chest heaved in slow deep breaths, pushing against the constricting material of her dress which seemed tighter – stricter – rougher than she remembered.

She wanted to make sounds, voicing what she was feeling; to grip and claw at the sofa, showing what he was doing, and then, he started to gradually apply more pressure, using the pads of his thumbs to knead and stroke and push to loosen the tissue, making her mouth gape open and her eyes clench shut in pain. He either didn't notice or care as he continued, blocking everything out but his task. She allowed her pain to be ignored and only wished for more.

With her eyes closed, the world was spinning in swirls of colour. A thought hurtled at her through the mess of emotions, letting her think for the briefest of moments if this is what she had been missing all this time. The tales and stories Ino and Tenten would describe to her about the passions her and Shikamaru shared or what Tenten and her latest fling experienced, if this is what they felt.

The furnace of his hands suddenly vanished before he gently placed her foot back down. Her leg suddenly felt cold, chilled to the bone by the loss of heat and prickled with goosebumps as result. She opened her eyes, surprised to see him looking right back at her own. He was gauging her again, she could tell this time, even though his face was impassive and his eye set in steel, she could tell. She watched him as he watched her yet he was the first to break – to drag his eyes along her neck, down her arms to the top of her thighs. She grew flustered, even more so than before knowing he wasn't being subtle yet deliberately purposeful in his gaze. There was no shame in his eyes, nothing but a black depth that seemed infinite to Sakura's decipherable green.

"What are you thinking?" His voice seemed low, quiet and more haggard around the edges than normal.

"Your eyes." She didn't know why she felt the need to whisper, maybe if she spoke too loud this moment would be ruined, gone forever to join her long list of 'what could have been'. And then he was touching her again, tracing the outline of her spandex shorts with a lazy thoroughness, familiarizing himself with the newness of it all.

"What about them?" He gave her a momentary glance. She licked around her cheeks and teeth, trying to re-hydrate the desert that had become her mouth.

"How they're impossible to read."

"Aa," he said, seeming to understand her thoughts completely and then, he was lifting his hand, peeling his hitai-ate up and completely off from around his head. It fell to the ground with a dull thump. She wanted to ask him why he did that, what it was supposed to mean and what she was supposed to do in return, but didn't. She simply stared, barely able to see the difference between his mismatched eyes through the darkness. Something so little could make someone appear so different and she wondered if he felt exposed and naked like she had before – like she still did. If he felt it, he didn't show it; his crimson eye seeming to hold and hide more mysteries than the onyx.

She glanced at the scar; the smooth vertical line that cut through his eyebrow and down to his cheek. It gleamed a lighter shade than everything else, making her want to reach out and trace it with reasons unknown.

"Do you want me to continue?"

Continue what? The dance on her thigh caused by his fingers? His previous ministrations on her calf? The removal of his clothing?

"Yes."

He gave no indication of hearing her agreement, keeping his focus fixated on her. She turned her eyes to the side, avoiding his penetrating gaze that knew too much, and wondered what she had just agreed to and if she should have felt abashed.

She felt him move, his leg brushing against her own as he switched knees, grasping her other sore limb with the same intent as the previous.

She knew what to anticipate this time, watching as he grabbed the tube to rub the balm between his hands. His movements seemed too leisure, too paced and too concise. She wanted him to hurry and disable her mind and heighten her senses once again. And then slowly, too slowly, the now familiar feel of his hands were on her. The size, the warmth, the strength – she knew it now in a very different way than before. They were slick and smooth, skating and sliding in a rhythm that would never be forgotten.

She felt his chakra slipping further into her system now; hot energy tingling and pulsating beneath her skin, but she was too far gone to care. Her mind felt hazy, her vision blurry, her lungs constricting. Her thoughts and questions disoriented in the cloud that was her mind. The beginning of pain was barely registered as it tried to peek through and shine its light through her daze.

But she was lost, gone and sucked into a stupor in which he had created. She knew he had stopped – his hands leaving her skin, her leg a chilly quivering mess, yet the smog remained, refusing to disappear.

She leaned forward, placed her hand on his shoulder and stood, making him stand in turn. She felt hot and cold, dulled and heightened, unable to understand what she was doing or why she was doing it. Chest to chest, she slipped her hand between them, reaching up and tugged at the pull of her zipper. Inch by inch the teeth pulled apart and yet the constriction of her lungs only intensified. It reached and clawed and grasped her throat, making it hard to breathe and hard to ignore.

The pull had reached her hip and the fog had turned so thick that she felt she was standing in a cloud. The mist was everywhere, covering her logic, blanketing her reason, disarraying her mind into complete and utter chaos. Her body moved on impulse – her actions, instinct. She didn't see, but felt as the back of his hand brushed her cheek, causing blind eyes to close in response.

The sound of her zipper: the fitting of her dress: the loss of his heat.

"I think you should go home now, Sakura."

Olive coloured eyes snapped open, the vapor clouding them and her mind disappearing. She blinked once, twice, then tilted her head to look at him inquisitively.

"You're kicking me out?"

His silence was his answer. A sudden tightness, so restricting it felt like a fist, squeezing, squeezing her throat till her eyes pooled with water. It continued to trickle and worm its way all down her torso, leaving sharp stabbing pricks of pain in its wake.

She struggled to breath as the clarity of everything unraveled like the ribbon of fate.

Her fingers suddenly clamped and her jaw painfully tightened as she quickly pushed away to glare at him through the dark and water.

"Sakura…" he said softly, outstretching his hand as if she were a wounded animal.

"Don't touch me!" she snapped, violently swatting his hand away, not knowing what else to do. Her head pounded and her eyes felt glazed, the events of what just happened remaining a blur. She wanted to grab her head and scream out her confusion, but didn't – couldn't. Instead, she stood there, looking at his floor, her body a frisson of emotions and rejection.

Kakashi dropped his arm to his side and took a couple steps back, his face remaining a stoic unreadable mask.

Sakura clenched and unclenched her fists, her body stiff and tense, her mind weak and confused. Swirling, twirling, curling here and there and everywhere her emotions just kept circling and circling, making her want to fall to her knees and grab her pulsating skull. Her chest hurt and her eyes felt heavy.

"Why?" she croaked, the fist still squeezing.

And what would his answer be, if any? He simple stared at her, always just staring and never saying. Her chasm reopened, with not enough erosion in the universe to diminish it.

Did he see it? Could he feel it: the longing, the ache, the heartbreaking loneliness that she kept hidden till now? Were her eyes betraying her, telling him her inner most secrets and turmoil she kept buried beneath layers and layers of indifference and rime?

She couldn't look, not into the eyes that knew, and so she ran, and he let her.

* * *

Umm…ya…(cough) Anybody confused out there? Ya, I expected as much. I bet some of you are wondering what it was exactly that Kakashi did. Don't worry, all shall make sense in the future (I hope) 

I am just so glad this chapter is finished! I don't even want to look at it anymore. It was hard trying to get across how Sakura was feeling…her emotions and her confusion at the end. Bah, I just hope it turned out alright, and the only way I'll know is from you lovely readers (hint hint)

Lol, anyway, happy reading to everyone!


	6. I, vi

**AN:** As always, thank you to my lovely lovely reviewers. Each one was very much appreciated and offered a nice little instant muse, especially you Jewel9992, and as always Esther and KaraQ :D

And KaraQ you're right to assume Sakura has no medical training, besides the basics which I think a chunnin should know, and go ahead and dish out every question you got – I'll answer every one!

And that's it, happy reading!

* * *

**Courage Needs You - Chapter #6**

After having stuffed her clothes in the dryer, she sat on her bed and leaned against the wall, clinging to her pillow like a lifeline. It was dark still with shadows dancing and skimming across the surfaces of various objects in her room, creating an eeriness not normally there. Staring mindlessly in front of her, she let her inner wheels and cogs take a break in first gear.

She felt tired – drained; everything remaining muddled like trying to look through a frosted glass during a snowstorm. What had happened to her back there? The pieces were there, she just couldn't fit them together. They were all so vague in shape and appearance and when she thought she was finally able to see one clearly, it would be coated in that familiar frost again, bringing her back 360° to where she started.

The only portion that managed to remain fog-free was the center piece, the sensation piece, the part that connected all of the mystery sections together. She doubted she would ever forget how she felt – the heat, the pressure, the pleasure and pain. Just recalling that mind-blowing rapture made that cloudy haze reappear, confusing and blurring any and every image which was about to be revealed.

There was a sudden gut twisting instinct that told her this was Kakashi's doing, however preposterous that sounded to her ears; but for the life of her she couldn't even begin to comprehend the reason behind him. What had he done? Why did he do it? And why on earth did she take her clothes off in front of him?

A little voice started whispering into the core of her ear, telling her that something significant had happened during the rift of her memory, but she pointedly ignored it. There was no purpose in listening when she couldn't remember. She was too focused on the assumption that it had been Kakashi who had sent her into a whirlwind of pleasure anyway, making her heart flutter in a mélange of awkwardness and confusion.

Suddenly she sighed. Everything was such a mess; her mind, the situation, her now confusing relationship with Kakashi; and what could she do about it? She couldn't imagine herself questioning him – just the thought of it made her face burn. She wasn't even sure she wanted to know anymore.

Continuing to brood, she felt as if the stars had shifted and forever changed her fate and bond with Kakashi. Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. She looked like a tragic Greek statue, sitting there with hollow eyes and an expression that screamed distraught.

She wished things were different; that her parents were home, that she could cry into the reassuring crook of her mothers shoulder where she could whisper what all hysterical people wanted to hear; that things would be all right – that they weren't so bad – that she was probably just overreacting.

She wanted to hear those words, feel that comfort, but she couldn't. Her mother wasn't here; nobody was here – the house was quiet. Even outside was quiet. There were no crickets, no grasshoppers, no birds. It felt as if the world had halted in a standstill, smiling at her in cruelty. One might've considered it to be peaceful and serene, but to Sakura it was excruciating with its silence, with its mocking laughter and mean whispered words, speaking to her in harsh broken words of loneliness, isolation and abandonment.

Sighing, she let her head droop till it rested on her forearms and hummed a tuneless tune, trying to make the voices disappear.

Her body felt led heavy and her eyes felt thick and weighty. She wanted to sleep but couldn't, knowing if she did tomorrow would come too soon.

Tomorrow – she would have to see him and face him again tomorrow. She groaned, burying her head further into her arms, trying to make herself as small as possible in hopes that maybe by miracle chance she could disappear and be forgotten.

She was suddenly worried about what he would say – what he would ask – and how would he regard her? Did he know; had he managed to peel away her layers and unravel the truth that she had managed to keep buried for all these months?

She didn't want him to know, she would give _anything_ just for him not to know. He already found her physically weak and inept, what would he think if he knew her mental state was in the same condition? He would look at her with sad pitying eyes and she didn't know if she could deal with being pitied – of having his sympathy and compassion about something he could never understand. If he did regard her with such a look, she knew it would only add salt to her already infected wounds.

What if he tried to make her talk and open up to him? What would he do if she refused? No doubt he would probably want to delve deeper into her chaotic mind and soul, to sort out her thoughts and help her back onto the right path. And if he couldn't do it, he would tell others in confidence, asking them to aid his impaired student. The thought of others knowing churned her stomach. The word would spread, her pathetic reputation would become even more pathetic and she wouldn't even be fit for babysitting services anymore.

Maybe she should try to confide in him, she thought, tossing the idea around, weighing the cons and pros. If she did, he wouldn't feel the need to immediately seek others out for assistance, but that would also mean she would have to lay her insides out on a table and vulnerably watch as he categorized and sorted through them.

Neither option was appealing, but if she had no choice, she supposed divulging herself to him was the lesser of two evils. Her future seemed very bleak at the moment.

With a clipped sigh, she rolled off her bed and absently stood in front of her mirror. A whisper of a haze still remained, but without thought, she stripped out of her uniform, letting it fall in crumpled waves of scarlet fabric around her feet. Peeling off her shorts, she added it to the pile. Standing clad in her underwear and bra, she stood silently – thoughtfully – critically.

She was skinny – too skinny in some areas like her hips which stuck out to points. Her collarbone was very pronounced, and her wrists were rather dainty. She didn't have that nice hour-glass curve to her waist like Ino did, or Tenten's shapely legs. Her eyes averted to her chest, quickly noting that it wasn't as big as it maybe could be – almost underdeveloped if you compared them to her friends. All she had was her hair, which was a rather weak point in beauty, she thought dejectedly.

Years before Ino had decided to keep her pale locks cropped to a shorter length, whereas Sakura indulged in growing hers out again...maybe it was a statement that she was different from her friend, she wasn't quite sure.

She thought back to her mother and her bantering concerning the length of her hair, saying it wasn't fit for a ninja and that some may think she wastrying to hide something, which in truth she was, but they didn't need to know that. Nobody needed to know that.What did it matterif she used her hair as a makeshift hideaway; if she hid behind it when she felt embarrassed, or used it as a veil when the world was too overbearing. She could even hide some of her body's insecurities from the long mane as well. She supposed that people with short hair had better confidence in themselves. Either way, she wasn't going to change it.

_Maybe Kakashi wouldn't have sent me away if I was Ino._

The thought was a little discouraging and she wondered if the pinch in her stomach was related to jealousy or not.

A frown pulled at her lips as she continued to scrutinize her appearance. It wasn't feminine nor was it masculine – she felt almost androgynous. She had never considered herself unbearably unattractive, but that idea didn't seem to be so far stretched as she used to think. With that in mind, she slumped against her windowsill, not making an effort to pull her clothes back on. It didn't matter. Nothing really seemed to matter. She was numb.

* * *

Lying on his bed, Kakashi bore a hole through his ceiling. It had been four hours since she had left, yet he could not stop thinking about what had happened. 

Everything was off. The situation, her, him – especially him! It seemed that Sakura had decided to switch courses after four years of being on the same track. He knew he shouldn't have been surprised. The last few months little signs had been thrown in his face of the inevitable change, but even though he had anticipated it, he still wasn't prepared for it.

There was a distance to her now that there never used to be. She was more detached, tame, a shell of her former colourful self. She almost reminded him of Sasuke to a mild degree, the thought twisting his insides sourly. He would never let that happen. He would never want her to turn into a person who clung onto such reckless hate.

Even though tonight had created more questions and mysteries, he felt as if some answers might have been solved as well. He had seen something deep and dark inside of her, and he knew she was letting it harvest and grow. He felt guilty for having used his Sharingan on her without her knowledge, feeling as if he had done something taboo, but when he had peered inside he had solved the anonymity she was keeping.

There was a part of her that was as black as night, coiled within itself and cultivating – he saw her trying to fight it, to war it off and keep it contained in a container too small. He wished he had had more time – time to delve deeper and sort through that black slithering mess, but that would also mean her knowing. He could only probe so deep until the person was aware.

He sighed. A mystery solved and a mystery gained. He had discovered a part of her which he was positive no one was sentient about, but just because he knew of it didn't mean he knew what the darkness was, what it represented and what it meant; he just knew it was there – foreboding like a rain storm.

In the beginning his intentions had been straight and clear: to make her drop her guard so he could creep past the titanium wall that she had fortified herself with, and luckily for him it had worked brilliantly (not that he had expected anything else).

Unfortunately somewhere along the way, things had changed. His goal had still been there, but it was cloudy, disarrayed, and forced not completely unwillingly into the background. Never had he let his purpose become so sidetracked – mission or otherwise – and so quickly too. He was certain it had been completely lost at one moment, but he had saved himself, and she had assisted him unknowingly when she spoke of his eyes.

Then, like a can of oil on a gear, things had glided and chugged into place. His objective was pushed forward once again, staring him in the eye like the tip of a sword, and that was when he had discovered the other hidden Sakura. It had only taken a few seconds with his Sharingan, but it had been enough, and thankfully she had been so far gone that she hadn't suspected any clandestine agenda. And that was when it was over, or at least when it should have been over – but he had asked, and she had said yes, making his body itch with a frightening anticipation.

So he had continued – placing his hands on her legs which felt too rough against the smoothness of her skin – doing it against his better judgment and giving him a count of twice he had gone against his instinct. He briefly thought of how she was feeling, what she was thinking, and if she could remember anything that happened.

There was a good chance she had felt his chakra slip into her system, activating the Jutsu which crumbled her titanium wall – sending her into a state of euphoria which she had no idea she stepped into.

It was a medical Jutsu, used for injuries and surgery, the act burning heaps of chakra with the resulting effect acting like one large shot of morphine – but he had rationalized there were no rules stating how to use the Jutsu – it had just turned out to be positively perfect. It was strong and effective, and also one of the only ideas he could come up with. GenJutsu was out of the question – she would break it immediately and question him in what he was doing, leaving him two steps behind where he had started.

The Jutsu wasn't overly complicated for the practiced soul, just taking loads of concentration as he slipped his chakra in to trigger her endorphins and stimulate her endocrine glands – the outcome sending her body into a state of unawareness, counteracting against all pain and heightening her senses. He hadn't had much exercise with the technique although she still should have felt a sensation more responsive than usual due to the lack of pain receptors.

The after effects consisted of grogginess and turmoil, as if the person had been drugged or drunk the night before. Their memory of events would be misplaced, confused, or most commonly forgotten. The amnesia wasn't always necessary, but offered a nice little perk. Most were never too fond of remembering their own suffering.

So he had understood that she wasn't herself when she had unzipped her dress; that she didn't know and comprehend the implications she was hurtling at him. He knew this but that still didn't stop the flow of ideas that danced and waltzed through his mind, making him want to yell out in frustration; shake her till her senses came back; then throttle her for putting him in such a position to begin with. Yes, he wanted to do all of those things, but he couldn't and he wouldn't, because it was his fault from the start.

It was his fault for her condition, and it was still his fault that she had been hurt and confused. He had pushed it when he used the Jutsu on her twice when it wasn't even necessary the second time. He had had his answer, completed his goal, and yet he had selfishly continued – enjoying her contorted expressions – the sounds caught in her throat – her grip on the couch – the flush of her body.

He had been focused, distracted, unaware of what might have happened when he stopped, but he knew as soon as she had stared at him – her eyes clouded over, her body a frisson of chaos – that he had gone too far and had pushed her into something she had no idea she fell into.

What would he do if she ever found out what he did? Tell her his heart was in the right place before it got sidetracked by smooth skin and soft whimpers? But she didn't know – she was helplessly blind and clueless, something he felt happy yet guilty about at the same time. She would never know how he had reacted to her tonight, in both mind and body. He would keep the knowledge trapped within, with no amount of persuasion letting it free.

Maybe this is how she felt; keeping something locked up, letting it rankle and fester your insides with no one to confide or divulge in. If this is how she felt, then it meant she was ashamed about something – too ashamed to seek someone out for guidance. But what on earth did a sixteen year old girl feel ashamed about? He wasn't exactly an expert on the topic.

So much for being an observant teacher, he thought, the realization pinching his gut and coating it with a nauseating guilt. Even though he had never had any kids of his own, he was supposed to represent a tutor and a father figure in one. He knew at times he didn't par up with the image – the label – the expectations, but he tried and felt he did a satisfactory job, although now with Sakura it seemed he would have to do a little evaluation.

Reaching back without looking, he felt for the picture frame that sat on his windowsill. He glanced at the three smiling faces in the picture – well one smiling face and two scowls, not to mention his own masked one in the center.

She was happier back then – she showed it with her eyes, her smiles, her jokes and her laughter. She still laughed and smiled now, but it took effort whereas it used to be effortless – it was a shadow that was a light, meek and docile in its manner.

Looking at the picture again, his mind quickly compared the twelve year old genin to the sixteen year old chuunin in his mind. He frowned then for two reasons. One was because the image he was imagining was when she had unzipped her dress, leaving it to hang open for him to view her innocent white cotton bra; and two, was because he noticed and realized something slightly disheartening: she had lost weight; enough to make it apparent and enough to make him worry.

Now when he envisioned her with her dress unzipped, he was seeing clear smooth clavicles (amongst other things) more pronounced than should be and the barely discernable features of hip bones. Was it some weird new diet?

Closing his eyes he tried to war off the feelings of rage that built within him. He was mad – mad at himself for not noticing all of these things earlier. He should have sat down and sorted through them a long time ago so then maybe she could have been on the road to recovery already. So why had the famous Copy-nin, known for his perception and observational skills become blinded by pink hair and green eyes? Was it because he furnished more attention on Sasuke and Naruto that he didn't notice her? Or was it that his subconscious wouldn't let him face the truth; the truth that he had let her down as a friend and a mentor?

He didn't know, only adding onto the ever-growing list that was once beautifully short. Forcing himself to calm his anger, he needed to continue sorting through everything Sakura related, and he couldn't achieve that with a mind bent on fury, in fact, the only way he knew he would get answers was to confront the girl head on.

Such a thing would be tricky and fragile. She would be outraged – furious at him for knowing something she had dug so deep, and it would only add onto her present anger which she displayed just hours before; anger which was rightly justified.

Placing the picture frame back in its spot, he sighed. Come tomorrow, things were going to become unpleasant.

* * *

This chapter was kinda odd…no dialogue whatsoever, which is unusual for me cuz I love my dialogue! I wonder if this answered people's questions or confused em even more. In a nutshell Kakashi used a medic Jutsu to relax Sakura and peer inside her with his Sharingan more easily (yay to you Tami for figuring some of it out!) trying to figure out what was wrong with her, but now Sakura has no memory at all of what happened during that time cuz of the side effects O.o 

tsk tsk Kakashi, such a bad boy he is. So whoever wants to spank him with me, leave a review and we can all take turns hitting that firm buttocks of his lol kidding kidding…or am I…?

One last thing, my next chapter I figure to be quite long, so do you want it split up or just to keep it long? You guys decide. Ciao for now!


	7. I, vii

**AN:** Thanks for reviewing! And a quick note on this chapter: I have NO IDEA what Kakashi's favourite anything is (besides his favourite food which is all thanks to **Christinarr **:hugs:), or what his past was really like besides the origin of his Sharingan – so just keep in mind I used my artistic license and made it up :D

And I'm done. Onwards!

* * *

**Courage Needs You - Chapter #7**

It was morning – it had come too soon. Slowly blinking sleep-fogged eyes open, Sakura moved to stand up only to wince in discomfort. She wouldn't have been sore at all if she had been smart and crawled back into bed instead of dozing off against the windowsill. But calling herself an idiot and regretting her actions would only be a waste of time and effort.

_Kakashi…_

Sakura groaned, squeezing the bridge of her nose with her index and thumb. The inevitable encounter was coming all too quickly all too soon for her liking – churning her stomach in a compound of fear and anxiety that she couldn't rightly explain. Maybe if she just didn't go he would grasp the situation and leave her be. Somehow, she knew that wouldn't be the case.

* * *

"Ne, Sasuke?" 

"What baka?"

"Do you think we'll get a _proper_ mission today?"

He shrugged.

"Hey Sasuke?"

He suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. "What is it now?"

Naruto continued, unfazed by Sasuke's irate mien. "Where do you think Sakura was last night?"

Silence.

"Well?"

"I don't know."

"Oh…"

The hush stretched on, and for once Naruto chose to be wise and remained silent, albeit difficultly. The sound of the stream below them and some random birds calling were the only ambient noises, much to his frustration.

Sasuke leaned over the bridge railing, ignoring Naruto's aggravating shuffling about. Where had Sakura been last night? It wasn't exactly early when he and Naruto decided to drop by to investigate what Kaka-sensei had wanted with her. Naruto had banged on her door for nearly ten minutes before he was forced to stop him from breaking it down.

Although not outwardly showing his curiosity or concern, Sasuke was equally puzzled by her disappearance.

Soft footsteps against the wooden bridge brought about his attention. There was Sakura, looking as if she were carrying the world on her shoulders by her sluggish pace and tired appearance.

"Where were you?" Sasuke demanded before his mind could catch up. Sakura stopped mid stride, eyes trapped in an obsidian glare. From her vantage point, she noticed Naruto on the opposite side of the bridge looking at her with apt interest.

"What do you mean? I just came from ho –"

"Last night. Where were you last night?"

Sakura stiffened, both from the question and the heat in his eyes.

"She was with me."

The three chuunins turned surprised gazes towards their sensei standing atop his usual beam. This was the second day in a row that he had been on time, and for once Sakura wished he had been late. Casually jumping down, he quickly took note of Sasuke's cold, narrowed eyes.

"Doing what?" Sasuke asked.

Now this was odd. Sasuke wasn't the sort of person who openly showed interest or curiosity – he made it seem beneath him in a manner that Kakashi would never understand. So why was he prodding now?

"I was helping her," Kakashi said, tone impassive.

"Helping her?" Sasuke repeated, arching a navy eyebrow in skepticism. "With training?"

Naruto grinned, blind to the tension around him. "You're going to be training me next right sensei?"

"So, how was your mission yesterday, boys?" Kakashi grinned, switching topics albeit not very tactfully. Naruto groaned, unaware of the conversation change while Sasuke eyed his sensei questioningly.

Hovering along the sidelines Sakura wisely kept quiet, relieved that her sensei wasn't being forthcoming on the complex events of last night.

"It was horrible! They dressed me up like a girl and made me play dolls," Naruto wailed, enticing a rare laugh from Sakura. "Please tell me you have some _serious _missions for us today, and not one that requires baby-sitting."

"As a matter of fact I do." Naruto's eyes immediately lit up. "So you and Sasuke go visit the mission desk and you'll receive the information."

Sasuke eyed his sensei. "Just Naruto and I? What about Sakura?"

"Yes, just you and Naruto. I'm going to be training Sakura for the time being so you two don't need to meet here in the morning till I inform you otherwise."

Naruto gave a nod while Sasuke remained reticent.

**"**Come Sakura, let's go," he said, his retreating back acting as his rude dismissal. Hesitating for only a moment, she nodded and quickly left with Kakashi; leaving an excited Naruto and suspicious Sasuke behind.

After breezing by the forest and landing in the familiar clearing of their training ground, Sakura found it hard to keep up with Kakashi's long strides that ate up the distance before him.

Something as mundane as him walking in front of her spoke volumes in which strangers would never have picked up on. She felt her defenses rise with her mind on high alert – bracing herself for what seemed to be an inevitable altercation. She sensed it in his aura, a strength and a determination which she interrupted as a confrontation in waiting.

If it occurred, would she be able to ask her own plaguing questions as well? Questions to which she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answers to anymore – a nagging suspicion telling her she wasn't going to be too fond of the truth.

"How are you feeling this morning?" His tone was drawled – bored – blasé as always, interrupting her worries unceremoniously.

She stared at the back of his silver head, wondering if the question was genuine or being asked conversationally.

"Okay, I guess," then ruminated if she should tell him her back was still sore with the rest of her questionably fine – a fact she still didn't quite understand. A jolt quickly ignited inside her mind, her brow scrunched in wonder as an ambiguous image from her memory appeared before quickly vanishing back to the dark recesses of her mind where the fog lingered.

When he didn't reply and continued on with his quick stride, relief and disappointment chewed at her heart. Continuing to walk in silence, awkwardness crept forward making her feel at a loss in what to say. Just when she thought he was going to remain mute, he spoke up again.

"You're tired." It was a statement, not a question, and she was suddenly thankful he was walking in front of her so he couldn't see her fiddle or expressive eyes that betrayed her unanimated face.

"I am."

"Why?"

Why indeed. She couldn't tell him she had been busy self-loathing herself before she proceeded to pass out against her window thinking about him.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Why?"

What was with the sudden interrogation? First Sasuke and now Kakashi? They never cared enough to pester her with questions until they sought their answers. If she was vague, they would clue in and leave her be. Why did today have to be different?

_You know why today is different. _Or at least she knew she should have known why…

"Because…" she stalled.

"Because what?" He stopped and turned around, arms folded neatly across his chest, waiting patiently.

"Just because all right!" she snapped, frustrated at herself for losing her cool. She didn't want to talk – didn't want to give him his answers. Pausing for a moment, Kakashi gave a curt nod of his head before pivoting back around to continue his stride. Sakura sighed and followed.

* * *

She fell, her knees and the palms of her hands roughly impacting the earth. She quickly erected herself and lunged. This time Kakashi didn't need to stoop to yanking out the poor girls locks. Today she had her own inner turmoil and confusion to fuel her rage, causing her to attack her sensei with everything she had. They were both thankful. 

Today's training had basically been the same as yesterdays: no fancy new moves to learn; nor Jutsu's to master. It was focused on one thing: increasing her strength and stamina, and she new the days ahead of her would consist of the same dull routine till he found her fit enough. She just hoped that in that time span she would be able to get in one good hit during their sparing periods. If she could, then it would _all_ have been worth it. A malicious smile tilted her lips as her mind conjured up socking her teacher one.

Kakashi cocked a brow as Sakura drifted off in her own world, obviously pleased with what she was envisioning by her goofy grin smeared under her glazed eyes. He shook his head. Now was not a time to be day-dreaming. She was supposed to be attacking him, not smiling at him.

"Oi, Sakura!" He snapped his fingers in front of her face, watching her eyes blink back to focus. Having her full attention, he quickly snatched a rosy lock, just for good measure.

Her eyes burned with intensity. "What was that for?"

"For day-dreaming," he replied nonchalantly, turning away from her. Sakura fumed. Now more than ever before she wanted her fantasy to become real.

"You know, you can't just keep pulling out my hair because you _feel _like it," and strode after him.

"Oh I can't?" She didn't miss the droll to his tone and inwardly groaned. This was all too familiar to yesterday's events. He would then proceed to pull out a few more locks, taunt her, saying she couldn't do anything to stop him, then have her exert all her energy just to prove him wrong. Unexpectedly determined, she refused to let him bait her like that again.

Huffing after him, she swiftly noticed they were leaving the clearing.

"Where are we going?" she asked, momentarily forgetting her anger and jogged up to him.

"For lunch."

"But I'm not hungry."

"That doesn't matter because you'll eat anyway."

Her anger instantaneously returned. How dare he dictate her about. She wasn't his toy to play with and treat however he wanted. She was a human being, his student of four years for crying out loud.

"I'm not some glorified pet," she said, voice slightly rising.

He gave her a glance. "I never imagined you to be." He was calm, too calm for her liking and for once she wanted to return the favour and get a rise out of him – a tick in his jaw – a twitch of his brow – a clench of his teeth; anything just as long as it was a reaction. It only seemed fair since he seemed to ruffle her feathers at every given opportunity.

"You're a megalomaniac," she stated a matter-of-fact, then saw him instantly smile. That was not the reaction she was looking for.

"So I am."

"You really think you're superlative don't you?"

"Megalomaniac now superlative? You have such a vast vocabulary, Sakura. I'm impressed."

Was he ridiculing her? Taking her well placed insults and turning them around to mock her?

Kakashi saw her visibly bristle out of the corner of his eye and suppressed the urge to grin. It was always so much fun vexing the girl, even if her actions weren't as lively as before.

"Anyway, why are you forcing me to eat? It seems like such a trivial matter to argue over. I'm not hungry, you are, so you can eat and I'll wait."

It was all so obvious, yet it was as if he was trying to make a mountain out of a mole hill. Why complicate the simple things in life?

"You've lost weight, and I'm not about to watch one of my students suffer from malnutrition. Besides," he said giving her a sideways glance while losing his seriousness, "it would look bad for my reputation."

"Reputation? As if you have any reputation to uphold, besides that of a tardy idiotic pervert."

He shrugged, neither agreeing nor disagreeing, making Sakura clench her jaw in hatred and envy that he was able to brush things off so easily. Not one of his feathers stood out of place – looking as pristine and annoyingly flawless like always. At least he explained his overbearing attitude instead of letting her think he was acting like an alpha male just because he knew he could.

Giving herself a brief once over, she scowled at the trivialness of it all. So what if she had lost a bit of weight. It wasn't like she hadn't noticed – it was pointless to fret and worry over such an inconsequential thing. She supposed her teacher thought differently. Quickly conjuring up several arguments, she discarded them just as swiftly, knowing every rebuttal Kakashi would make. In the end, it would all have been a waste of time, effort, and breath.

Sulking, she strode after him.

They reached town relatively quickly, and surprisingly, he stopped outside a new Italian cafe that Sakura had secretly wanted to visit since it had opened. Well, if she was being forced to eat, she might as well be picky about it – maybe he knew that and that's why he hadn't taken her to Ichiraku ramen. Once again she played with the idea that he could read minds.

He went inside first then held the door for her. Kakashi doing anything resembling chivalry was as odd as it was skeptical.

The smell of 'new' assaulted her as soon as she stepped through the threshold; new varnish, new upholstery, new lacquered tables. But despite the overwhelming aroma of 'new', the café was appealing, decorated in gold, beige, and the only vibrant colour being a rich indigo. Inside it had cozy warm glow dancing about the place, and seemed drastically darker compared to the afternoon sky. Taking a quick scan of the restaurant, she didn't recognize anybody she knew and was led to a booth by the hostess, her sensei trailing behind.

Sitting down on the cushioned bench, she was suddenly aware of her ragged appearance. She debated whether to waste the effort and energy in being self conscience.

Sighing, she opened the laminated menu and went over its contents. This would have been much better if she were actually hungry, wasn't covered in grass stains, and was in the company of someone she didn't want to throttle. She snuck a glance at her sensei over her menu, only able to see a downcast eye and a silver crop of hair – the damn flowers in the middle of the table was obscuring her view. She eyed him wearily, still anxiously awaiting his interrogation, although for some reason it seemed as if he was biding his time.

When the waitress came by, Sakura didn't even have a chance to argue or even speak as Kakashi was quick to order for her. Biting her tongue and digging her nails in the fleshy part of her palms, she counted to ten and refused to make a scene in the restaurant. Giving him one long, cold hard stare (over the flowers of course), she averted her eyes to stare about the cafe's occupants, finding it her only option.

With a scrunch of her nose, she quickly noted it was filled with couples. Couples holding hands; couples gazing at each other with adoration; hell, she could even see some of them playing footsies. She suddenly felt ill. She and Kakashi were the only ones who weren't being lovey-dovey with each other, not that she wanted to be, but always being an outcast was tiring as much as it was depressing. She felt like an onion in the midst of strawberries, growing underneath the soft soil while the strawberries clustered in groups on their vines – all so alike and all so uniquely charming.

Not wanting to stare at the happy couples, and definitely not wanting to look at her sensei, she settled for scrutinizing the table with deft attention. The situation was awkward, she thought decidedly, and she hated feeling awkward, although she should have been used to the sensation by now considering how often she felt it. Glancing up briefly she wondered if Kakashi new this seemed to be a hotspot for couples to go to, and if he did, would he still have brought her here?

Why such an idiotic question filtered through her mind, she had no idea, and quickly envisioned the more logical and realistic image of him cursing every expletive under the sun, hoping against hope that she wasn't interpreting and putting more meaning behind this than there actually was.

The thought made her frown for a reason she couldn't decipher.

Images of last night started suddenly creeping forward, making her cringe and flush in unison. What a curse her mind was! She had been fine earlier, a little apprehensive at first, but that had quickly faded as the training began, keeping herself focused on her lessons and not her little bout of amnesia. But now, with nothing to do and nothing to say, she couldn't seem to stop trying to remember the proceedings of last night.

She wanted to ask, to open him up and dissect the information from him. There was a sudden itch to know at least what happened, to fill the empty gap of her memory that was consumed with fog. But if she told him she couldn't remember, what would he think? It sounded odd – even to her ears.

Seconds ticked by soon turning into minutes, and she still resumed her fixated glare on the shiny lacquered table. Albeit he wasn't known for being chatty, he wasn't completely anti-social either, and she curiously wondered why he hadn't initiated a conversation yet.

Why was he drawing this out – stretching his time like he was stretching her nerves? Was he waiting for a perfect time to confirm all her fears – picking the perfect words and perfect scenario? Was he apprehensive, nervous, uncertain? Uncomfortable with her as she was with him?

Her notions were swiftly categorized as preposterous as she as soon thought them. Kakashi was a man who exuded an aura of confidence from every fiber of his being. If he was going to be rattled, it wouldn't be from a pink haired kunoichi…and yet, there was small optimistic part of her that hoped that maybe she had; and an even tinier part which tried to delude her into thinking that he didn't know anything after all.

But, even if he didn't know – if he hadn't witnessed all the things she kept hidden, there was still the question of why she had almost taken her clothes off in front of him. Everything before that was a mystery to her – a haze – a swirl – a smudge in the annals of her mind.

Did she even want to know what happened before that? Instinct told her yes while fear told her no and reason told her she could find all her answers from the man in front of her.

Getting tired of her own thoughts and memorizing the grooves in the table, she tried sneaking a glance at him again and nearly jumped out of her skin to already find him looking at her. Face impassive, eye of steel, gaze penetrating; she felt as if he was gauging her somehow, trying to read her and see through her. Why did that seem weirdly familiar?

And then, as if sensing her anxiety and recollection of something that should have been forgotten, he averted his attention, leaving her empty and with a strange desperation to hear his voice. Seemed like an eternity ago since she heard it, although in actuality it was no more than ten minutes.

Lunch continued on without incident. No mindless chatter or any acknowledgement of each other's presence whatsoever. The result caused mounds of anxiety to swell inside her chest and quite frankly, it was all very bizarre. Each time she tried to peek at her sensei, wanting to know what he was thinking in that erudite mind of his, she would lose her nerve; just like every time she would open up her mouth to say something, she would close it back up again. How could she talk to the man who probably knew all her secrets?

Half an hour ticked by, and Sakura continued to move and prod the pasta noodles about; trying to arrange a way in which it looked like she ate more than she actually did. Tired of staring at the off-white pasta, she risked a look at her sensei again, and reflexed back when she found him looking right back at her with both eyes – leveled and measured with a striking intensity. Haplessly, she couldn't look away, trapped in the gaze of one red and one onyx eye, observing her with what seemed to be a purpose.

The jolt returned; like a little microscopic lightening bolt going off in her head trying to trigger and reignite a memory forgotten.

"As soon as you finish eating, we'll continue on with your training," he informed her, interrupting the jolt's effort. She knew what he really meant though: 'as soon as you finish every single noodle and lick your bowl clean, then you can leave.'

She suppressed a groan of indignation before ever so slowly began to shovel noodles into her mouth.

* * *

It was comical to say the least, watching her play with her food, moving it about her plate in hopes he wouldn't pick up on the fact that she ate very little. If it hadn't been so funny, he would have almost felt dire. 

Distractedly he watched as she swiveled her fork in hypnotic circles, wrapping the cream noodles around and around before hesitantly bringing it to her mouth and forcing herself to swallow. The grim expression she gave each time would have made one think she was digesting dog-food.

He supposed he couldn't do anything about the snail pace she repeatedly ate at, unless he dubbed it okay for her to leave without finishing, which he wasn't compassionate enough to do. He was a patient man, and his mind was plenty enough to keep him preoccupied without suffering from boredom.

For an evanescent moment he considered in engaging her in a pointless mind-numbing conversation – maybe to relieve some of the tension in the air which was so thick it made molasses seem runny – but he couldn't. There was too much on his mind, too many questions, too many worries; filling up his brain and leaving no room for any anxiety or consideration in the current present.

There was a debate going on inside his mind, wondering if he should harass her till she was blue in the face for answers, or to rely on his own knowledge, his own experiences, and his own information to come to a conclusion concerning the black swirling abyss nestling inside his student. But assumptions were dangerous things; taking too many shapes depending on how the wielder molded it. He needed facts; something that was more solid than an assumption, butto get those facts…that was where the problem lay.

He could be ruthless and just bring it up – spitting it out and getting it out of the way. Was there even a delicate method of going about it? Probably, but tiptoeing on eggshells wasn't his style, nor something he could claim as one of his forte's.

Thinking over many options and scenarios where he could find the facts without inquiring, he finally and reluctantly accepted the truth of the dilemma, concluding that he would simply just have to ask her, less he force his Sharingan on her again.

Another difficulty would be timing, something he considered to be imperative when dealing with such circumstances. The possibility of angering, embarrassing, or scaring her off were high if not likely, and if she clamped up like a vice, that would be even more troublesome.

Gazing at her he wondered what was holding her back, making her hesitate in asking and questioning him about last night. There was a momentous fissure of her memory missing – anyone would be curious as to why, and the fact that she hadn't even inquired about it was well…unnerving.

"I'm done."

Kakashi snapped his eyes to attention. "Hmm?"

He saw her jaw twitch, probably trying her best to prevent whatever scathing remark which threatened to be let loose.

"I said I'm done," she repeated, eyes ablaze, obviously vexed he had made her eat.

"Want any dessert?" This time her eye twitched. "Kidding, kidding." He gave her a lopsided grin, which she sensed rather than saw.

Her annoyance was abruptly interrupted as she silently watched the waitress, a tall and skinny brunette, give her sensei the bill. There was something weird…almost off, by the way their server was looking at him. It was suspicious, in Sakura's mind. She never paid much mind to such mundane things as to how strange people looked at her sensei before, but she found this new discovery intriguing. And it wasn't just whittled in the women's facial features, but her body language as well. She was leaning, almost pressing too close; a small smile on her pretty pink lips, which one might've called furtive, and a distant faraway gaze behind slightly half-lidded eyes.

She had seen such looks before, although never directed at herself, she stillknew the meaning behind it – the intention – the longing; making her frown and coerce her eyebrows together, unhappy that this woman was being so disturbingly blatant when she was right there in front of her as well.

If Kakashi saw or felt how the waitress was behaving, she would never know by the deadpan expression he gave. But how could he miss such a thing? No, he knew, of that she was sure and there had to be a reason of why he was feigning ignorance.

The wheels and cogs turned, but before she could come up with a conclusion, he stood up.

"Let's go, Sakura."

* * *

"No, no, no. Stop!" 

Sakura huffed slightly miffed and watched her teacher shake his head dramatically before promenading towards her. "What did I do wrong _this_ time?" she snipped irritably.

"This," he said, grabbing her arm and lowering it. "This is basic but you keep leaving yourself wide open to attacks. If you have this hand up aiming for an attack, keep this one lowered to defend. You concentrate too much on your offensive and not enough on your defensive."

Sakura nodded, storing away the information and embedding it in her memory. She would not be caught making the same mistake twice. She was a quick learner and she was resolute in making Kakashi see that as well. Moving into stance, she watched as Kakashi stood ten feet in front of her, seemingly languid, though she knew his body was tense with alertness to her every move. It was simply a Kakashi thing that she had come to realize.

A sudden blur caught her attention and she quickly lifted her forearm just in time to block Kakashi's fist. God, he moved so fast she couldn't even see him! He kept up his attack at an incredibly rapid pace, forcing Sakura to continuously back away and strain her body to keep up her blocking. He suddenly forced his foot behind her leg, and used his arm and body weight to push her over.

Sakura blinked, not comprehending the situation as she lay on the ground. She coughed a little, trying to regain her breath after having the wind knocked out of her.

"What happened?"

"I tripped you."

"Oh…"

He let out a breath. "Come on," and lowered his hand for her to take. She diffidently grasped his hand, and was easily hoisted to her feet. Brushing some stray grass off her shorts, she looked at him dejectedly.

"Guess you're disappointed huh?"

He raised a brow in question.

"That I'm not getting any better," she clarified. "Even though we've been training for hours I still can't manage to get a hit in."

"You make it sound like it's supposed to be simple."

"Isn't it?"

"As a matter of fact no, it's not simple."

She snorted. "Egotistical ass."

"Pretentious know-it-all."

"Lecherous tart!"

"Petulant bitch!"

The feeling of normalcy was barely cataloged as she stared at him, eyes wider than usual.

"Kakashi, I can't believe you just called me a bitch."

"Oh, and why shouldn't I be allowed to? You call me an ass and a bastard all the time."

"Ya, but you've never called me that before _and_ I'm your student," she said as if that made all the difference in the world.

He chuckled. "Your point being?"

"Being that it's ethically wrong, and besides, you know I never mean it when I call you names…well besides that of a tardy perverted sensei."

He smiled; yes, this was definitely normal. Part of her old self was gleaming bright, trying to peek through the cracks in her titanium wall. Her lifeless green eyes sparkled just a tad, just enough to let him know her shell wasn't impenetrable.

He reached to ruffle her ruddy hair in a spurt of rare affection, but quickly withdrew his hand before making contact.

_"Don't touch me!"_

Her words still lingered hauntingly, and he gave her a weak smile before walking off.

"Wait up," she jogged up to him, a slight jovial lilt to her voice.

"And you should know as well Sakura," he said plopping down on the pinnacle of a hill, "that I too don't mean the insults I say."

Sakura followed suit, lying close beside him on the grass, feeling it prickle the back of her legs and arms. "Ya, I know," she finally responded. "But it was just a shock to hear you call me that – that's all."

"Maybe if I call you a bitch more often you'll get used to it," he jested.

Sakura playfully poked him in the ribs, hard enough to sting, but soft enough not to bruise.

Tucking her arms underneath her head she turned to look at him, a soft sad smile on little pink lips. She loved these moments when they had their little disputes; neither one meaning harm or injury, but both just liking the feeling of conflict – releasing some unknown pent up frustration that they could both mindlessly vent by bickering about any day things with neither one having their feelings hurt in the end.

She never did this with anyone else, and couldn't imagine it either. She could envision others getting hurt – taking it too personally. Even though these moments were becoming fewer and far between, she still sighed feeling content with the knowledge that she had something special and unique with her sensei and wondered briefly if he was happy with the uniqueness of their relationship as well. She just hoped it hadn't been ruined with the mystery events of last night.

Closing her eyes, she decided she didn't need answers as long as things remained as they were. It would probably just cause unneeded arguments and unnecessary awkwardness anyway.

With that determined she finally felt fantastically satisfied; enjoying the feeling and sound of the slight breeze across the plains of grass; and the random bird calls heard off in the distance. It was nice, she decided, knowing that Kakashi was beside her, content to just lay there with her and enjoy the evening.

"You know, Sakura."

"Hmm," she responded, keeping her eyes closed, enjoying the sound of his voice.

"I'm not disappointed with your performance today at all," he stated, pausing as she opened her eyes and propped herself up on her elbows to stare at him. "You have potential Sakura, I just hope I can bring it out in you."

Her expression turned dubious. "Are you being serious, sensei?"

He smirked. "Have I ever lied to you, Sakura?"

Her brow twitched, and he scratched the top of his head nervously. "Well about anything important I mean," he said, quickly fixing his mistake. He continued to grin sheepishly under his mask, his hand still in place on the top of his head.

She smiled, one that managed to reach her eyes and layback down on the grass.

She turned to look back up at the sky, watching as pinks and oranges blurred and mended together in beautiful patterns with the setting sun. It seemed as if things were normal again – like that day had happened a very long time ago, or even not at all. Everything was going better than she had hoped for. He didn't seem to know the things she kept hidden; wasn't pushing her to open up to him; and didn't even seem bothered by the fact that she had almost stripped in front of him.

"Say, Sakura."

"Mmm hmm?" she mumbled lazily, half paying attention, too wrapped up in her stroke of rare good luck.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"Talk about?" She paused, feigning thought. "Nope, nothing I can think of."

"Are you sure?" His skepticism was transparent.

She propped up on her elbows and turned to look at him in confusion, but he simply kept staring up at the sky avoiding her gaze.

"Umm, nothing I can think about…" she repeated, eyeing him questioningly, her subconscious raising her defenses in preparation.

He suddenly turned to look at her, his one visible black eye showing nothing but seriousness. "What about what happened last night?"

And as quickly as that, her good feeling came crashing back down to where it belonged. The guy couldn't have just let things go, could he?

Sitting upright, she pulled her knees to her chest and looked the other way. "There's nothing to talk about."

_He knows… _

Kakashi sat up as well, tucking his left leg underneath while he leaned back on his hands. "I think we should talk about it," he said uncommonly soft and tender – careful not to scare her away.

"I said there wasn't anything to talk about," and pinned her heated gaze to stare at his caring one. He didn't move nor flinch as the silence droned irritably. He just looked back, his gaze never changing and the caring never leaving. Sakura continued to stare till she couldn't take it anymore and tore her eyes away from his.

"Talk to me, Sakura," he reiterated, inching closer, sitting in front of her and trying to judge what she was thinking by her eyes.

She swiveled her head, avoiding his stare. "There isn't anything to tell." God knew she was lying, but what was there to tell which he probably didn't already know?

She heard him sigh, and suddenly felt bad about keeping things from him, especially since he was obviously concerned.

"Alright, if you won't talk to me, who will you talk to?"

_As if that person exists._

"I don't have anyone to talk to and I don't need anyone to talk to." Her voice blank but soft, shifting her head to use her hair as a veil.

She saw the movement of him running a hand through his hair; an apparent sign of his frustration. "Why do you hide things from me?"

Sakura quickly turned to look at him disbelievingly; her timid meek nature, frightened at the thought of him knowing, turned bitter and astonished by his hypocrisy.

"Me? You dare to accuse me of hiding things? Kakashi, you are the king of hiding things from people. I know absolutely nothing about you after four years! You tell us nothing! I don't know if you have siblings or parents; I don't know if you're married of have ever even been in love. Hell, I don't even know your favourite food or colour. I know nothing! Absolutely nothing! And you dare to tell me that I hide things from you?" She gave a dry laugh. "At least I'm not the one who hides behind a mask all the time," she bit out furiously.

Kakashi simply stared at her, as she irately expected; giving no reaction at all as she tried to control her ragged breathing from her angry outburst. Her throat felt odd from yelling – not accustomed to being so vocal.

Seconds ticked by and their stare-off continued. The anger from her outburst hadn't diminished and was still bubbling dangerously close to the surface. She was mad and she was hurt, and she was mad that she felt hurt. She wanted a reaction! She wanted to see him recoil and look at her with hurt in his eyes and voice lost with emotion. Hadn't her words meant anything to him? Here she was with emotions erupting and using what little will power she had left to hold her tongue with the promise to explode again, and he was just looking at her! Looking at her as if nothing had happened and that her outburst was just a hallucination. The familiar tingle in her chest exploded, forcing herself to grip the front of her uniform, willing the feeling and tightness to go away before it overwhelmed her.

"Green."

"Huh?" She was still so livid she couldn't comprehend his words beyond her wall of anger.

"You asked me my favourite colour. It's green."

Sakura opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened it again, unsure of what to say to such a statement. Out of all the things she expected him to say or do, that was not it, but then again, she was happy he did. The overpowering tingling in her chest tickled once more before fading back inside.

"Broiled saury with salt and miso soup with eggplant, are foods I prefer." Which was interesting since she had never once seen him eat and or order that. 

"I don't have any siblings, and my parents passed on quite a while ago."

Sakura sucked in a breath, suddenly feeling bad for asking such a thing, even though his voice seemed to remain apathetic as he continued to talk.

"I am not married nor have I ever been. I don't think I've ever been in love. I have not had a meaningful relationship for…quite some time."

The fire in her gaze diminished to a smoldering ash.

"Oh," she said, unsure of what else to say. For once, it was his gaze to shift to concentrate on the grass by his feet. He was probably contemplating and reflecting on all the things that he just told her. It would undoubtedly bring up some old memories. It was odd, being allowed to see such a different and intimate side to him. He seemed almost vulnerable right now considering all of the information he just divulged to her.

"Is there anything else you want to ask me, Sakura?" he asked blandly, finally breaking the silence and lifting his gaze.

In truth, there were lots of things she wanted to ask him, but she held her tongue in spite of her curiousity. She wouldn't continue making her sensei tell her things he wasn't comfortable telling. Maybe he would note her consideration and offer her the same.

She shook her head, pink hair dancing about."It's okay Kaka-sensei. You don't have to tell me anything else…unless, you want to of course." She wondered if that sounded too eager.

He gave a brief nod of his head. The sun continued to sink below the horizon behind him. In ten minutes time it would be completely hidden.

"Will you tell me now, Sakura?"

She sighed. She should have known he wouldn't give up so easily. His tenacity was on par with Naruto's.

"Why don't you tell me what you know first," she countered, although she really didn't want to know. The truth could be a scary thing.

"I saw something inside of you."

His words were cryptic, per usual, but also effective in catching her off guard and making her spine stiffen alarmingly.

"What do you mean?"

He leveled her with a serious gaze. "Something dark – something you're letting fester and rot."

Her eyes narrowed a tad, an element he didn't miss. "How do you know? How could you see such a thing?"

This is where things got a bit tricky. "I used my Sharingan."

She looked at him in a medley of confusion and shock. "You're Sharingan, but…how? When?"

He hesitated. "Last night."

She bolted upright, eyes large and accusing. "Is that why I can't remember a goddamn thing? Because of that stupid eye of yours?"

More hesitation. "No, my Sharingan had no affect on your memory."

She paused, trying to sort through the new facts. "But…then why don't I remember anything?"

"I'll tell you why, as soon as you tell me what it is I saw."

She glared. "You're giving me an ultimatum?"

"No, it's an option, depending on how badly you want to know the truth."

"How about you tell me, then I'll tell you." Well by god if she wasn't frustrating, but you would've never known by his unmoved expression.

"I don't think so." It seemed there was to be a standoff. "Sakura, this isn't a game."

"I know!" She was growing bitter, and his subtle insult of her being immature only stoked the fire.

His brow furrowed and his jaw clenched, aspects too minor for her to catch. "If you aren't willingly volunteering the information, I have other methods to extract it from you."

She looked at him incredulously. Did he just threaten her? The whole concept seemed inconceivable and as soon as she wrapped her mind around that, she had to figure out if the threat was idle or not.

"You're bluffing," she countered.

"Try me."

She tried a different approach. "You would never hurt me."

"Who said I was going to hurt you? I said I had different methods to extract the information, I never said it involved pain."

She eyed him skeptically. "What sort of methods?"

"That's for me to know."

She would have laughed at how oddly atypical he was acting if he didn't look so goddamn serious.

"The choice is yours Sakura."

_Sure it is…_

She sighed in contemplation, wondering how much she was willing to risk.

"You said you saw something dark and that I was what? Letting it fester and rot?"

He nodded, she sighed. "I think you're making more of this darkness than it really is," she said, giving him a measured gaze. "Everybody has a 'dark spot' inside of them; sure some may be larger and deeper than others, but its still there – they still have one – and I'm positive that even _you _have one too, sensei."

"Tell me and I'll decide whether I overestimated or not."

She stared ahead of her, pondering her next words. "You're seriously making this a bigger issue than it needs to be," she said, a last pitiful way of persuasion to make him back down.

He said nothing in return, letting her take her time.Turning her gaze she focused on the setting sun, chin resting on her forearms pensively.

"Do you ever get lonely, sensei? Do you ever feel like you don't belong?"

"I suppose, but it's common to feel that way when you're involved in a shinobi lifestyle."

She sighed. "What if you feel like that every second of every day? Is it common then?"

"No, then it's worrisome."

There was a brief lapse in their discussion before she spoke again. "Did your parents ever put a lot of pressure on you?"

"Some, but that was expected."

She paused hesitantly. "My parents put a lot on me although they don't directly say it so much as hint at it. Somehow I feel like that only made things worse." She closed her eyes. "I know they're disappointed in me, wondering why I haven't progressed as quickly as they did at my age. A part of me wishes that they weren't ninja's, at least not both of them. I mean I love them, but it feels like my family resembles more along the lines of acquaintances than anything else – someone I see occasionally when they aren't off making the world a better place."

Jade eyes flickered open, observing the horizon solemnly. "It's not just at home where I feel out of place...even with my friends. I just feel so different from them, so foreign, so alien." She shifted her head slightly, regarding Kakashi impassively. "With you too sensei. When all of team seven is assembled I'm always thinking to myself, 'Why on earth am I here? Why are they so much better than me? Why can I never seem to catch up?'" and sighed jadedly. "I've accepted the fact that you spend more time and effort on Naruto and Sasuke. I c–"

"That's going to change," he said sounding surprisingly firm, making her wonder if he was riddled with compunction.

She shook her head. "Let me finish. I was going to say I can see why though. Naruto has the Kyuubi sealed inside of him and Sasuke is the last surviving Uchiha, not including Itachi of course, so I can understand the responsibility is a lot. I mean, what do I have that's so special that you would be forced to occupy your time with? Exactly. Nothing. And that's okay. I understand. I've accepted it. So I don't want you thinking I resent your for the obligated neglect."

There was a familiar pressure of tears manifesting between her eyes, making her hate herself for being so emotional. This wasn't a big deal, she had convinced herself of that a long time ago, so beaming at him reassuringly, she forced herself to grin and bear it like always.

"So as you can see, this 'dark spot' you saw inside of me is just normal teenage insecurities and trivial depression. I'm sure this stage will pass eventually." She had said the same thing to herself so many times that now it spouted from her like second nature. She could deal with denial; it was so much easier than facing the truth of herself.

He smiled sadly under his mask, knowing she couldn't see it. "Do you trust me?"

She looked at him questioningly. "…yes."

He nodded and scooted closer to her. "I need to know," he whispered.

She grew perplexed. "I…but I just told you." She watched as he tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Yes…you did." He lifted his hitae up, watching her apprehension grow, circling around him like a tornado.

She leaned back instinctively, voice a trifle fearful. "I don't understand."

He grabbed her shoulders, refusing to let her run. "Just trust me," and she did, so she let him.

A sudden blackness crept from the corners of her eyes, slowing moving inwards and veiling her vision. It was dark – opaque – all consuming, so much different from the haze of last night where ambiguous images would sneak past. Here, there were no shadows, just an infinite darkness circling and curling around her. She looked around sensing a presence, only to be met with nothing. Not even gravity seemed to exist. She was alone –weightless – free, as if she were floating in the middle of the ocean at night.

Her skin all of a sudden prickled from an invisible chill. The air was shifting, changing to a briskness familiar in the fall. A sound caught her attention, it was coming from below. It was faint, deep, only a slight rumble reaching her ears. She looked down curiously, only seeing a black abyss. Something cold and biting quickly snaked around her ankle and yanked, making her whole body jerk downwards.

Kicking her leg, she saw the gleam of a silver chain from an undetectable light source. It dangled from her ankle, falling what seemed to be thousands of feet down before she lost sight of it. She tried to lift her foot, finding she couldn't. It felt heavy; the whole left side of her body angling downwards in response.

The chain yanked again, pulling harder this time, making her head snap back in reaction. The air was a few degrees cooler, as the shackle continued to pull. Desperately, she reached down, trying to pry the metal from around her ankle. She wrenched her hand back, feeling as if she were just seared with a brand. Tentatively, she touched the manacle again, wincing as the coldness pierced her skin.

She watched; part frightened part captivated, as a separate thick-linked chain rose from the depths at an alarming pace. Frantically, she pulled against the one around her ankle, then shrieked as the other one curled around her neck. She felt the freezing metal biting into her skin, as it coiled around her body like a serpent. Other chains rose, going against the laws of gravity, as they clung onto her wrists and wrapped around her body.

She cried out, struggling against her bonds, making them squeeze her tighter in turn. She felt her ankles bruising, her ribs cracking, as an invisible force tried to pull her upwards, while the chains tried to tug her downwards. The rumble erupted once more, a little louder this time.

She felt the presence again, circling her, drawing closer, but still remaining cloaked in darkness. She tried to reach out, to touch the presence, begging for it to free her, but it didn't. It stopped its pacing, and she knew it was watching – just staring at her and waiting.

Suddenly the magnetized pull from above gave out, and gravity was restored. All at once her shackles yanked, and she was plunging – falling – tumbling to her doom. She screamed; the sound mixing together with the clanks of metal.

Her eyes began to water and her teeth began to clatter. The air was getting colder as she continued her descent. The ground roared beneath her, terrifyingly close, shaking and vibrating the manacles that surrounded her. She cried out again and struggled instinctively, ignoring how the metal was crushing her limbs and stinging her body.

She barely registered the presence falling with her, keeping pace and not letting her out of its sight. She looked at it pleadingly.

She gasped; eyes large with pain as she plummeted into black icy water. She tried to scream, tried to cry out and beg but her throat was closed and her lungs frosted over. She was rolling – rolling around on what felt like razor blades and shards of glass, digging and nipping and cutting into her through the chains.

Then suddenly, she stopped falling. She was at the bottom of the ocean; lying down on its rocks; being crushed by its pressure. The ground trembled and shook; thunderous in her ears and splitting open beneath her. The manacles continued to squeeze her bones and the water continued to cut. Her lungs constricted – shrinking in on themselves – lurching forward seeking for air. She was suffocating, dying, and the presence was there, kneeling beside her and watching.

As abruptly as it started, the vision faded, and she opened her eyes to find herself crying.

"_What the fuck did you just do to me_?" she shrieked, breathing deeply, heart jack-hammering against her ribcage. She felt cold and stiff, her vision blurred by tears.

He shook his head, eyes clenched and mouth pursed. "I'm sorry, Sakura, I should've known," his voice was soft but angry – livid at himself for failing to realize.

She glared at him through the water and dark before shoving him back. "Why did you do that? I _told_ you what was wrong! You had no right!" She heard her voice crack and felt her chin quiver, hating him, herself, and the whole entire situation.

He reached for her but she slapped his hand away.

"I needed to know." She could hear a slight plea in his voice, willing her to understand his reasons, but she was resolute in her anger.

He watched her quickly shake her head from side to side, her fists clenching fistfuls of grass. "I didn't want you to know," she ground out, eyes closed and head lowered. "You weren't supposed to know! Nobody was _ever_ supposed to find out!" Her voice kept rising.

He remained reticent, allowing her to yell at him, surveying her as she carried on her head shaking.

"I'm sorry," he said, voice toneless.

She snapped her head back up, her eyes watery pools of fire. "I don't give a damn if you're sorry," she spat. "I want you to take back what you did! I want you to forget what you saw!"

He couldn't do that, and she knew it as well. Swiftly, he wrapped his arms around her freezing body, immediately feeling her fists pummeling his chest and her shrieks piercing his ears. He didn't care that she told him never to touch her again – he was going to do it anyway.

"You goddamn bastard, don't touch me!" she squirmed – pushed – shoved against him, but he still held fast. "Stop it! Let me go!" He only held her tighter. "I hate you! I fucking hate you!"

"It's alright," he whispered, holding her against him, feeling her claw against his vest and hearing her choke on her tears.

"Why?" she whispered back brokenly, her struggles dying down, "why did you have to do this to me?"

He lifted her onto his lap, her head resting on his shoulder. "Because believe it or not, I do care."

She buried her face into his flak vest, soaking it with tears while clasping the front in a white knuckled grip. "I hate you," she breathed, the words soft on his neck.

He stroked her hair. "I know."

She sniffed, panting through her mouth. "You weren't supposed to know." She heard him take a deep intake of air through his nose, then slowly release it. His arms readjusted, one still wrapped around her torso, the other threading through her hair. His hold remained tight, almost unbearable, trying to seep his warmth into her chilled body.

"Let me go," she breathed, the words empty and hollow.

"No."

She didn't argue, didn't resist, glad he had refused. "Tell me."

He knew what she meant. "It's called Madoi no Jutsu. A Jutsu used by medic-nins to ease pain and cause amnesia."

She absorbed the information. "I've heard of it, but I didn't know you knew medical Jutsu's."

"Only a handful I've learned on my travels and the basics taught to new chuunins and jounins."

She continued to sniff, hating the clogging of her sinuses. "But why did you need to use it?" she asked, trying to lift her head but his arms held her too tight against him.

He hesitated. "So you would relax and lower your guard, enabling me to use my Sharingan more proficiently."

She paused, a thought sparking. "But how did you use the Jutsu without me noticing?"

"When I rubbed the salve for you."

"The salve…" she reiterated, picking her brain, trying to remember. He could sense her confusion.

"What do you remember from last night?"

She sniffed. "Hardly anything. I remember going to your place then falling asleep, but after that, things start getting hazy. Did we talk at all?"

"Only a little."

"Oh…about what?"

"Nothing important."

She sighed, her breath fanning against his neck. "It's so strange, it feels like something you know you're forgetting, but you just can't remember what." Her face scrunched in wonder if that made sense or not.

"Aa…and what do you remember feeling?" He asked, voice a deep baritone, briefly wondering why he just asked such a thing.

She started playing with his vest pockets subconsciously, feeling her body heat a little from the question.

"I remember feeling confused…and nice I suppose."

Nice – an innocent enough word to describe it, she thought. "I didn't mean to yell at you last night," she said, suddenly remembering.

"Awe," he drawled, humor returning. "You remember that do you?"

She smiled weakly, lowering her head a tad to feel his chest vibrate with his voice. "Ya, I remember when the fog left, I felt so unbelievably mad at you." She chuckled meekly. "I can't even remember why anymore."

"Hmm, seems I need to practice that Jutsu. I meant for you not to remember anything at all of that night."

She opened her mouth to respond, but found she had nothing to say. She started pulling the zipper on his vest up and down, listening to the sounds it made mingling with the crickets and grasshoppers around them. Suddenly, her eyes grew wide and she pushed against him, shame and anger forcing its way to the surface.

His brow frowned. "What's wrong?" and earned himself a glare.

"You made me almost take my clothes off in front of you," she accused, then abruptly felt too tired to continue clasping onto her anger. He loosened his grip, but continued to hold her. "You should have told me that night," she said, eyes sad, voice hurt. "You shouldn't have made me feel like that then just simply kick me out."

The steel left his eyes. "I'm sorry. I never meant for you to remember that."

She shook her head slightly, pinning him with green eyes through the dark. "That still doesn't make what you did right."

He nodded. "You're right. It was wrong of me. I should've handled it better."

She frowned. "You made a fool out of me."

"Forgive me, it wasn't my intention."

She sighed; the conversation was going to start circling around if she didn't let it go. The man could only apologize so many times before the meaning grew hollow. Forcing herself to let go of her grudge, she gazed at the stars, knowing he was looking at her.

"It's getting late," he stated.

"Ya," her voice was barely heard as she continued to focus on the sky.

"Come, I'll walk you home."

She gave him a glance and accepted, placing her hand in his. They took two steps before he scooped her into his arms effortlessly. She didn't fight it.

"I'm alright to walk," she said, feeling she should state the obvious incase her gratification was blatant.

"I know." Yet he didn't put her down.

She didn't argue, instead, laid her head against his shoulder. "Sensei?"

"Hmm?"

She started playing with his zipper again. "What do you plan on doing now? I mean, now that you know…what are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing. It's something you have to overcome yourself. If I guide you through this it will be more difficult in the future when you're presented with other such similar problems."

She felt that maybe she should've been surprised or disappointed by his answer, but she wasn't, and closed her eyes.

"Sensei?"

He tilted his head to look at her, seeing closed eyes and a tired expression. "Yes?"

She sighed sleepily, sneaking her hand underneath his partly open vest to warm her hand. "I trust you, you know."

He held her tighter. "…I know."

* * *

I hope Sakura's reaction to all of this was believable…I'm kind of unsure. And I hope everyone understood what I was trying to get across with that huge analogy with the chains. Forgive me for any mistakes – I'm kinda too tired and lazy to give it another proofread. I'll reformat and put all of chapter 7 together when I finish chapter 8. So expect the next one in a couple of weeks or so :D 

Thanks for reading!


	8. I, viii

**AN:** I wrote a review for the last chapter trying to explain what was going on in chapter 7, but if you haven't read it, I'll post it here also.

With that whole analogy thing, what I was trying to get across was how Sakura really feels inside; trapped, suffocated, almost as if she were dying in a sense (which is actually her spirit dying) - and that's what Kakashi saw with his Sharingan (he was that little presence watching her during the analogy). Since you can't see a feeling, I figured he could use his Sharingan to form her emotions into a picture that could tell him how she truly felt. Despite how she tried to make her problems sound lighthearted and not a big deal, he knew she was lying and wanted to know the extent of her unhappiness.

So is that better? Does it make more sense? I hope so, but if not, I might have to do a little revising. Sorry I confused some of you :P

And lastly, thanks for the reviews, and sorry this chapter took a little longer to write.

* * *

**Courage Needs You - Chapter #8**

_Thump thump thump!_

The continuous dull pounding of the front door drew Sakura awake.

_Thump thump thump!_

Sighing, she realized it wasn't her imagination or the remnants of her dreams. Cocooned and quite comfortable in her haven of plush pillows and self pity, she lay there listening to the continuing thwacking against her door. When a minute passed by and it didn't relent, she finally glanced at her clock and cringed. It was only 6:00am! She watched the digital green numbers of her clock switch from 6:02am to 6:07am. The pounding continued. Whoever it was, they were damn determined.

Not being able to sleep as the rough banging kept in rhythm with a newly forming headache, she threw her blankets aside and stomped downstairs, prepared to give whoever hell for waking her up this early.

Whipping open the door, she made sure her glare was firmly in place matched with a deadly scowl, only to find it quickly disappearing to a look of shock as she stared into a pair of onyx eyes.

"Took you long enough."

"Sasuke!"

He raised a brow. "Who else?"

She could think up a whole list of other candidates who would be more likely to knock on her door – God included, but decided to wisely not comment on his rhetorical question instead.

"Why are you here?" If this had been a mere year ago, she wouldn't have even asked, she would have been too thrilled at the aspect of Sasuke coming over to her house to have even bothered asking him why. Funny how things changed.

He ignored the question and brushed her by, entering the kitchen uninvited. Dumbfounded she followed.

"How is your training going?"

She grimaced. Just the thought of training made her muscles ache.

"Fine."

He gave a barely perceptual nod of his head before opening her fridge, followed by her cupboards. She noticed his emotionless mask slip into a frown.

"You barely have any food."

She bit her tongue to refrain from a sarcastic remark sneaking through. She was tired, grumpy, and at an all time low. She didn't need Sasuke over making snide annotations about how she lived or ate.

"I'll go to the market again when I have the time."

She watched him walk over, sitting across from her at the kitchen table with hands folded neatly in front of him, staring at her with those intense black eyes. She shifted her attention, not being able to look into those black depths that knew so much yet revealed so little.

"So…" she trailed, desperate to break the deafening silence. "Why are you here again?"

A pause. "Do I need a reason?"

Yes! Or at least that's what she wanted to say. Sasuke coming over to house happened about once in a millennia, and she doubted he simply came over this time to comment on her food storage.

"Well, I don't think you came over just to have an idle chat with me," she said, words insinuating an ulterior motive.

He stood up, his look never altering from her eyes. "I better get going," he said and headed towards her door, leaving a confused Sakura behind.

"Wait!"

The door was shut a second after. Sakura slumped in her chair and rubbed her temples, then used all of her effort to drag herself back to bed. It was still only 6:14am, and she didn't need to be awake till the usual eight o'clock. Shutting her eyes, she willed herself to sleep. She would need her rest if it meant her needing to be as nonchalant as doable in front of the person who knew her deepest darkest secrets.

* * *

Besides the oddity of Sasuke's visit, the day had continued as usual. Her world hadn't crashed, Armageddon hadn't fallen, the ground hadn't opened up to swallow her whole; it seemed that having someone know wasn't the end of all things. In fact nothing had changed – it was all strangely ordinary; questionably so, even.

She wasn't quite sure what to have expected from Kakashi when she saw him. Even though he had told her he wouldn't do anything concerning her state, she had still thought that maybe he'd give her a heart-warming talk; or have him drag her to a shrink; or have him tell Tsunade where she would strip her title as chuunin, telling her she was too emotionally unstable to be reliable. But he hadn't – he simply didn't do a thing, just like he said he would. He had greeted her, told her the layout for her training, then proceeded to supervise her like always. He hadn't brought up anything pertaining to the night before.

She walked down the dirt road leading to her home, wondering if she should've been happy or disappointed about his avoidance of the subject. She stopped mid-stride, her face scrunched in thought. This was _exactly _what he did to her yesterday! He had acted so nonchalant, so lethargic, and just so unbearably Kakashi, that she thought he had forgotten completely of her being in his apartment. And just when she was positive and decided to let the issue go, he dropped the bomb on her!

She scowled, continuing to walk stiffly towards her house. He was doing the same thing again! She was sure of it. The unpredictable man just became predictable.

As soon as she stepped foot inside her house, the phone rang. Slipping her sandals off, she snatched the receiver from the kitchen wall.

"Haruno resi– "

"_Where the hell have you been_?"

She instinctively pulled the receiver away. "Ino, stop yelling." She sighed. "And what do you mean where have I been? I just finished training."

"Monday night! Where were you Monday night? Tenten and I were calling you till midnight! Midnight for crying out loud! And what about yesterday? I dropped by at eight and you _still _weren't home!"

"Oh, training just lasted a little longer than usual yesterday, and I was home on Monday…I just turned the ringer off 'cause I was tired."

"**_Liar! _**I dropped by your house at ten and you weren't there!"

_Dang._

"I was at Naruto's at ten." She smacked her forehead, why the hell did she just say that?

"Naruto's huh?" she could hear the skepticism in Ino's voice. "Doing what?"

"He had an emergency."

"Uh huh…what kind of emergency?"

She sighed, Ino was known for her importunateness. "…a ramen emergency."

"Ramen…?"

"Umm ya. He ran out and had no money to buy some more, so he asked if I had any…" Was that believable? Sounded satisfactory to Sakura's ears.

"I see…" Ino still didn't believe her. "Anyway, so tell me what happened?"

"First, you tell me what happened. Why did you say that to Kakashi-sensei? I swear Ino, sometimes I really wonder if there's a brain in that blonde head of yours."

"Hey, at least I came up with an excuse. You and Tenten weren't exactly helping ya know."

"Ya, but how far you and Shikamaru went? Honestly…"

"Look, I know it wasn't exactly one of my greatest moments, but at least you didn't have to suffer the humiliation."

She couldn't argue there. "One more thing; why on earth didn't you mask your chakra? If you're going to stalk someone of jounin status, that should've been your first priority. By god, you're a chuunin, Ino."

"I know I know! It just slipped our mind, that's all. Now are you done, or are you going to bitch some more?"

Sakura bridled, but remained silent.

"Good, now tell me what he was doing carrying you like that, and what happened when you guys left us? Did he take you to his apartment?"

"He was carrying me because I was exhausted; nothing happened after we left; and no, I didn't go to his apartment." Sakura inwardly sighed; she was going to have to make a list of all the lies she was spurting out.

"Damn, I guess nothing's that easy huh?"

_Ya, that's what I thought too…_

"Hey, what are you doing tonight?"

Sakura paused. Tell the truth, or add to her list of lies? "I don't have much planned…"

"Great! You can come with me and Tenten to Yukio's party!"

"What? It's a Wednesday night, I ha –"

"It'll be great, Sakura! There'll be loud music, hot guys, alcohol, and best of all, no parent supervision!"

Sakura sighed and leaned against the wall. "I can't Ino," she readjusted the phone. "I have training the next morning."

"Oh screw training! And who cares if you sleep in, Kakashi-senpai is never on time anyway, right?"

"Actually, he has been this last week…"

Ino paused. "Oh…well stop being such a goody two shoes and come party with us damnit!"

Sakura fiddled with the phone cord. "I don't know…I've heard stories about all the parties you and Tenten go to. They seem like a bit…much."

"All right, it's settled. Tenten and I will drop by around eight to make sure you're ready. See ya then!"

"Wai–"

The receiver went dead, and Sakura groaned. It was five o'clock, she had three hours till doom arrived on her doorstep. Quickly remembering one of her many lies, she picked the receiver back up and dialed.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Naruto, I need you to do me a favour."

"Sakura-chan?"

"Ya, so will you?"

"Sure, whatever you want."

She beamed; there was never any need for bribes or blackmail when it came to Naruto. "Well if Ino or Tenten or anybody asks where I was at ten o'clock on Monday night, tell them I was at your house delivering some ramen, all right?" An odd request she knew, but one she knew he wouldn't refuse.

"Err, okay."

"Thanks, you're the greatest." She heard him chuckle a little, practically seeing him scratching the back of his head and flashing his cheeky grin. "I'll talk to you later then."

"Eh, wait! That's it?"

She paused. "Yes, why?"

"Oh, all right..."

She physically felt the guilt seeping into her from Naruto's blatant disappointment.

After a bit of hesitation, "Umm…did you want to do something?"

"Sure!"

She winced at his enthusiasm. "Okay…what did you want to do?"

"Umm…" he paused, "did you want to go practice that Jutsu?"

She debated the idea of more training. "Sure…I guess. I'll meet you in the field then?"

"Ya! Alright, I'll see you in a bit."

"Yup, bye."

She hung up the phone and slouched against the wall. That didn't go as planned, but then again, things rarely did for her. She smiled though, the eagerness of Naruto's voice still ringing in her ears. Leisurely, she slipped her sandals back on and headed towards the usual training field. Looking up, she took in the grey murky sky and the briskness of the air. At least it wasn't raining yet, she thought.

When she arrived in the glade fifteen minutes later, she wasn't surprised to see a figure in orange pants already there.

"Yo," she gave a slight wave.

He grinned, jogging up to her. "You sound like Kakashi."

"Eh?" The statement caught her off guard. "I suppose it's because I've been spending so much time with him."

"Awe, and how has the private training with the pervert been?"

She smacked him in the arm lightly, feeling as if she should reprimand him even though the description was true. "It's been good…tiring, but good."

"Well, I hope it ends soon," he said, striding away with her following in tow. "It's weird not being able to see you everyday."

She quickly looped her arm with his, and rested her head against his shoulder, the ghost of a goofy grin in place. He always made her do things which she normally wouldn't do – maybe because he had a habit of always making her feel good about herself.

Naruto didn't object to her actions – he never did when it came to her. "Come on, we have a Jutsu to master," he said, grinning down on her. She couldn't help but return the gesture.

A couple hours later, Sakura found herself lying down on the dewy grass, her chest heaving up and down from exhaustion.

She waved her hand dismissively. "I'm done Naruto," she panted, watching as he sat down, a grin on his lips.

"You did well! I think you've mastered it."

She nodded in response. "Thanks by the way for helping me."

His silly grin was replaced by a soft smile. "It's no problem. You know I would do anything for you."

A truth she knew too well. Still feeling slightly out of character, she perched up on her elbows and looked at him in wonder. "After all these years Naruto, I still don't understand why you're so nice to me."

Leaning back on his hands, he dipped his head back and surveyed the inky sky. "I know you don't understand." He turned to look at her. "You're a smart girl Sakura, but I don't think you'll ever understand why I like you."

Crawling over on hands and knees, she wormed her way onto his lap and rested her side against his chest. The position rekindled memories of last night, but she quickly shoved them down. Naruto just watched her, making no movements, no sounds. He was used to this Sakura – the Sakura who would display bouts of affection towards him, having no other means of output. He learned long ago not to put more meaning behind these spurts of friendliness than she intended. The fact that he knew she didn't do this with anyone else made the truth of her not loving him in turn a little easier to bear. He would part the ocean if it meant her being happy.

"How do you do it?" she whispered, playing with his vest pockets. "How do you always make me feel so special?"

He rested his chin atop her head and chuckled softly. "Easy, 'cause you are special."

She sighed at the statement, knowing she should've expected such an answer. Years of unrequited love and yet he never faltered. Even her dying devotion to Sasuke died down to an ash. A person could only be so devoted – so patient, before they snapped, or so according to her.

She sighed, her breath condensing in the air. "I don't deserve you." And yet, she would never let him go. She wondered if that was selfish or not.

"Sure you do," he said, tone light and matter of fact. "Everybody deserves somebody."

She wanted to ask him who he had, but didn't. Why couldn't things have been different? Why did they have to be so complicated? She wished she could've just returned his feelings, to be able to sit here knowing each other's love was returned…but she couldn't, and she felt confused that she couldn't. She knew he would take care of her and cherish the ground she walked on. She would never have to worry if she was with him she knew, the idea almost tempting enough to tell Naruto the feeling was finally mutual.

It was enticing indeed, but not tempting enough if it meant their friendship was on the line. The more she thought about it, the more she knew she could never cheat Naruto in such a way. It would be a regret of a life time.

"I wish things could be different," she said, speaking into the collar of his vest.

She heard him sigh – he knew what she meant. "I know."

She glanced at the sky and groaned. "I have to get going."

"Already?" He was clearly as disappointed as she.

"Ya," she crawled off his lap and stood up, stretching a bit. "Ino and Tenten are coming over to drag me to somebody's party," she said, rolling her eyes at the thought.

Naruto stood up as well, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Oh, who's party?" She watched as he tried to remain nonchalant, but it was obvious he wasn't too keen on the idea of her going. Naruto wore his emotions on his sleeve – an aspect she never wanted him to change.

"I think his name is Yukio," she said dismissively, trekking through the field, Naruto at her side.

"Yukio? He turned eighteen a few days ago. His father is the manager of the chain of Teijitsu Casino's."

She grinned. "Well aren't you well informed."

"It's all Tsunade's fault. It's hard not picking up things like that when I was searching for a gambling junky."

"Oh, well did you want to come with us?"

"And listen to you girls banter about who has the firmest ass? No thank you!"

She couldn't help but laugh. "Fair enough."

He continued walking with her all the way to her house. She didn't object – she was used to such things from Naruto. When she arrived in view sight of her home, she saw Ino and Tenten standing on her porch.

"You guys are early," she said by her way of greeting. She gave them both a once over, barely taking note of the bags they carried. "Umm…don't you guys think you're a bit overdone?" She knew the fact that Ino wearing a super mini black skirt, black boots, and blue tank shouldn't have surprised her, but it did nonetheless. Tenten looked a bit more respectful, besides her black top dipping so low she was wondering if a couple of things might pop out, or the fact that her pants were so tight she pondered the idea if the girl would be able to sit.

"Overdone? Girl, this is what everybody is going to be dressed like!" Ino said exasperated.

Naruto snorted. "You girls look like tramps." Leave it to Naruto to be blunt.

Tenten huffed. "Who asked you monkey-boy?"

Naruto glared and Ino easily ignored the two. "We knew you wouldn't have the right clothes to wear, so we brought some for you," her dazzling white teeth beamed at Sakura, temporary blinding her.

Naruto quickly looked to Sakura. "You aren't going to let them dress you up like some doll, are you?"

Sakura looked between her three friends. "Naruto's right. I'm not sure I want to dress like…that."

Ino glared waves of indignation. "And why not? It's about time you find yourself a guy Sakura, and believe me, if you dress like us you'll bound to be noticed."

Sakura wasn't sure what to be madder about: the fact that her friends thought she needed to dress like a whore to get a guys attention, or the fact that they thought she needed a guy to begin with.

"Look, can we discuss this inside, it's not exactly warm out." Sakura brushed past all three and unlocked her door, her lemmings following behind.

"And why may I ask are you still here," Tenten asked, arms crossed, eyes frosted.

He stared down at the brunette as he stepped forward, using his tall frame to its fullest to make the height difference that much more noticeable; an immature intimidation tactic that Naruto never got tired of.

"To make sure you two bird-brains don't corrupt Sakura," he ground out, voice deep and grave.

Sakura sighed irritably. "Can you guys please just be nice? Look, I'll try on some of the clothes and we'll see from there, all right?" She snatched the bags Ino was carrying and hauled them to her room. She dumped the clothes on her bed, jumping a little when Naruto appeared behind her to inspect the clothing.

He picked and prodded and examined the clothes, a scowl forming afterwards. "Is this even clothing? Or are these the remains of material the clothing company discarded? Look here, this one has holes all over it!" He picked up another shirt. "This one is see-through for crying out loud!"

Ino and Tenten emerged from the hallway to her doorframe and Naruto quickly glowered at them, contempt evident. Sakura had to agree, the clothes were a bit…flashy for her.

"Is there anything in here that's a bit more conservative?"

Ino sighed. "Would you lighten up Sakura? And while you're at it, kick golden boy here out! He's just making things more difficult for us."

Naruto bristled. "As soon as I'm Hokage, the _first_ thing I'm going to do is exile you both from the country!"

Ino's jaw dropped. "You can't do that!" and turned to Tenten. "He can't do that right? I don't want to leave – what will I do, where will I go?"

"Ino relax! This is Naruto we're talking about. Do you honestly think he's going to become Hokage?"

She snickered. "Oh ya."

Naruto moved to approach them when Sakura snatched his wrist, stopping him in stride. "Look Naruto, why don't you just go? I promise I'll be fine and that I won't let them corrupt me."

She regretted her words as soon as she saw the hurt in his eyes.

"All right, have fun then," his voice was crisp and sarcastic, before he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Finally!" Tenten exclaimed. "Now we can have some fun!"

Sakura suddenly wished Naruto had taken her with him.

It was an hour later when Sakura found herself standing in front of her mirror, pulling down the material of the dress in hopes she could lengthen the fabric by stretching it to every inch of its life.

"It's perfect!" She heard Ino screech. That was where Sakura had to disagree. Even though she had been eating more (a promise she had made to Kakashi) she was still too skinny. She would have preferred it if her legs were covered…

"I'm not sure you guys," she said, still pulling at the hem. The dress was quite pretty really, a pink shade or two softer than her hair, with thin dainty little straps to keep it in place – but it wasn't Sakura. It was flashy, beautiful and bold; the total antithesis of what Sakura saw herself as. She didn't want to be noticed, to have unfamiliar eyes lingering on her – appraising her – scrutinizing her. True she inwardly complained of being overlooked, but it was something she had grown used to, accustomed to the oblivious neglect. Attention was foreign and unwanted now.

"It's a bit too short."

Ino arrived beside her, stopping her friend's fiddling. "Puh-leeze, Sakura. This is the most conservative thing we brought. And besides, it goes perfect with your hair. Now all that needs to be done is your make up and then we can go!" She clapped her hands in excitement, a gesture Sakura couldn't quite match.

Another half hour later, she was deemed complete – a masterpiece – an object fit for viewing. She felt like a glorified doll.

She was reluctant to leave the house in this state, and showed it by clutching onto the doorframe before Tenten pried her fingers off. Sakura hung her head and wrapped her arms around her torso; trying to warm her naked arms while making herself as small as possible as they strolled towards the outskirts of Konoha where Yukio's house was located.

She could feel stranger's eye's boring into her – could hear the snide, disgusted, lecherous comments – could taste the sour, bitterness, and longing in their aura. Tenten and Ino remained oblivious, either not caring or too accustomed to the stares.

It was ten thirty when they arrived, the house already swamped with teenagers, the music blaring and the lights flashing. It seemed the guy had the money to throw extravagant parties, Sakura thought. As they grew closer, she saw some people passed out on the wraparound porch, hearing Ino mutter something along the lines of 'party poopers'.

The urge to flee in the other direction only intensified as her friends yanked her up the porch steps.

"Jeez Sakura, you're acting like this party caught the plague. What's your deal?" Tenten shouted over the music.

Sakura remained silent, not feeling the need to answer and sighed when she was nudged through the front door by Ino's elbow.

"Hey, you made it!" A tall boy, a couple years older, with shaggy almond hair, dark blue eyes, and a beer clutched in one hand said as he sauntered over to them through the thicket of half-drunken teenagers.

Sakura quickly deduced this to be Yukio. He flashed them a million dollar smile before kissing Ino and Tenten each on the cheek. His parents must have spent thousands on his dental work.

"And may who I ask is this lovely flower you brought with you?" Sakura watched as he dragged his eyes along her, acting as if he had the right to be so blatant. She felt her eyebrow tick.

"Yukio, this is Sakura. Sakura, meet Yukio," Ino said, her giddiness factor increasing a notch.

He let loose a sly smile, before bowing and kissing the back of her hand.

_Is this guy for real?_

She also made a mental note to wash her hands when she got home…

"So this is the Sakura you've been talking about? I'm glad to finally meet you."

He was handsome, she admitted to herself, but as usual, the personality ruined the package.

"Come, I'll get you lovely ladies a drink."

With a clasp on her wrist and a shove from her back, Sakura was forced to follow Yukio through the throng of people in his over extravagant house. She briefly wondered if his parents knew he was throwing such a party, and if they did, would they care?

Making way to the kitchen, she stepped over bottles and cans, passed out people, and couple's who were being a little too open with their affection. The music wasn't as blaring here, letting her hear Ino and Tenten's gossip about the way Yukio filled out a pair of khaki's. She rolled her eyes so far back she saw her eyebrow twitch.

"Here you go," he said, handing each of them a bottled beer. Sakura tried to smile a thanks, but found it turning into a grimace.

Ino took a swig, trying to hide the expression of repugnance it caused. It was always amusing to see Ino try and behave older and more mature than her fifteen years.

"I'm surprised people are already passed out," Ino commented.

She watched Yukio sigh and shake his head. "I know – those fools don't know how to hold their alcohol. They're a bunch of buffoons if you ask me," he said, finishing his statement with a gulp of his beer.

"Then why did you invite them?" Sakura asked before she could stop.

He flashed her a smile. "What can I say? I'm just a nice guy like that."

Sakura felt her mouth tug into a little smile. Either his charm was working, or his smile was infectious.

_Damn dental work._

"Come on, let's go join the party!" He said; tone boisterous and contagious.

She winced as the music pierced her ears and vibrated the sole's of her feet when she stepped foot into the living room. No one else seemed as perturbed as her, she noticed.

"Come on, let's show them what dancing is all about," Tenten yelled, worming her way into the midst of dancers, Ino hot on her heels.

Sakura hesitated in following, before sighing and walking over to lean against the wall. Dancing just was not her thing – nor partying, and yet, here she was. She swirled the bottle of beer in her hand, watching the liquid forming a little whirlpool inside. It grew tiring after thirty seconds.

Sighing irritably and wondering why the hell she was here, she watched Ino and Tenten sway and shake every possible part of their body. They also seemed to have their own personal fan club, she noted, observing how several pairs of eyes were glued to them.

She hated to admit it, but they were good – in fact, she wished she could've moved like that also. She groaned, recognizing the twinge in her chest as jealousy. She hadn't felt that in a while…

Tapping her fingers against the bottle, she brought it up to her nose and took a whiff. Scrunching her face up, she dangled the bottle arms length away. It smelt _terrible_!

"That bad eh?"

She swiveled her head to the right, seeing Yukio grinning at her. "I understand; I'm not too fond of beer myself. I'm more of a hard liquor kinda guy – come on, I'll get you something else."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and guided her back to the kitchen; his actions so casual that Sakura failed to notice the contact.

"I'll take that from you," and he placed the bottle on the already covered counter. As soon as he placed it down, someone snatched it and walked away. Yukio simply chuckled and rummaged through his fridge.

"You seem like a cooler kinda gal," he said, looking over his shoulder to spot her watching him. Sakura fiddled with the fabric of her dress, unsure of what to say. In truth, she wasn't an anything kinda gal – she was a water loving, juice drinking, milk gulping girl, a fact that seemed too embarrassing to say aloud all of a sudden. "Here, this is my mom's, but I doubt she'll mind. You like mangos?" He uncapped the bottle and gave it to her.

"Ya…"

He smiled. "Great, you're going to love this then. I'd drink it myself if it weren't so feminine."

The bottle was clear and the liquid a gloomy yellow. She tentatively sniffed and found it actually did smell like mangos. She looked over the top to see him leaning against his fridge watching her – smirk sly and arms crossed.

She inwardly sighed before closing her eyes and taking a sip.

"Sooo….how is it? You like?"

She grinned timidly despite herself. "Ya…I can't even taste the alcohol."

His smirk broadened. "Perfect."

She took another sip, knowing he was still watching her when a couple of guys, raucous and hanging off each other, burst through the swinging door adjoining the living room. They both had shoulder length black hair, slicked back into ponytails, long narrow faces, lean frames, and pants baggy enough to fit a whole family. They looked like twins if it weren't for the fact one of them had brown eyes and the other blue. To Sakura, they honestly looked like a pair of weasels poking from their burrows.

"Yukio! So this is where the fuck you've been! Takeshi and I have been having a helleva time looking for you." Takeshi, the one with blue eyes, wrapped his arm and Yukio's shoulder, while Ryota patted him on the back. "You dog you, taking all the babes for yourself." He glanced at Sakura. "So who's the chick?"

Sakura bristled at the degrading comment and at the fact that they didn't even have the decency to ask her for her name, looking to Yukio instead for the information. She suddenly realized that these were the three guys she saw at the coffee shop – the ones who had let Ino and Tenten take their table.

"Come on guys, knock it off," Yukio said, brushing Takeshi's arm off his shoulder.

Takeshi faltered, then quickly recovered with a smirk. "All right, all right, I get ya man," he said shrugging his shoulders and stepping away. He slowly walked away around Sakura. "Come on Ryota, Yukio's trying to play good ninja, bad ninja."

Sakura watched; brows furrowed in question as Ryota grinned and walked towards her. Her dress was suddenly yanked up from behind, giving the entire room a nice clear view of white cotton panties. A quiet startled cry escaped before instinct churned over, causing her to unconsciously pivot around and snatch the wrist, yanking it down and causing the body to flip over and on its back in turn.

"Holy fuck!" Ryota screeched, backing up and with Takeshi lying on his back stunned.

Yukio stepped forward, pushing a trembling Sakura behind him. "What did you expect, she's a chuunin," he remarked, dark amusement playing in his eyes.

Sakura clenched her fists, eyes narrowed as she glared off into space, letting Yukio guide her from the kitchen to the staircase by her arm. She was seeing red – never had she experienced such intentional humiliation. She couldn't even imagine someone having that kind of audacity to do such a thing. She suddenly wished she had done more than simply flip him.

She was led into what she assumed his bedroom, decorated in dark blues and creams. The music was but a dull thumping underneath them. He sat down on the end of his bed, sinking into his comforter and patted the spot beside him. Reluctantly, she agreed.

"You okay?" His expression showed genuine concern, helping the red bleed from her vision. She nodded but continued to clutch the bottle in her hands.

"Don't worry I'll deal with them later. You just calm down and relax, okay?"

Sighing, she nodded once and gave him a forced smile.

"Hey I know, you seem like a smart girl, wanna play a game of shogi? I must warn you though, I'm pretty good."

Sakura couldn't help but smile compliantly. "Are you sure? I mean, this is your party and all…shouldn't you be down there mingling?"

He chortled a little, voice deep and catching. "Don't worry 'bout them. They're all probably too drunk to even realize where they are, and besides, I would much rather be up here with you," he said, pinning her with a grin.

Sakura's eyes widened from the bold statement, making her feel awkward, tongue-tied, and juvenile inside. She wasn't used to hearing such things, especially with such confidence while being directed towards her.

He suddenly laughed, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head. "Sorry, that must have sounded really cheesy, eh?" She only laughed faintly in response, too polite to actually agree.

Half an hour later, Sakura found herself lying down stomach first on his bed, him opposite of her with a shogi board between them.

She regarded him puckishly. "My Lance takes your Rook," then watched him frown, causing her to giggle involuntarily.

"It seems I'm in over my head here. You should have warned me you were an expert."

She laughed, feeling like she was a robot set on hilarity mode. "I'm not an expert…I just enjoy the game every once in a while."

"Uh huh…" He moved his piece. "You know, for a drunken person, you're doing pretty damn good."

She giggled mechanically. "I'm doing well, not good, and I'm not drunk! I'm just…happy." The word seemed alien on her lips, even in her intoxicated state.

He lifted a perfectly sculpted brow. "Well, since you're not drunk, and have finished your cooler, would you like another one?"

Sakura pretended to think, her body shaking with suppressed unknown mirth. Honestly, she just couldn't stop laughing! Even her face hurt from all the uncharacteristic smiling she'd been doing. "Sure, why not!" followed by a dramatic hand wave.

He smiled and rolled off the bed. "You know Sakura, you aren't like most girls I know."

"Hmm?" She lolled her head to the side. "What 'cha mean by that?"

"Well you're smart, modest, and have absolutely no alcohol tolerance whatsoever."

She found herself forming a moue expression, a feature very atypical for her. "I do so!"

He smirked. "I bet you've never even drank before."

She sat up, eyes narrowed. "Now you listen here! I don–"

He stepped forward and placed his finger against her lips, stopping any rant that may have escaped. "Shh – it's what I like about you," he whispered.

Sakura froze, her eyes widening. He smiled, removed his finger and left the room. Hustling downstairs to the kitchen, he couldn't help but succumb to a face-splitting grin.

"Hey, there you are! Where you been Yukio? And have you seen Sakura? I can't find her anywhere."

Yukio opened his fridge and pulled out another cooler. "Don't worry Ino, I'm keeping her company in my room. Takeshi and Ryota were being jerks to her so we're just playing some shogi now." He uncapped the bottle and filled a flimsy plastic cup with beer from the keg.

Ino laughed, knowing she shouldn't have been surprised. Sakura was most likely the only girl who would fancy playing a game of shogi at a party. "Well all right, you just take care of her okay?"

"Oh, course. You just go enjoy the party, 'kay?"

"Ya, ya. Catch ya later loverboy."

Yukio watched as she left and almost bumped into Takeshi when he swiveled around.

"Well if it isn't Casanova. So how are things going with pinky up there?"

Yukio grinned, sipping his beer. "Perfect, and thanks by the way Takeshi. And tell Ryota thanks as well. As soon as I'm done I'll come get you guys all right?"

His smirk was transparent in its cruelty. "No rush birthday boy; you go enjoy yourself now."

* * *

Sakura stared at the wall, her head hanging over the side of his bed, barely registering the fact that he was talking. She had won, something she had laughed and bragged about insanely, and so he had suggested a rematch. Was it her turn? Did they even start playing again?

She lifted her head, seeing blue eyes staring at her through her swirling ones. It felt like she had just twirled around and around before suddenly stopping, her eyes darting back and forth like a pendulum on hyper-speed.

He laughed; the sound still as contagious and melodious as before. "You all right there?"

She dropped her head back again, feeling the blood rush and heat up her face. "I feel kinda…funny." Her voice sounded dull, even to her ears. She felt him move, the mattress beside her dipping lower with his weight.

He sighed, making it sound more forced than needed. "You really aren't much of a drinker are you?" She noticed his humoured smirk, and found herself laughing at him in turn with no reason behind it.

"Are we still playing shogi?"

He laughed. "Girl, I think it's best if you don't do any thinking for the next while."

She grinned. "I think you're right," she gave him a sideways glance. "It's much better just lying here anyway."

She was a rather happy and relaxed drunk, he observed, as she laid there, her head lolling from side to side and a grin resembling the Cheshire cat smearing her lips.

She felt his hand brush her forehead, clearing away pink wisps of hair, before stroking her cheek with a false tenderness. She only closed her eyes, selfishly basking in the soft caress of his fingertips – too inebriated to care and question the morality of it all. She didn't even flinch as he shifted his weight again, making the other side of the mattress dip with his aura hanging above her.

Lifting her head partly up to look at him questioningly, he only smiled that gorgeous smile and placed his hands on her hips, pulling her down till her head wasn't dangling anymore. Her dress bunched at his fingertips.

Her eyes became the size of saucers, unable to comprehend the situation under her layers of drunkenness, however, a faint screaming was heard in the background of her mind, echoing off of her muddled thoughts.

She tried to sit up, her body only partly cooperating. "What are you doing?" Her brows knitted together perplexed, and her temples pulsed like drumbeats when she tried to twig his actions.

He placed his finger on her lips again. "Shh, don't talk – just close your eyes and enjoy yourself," he whispered, his words persuading her into submissiveness.

Even in darkness she felt the motions of dizziness, with that little voice in the back of her head still hollering away, the words too incoherent to understand.

Her body jumped minutely as an iciness touched the side of her thigh before dragging up and down to hurriedly familiarize itself with her. She knew somewhere in the mush that was her mind, that it was his hand touching her, and the notion of someone caressing her leg sparked a sense of déjà vu.

A sudden ghost of a remembrance ignited, her body flushing with the partial memory and when she tried to hold onto it, it only faded and vanished, leaving her flustered and confused.

Another iciness traced the arch in her shoulder, the coldness telling her it was wrong but lacking enough strength to convince her drunk body otherwise.

Her head lounged to the side, pink hair sprawled about while a foreign sound whispered past her lips – only encouraging the wintry fingers to become more audacious.

Lips pressed against her neck, thin yet soft, making her arch into the body lying on top of hers. She gripped the clothed shoulders of the person, not even remembering who it was and finding herself not caring either.

She imagined the fabric to be black, and laced her hand through the person's hair, picturing it silver, whimpering as he played on the inside of her thigh with a timid bravery. She clutched the hair, wondering why it wasn't longer – heard the person moan, wanting it to be much deeper.

Air brushed and tickled her chest, the thin barrier of her clothing slowly being removed with no objections from the wearer. The now recognizable frosty hand slipped between their bodies and felt its way to the now bare skin.

She mewled, lips sailing along her jaw and swiftly working its way to her own parted lips.

"Kakashi…" the name left her mouth, soft and longingly.

The presence above her stiffened, and the glacial hands left her body.

"What did you just say?"

Jade eyes languidly blinked open, dazed and perplexed and lost in a reverie of their own making.

"Hmm…?" she said, her stupor still lingering.

Dark blue eyes slit menacingly. "You said Kakashi. Who the fuck is Kakashi?"

She stared in wonderment at the boy on top of her. "Kakashi…?" she repeated, voice soft and breathless.

Her words brought a scowl onto his handsomely boyish face before he quickly struck her – her head snapping to the side in reaction.

The trance fogging her brain vanished, making her grab her throbbing cheek instinctively before looking at him. Her dress was still hanging off her shoulders; half exposing her but too stunned to care.

"You hit me…" she said almost questioningly, wishing the fuzz in her brain would leave. It was beyond frustrating.

The sound of the door opened, the music downstairs filtering in. "What the _fuck_ is going on?"

The sound of Ino's voice was heard, making them both instantly look at the rattled blonde. Sakura winced at the sudden movement.

"You goddamn bastard thinking you can touch Sakura like that!"

Still impossibly lost, Sakura watched in chopped up skipping scenes that was her vision, as Ino yanked this boy off of her before punching him square in the jaw. He fell like a sack of potatoes, causing Sakura to start laughing hysterically, clutching her stomach as the feeling of nausea roused but still not able to stop her maniacal giggling.

Ino sighed and shook her head.

It was a half hour later when Sakura found herself laid out on her bed in the dark, with the presence of people around her. Turned out Ino had come up to get her to tell her they were going because Tenten had drank too much and was throwing up in the bathroom. Ironic how it turned out Ino was the most responsible of the three at the party. The wonders just never ceased.

Much to her humiliation, Ino had called Shikamaru, asking him to come over and help the intoxicated Sakura home. He was there in minutes, assisting her as a human crutch all the way home before laying her down, proceeding to check her pulse rate, temperature, and pupils. Sakura just watched him with a childlike curiosity – still waiting for the effects of the alcohol to wear off. Ino arrived just minutes ago after dropping an equally drunk Tenten home.

"Is she all right?" Ino whispered; voice haggard and exhausted.

"Ya, nothing out of the ordinary for a smashed chuunin," he mumbled, a lazy yawn escaping. "Of course the hangovers are never a pretty thing though. Awe well, maybe she'll learn from this then."

Ino huffed. "She better learn from this," then stopped, a huge smirk working its way onto her face. "But it was pretty funny to see her drunk. I haven't seen her laugh like that in months! It was…refreshing."

"Well, I'm sure she didn't do it for your benefit," and looked at Sakura askew. "Sakura, there's a glass of water and aspirin beside you; no doubt you'll need it when you wake up."

She muttered something incoherent then lifted her hand before dropping it down again, eyes thick and heavy and refusing to open.

Ino chuckled. "Come on Shik, let's let her rest."

He agreed and they left with a soft click of the door.

* * *

Erm, not sure how I feel about this chapter - infact, I'm pretty sure I don't like it. I bet most of you are wondering wtf is this and where is the KakaSaku goodness? But keep in mind a story needs supporting characters as well, and this chapter I see as being a catalyst of things to come between Kakashi and Sakura. And that's it, thanks for reading! 


	9. I, ix

**Courage Needs You - Chapter #9**

When she woke up, light was seeping through her curtains and illuminating her room. She blinked once, then twice, then winced and moaned. She pulled the covers over her head to block out the light, and swam her tongue around her desiccated mouth. The idea of gouging out her own eyes was strangely appealing; no doubt it would be less painful than what she was currently experiencing.

Her head pounded something horrible as she peeked through her covers, seeing green numbers displaying 7:43am and a beautiful glass of water just sitting there, waiting for her to drink it. She snatched the glass with a surprising speed considering her still groggy state, and snuck it under the blanket before draining three-quarters of it.

Holding the glass to her chest to keep it from spilling, she mulled over the results of last night. Bits and pieces were a bit obscure, but for the most part she remembered everything from the nasty beer to the icy hands touching her in places he had no right touching.

She felt inexplicitly dirty knowing she had let him.

Groaning, she buried her head into her pillow. What a nice memory to label as her first make-out session. As she continued to lie there, tucked away under her duvet, the more her skin started to crawl with her gut clenching in guilt.

The feeling of filth still clung to her body, making her itch with disgust before staggering out of bed to haul herself to the bathroom. Every move made her head split that much more but that didn't matter, what mattered was a good thorough ablution. Maybe the shame would wash away with the grime.

Turning the knob onto scolding, she shrieked to high heavens when the water touched her skin but she steadfastly remained, gritting her teeth to endure the pain. She scrubbed her skin, turning it even redder from the belligerent action. After fifteen minutes of blistering hot water and rubbing her skin raw, she stepped out to a steam filled bathroom and lobster looking feet. No doubt the rest of her body looked the same.

When she pulled her fresh new uniform on, the grotesque feeling instantly returned, making her remember Yukio and his disgusting wet mouth and his stringy impatient fingers. Just imagining his face made her visibly cringe from head to toe, her stomach lurching and her mouth tasting sour to complete the trio of disgust.

Slumping against her bed, she spotted the aspirin and shoved them down her throat. Eating seemed like a wise thing to do but the nausea in her stomach disagreed and she couldn't help but side with her stomach. Looking at her clock, she still had five minutes to dwell and flinch from the appalling memories.

Figures she would remember mostly everything too. She was always lucky in that sense.

Tipping her head back, she stared at her spotted ceiling, the white speckled dots always mystifyingly hypnotizing. Forcing herself to think of nothing she picked out different images the dots made; a habit of hers since childhood.

She scowled as the dots formed Yukio's face, making her scream inside her throat and cover her face with her hands.

That was odd, why did her cheek sting slightly? She suddenly bolted forward, regretting it as her hangover retaliated with a big dull thump between the eyes. Forgetting about the pain, she stared incredulously at nothing while her mind envisioned Yukio whacking her across the face.

She fumed. What a bastard! And how pathetic of her to let something like that happen anyway – drunk or not, it was inexcusable. She silently vowed to herself that if she ever saw him again that he would be missing a couple things – a couple important things.

Then she remember Ino barging in and punching Yukio square in the jaw, triggering him to fall down before she even had the time to say 'deadbeat'. She reminded herself to thank Ino the next time she saw her.

Leisurely hoisting herself up, she stumbled downstairs then slipped her sandals on before heading outsideStill unable to stop remembering, she got lost in her thoughts of why he had smacked her. She didn't even remember walking down the streets of Konoha, through the park and field to the bridge of her meeting. Her feet steered her on autopilot while her mind lingered on detached. The sound of the water brought her eyes back to focus, where she saw three pairs of eyes boring into her underneath a dismal bleak sky.

As soon as she glimpsed at Kakashi she knew; the missing piece of the puzzle materializing out of no where to fit and complete the enigma. What a bad time to remember such a crucial part of the poser, leaving her no time to reflect and sort through her feelings. She would have to answer her question of 'why did I whisper out his name?' later.

"Naruto…Sasuke…what are you doing here?" Her voice was back to the normal blasé that they knew, and not the bumbling drunken idiot of last night.

She observed as blue eyes narrowed and strong fingers clench into fists, before he strode over to her in three thumping steps and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her till her teeth rattled.

"You _promised_ me! You said you would be fine! How could you let him touch you like that?"

She saw his eyes water, and felt hers doing the same, although she refused to let them fall. She wasn't even surprised that he knew. He finally stopped shaking her, but his grip stayed strong on her shoulders. She bit her lip to concentrate on the pain and not the emotions Naruto's broken appearance produced.

"I'm sorry…"

The words seemed pathetic, since they were only words, so she wasn't shocked when he quickly removed his hands and turned his back on her, his face a mirror of disgust and fury. She accepted the snubbing of his actions, only because she deserved it – the loathing – the repulsion, since she felt exactly the same about herself as well.

Through tear-stained eyes, she watched as Sasuke indolently approached her, arms crossed and eyes cold.

"It isn't like you, Sakura," he said, face impassive, voice impressively firm.

Such simple words that held so much truth, but what was she like? What was the image she had imprinted in their minds? She wished they would tell her because she was feeling very lost in who she was anymore.

Sudden tears came unbidden, surprising her more than him. He was probably used to her being weak.

"Naruto, Sasuke. Leave."

Simple – direct – but unbelievably intimidating. If he had said her name as well, she would have been fleeing in the other direction by now, however Naruto simply ground his teeth and Sasuke simply narrowed his eyes with neither budging. She watched as Kakashi, posture stiff, strides purposeful, walk over and grab the scruff of each of their vests.

"Leave – I won't say it again."

With hard eyes, Naruto looked at Kakashi before glancing to Sakura then disappeared, Sasuke following shortly after.

She surveyed Kakashi visibly relax his tensed shoulders before looking at her, eyes full of steel and rime which he tried to hide under a layer of understanding. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before taking a couple steps forward to embrace the trembling kunoichi. His movements were stiff and uncertain, but it was an embrace nonetheless.

"Forgive them," he whispered blandly into her hair. "They're just upset; they know not how to deal. They're protective of you, you know." He felt her clasp his flak vest and bury her face in his chest. He stood there reticent, letting her cry and grip onto him for as long as she wanted, giving him time in turn to reflect.

She wondered transiently why he said 'they're' and not 'we're' – purposely excluding himself from the statement. It bothered her more than she was willing to admit. After a few minutes she let go, his vest crumpled and soaked, showing the comfort it provided.

"Come, I'll take you home," he quickly unwound his arms from around her only to see her shake her head fervently at him in response.

"No, I don't want to go home. I want to train – I'll be fine…I promise." She looked at him, lips forming a thin line of resolve but her eyes a maelstrom of emotions.

He sighed airily. "Sakura, I don't thi–"

"Please, don't send me home…"

He stared at her, brows frowning and lips pursed – the war in his mind trying to decide a victor.

"Come with me." He sounded displeased, but Sakura didn't care, she was just happy he had agreed.

They trudged through the field and forest, hearing the beginning of a light rain pattering against the leaves. Neither said a word. She followed him till he stopped in a clearing where a babbling brook sung at their feet. She looked at him questioningly.

"We're going to work on your speed," he exclaimed, picking up handfuls of tiny pebbles near the water. She nodded her head and watched him quietly.

He stared at her for a few seconds, making certain she was paying attention, then threw both hands up, sending dozens upon dozens of little tiny pebbles soaring through the air. She observed the rocks stopping momentarily before changing velocity to fall back down.

All of a sudden Kakashi was a blur of silent movement, and Sakura could only watch in captivation. After a few moments he suddenly stopped and presented both hands before her. She gawked, realizing he had caught every single one.

"Your turn."

"Eh? You don't expect me to be able to do that, do you?"

He only looked at her, and Sakura sensed he was in a no-nonsense manner today. She wondered if it was her fault.

Picking up her own handfuls of little stones, she looked at him briefly before sighing and tossing them in the air. She tried, he couldn't say otherwise, but that still didn't stop the rain of pebbles to come crashing down on her.

She growled in frustration when she opened her hands, seeing she only caught about ten. She looked at him dejectedly, but he failed to sympathize.

"Again."

Sighing she repeated the motion, only catching nine this time.

"I'm getting worse. How does this make sense?"

He walked away and sat down, leaning against a boulder before pulling out Icha Icha Paradise.

"Again."

She frowned, but obeyed.

An hour later she still found herself subjugated to tossing up stupid little stones only to have the majority of them fall and clink around her in a melody she was becoming to loathe.

"I'm tired of this sensei. Can't we do something else?"

He glanced at her over the top of his book for a brief second, then flipped another page.

"Again."

The urge to stomp her foot and whine was intense, but she settled for grinding her teeth and clenching her fists instead.

"You wanted to train, Sakura, so don't complain."

The glare she gave was wasted on him, as he ignored her and continued reading. Violently picking up the pesky little stones, she glowered at him one more time before throwing them in the air, a little harder than necessary this time.

Continuing this for another hour without a single grouse, or even a single word, she finally flopped down on the stony ground.

"Sensei I'm hungry and tired. Can't I take a break?"

He looked at her by his way of acknowledgement, before snapping open a pocket and pulling out a bar. He tossed it to her.

"Eat this then continue training." His tone was frigid like the air.

She caught the bar, her eyes quaking with pent up emotion. She should've known her team would've acted like the overprotective, domineering, machismo bastards, that she knew they could be – but the whole bloody situation just screamed hypocrisy. At fifteen, Naruto and Sasuke had their bouts of idiocy as well, and no doubt Kakashi, a man of almost thirty, had his moments of compunction also; so how was it that they felt they had a right to judge? They were in no position to turn their noses down on her while they played the role of preacher.

She glanced at his hard-set eyes. Was it ignorance or heartlessness that made him look at her like that?

"Why are you being such a jerk to me today?" she asked, trying to match his cool disdain. It never worked as well as she hoped for.

"I'm not. I'm simply instructing you," he said offhandedly, totally disregarding her to read his book.

Green eyes narrowed to slits. "Would you put that stupid book down and _look at me_!" She was yelling now, mad at herself for showing such emotion when she was determined to be strong

Lazily he tore his eyes from the pages and placed the book on his lap, sighing heavily. "What?"

He sounded annoyed – exasperated, as he looked at her expectantly for an answer, but she didn't have one; her voice and mind in standstill as she just looked at him unbelievingly.

"Why are you being like this?" God, she hated sounding so desperate.

"Either go home Sakura, or continue training," he said, tone bored, expression languid.

She couldn't believe it – couldn't believe the things he was saying and the way he was acting. She started laughing, the tone dry and artificial, causing her pent up tears to trickle down her face. She didn't even know why she was crying, didn't even feel upset enough to, and yet, she couldn't stop. Her arid mockery of a laugh continued, feeling as if she stepped into a Voltaire comedy starring her.

"Oh…this is good," she chuckled, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand before stumbling to her feet. Her laughing continued unbidden, adding a little headshake to complete the image.

Kakashi retained his reticent self, simply watching the girl and wishing she would leave.

"You know sensei," she said, her jovialness still bubbling in the background. "I never knew your humour to be so gauche." She stopped in front of him, feeling completely and utterly atypical, as if the part of her she had quelled for all those months was bursting through, seeping through the cracks and overflowing the dam in her mind. "I thought you were more tactful than that," she said heaving an exaggerated sigh as she crouched before him, her eyes still watering the whole time even though there was a smile on her face.

She looked at him pitifully. "You always were a liar sensei."

His eyes scarcely narrowed, but besides that, he remained apathetic. He always was phenomenal at controlling his emotions.

She crawled on the stony ground till she straddled his shins. "And now you're a hypocrite," she said flippantly, tone a matter of fact.

She saw from the corner of her eye, his hand hold his beloved book in a bone-crunching grip. "Enlighten me."

He was mad; she knew it, the knowledge bringing a twisted smile to her face with her tears long forgotten. She didn't know why the revelation was so sickly satisfying, and didn't bother questioning it either.

"I know you're a pathological liar, but for once, tell me honestly, that you have never even once messed around with a woman who you barely knew."

She waited patiently, giving him the time he needed to come to terms with the truth. "It was over ten years ago," he said, voice low, telling her it was dangerous to tread any further.

She ignored his warning. "Aa, but you have," she drawled, grin cheeky and cunning.

"You're sixteen Sakura."

She laughed; there was that no-nonsense tone again. "So? Ino is still only fifteen yet I don't see you going around reprimanding her."

"She isn't my responsibility," he said, losing his carefully constructed patience, the fact only egging Sakura on to chip more of it away.

She quirked a brow: a goofy grin in place. "And I am?"

His one visible eye creased. "You know you are."

She sighed, doing it more to bother him than out of necessity. "You know, you should really quit acting like my father. It's getting really old, and besides, you do a really shitty job of it anyway."

That got him tensing. "Maybe if you didn't act like such a _child_ then I wouldn't be forced to act like your father figure."

Her sassy grin faltered before swiftly being replaced with a look not far from smug. "Funny, Yukio didn't seem to think I was such a child last night," she said with faux innocence, picking at her nails in a dismissive manner.

She had no idea why she said such a thing, especially since the guy disgusted her to no end, but for some queer reason, the urge to irk and rile Kakashi was so strong that everything else was shadowed in the background; even her normal tame self.

His legs stiffened, telling her that remembering and even referring to Yukio in terms of pleasure had been well worth it; he didn't need to know she was lying through her teeth.

"So you enjoyed it did you?" His words were clipped and strained.

She crawled further up him, resting her weight right above his knees. She was playing with fire, she knew, and loved every intoxicating, addicting, second of it. Regrets could be worried about later.

"I did; very much so," her grin turned impish. "What girl wouldn't love a handsome guy lavishing attention upon her?"

"Hn, and here I thought you were crying into me before was because you felt guilty and regretted your lack of morals and dignity."

His words stung, but she would be damned if she let him know. "Well, I didn't want you, Naruto, and Sasuke thinking I was a tramp," she smirked, placing her hands on his thighs, leaning forwards. "And besides, acting is always so much fun."

She was going too far, and she knew it. The anticipation of just waiting to get burnt by his wrath itched her skin and made her heart thump inside her ears.

Disappointing though, the anger she saw in his eyes started dissolving, and the tenseness in his muscles relaxed.

"So does that mean you're having fun now, Sakura?"

She watched him place his perverted book down next to them, then grasped her hips and pulled her forwards, trapping her there with his hands and raised knees.

That strange surge of confidence and haughtiness she felt before, started to rapidly withdraw, considering it wasn't in control of the situation any longer. She forced herself not to frown, not to push against his chest and demand what he was doing. This was a test, he was calling her bluff and she had to bluff back unless she lost the game.

His hands were still on her hips, holding her in place on his lap while she forced herself to smile at him with the appearance of self-assurance; although it was much more difficult now since her confidence had marooned her.

"And why would I be having fun?" she queried, trying to remain her sassy self, although she couldn't help but lean back a tad as he leaned forwards.

"Because, like you said, acting is always so much fun," he mocked.

She felt his thumb stroking her hip, daring her to continue this game. She fumed inside, hating how he saw through the façade in her demeanor. How did he gain control so quick so easy? He was supposed to scold her and possibly punish her, not to turn the tables and giver her a taste of her own medicine. It was just too…crafty, for her liking, and not only that, it was very abnormal as well. Kakashi was like the seasons; constant to a fault. So now not only did she have to consider her own schizophrenia, but his as well.

If she had been feeling rightfully normal, this was the part where she would become an absconder – too indolent to try and prove the arrogant man different. She wished her usual self would crawl back up to the surface, instead of cowering away in the depths of her mind, then she could happily declare he won this little power struggle without any remorse from giving up so easily, since that's who she was nowadays.

Like a female Shikamaru where things were just too troublesome to put an effort into (unless she was feeling rarely resolute that day). It was habitual now – giving up, and she never thought twice about it…till now.

Although her cool brazen self had mostly dissipated, it lingered enough to make her adamantly remain situated on his lap. She refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cowed before him. Thankfully with her mind made up, some of her previous boldness augmented as well; she would need it if she was competing against the infamous Copy-nin.

She could still feel the pad of his thumb caressing her hip through her shorts, telling her the game was still in affect and that it was her turn to make a move. Staring at him with cool green eyes, she lifted her hand to touch him as well, before it suddenly froze in mid air.

What was she supposed to do? He had a _huge_ advantage over her. She had no experience with the opposite sex in terms of being sly or sexual. She didn't even know where to begin to touch him, of how to look at him, or what to say to him; but if she hesitated, he would know and the insult he said of her still being a child would only be proven true.

And that was what this was all about; her statement to him that although she wasn't an adult, she had still grown up and she was set in making him see that as well.

Though she wasn't looking into that frustratingly knowing eye of his, she knew he was examining her, probably seeing the inner conflict that was clashing in her mind's eye. He had told her a year ago that her eyes were very expressive; now she knew it hadn't been meant as a compliment.

So there she was, sitting on her sensei's lap in a not so innocent nature, with his hands on her in a not so innocent way, and her hand stationed in mid air, intent on touching him in a not so innocent manner.

Things were going to become awkward and tricky for sure, but not letting that fact deter her, she tentatively reached up and traced his jaw with a feather light touch from the tip of her index finger. His face was unreadable as he watched her, only adding onto her anxiety of 'is this what I'm supposed to do?'.

"So tell me," he started, tone oddly inquisitive, "what did you and this, Yukio, do?" The name left a rancid taste in his mouth, yet his demeanor remained stoic.

The fact that he wanted to know shocked her brain into overload, but then she realized this was all just a sick twisted game for dominance, and that he was going to use her inhibition against her; that tactful bastard.

She smiled in what she hoped for was wily, and chanted a mantra to herself that this was purely acting, nothing more, nothing less. "Wouldn't you like to know," she taunted.

She almost squealed when he shifted slightly, pushing her hips downwards to press against his own. She was almost shocked into a slight stupor by the boldness of his actions, but managed to keep her wits about her.

"Yes, that's why I asked."

She inwardly groaned; the man was always so bloody practical and calm in his answers. She paused deliberately, knowing it was her turn.

Summoning what remaining courage left, she compelled herself to lean into him more to extend her hand till her fingers played with the hairs on the back of his neck. It was surprisingly softer than what she had envisioned of a man who used to kill people for a living.

"How 'bout I let you use your imagination," she murmured, proud that she managed to lock eyes with his unaffected one. She wondered if he could feel her hand trembling.

His hand left her hip, only to glide from the small of her back and cup the back of her neck. She felt like a fool compared to his smooth and confident motions. He gradually forced her head forwards and rested her cheek against his clothed one.

"Tell me, Sakura." His voice rumbled inside her ear. Funny how the simple act of deepening his voice could cause intimidation, but then again, that's probably why he did it.

Forgetting momentarily this moronic struggle for power, she lightly shoved against him and pinned him with a glare.

"Or what, you'll use your Sharingan to ransack my mind again?"

"Hmm? It is an option."

She stared at him appalled. "You're barbaric!"

He shrugged.

"You know I'm really sick and tired of you thinking it's your prerogative to know everything about my life!"

He smirked. "What can I say, I'm a curious man."

Her eyes flared; the man was humoured by her anger, she could tell by the droll in his tone. "Well if you're so bloody curious about your students lives, why aren't you harassing Naruto and Sasuke as well?"

"They simply aren't interesting enough."

How could the last Uchiha and a teenage boy with a demon sealed inside of him, not be interesting?

"Or is it because they simply aren't female enough?" She countered.

His smirk grew wider. "That too."

She looked at him part confused, her other part still blazing away in righteous anger. "What the hell does being female have to do with it?"

"Hmm? You tell me."

She let out a purposeful 'ugh', irritated by his vagueness, before she pushed against him, rougher this time with the intent to stand up. His hands squeezed her hips in a threatening grip, refusing to let her go.

Dark green eyes glowered. "Let me go."

The graveness in her voice failed to perturb him. "Not yet."

"Then when!"

"When you tell me what it is I want to know."

She looked at him aghast. "You're such an ape!"

He simply smiled.

"Since you seem to be incapable of telling me, how 'bout you show me instead?" he challenged, the bluff of all bluffs. It seemed the ante had been raised while she wasn't paying attention.

Pausing, she analyzed the situation. If she followed through with the daft challenge it would only bring awkwardness and humiliation, probably only on her part, and he was most likely aware of this knowledge which resulted in this moronic test. But also if she faced up to the insinuated dare, he could no longer label her a child with him as a substitute father.

So swiftly, and refusing to put any thought into her actions before her morals and self respect kicked in, she snatched his right hand off her hip and plunked it down on the top of her thigh, dangerously close to her essentials which he had no right being near.

"There! You happy?"

He lifted an eyebrow. "Interesting…anywhere else?"

She shook with indignation. "No."

He sighed theatrically. "You do realize that lying is futile, don't you?"

Unable to come up with a witty comeback, she settled for glaring at him instead, her anger reaching its final cusp.

"Look, you win alright! I can't play this stupid game anymore! Go ahead and call me a child, I really don't give a damn!" Finishing her rant, she moved to stand up, anxious to go back home where the vociferous Sakura could be quelled and the lax Sakura could come out of hiding. She was almost eager to hear the somber hum of her refrigerator as well.

Unfortunately, the usual hell now dubbed nirvana would have to wait, as gloved hands refused to let her up.

"For the love of God, Kakashi you're insufferable!"

"Only because you're being uncooperative."

Having enough of his hedonistic ways, she did a series of quick hand seals and disappeared in a puff of pink flower petals.

* * *

She whizzed from tree branch to tree branch with her adrenaline still kicking in fifth gear, effectively blocking out any numbness she should've felt from the frosty moist air. 

She glanced behind her for the briefest of seconds, wondering if that idiot of a man was going to bother following her or not. Surely if he really felt the need to stop her he wouldn't have let her perform the hand seals to begin with. No doubt he could've easily stopped her. Seemed kind of silly to allow her to do that and then chase her down for it afterwards.

With that logical thought, she slowed her pace, permitting herself to finally catch her breath after the peculiar event and the mad dash for escape.

After a few minutes the trees started to thin, telling her she was almost at the opening to the glade. Jumping down, her heart beat staccato as Kakashi was ten feet in front of her, leaning against a tree with his hands stuffed inside his pockets. In the back of her mind she knew she shouldn't have been shocked.

"Yo."

"Ugh," she threw her hands up in the air. "I thought I got rid of you!"

His eyebrow quirked; a mannerism she was really starting to hate. "You thought a few trivial flower petals could get rid of me?"

Her hackles rose. "Well I got this far didn't I? And I've managed to escape several shinobi with those, as you so eloquently put it, trivial flower petals!"

He pushed off the tree, leaning heavy on one leg with shoulders slouched in true Kakashi fashion. "I acknowledge it might have worked if it weren't for the flaw."

She frowned. "What flaw?" Before she could register what happened, she felt herself face first in a patch of soggy twigs and mud, with a firm grip holding her hand at a painfully awkward position against her back. She grimaced as his knee dug deeper into the small of her back as well. No doubt she would have a giant bruise in memorial of this day.

"That you're against me."

She snorted in spite of the situation, and tried to blow away some annoying wisps of cherry coloured hair that stuck to her face. "You'll get knocked down from your high horse eventually."

"Oh, I'm sure I will, but it won't be by you."

_Why that cocky bastard! _

Although it was true, he didn't need to say it in such a way, but then again, Kakashi was a man who never felt reservation about anything he said.

Trying not to let the truth semi-insult bother her, she started squirming, trying to find a gap or escape route from his hold.

"Let me go," she said, frustrated and bitter by the fact that she was wet, cold, uncomfortable, and practically eating mud.

"No."

She bristled and started to struggle. "Let go of me already. This game is getting old."

"Game? I don't remember saying this was a game."

"You're taking it too far."

"You left without my permission."

She noticed his usual jovialness had disappeared. "So, what of it? You expected me to sit there and let you act all machismo?"

"I expect you to be punished," he said, voice low, drawled, and full of promise.

She felt the burning pressure of his knee leave and rest on the other side of her, only to feel the oppressive weight of him fully straddling her backside instead.

Her eyes widened a tad before she made sure to keep her mien in check. "You've never given me punishment before. I doubt you even know how," she said, acting as if she had ignored the change in his placement, although warning bells and sirens were blaring inside her head.

She felt his weight shift and lean towards her before hearing him place the flat of his forearm against the ground millimeters from her head. The aroma of cinnamon and pine tickled her nose.

"Is that a challenge, Sakura?"

She felt the heat of his breath and the rumble of his voice, and suddenly felt very claustrophobic. She stirred a bit, uncomfortable with the awkward position, it reminding her too much of last night in a sense.

"Take it as you will," she whispered deadpan, while avoiding eye contact. She could still feel his hot breath against her ear, even through the barrier of his mask. She closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on the smell and feel of earth and rain, and not about the fact that his body was almost pressed forcibly against her own. The sky was still a bleak grey with the air chilly and still fairly misted after the recent downpour. The results were continuing to soak into the front of her clothes, which drastically contrasted with the feeling of Kakashi's warm body on her back. The outcome gave her goosebumps caused from the different sensations.

She flexed her hand a few times, attempting to relax her muscles before they cramped from the painful hold.

"I think I will," he drawled, warming the side of her face. She struggled, not liking the predicament or the position she was currently in. She was rewarded with a tighter grip on her wrist, and a new clasp grabbing fistfuls of her hair, successfully holding her in place.

Her heartbeat increased, pounding against the earth. This was going on too long. Being pinned to the ground with her captor hovering and pressing so near brought feelings of vulnerability and helplessness, aspects which she was sure he knew about. She trusted him with her life, but adrenaline and instinct were kicking into overdrive, telling her this might be dangerous and to get the hell out of there.

"Let go of me," she said, finding it all of a sudden very difficult to breathe. She felt his hand release her hair and tread through her locks till his fingers brushed against her cheek. She felt silly she couldn't control her laboured breathing.

"What are you so afraid of, Sakura?" he breathed, voice deep and slow while resting his mouth against her ear. "I can feel your heartbeat. It's erratic."

Under her fog of panic, she was sure there was some cruel smirk playing under his mask. He was enjoying this with reasons unknown to Sakura.

"Sensei, please let me go," she whispered, her fiery temperament a dry ash, as she felt his fingertips brush against her cheek again, before leisurely moving her hair behind her ear.

"You're terrified of me," he whispered knowingly into her ear. "Why?"

She blinked. "I don't know."

"So you admit it?"

"…yes."

She gasped as she was abruptly turned over and immediately started wrestling and flailing her limbs, trying to free herself while instinctively screaming.

She cried out under the clamp of his hand, somewhere between a whimper and a sob as she was forcibly pinned to the ground once again, with him straddling her hips and leering down on her. She closed her eyes and tried to turn her head away.

"Do you think I would hurt you, Sakura?"

She didn't respond, or couldn't since he was covering her mouth. He removed his hand, cupping her chin to make her turn her head.

"Open your eyes," he commanded. Hesitantly she obliged, but still avoided eye contact, looking anywhere beyond him. His hand left her chin and rose to lift his hitae, revealing his Sharingan.

"Look at me." When she didn't, he gripped her hair and tilted her head till their noses were a few inches apart, forcing her to look at his blood-coloured eye. He felt her pulse beat sporadically under his hand that fastened her wrists together, and watched her breath come in heavier spurts now. "Are you afraid of my Sharingan?"

She opened her mouth to say something, but found herself speechless. He had used the Sharingan on her twice; once without her knowledge, the other to delve into her mind. It was terrifying and fascinating all at once.

"Do you think I would use it to hurt you?"

She wanted to say no, but terror found her thinking yes.

"What do you think I would do to you?" he questioned, releasing the grip on her locks to run his index finger along her chilled cheek and the slope of her neck. "What are you imagining and picturing me doing?" he pressed, leaning more of his weight upon her, while leisurely running the same finger down the side of her body. "Are you petrified of me touching you?" he continued, drawing lazy circles around her hip bone. "Or…do you enjoy it?"

He felt her chest rise up and down in deep panicked breaths. Her dampened clothes were soaking into his own, and he could feel the iciness of her torso starting to dissipate as he nuzzled the patch of skin below her ear, his breath a furnace against her. "Is this how he touched you?" He felt her tense underneath him.

She turned her head to the side, squeezing her eyes shut as memories of Yukio's persistent hands, groping and fondling her resurfaced, making her feel unexplainably dirty once again.

She gulped down the sudden lump of emotion, only to feel it still lodged in her throat. Her voice was weak and frail when she spoke.

"…it was different."

She felt him lower the rest of his body on hers, engulfing her frame with his larger one before his masked mouth moved down the column of her throat. Her breath caught in her lungs, realizing she was firmly snared between the cool earth and his warm body. It was hard, immovable – an iron wall of muscle that had her gasping for breath.

"How?" He murmured, voice a deep bass against her body.

She tugged her hands against his own, knowing the attempt was futile but doing it all the same. "H-he was impatient and brash…"

She felt his feather-light touch turn several degrees bolder, as his finger continued the dance around her hip bone, sometimes drawing dangerously close to her pubic bone, before repeating the rhythm. Sakura held back a whimper, wanting to cry out at the humiliation of being so powerless against him. She wished she could've morphed into how small she felt.

He nestled the juncture between shoulder and neck, his voice shuddering inside her body. "Like this?"

She attempted to hide her broken expression in the side of her raised arm; squirming her body beneath his and hearing his breath hitch in turn.

"Yes," she suppurated, her voice muffled by her arm.

His hand stroked the top of her thigh, slow purposeful movements that had her struggling against him.

"Tell me where." His face was back to nuzzling behind her ear, breathing in her scent with slow hard pants.

She mewled, unable to stop the pitiable sound from escaping, and lightly shook her head in little jerks.

"Tell me," he demanded into the crook of her neck, only to feel the movements of her head shaking. Her refusal made him assume the worse, making his vision temporarily blur with a sudden uncommon white rage.

She turned her head to try and look at him with eyes a cacophony of emotions. "Please," she whispered, voice hoarse with desperation, trying not to let her panic show through too clearly. He wasn't himself, his actions were unrestrained and confounded, his usual lucid eye hazed with an emotion she couldn't decipher.

"Please?" he reiterated, terribly strained. "Please what?"

"Please stop…just stop."

And then before she knew it, he vanished; leaving her cold, wet, and terrifyingly confused.

* * *

So, how was that? I hope it doesn't seem OOC, but if it does, hopefully the next chapter will explain a bit why. Anyways, I liked this chapter, I had fun writing it – seeing a rare uncontrolled somewhat darker Kakashi, and poor Sakura losing her mind lol 

So thanks for reading, and thanks for your guys encouraging reviews.

Eris


	10. I, x

**AN:** (stabs chapter) Excuse the crappinesss of this chapter. It jumps around a lot from perspective to perspective which I didn't quite notice till afterwards and alas, I'm just too lazy at the moment to fix it (dodges rotten tomatoes and a watermelon) I know I know, bad Eris! One day I'll come back to edit it, but for now the crappiness shall remain!

* * *

**Courage Needs You – Chapter #10**

Sakura jumped at the sound of someone knocking on her door. She glanced at her clock, fluorescent green numbers telling her it was 11:03pm. The thought of it being Kakashi made her heart race and mouth dry. It wasn't that she was scared of him…it was just that she was confused. _Tremendously_ confused! And maybe just a tad frightened as well.

The person knocked again, not loud, but firm. She sat on her bed contemplating on answering the door. It could be Ino or Tenten coming over for a friendly chat, or Naruto coming over to brag or whine about his newest mission. Maybe it was a messenger reporting about her parents. Whoever it was, she felt no desire to move. All she wanted was to just sit in bed with only solemnity and confusion to accompany her.

When the knocking stopped, she couldn't help but bury her face in her pillow and sigh in relief – glad that the mystery disrupter had left.

"What are you doing?"

She was pretty sure she jumped off her bed a good three feet from the sudden interruption. "God, Sasuke, you can't just come into someone's house like that."

He ignored her and walked into the room, sitting on her desk chair with a cavalier grace.

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"Then why are you sitting in the dark with a death grip on your pillow?"

"Because I'm imagining it's you!" He smirked at her comment, which Sakura still managed to catch through the dark. "Anyway, why are you here?" She pushed back till she was leaning against the wall, facing Sasuke for manner's sake.

"Do I need a reason?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes. He said that last time she asked him. It was getting old real fast.

"Yes! This time you do need a reason," she said, her normal calm façade be damned, her frustration had reached its limit.

"I'm leaving on an escort mission with Neji and Naruto at 5:00am, and I'll be gone for a couple of days."

She grinned. "Poor Neji, he's going to have to put up with yours and Naruto's squabbling the whole way there."

He brushed off her comment like dust, and walked over to sit across from her on the bed. Sakura frowned and pushed herself a little harder against the wall. What was with people invading her personal space recently?

"How are you doing?"

She glanced at him annoyed, trying not to let his persistence infuriate her. "I'm fine, Sasuke."

She watched him avert his gaze to stare out her window. "I want to apologize for this morning. My behaviour was inappropriate," he turned back to look at her, eyes dark and serious. "Naruto wants you to know he's sorry as well."

Her mien turned doubtful. "Truthfully?"

"No. The truth is Naruto is still mad as hell and refuses to leave his bedroom," his eyes went back to regard her, guise an unreadable frost that gave her frostbite from its unending winter. "And I'm not exactly content with you either."

Hands clamped down on her pillow, letting loose her fury from its cage. "What right do you have judging me, acting as if you've never done the same. You're a goddamn hypocrite Sasuke!"

He stayed unaffected as usual. "Maybe so, but at least I'm a hypocrite who can defend himself."

Her back stiffened, and she made sure she was still gripping her pillow incase she felt the tempting need to just sock him one. "Just what are you implying?"

He sat there coolly, like the chilly iceberg that he was. "Nothing. Just that if things had managed to escalate further, you probably would've been unable to stop him."

She tried not to let his impression of her sting – tried but failed miserably. "I would've been fine! He wasn't even a ninja for god's sake!" It surprisingly felt really damn good to yell at him, and she mused if such a thing had ever happened before.

"You were inebriated."

Her face darkened even further, daring him to continue his verbal attack. "Drunk or not, he would've been no match for me – unless you think so little of me that you would think otherwise."

She shouldn't have asked such a thing, especially when she wasn't prepared for a truthful answer, but he remained silent, his reticent countenance speaking louder than any words. Her face twisted sourly.

"You do don't you!" On reflex she threw her pillow at him, stunned by her actions for only a blinding second before the flare in her eyes returned. "Get out!" She pointed towards her door for emphasis.

Unexpectedly, he smiled at her, the corners of his mouth tugging up ever so slightly. Sakura knew that was the closest thing to a Cheshire grin Sasuke was capable of.

"What the hell are you smiling at?" This wasn't the time for him to be humoured.

"It's nice to see you like this."

"What the…" she faltered, then quickly scowled again. "What the hell is so nice about seeing me angry?"

He placed her pillow beside him placidly, and lightly shook his head. Sasuke always seemed to do the barest minimum of movements and gestures to effectively get his point across – almost as if he tried to conserve as much energy as possible incase of an unforeseen attack. She briefly wondered how much more energy she exerted in being flamboyant.

"Not you being angry but the spirit behind your anger. I haven't seen you this strident in a long time. It's nice to see it again."

Much to her annoyance, her well-founded anger started crumbling. It was just too hard to remain mad at him when he was giving her that Sasuke-like grin – it didn't help that he was freakishly handsome as well.

"Ugh, whatever," she huffed, crossing her arms, trying her damnedest not to smile especially when she should've been mad at him still.

"So tell me, what is it that brought this on?"

She spared him a sideways glance. "You being an ass like usual!" And briefly pondered how long she could get away with insulting him – if he didn't stop it soon, she could see it giving birth to habit.

"If it's usual like you say, then you should be accustomed to it by now."

She inwardly seethed. She despised being outsmarted, particularly when it was her own statement used against her.

"So what else is bothering you?"

If she were a rabid animal she would've been growling in aggravation right about now. He just couldn't help it – an inborn talent really – that is, being relentless to a fault. "I'm _fine!_ It's just that training with Kakashi is a little…frustrating." Frustrating…was that a good work to describe it? Awkward, nerve-wracking, and daunting seemed like better words – but Sasuke didn't need to know that

"You seem to be really worked up over something so minimal then."

"So sue me, I'm frustrated! Anyway, why do you care so much?"

He gave her a crooked smile. "Who said I cared?"

She rolled her eyes so far back that she was positive she could see herself thinking. "Sorry, I assumed that you cared since you persisted in asking me what was wrong."

"Assumptions can be dangerous."

God, he was just as frustrating as Kakashi! "So what, did you lose some sort of bet?"

"What?"

"A bet! You know where you make an agreement thinking you know the outcome with the loser forfeiting something in response."

She watched his eyes narrow, and she cursed her big mouth.

"I know what a bet is. Why do you ask?"

"Because, since you obviously don't care about me, I've been trying to think of why you've been coming over to my house since you _never _do, and I concluded that maybe you lost some horrible bet where you have to spend time with me or something."

She heard him 'hn' at her – the closest thing to a laugh from Sasuke. "You have an active imagination, Sakura. And even if I had participated in some moronic bet, do you honestly think I would lose?"

She didn't bother replying to his statement, letting the silence rest comfortably as she snatched her pillow back and rested the side of her face against it, staring out the window in deliberation. Sasuke could practically feel the mood in the room shift a good 180°.

"Ne, Sasuke, how do you deal with being alone? I mean, you live by yourself right? Don't you get lonely?"

He stared at her in consideration. "No."

"Oh…" So much for positive reassurance.

"Are you telling me you're lonely, Sakura?" His tone was bland, making it seem like he was asking about the weather and not the weight of her feelings.

She shrugged. "I guess a little bit, but it's probably just because my parents are gone. I'm sure the feeling will go away once they come back tomorrow," she lied, giving him an uplifting grin.

He gave a curt nod of his head. "I better get going. Will you be okay?"

"Yes." No.

And then, with eyes the size of little full moons, she watched him tuck a piece of stray pink hair behind her ear.

"I'll see you in a couple of days."

And then, he was gone.

Sighing, she compelled herself not to think about Sasuke's actions or words, and lay there unmoving for several minutes, even after she heard the soft click of her front door closing. Finally shifting, she glanced at her picture of team seven instead. Things were simpler back then, she thought, eyes wondering over and lingering on Kakashi unbidden.

What was she going to do tomorrow? The question gnawed at her ruthlessly; chewing and chomping and spitting out worry.

She deliberated the option of pretending like nothing had happened, then mentally shook her head no. Kakashi had the uncanny ability to be able to sniff out a lie within a five mile radius, and unfortunately for Sakura, she had never mastered the art of acting. The whole situation was beyond frustrating. For an evanescent moment, she almost wished Sasuke's infuriating presence was back, just so he could distract her from analyzing today's events.

Honestly, who wanted to examine why their own father figure attacked them? Suddenly she paused in thought, brows furrowed in consideration.

Kakashi certainly thought he represented a father figure of sorts, but did she? An immediate comparison of the two commenced. For one, she didn't go around sniffing her father's clothes then blush like a little school-girl at the realization. Two, she didn't moan out her fathers name when another boy was touching her. And three…did she even need a three? One and two seemed plenty enough for her to digest for the time being, letting it slowly sink in as to not shock the hell out of her conscience.

Turning over, she snuggled her pillow in fetal position, unable to stop mulling over Kakashi and his actions. She felt afflicted that he would've done such a thing, especially since he knew the troubles she was going through (her budding depression, as he had so blatantly dubbed it) – she thought maybe he would have been the only one to understand – to be her silent pillar of support – quiet yet strong with the reassurance of just being there.

But he hadn't…he had wanted to know, resolute in his sick interest, using every expedient the dark recesses of his mind called forth; the total converse of what she had anticipated.

Her body suddenly heated, remembering the feeling of his weight surrounding her; the feeling of his hands skirting across her; the puffs of his breath warming her face. It had all been so terrifyingly intimate – so terrifyingly real. She felt as if a part of her had matured ten years in those encroaching ten minutes.

Thinking back she suddenly cringed with embarrassment when she thought she could've rivaled him in maturity – to be able to match him in the dominance for power. She had had no idea the boldness and intimidation the man was capable of – at least not in the terms of intimacy. He must've been howling with laughter on the inside by her efforts.

What had made her stay there and play that daft game to begin with? She should've just left and curbed her temper, instead of purposefully provoking him like she had. It was just so enormously atypical of the Sakura of today – the docile, meek, placid pink-haired kunoichi who was just so utterly blasé that it made herself even sick at how much she had turned into a lifeless marionette.

But she supposed even puppets had their breaking point, and hers had been today; snapping her strings and causing her to fall and crack open the dam in her mind which overflowed with an unexpected tsunami that Kakashi had created; the Sakura of four years prior bursting forth with boisterous confidence in return. Out of the pair, she was pretty positive she was the one more shocked; her mind still buzzing with questions as to how her hidden Sakura had escaped and surfaced.

She had to resentfully admit and praise him though, for he was the only one who had managed to make her break like that in a year. Maybe it had been a long time coming…

Closing her eyes, she suddenly felt inexplicably drained. All this thinking and contemplating, not to mention the time and day's events, left her feeling feeble and exhausted. If she had the energy she might've screamed, or maybe cried; she wasn't quite sure.

There were just too many emotions swimming around, making it nigh to impossible to pick one out and concentrate on it, so she did the simplistic thing by gathering them all up before hauling it off to the cliffs edge in her mind, then gave it one swift kick and sent it tumbling downwards where it could be forgotten.

And then, there was bliss.

It was slightly perplexing yet peaceful to lay down feeling absolutely nothing. She decided being numb really wasn't all that bad, maybe even something she could get used to. It was certainly better than feeling what she had been. Who said she wanted to feel alive anyway? It was just another thing in the world that was highly overrated.

* * *

He heard her before he saw her. Soft, reluctant footsteps treaded across the bridge till they stopped a good ten feet away from him. He decided then that actions truly did speak louder than words. 

Eyes directed heavenward, he noticed the weather seemed to reflect the atmosphere perfectly; with a misty fog and a crispness in the air that was familiar during the rainy season of early June. He couldn't even see the sky.

Hopping off the rail with a cat-like grace, he watched her; the apprehension she felt visible to his eyes as she compelled her self to refrain from fidgeting.He noticed her usually expressive green eyes were blank and dull as they surveyed him hesitantly. If the situation weren't so awkward or dire, he would have commented on her improvement in veiling her emotions.

"Forgive me, Sakura."

It wasn't a lot, but it was enough. She would know the depth of his apology. He watched uncertainly; her impassive face remaining calm before giving him the briefest of nods. Agitated, he felt there was more he should say as silence droned irritably. Was she refusing to speak to him now?

"Sakura," he started, slightly reluctant in continuing his sentence, "if you do not wish for my tutelage anymore, I will speak to Hokage about assigning you a new mentor, that is, if you even want a mentor at all."

There, he had said it. He had grudgingly given her a choice where his opinion would be of no significance, much to his chagrin and frustration.

"Sensei," she said, just loud enough for him to hear, her cadence wavering with indecision. "I'm not mad at you, and I don't hate you, if that's what you're thinking." She paused. "I'm just…confused."

He nodded, unsurprised by her confession of being perplexed and prepared himself for the inevitable question of 'why'. But what would his response be? Be candid and scare the girl away, or lie and save her befuddled mind from more confusion? He watched her hug herself; thin pale arms prickling with goosebumps as a chilly breeze caressed her skin; blossoming an urge on his part to insist she wear her chuunin vest, which she always tenaciously refused.

One day he hoped she would tell him why.

"I…did you do it just to punish me?" Her words were soft as she spoke them towards the ground, still too uncertain about herself and what she wanted to enable her to face him.

Seconds stretched on by, the silence biting into her mettle and making her second guess her decision in having had asked him.

"Yes…and no," he sighed, long and irritated.

His enigmatic answer made her pry her eyes away from the bridge where she spared him a tentative glance. She knew without a doubt he could read her telepathic message of 'what does that mean?', and now it was just a matter of time as she waited for him to elaborate, as difficult as that may be. Impatience was her enemy right now she knew, and the unusual stiffness in his posture and the knitting of his brows, made her reluctantly hold her tongue. He was trapped within a slow methodical deliberation – his inner struggle not only visible, but worrisome as well. She had never seen such intense contemplation in the black depth of his eye before – it always remaining in correlation to an obscured fathomless pit.

What could he possibly be thinking about that was so powerful he couldn't contain his insipid persona?

She heard him sigh again airily, one gloved hand running through his hair as he finally pinned her with an indecipherable look.

"I was upset with you."

"Oh…" and she toed the ground uncertain. "I'm sorry…" She wasn't sure apologizing was the right thing to do since she wasn't sure what she had done to upset him – it was more visceral than anything. She hoped he would elaborate again since her voice was growing tighter and dryer by the second – the confrontation taking its toll on her nerves.

"Sakura," he started, the sound more exasperated and tired than she cared for, "just don't apologize, alright."

Usually when someone told you not to apologize, it would lift a weight from your soul, knowing that that person felt you did nothing wrong – but with the way he said her name – so weary and intolerant – cut something deep within her psyche that she was incapable of explaining.

"I was disappointed when I heard what you had done with this, Yukio," he went on, the name leaving a bitter sour taste in his mouth – something strangely akin to bile.

She lightly nodded, eyes still glued to the ground while her chest constricted painfully – that hateful thorny vine slithering around and shredding her lungs pitilessly. She tried not to wince and rationalized why his disappointment in her was so upsetting instead.

Swallowing, she willed her voice to loosen and took in a couple shaky deep breaths. "Is that why you tried to send me home?"

A pause and, "yes."

"Is that why you were acting so cruel during training?"

"…yes."

"Is that why you said you wanted to punish me?"

"Yes."

She nodded again, letting him know she understood and closed her eyes, forcing her feet to stay planted on the wooden bridge as the urge to flee was intense. He must've seen her back up a few inches and the indecision in her downcast eyes, because he strode over to her in quick deliberate steps and firmly grabbed her shoulders. Her head snapped up to look at him, seeing his countenance intense with turmoil and searching her face for something she didn't know.

"You don't understand." He sounded desperate and strained all of a sudden, making her stiffen in confusion and panic as his fingers gripped her tighter. "I _hated_ the fact that some disgusting pubescent boy had touched you; _despised_ the fact that you told me you enjoyed it; restrained myself before I went out and confronted him with the result only ending in regret." His expression was tight and impatient, anxious to make her realize the words he couldn't bring himself to say. "Don't you understand?" he whispered.

Her mind was racing, her heart knowing she was missing something important but too afraid to let her see.

He grit his teeth, frustrated by her silence. The girl was brilliant, but also surprisingly naïve as well.

"I _never_ want _anyone_ to touch you like that," he continued sternly before his voice grew quiet, silence passing – stretching – expanding, and then; "…not unless it's me."

Then like a switch, her brain suddenly flickered on, her heart racing and thumping so loud that it sounded like a drum in her ears. Her mind was storming out of control, but her body was apparently alert as her mouth turned desert dry when he took a step forward, bringing them unnecessarily close while loosening his painful grip on her slim shoulders.

"Is that what you want as well, Sakura?"

"I…uh…um…" She could only stare at him shell-shocked, her brain going into overload by the stunning confession. Everything seemed to be happening too quick too fast, making her head swirl and eyes blur. Is this what she wanted? Is that why she had mewled out his name that night? Felt more hurt and dismayed by his anger and disappointment than anybody else?

"I don't understand though," she started, eyes focusing on his flak vest, "you were acting like you hated me yesterday…"

She could hear a slight vibrating growl in the base his throat; a suppression of his aggravation. "I was angry and confused," he clarified, wishing she weren't so perplexed because detailing his emotions was never one of his strong suits, nor something he was comfortable with. "And I didn't realize till later that it was because I was…"

The trailing of his sentence made her glance at him briefly, scared of what she might see but needing to know all the same. She had never seen him so hesitant before.

"I was jealous, Sakura," he forced out indifferently, his one eye expressing more than his voice ever could. The reluctance in his reply made her wonder if the man had ever been jealous in his entire life. "And I'm asking you; does that make you happy?"

Happy…something she hadn't felt in ages; something she wasn't certain as to what it was anymore. Her hands wrung her shirt; eyes creased in thought as she willed her mind to come to a conclusion; each passing second only making the pressure to answer him that much more intense, knowing it wasn't fair to leave him teetering on the edge like this.

"…I'm not sure," she answered honestly, lost and confounded and hating her indecisive mind.

She could barely see him nod from underneath her lashes, worry lacing up her spine if she had ruined an opportunity before it begun.

"I understand, you don't need to answer me now," he said, causing threads of guilt to wrap around her heart – remorseful because of his tolerance and consideration.

Had that been the right thing to say? Is that how she truly felt? She wasn't quite sure but it was too late to take it back and rethink now. And then, with wide nervous eyes she saw his hand rise to cup her face, stroking her flushed cheek with his rough thumb.

"Is this allowed?" he asked, tone intense and deep, making her gulp imperceptibly. She ruminated why he was asking for her permission to touch her now when he certainly hadn't felt any reservation yesterday – but then again, maybe that was why.

"Yes…"

Her skin tingled from the loss of warmth as he removed his gloved hand only to slide the back of it up and down the curve of her neck. She held her breath, uncertain of what she should do as she felt him inching slowly southward, sneaking to the side of her V-cut shirt and the mesh underneath; playing with the cloth in between his fingers.

"How about this? Is this alright?" he breathed somewhat heavily, forcing himself to keep control in mind and body while his fingers burned to do more.

The possibility of this being too brash encroached his mind, especially when she hadn't reciprocated his sentiments, but even though his mind was reprimanding his actions, his fingers steadfastly remained. Dipping his head lower to rest his forehead against her own, he exhaled his bated breath as he felt her timidly nod. He didn't know what he would have said or done if she had said no. Rejection and humiliation were foreign to a man such as him.

And so, closing his eyes, he gradually slid his hand further underneath the crimson cloth and mesh shirt, instantly feeling cool smooth skin below his callused fingertips with the word taboo ringing in his ears. He traced her clavicle with feather light touches, concentrating on how it would rise and dip and create beautiful crevices.

"And this?"

The rough pads of his fingers were startlingly warm, making a chill creep through her body that the weather was incapable of causing. It was so much more different from the icy trace of Yukio's fingers, the feeling still imprinted in her mind.

"…yes."

She wondered if he could feel her thundering heart, swelled with a nervous excitement that only his present actions could cause. It was addicting in an anxiety-ridden sense that made her feel reluctant for it to stop.

Hazy emeralds fluttered shut, focusing on the warmth of his nearness and the tenseness in his hand. Languorously, another gloved hand rose to sweep across her shoulder and cup the side of her neck, letting long adroit fingers thread into long soft strands of bubblegum hair.

Without thought, Sakura reached up and delicately grasped his wrist, the pausing of his actions relaying his confusion as to whether she was going to pull his hand away or not. After a few moments, her grip continued its stationary rest on his arm, neither encouraging nor discouraging his movements in anyway, and so, his fingers crept a few inches more southward, testing her reaction to see how intimate she would allow them to become.

Indecision: it was plaguing and corroding his logical senses: the want to touch more, the need to at least touch, and the wantonness of having touched her at all, and when she sucked in an instinctive breath, her hand still grasping his wrist with uncertainty, he knew she was still contemplating the pros and cons, the facts and outcomes, her want and ethics; he knew it, and accepted it, since he was feeling precisely the same. Their situation was delicate. One wrong move or misspoken word could be their ruin. Time was something he had no problem in granting her, as long as she offered him the same in return.

It was all just so frighteningly new; happening so quickly that he was having difficulties keeping his bearings in check and his hand at bay. His feelings; their situation; everything about Sakura was a disturbing mockery of who he was – of who he thought he was.

How did things become so complicated so personal so quick? His mind was still trying to wrap around the idea that she was letting him resume his leisure exploration, even though she still had yet to give him a verbal response.

Could he continue without that nasty bite of regret?

Why hadn't he planned and thought this through instead of being uncharacteristically impulsive? He didn't intend for this to happen – hadn't planned on telling her his taboo notions that had been haunting him as of late, the notion that hadn't actually formed a logical explanation till last night when he was lying in bed, remembering the heat, the smell, the feel of her tiny frame beneath his.

Everything had been spontaneous, rebelliously going against his better judgment. He wasn't even certain what he felt for the girl, just knowing that whatever it was it wasn't wholesome and drove him crazy.

Last night he had been going over words of apology, trying to figure out way's in which their 'relationship' could be salvaged; even if it was just a student teacher one. He had tossed and turned, fretting about the possibility that he had exacerbated the darkness inside of her; had killed the security, the comfort, the assurance she felt whenever in his presence.

He was so mind warped by his wrong doings that he hadn't let himself stray and ponder the possibilities that she might've felt the same. If she had been nursing a growing affection him, he was pretty positive that it had been effectively squashed due to his deranged stunt of last night.

And yet, here he was, and here they were…doing something fantastically wrong and yet terribly right.

Abruptly, she watched his eye snap open before quickly retracting his hand and jumping back a good five feet. She wasn't sure if she should have been angry, confused, or humiliated. She viewed him blinking a few times in succession, clearing his eye from the cloud of emotion that had been there moments before.

"Sakura-chaaaaan!"

Whipping around, she saw the unmistakable figure of Naruto charging towards the bridge through the fog. His bright orange pants standing out remarkably in the mist, with Sasuke leisurely walking a few feet behind; his black baggy shorts, shirt, and typical vest, blending into the dismal surrounding. She was suddenly thankful her sensei was so perceptive and pulled back before any chaos could ensue. She refused to think of what her teammate's reactions would be if they saw Kakashi's hand exploring underneath her shirt.

"Naruto! Sasuke! W-what are you doing here?" she said more surprised than pleased.

"Hehe, well the commissioners of the Hidden Cloud Village are being delayed another week because of the weather, so we didn't need to escort them to the border. Hey, why is your face so flushed?"

"Huh? It is?" she quickly felt her cheeks with her cool hands and indeed they were flushed, much to her chagrin. "Ohh…it's because I had to run here since I woke up late this morning," she grinned sheepishly, exercising her pathetic acting skills.

Maybe it was better that they had interrupted, she thought, knowing she could sort and categorize her feelings into something that resembled sense now, a process she was incapable of accomplishing when he had been touching her in such a way – not that she had been resisting.

"What, sensei beat you here? No way!"

"Naruto, you're too loud for the morning," Sasuke glowered, brushing past him. Naruto rolled his eyes in response before turning back to Sakura.

"Too bad the weather is so crappy eh, Sakura? I was hoping for a nice day to spend with you."

It seemed Naruto had forgiven her for her little liaison with Yukio – that or he was extraordinary at hiding his genuine emotions. She wondered if he would also forgive her for what she had just done minutes before with Kakashi, then logic, common sense, and intuitiveness kicked into gear and blared a startling 'no' inside her head. Mentally berating herself, she compelled herself to rationalize that he didn't know what had just transpired, and that she should simply be satisfied he wasn't mad at her anymore instead.

And so, not wanting him to know how attached and content his absolution had made her, she chewed back a maddening grin and put up the façade she would normally wear in front of Naruto.

"Baaaka! It's the rainy season. It gets like this every year and you're telling me you expected a nice day?"

He gave her his fox like grin and scratched the back of his head guiltily, then walked towards Kakashi, incase she decided to hit him for good measure. Sakura tended to be sporadic in that sense, or at least she used to be.

"Ne! Ne! Can you teach me some cool new NinJutsu's today Kaka-sensei?"

"Now, now, I told you and Sasuke that I'm busy training Sakura for the time being. Why don't you go to Tsunade-sama and she'll probably give you a replacement mission." He watched his student scowl at him and snuck a glance at Sakura who was surreptitiously fidgeting with her shirt. Maybe he should have been relieved by his student's sudden appearance before things went too far too quick with Sakura, but still, he felt agitated and disappointed all the same.

"I'm tired of these low class missions she's giving us. I'd rather train with you!"

"Ma, Sasuke, why don't you convince Naruto to go with you to Hokage?"

Sasuke smirked, causing Kakashi to frown. "Sorry sensei, but I have to agree with Naruto on this one. Anyway, since it is the rainy season, missions are slow so there are plenty of available shinobi Tsunade-sama can call upon."

Kakashi found himself irritated by his student's sensible reasoning.

"Since when do you ever agree with Naruto?" Sakura blurted out, and Kakashi watched indecipherable black eyes turn on her in what he could only guess as an inquisitive look.

"Are you saying you want us to go? I thought you would have been happy to have us here since you said being near Kakashi-sensei was frustrating. Maybe it can be bearable now."

The corner's of his mouth tugged into a grin when she brimmed with indignation. "Sasuke, I never said being near him was frustrating, I said the training was frustrating, not _him_!" She promptly looked towards Kakashi, trying to gauge his reaction as he leaned against the rail with flat indifference. Turning back, she fixed a death glare on Sasuke. Why would he distort her words? Or was it unintentional? No, she mentally shook her head. Everything Sasuke said and did had a meaning or purpose behind it. He was cagey that way.

"Sorry, I guess I misunderstood," he said through half a smirk, Sakura scowling in response with the knowledge that he wasn't sorry at all.

Turning back towards Kakashi, she was still unable to shake off her worry. So what if he might not believe her, it wasn't a big deal right? She snapped out of her musing when black invaded her vision, accompanied by a grin bordering on smugness.

"Would you like to spar with me, Sakura? I'm interested in seeing how effective sensei's training program has been."

Looking into cold set eyes, she nodded reluctantly, too mind-weary to argue.

"Oh, I see how it is Sasuke," came Naruto's condescending proclamation. "You can't beat me so you're picking on poor Sakura. Don't worry Sakura-chan, I won't let this bastard hurt you."

She didn't even bother resisting the urge to slap her forehead before walking away towards their usual training field. Somewhere deep down in the pits of her soul she appreciated Naruto's protectiveness, but when she wasn't feeling appreciative, annoyance usually took its place.

Kakashi followed last, behind a miffed Naruto and an eager Sasuke. He mulled over thoughts and conversations, paying little mind to the sparring session between his two students. He wasn't sure why, but he got the distinct impression that Sasuke had meant to cause a little tiff between him and Sakura. The knowledge was as grim as it was amusing.

"I admit, you've improved, Sakura," Sasuke said, Sakura giving him a lopsided grin in return, letting the compliment inflate her ego. "You're defense is better, and you're noticeably faster. Impressive after only one week of training." He visibly looked her over, before turning his attention to Kakashi, then back to her. "Mind you it's only a minuscule improvement. But improvement is improvement."

Sakura looked at him questioningly, not knowing whether to take it as an insult or a compliment in the end.

"That's right! KICK HIS ASS, SAKURA!" Naruto hollered behind a mad like grin. Sakura gave a thumbs-up to her one-man cheerleading squad before barely blocking a kick delivered from Sasuke.

"You're too easily distracted," he said disdainfully. "Next time you look away from me you'll have a bruise to commemorate your mistake."

_God, he's an arrogant ass sometimes_.

But nevertheless, she knew he was a man of his word, and she grudgingly accepted that it would only be in her best interest not to take his threat idly. And that was as far as she could take her train of thought as he charged at her relentlessly, putting up a rather fierce onslaught that she was having difficulties blocking. To say he was overenthusiastic about this whole sparring session would've been an understatement.

Kakashi watched in a mixture of apprehension and restlessness. Apprehension because Sasuke was being more resilient than usual; and restlessness because he was hoping against the odds that Sakura would, as Naruto so frankly put it; kick his ass. Not that he wanted harm to come to his student, just that he wanted others to see that she wasn't some low-of-the-mill kunoichi who cowered and whimpered in the face of violence. She was better than what they thought of her, and he just hoped one day they would open up their eyes to see that as well.

Sakura suddenly gave an unladylike 'oomph', as the brunt of Sasuke's knee connected with her abdomen, making her instinctively fall to her knees where she clutched her throbbing stomach. She winced, partly in shock but mostly in aggravation, as her wrists were gripped and locked behind her back. She was seriously considering wearing spiked bracelets in the future to prevent this.

"Surprise, surprise; the famous Uchiha won again," she sneered, unable to hold back. "Does it feel good dominating those weaker than you? Does it make you feel like a true man?" She had no idea why she was saying such things, that is, until the warm flow of sick satisfaction tingled her senses. She smiled through a wince as he grasped her wrists tighter. Obviously she hit a nerve.

"All right Sasuke, you won so let her go," Kakashi said blandly exasperated and unconsciously overprotective inside. He watched his dark-haired student level him with an icy glare before he gave Sakura one last threatening squeeze and released her. He held in a frown as Sakura instinctively rubbed at her sore wrists, an unhealthy red ring circling around the flesh.

"Come on Sasuke, it's my turn now!" Naruto jumped in front of the prodigy, stance ready and grin cheeky.

Sasuke gave him a once over and cocked a brow. "Not interested," and he strode by him, only to stand before the bored jounin. "I'm interested in a match against you, sensei."

"Ohh?" Kakashi's eye widened a tad, semi fascinated by Sasuke's challenge. This was definitely different from the stone-cold Uchiha. "What kind of match?"

He gave his usual 'hn' and crossed his arms. "You know what kind of match."

"Indeed…"

Naruto, shaking out of his stupor from being so easily shelved, charged forward and gave Sasuke one nice jab in the shoulder. "Sasuke-bastard, you think you can dismiss me so easily?"

Sasuke scowled but held back from retaliating. "Get lost Naruto. I'm not interested in fighting you today," he turned back to eye Kakashi. "I want to fight him."

What on earth was going on? Sakura brushed herself off and walked up to Naruto, slinging her arm in his and pulling him back. Sasuke seemed fixed on this fight, bewildering Sakura to no end. Naruto seemed to tantamount her befuddlement as well, but strangely enough Kakashi didn't seemed surprised at all – almost seemingly eager by the smirk under his mask and the glint in his eye.

Had something happened when she blinked?

She watched him push off the tree he had been lazing against, thrusting his hands into his pockets where he then took a couple steps forward towards the zealous chuunin.

"Any rules?"

Slyness crept onto Sasuke's lips. "Whoever draws first blood, wins."

"What!" Sakura's outcry was ignored by all three, as Kakashi nodded in acquiescence.

"I accept."

She was in that damned twilight zone again, for this was just way too bizarre for it to be reality. If it wasn't for her body slightly trembling from the cold, she might've thought she was dreaming. Where did this hidden animosity come from?

She tugged on Naruto's sleeve, watching as silver and black walked a couple dozen feet away. "What's going on? Why does it seem like they hate each other?" she whispered up to him, unable to keep her eyes off the dangerous duo.

She felt him shrug. "Got me, Sasuke's just a bastard like that," he said casually, "but I'm surprised Kakashi accepted."

He wasn't the only one.

Subconsciously she clutched onto Naruto's arm, watching as they each pulled out a kunai. It was odd seeing her old love and…new? No, she mentally shook her head; things were still too confusing, fresh and far away to put a label on it. And besides, she hadn't even given him an answer.

Yet it was still strange to see Kakashi and Sasuke sparring off against each other with such an ominous air. It might have been almost romantic if the stakes had been her…but fortunately (or unfortunately, she wasn't quite sure yet) it wasn't. They were fighting because…because of what? To see who was the strongest alpha male? To prove they were even more machismo than she anticipated?

She sucked in a terrified breath as Sasuke rushed forward; kunai's clashing against each other and making her ears ring. They looked like sudden blurs of movement, her eyes watering as she refused to blink. After a few seconds of complicated and unprecedented TaiJutsu moves, Sasuke managed to swipe to the side, cutting into the edge of Kakashi's vest before splitting a log in half.

Sakura's teeth clenched in fright, imagining what would have happened to Kakashi if he hadn't used Kawarimi no Jutsu; literally, he would have been half the man he used to be.

Kakashi suddenly appeared behind Sasuke, arm wrapped around his neck in a sleeper hold, while he thrust the tip of his kunai right above Sasuke's kidney. Sakura started breathing again once she saw Sasuke turn into a gust of leaves.

God, they were both just being so…violent! Was it absolutely necessary?

_Why do men have to be so bloody dumb?_

She sighed, her heart thumping double time, then peeked at Naruto who was being unusually quiet.

"Something wrong?"

He shook his head, eyes glued to the eccentric males. "Just paying attention. Trying to find a weakness in Sasuke's technique."

She couldn't help but marvel at the blond, astonishment obvious like a fountain in the desert. Since when did Naruto turn perceptive? She switched back to watch her comrades and their idiotic battle, part of her nervously excited while the other part recoiled in fear. She knew Kakashi would win; he was a jounin where Sasuke was only a chuunin, but still…she knew despite his level status that Sasuke could be unbelievably dangerous when he wanted to be; no doubt Kakashi must be holding back as well – he wouldn't go full tilt on his own disciple would he?

"Ugh, they're so barbaric," she huffed, feeling an inclination to call them both idiots for taking this so seriously. At least they weren't using their Sharingan's...or their Chidori's. Thanks god for small favours.

"Ne, Naruto, do you think we should stop them?"

"I don't see why – looks like they're enjoying themselves."

Sakura scrunched her eyes, trying to see what Naruto was describing, and true to his word, there was a ghost of a smile playing along Sasuke's lips. Was the prospect of hurting the other man that appealing?

"You seem awfully enthusiastic this morning, Sasuke," Kakashi observed. "Any particular reason why?" His clone asked.

Sasuke remained neutral, onyx eyes fixed on both of the Kakashi's every move. "Maybe…maybe not."

"Quite the evasive reply."

Sasuke jeered. "I only learned from the best."

"I'm sure…"

Hearing enough of the Copy-ninja's for now, Sasuke unsnapped his kunai pocket and flung a piece of steel wire, ensnaring one of the Kakashi's wrists successfully. It was all done faster than Sakura had time to blink.

"It seems the Scarecrow's been caught," he sneered assertively. The Kakashi smiled, eye curved happily before he vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Not quite I'm afraid," Kakashi replied, watching his clone disappear beside him.

A sinister smile tilted Sasuke's mouth before he too disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"I win sensei."

Kakashi stiffened, feeling the cool edge of a kunai against his clothed throat, held by the real Sasuke behind him.

"So I see, he was a clone the whole time. Very clandestine of you, but there's something I need to tell you."

Crimson eyes narrowed. "What's that?"

Kakashi tilted his head, peering at Sasuke from the corner of his eye. "That I'm a clone too," he grinned.

Sasuke jumped back just in time as a series of shuriken came whizzing by through the puffy clouds of the faux Kakashi. He skidded to halt, watching as the real Kakashi jumped down from a tree's perch, two shuriken rotating around his index.

"Sorry to disappoint you, Sasuke, but I'm afraid that it's me who won."

Black-navy brows furrowed. "What are you talking about? You haven't even hurt me yet."

Kakashi coughed into his fist, before one of his fingers pointed to his cheek. Sasuke quickly reached up and pressed his finger to where Kakashi indicated. Retracting his hand, he saw the tiniest smear of blood staining his finger.

"This doesn't count – it's the size of a paper-cut!"

Kakashi shrugged, walking towards Naruto and Sakura. "Sorry, but you never specified," he said over his shoulder, voice fading a bit.

Sakura felt her heart rate and breathing return to regular tempo, realizing the match was finally over and ending in only a scratch – much better than the limb she had imagined. She heard Sasuke grumble something incoherently in the background.

"Now, what would you two like to do today?" Kakashi asked, an air of contentment surrounding him.

Sakura's eyes formed little saucers. "Since when do you let us choose?"

"Since now."

"I want to go to Ichiraku ramen!" Naruto declared.

Kakashi nodded, gaze averting to focus on Sakura, something intangible creeping inside her system that was definitely by his doing. Did he always affect her like this? "And you?"

She took in, in what she hoped for was an inconspicuous deep breath, before exhaling in hopes to get rid of some of the tension, stress, and confusion that clogged her throat and palpitated her heart. "Well, if we have a choice, I kinda want to go home." That intangible feeling suddenly left, withdrawing backwards as if she had done something to repel it.

"Oh come on, Sakura," Naruto bleated.

"It's nothing personal," she reassured, ignoring her emotions that never made sense. "It's just that my parents come home today and I want to clean up a bit and make them supper."

Kakashi gave a curt nod again; reticent, stoic, and Sakura could only give him a weak smile in return.

"Umm, I guess I'll see you guys later," she waved, sauntering away.

The remaining three sighed in unison at her departure.

"Ne, Kaka-sensei, do we still get to go to Ichiraku ramen?"

Kakashi smiled, deceptively benevolent. "As soon as you give me five-hundred laps, Naruto," he said, without a dreg of sympathy. Naruto groaned and Sasuke smirked; Kakashi still focusing in the direction his kunoichi left.

All good things come to those who wait…

* * *

**AN:** And the conclusion to all of this? I suck at writing action scenes! Lol, but anyway, YAY confessions! Or at least one confession…and who knew it would come from Kakashi? (several hands rise) Alright, alright, so it was predictable, but do we all understand what happened with our silver-haired jounin in the last chapter? Yup, you got it. He snapped! Just like an elastic band! Awe, what jealousy, confusion, and denial can do to a person :P 

And for further explanation, I see Kakashi as a man who has a lot of _stuff_ inside – not necessarily all dark, but he's so secretive and mysterious and he couldn't really be like that if he didn't keep a lot of things inside. Why he's like that? I'm not quite sure, and I don't think he really outlets all of that _stuff _soI can see it leading up to a breaking point, where he then expresses it in not so conventional ways. That's just how I see it anyway.

And a big thanks to all who've reviewed. It was interesting and fun to read some of the different reactions the last chapter caused. (Squeezes KaraQ and Christinarr into a bear hug) thanks you two for always taking the time to leave a comment. Love ya guys!

**To Phatkat**: I absolutely agree with you, although we know what's bothering her, the way I convey how she feels is quite dizzying. Hopefully it won't be like that too much from now on because I won't be focusing too much attention on this inner turmoil of hers anymore…cause well, Kakashi's going to be around to help Sakura from now on, even though he said he wasn't going to do squat )

**To Undercoverchad**: yes, mysteriousness…(cough) lol the reason I don't dabble too much into Kakashi's psyche is due to my ineptness as a writer you see. I find it much easier to delve into the mind of a sixteen year old confused, depressed, inadequate, girl lol But who knows, maybe I'll start thinking more along the lines of a very secretive, dark humoured, thirty year-old man :P

Umm, ya. My AN is too long. Sorry!

–Eris


	11. I, xi

Well I've done it. I've gone and did what some authors out there do, that is, going and responding to each reviewer O.o So if you had a question from last chapter, it shall be answered! At the bottom that is…

* * *

. 

**Courage Needs You – Chapter #11**

It was close to four in the afternoon when Sakura flopped on her bed exhausted – her puffs of breath the only sound to be heard. She had washed the floors, washed the windows, scrubbed the dishes, scrubbed the toilet, the sink, the tub. Did the laundry, did the grocery shopping, tidied her room, the living room, the kitchen. Burnt her finger, cut her hand, swore ever expletive under the sun, but finally had the rice cooking and the ingredients in the pan ready to be fried.

She mused what was more exhausting; that or Kakashi's boot camp drills. It ended in a tie.

Just as she was drifting off, the phone started blaring, jerking her awake with a grunt. She really hated the sound of her phone; a high merciless shriek that practically gave her an aneurism every time she heard it.

"Hello, Haruno res–"

"Hey girl! How was the hangover?"

Ino always had impeccable timing. "Fine."

"So what's up? You get off training early?"

"Ya, something like that. Umm Ino, who knows about what happened at Yukio's party?" The question had been nagging at her since yesterday morning.

"Oh," she giggled sheepishly causing Sakura to instinctively cringe. "Well I told Tenten, but I didn't think she would have remembered since she was so smashed, but it seemed she did, so she went and told Lee, who freaked and told Neji, who surprisingly told Hinata, who used it as a conversation starter with Naruto, who went on a rampage and blamed Sasuke, with Kakashi-senpai overhearing. And also Iruka, Hokage, my housekeeper, oh and don't forget Shikamaru who also told his parents, and god knows who they told. But besides that, nobody."

Sakura froze; shocked and utterly stupefied. What had she done in her past life to get on God's bad side? And who would've known Konoha was filled with gossiping freaks? The speed at which news traveled was almost praise worthy.

_Must. Not. Freak. Out…_

"So, any reason behind this call?" Sakura asked, straining for calm.

"Oh ya! Did you hear that Yukio was sent to emerge. with ten broken fingers? Talk about grisly!"

"What?" Was she hearing this right?

"Ya I know! I mean, who could do such a thing?"

Sakura chuckled weakly, mentally scribbling down three names on her most-likely-of-candidates list.

"Not that the creep didn't deserve it…but honestly!" Ino went on.

"Ya…" Sakura responded semi-distant, wondering which one of those bastards had stolen her retribution. "But isn't Yukio going to rat out his assailant?"

"Nope, the guy's too chicken shit – ranting about death as the repercussion or something silly like that."

Sakura couldn't help it, she just started laughing; dropping the phone from her ear and grabbing her gut as she keeled over on her bed. It was just too funny; everything was just too goddamn funny.

"Have you lost your mind?" Sakura heard, Ino blaring from the receiver.

She picked up the phone, still giggling softly, and muttered an amused, "Ya," as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

Ino 'ugh-ed' and grumbled out, "Whatever. But hey, guess what. Hokage-sama has taken me off guard duty and assigned me to a mission starting tomorrow. Seems like they need my Shintenshin no Jutsu," she said, not far from boasting.

"Oh, that's cool…hey Ino, what's your opinion on dating older men?" Sakura asked, realizing her topic-switching abilities were far from satisfactory. Thankfully Ino didn't seem to care as she heard her fingers tapping against the side of her phone in deliberation.

"Well how much older are we talking here? Three, five, eight?"

"Umm, I guess at least ten," Sakura said, nibbling on her fingernails, her conscience debating whether it was wise to reveal her intrigue on the topic. Hopefully Ino would be too scatterbrained to pick up on the painfully obvious vestige.

"At least ten eh? Well the good thing about older men is that they're more mature, not like the deadbeats our age, but not Shikamaru, he's the exception…and Neji…and Sasuke…" her thoughts trailed, along with her voice. "Anyway, as I was saying, they're more mature, and they'll probably already have a stable and successful career, so you won't have to worry about money–"

"I wouldn't use anybody for money though."

"Relax! I'm just saying the option is available. Hmm, and also they're probably more willing to commit in a relationship, and will take it more seriously. Guys our age are only looking for one-night stands."

Sakura waited till Ino's theatrical gagging diminished. "Well what about the downside?"

"Downside? Umm…only thing I can think of is that they'll probably be expecting certain things."

Sakura contemplated her words, nails bitten down to the nub. "When you say 'certain things' are you talking emotionally here?"

"Sexually you dope."

"Oh…"

_Crap._

"Why, is there some old dude you're interested in?" Ino teased; never passing up the opportunity for gossip.

"No!" was her quick reply, making her flinch from her all too eager and enthusiastic answer. She made a mental note to work on her lying abilities.

"Uh huh…" Ino remarked, drawled and dubious.

"Look, I gotta go, my parents should be home soon and I still have a couple of things left to do."

"Sure you do…"

Sakura suppressed a growl; she hated it when Ino humoured her like this – it was demeaning coming from someone so obtuse.

"Talk to you later," she beamed falsely, swiftly hanging up the phone. In retrospect, it probably hadn't been the brightest of ideas to have asked Ino. Oh well, she could dwell on it later.

Folding her hands on her stomach, she proceeded to do one of her most accustomed pastimes; staring at her familiar speckled ceiling, soothing in its hypnotic and arbitrary patterns.

It seemed whenever she was meant to sit down and think, time and silence would quickly concur in granting her reprieve from the chaos of life. Sometimes it was too coincidental for her liking.

Her forehead creased in a beleaguered fashion, her heart and mind trying to come to terms with the morning's affair.

Even though both those elements had yet to come to a conclusion, her body had seemed awfully eager in deciding for her. Maybe she was like a puppy, starving for some affection. The prospect of Kakashi furnishing her with his affections was thrilling however nerve-wracking it was.

She would be lying if she said his age and experience didn't make her feel cowed.

The man was simply intimidating with his strength and lore, but strangely appealing since he performed it so effortlessly, since that was essentially who he was; never one to put up fronts, never one to oppress or discourage; always confident in his words and actions.

What may have seemed commonplace and ordinary attributes were in fact scarce and few in between; her herself particularly included.

Kakashi was unique, special, and forbidden to someone like her; he deserving an even-tempered capable woman who rivaled the beauty of a geisha, not someone with too thin legs that shrouded their misery behind a wall of flat indifference.

And yet, he wanted her; her and the dying embers of her spirit; stating it in partial indefinite words.

But did she want him in return?

The sound of the front door opening and closing drew her upright. She paused, bating her breath as she listened to the shuffle of footsteps downstairs and the rumble of two familiar voices she hadn't heard in three weeks.

Her feet were moving before her mind could catch up, flying down the hall and stairs to see her battle weary parents in the foyer.

She gave them each a quick scan, frowning when she saw white bandages peeking through some of their regular shinobi garb.

"Are you alright?" she asked, directing the question to each of the jounins, trying to make her worry invisible. They hated it when she fretted over things unnecessarily, which was everything in their minds.

"We're fine dear," her mother responded; speech firmly soft and reassuring.

Sakura beamed in reaction, eased by her mother's assurance and threw herself on the taller pink-haired kunoichi in a bone crunching hug. The woman 'oomphed' and winced, making Sakura pull back and hear her father's disgruntled sigh.

"Are you all right, Taka?"

She nodded her head and waved her hand dismissively at her husband. "I'm going to go freshen up. It's nice to see you again sweetheart," she said, sounding as tired as she looked before ascending the stairs in fluid soundless steps.

Sakura watched her mother leave without a backwards glance and turned to face her exasperated father.

"I wish you would be more careful Sakura, Taka isn't fully healed yet." He crossed his arms, biceps bulging impressively.

Sakura nodded her head in accord, accepting her father's reprimanding. Kisho Haruno was a man whose presence demanded respect, and the option of talking back was a consideration not even to be thought.

She surveyed his heavy gait stroll into the kitchen, so much more different from her mother's soft footsteps, and followed behind him eagerly.

"So how did the mission go?"

He gave her a sideways glance before opening the cupboards; his eyes mirroring her own green perfectly, the only attribute she inherited from her father.

His gaze continued to ignore her as he responded, "it was successful."

She smiled proudly. "What did it entail?"

His mocha-coloured brows coalesced together, realizing what he was looking for wasn't there. "You know that information is strictly confidential, Sakura," and progressed to lift open the pan lid on the gas stove, his hard eyes turning dour. "What is this?" He inquired, countenance that of mild distaste.

"Oh," Sakura grinned, hopping off the counter top to stop beside her father. "I'm making Nikujaga since I know its mom's favourite. I've already cut it all up and I just need to fry it when you're hungry."

He put the lid back down and walked over to the rice cooker, popping open the top.

"Sakura, you put too much water in here."

"Huh?" she peered over the top, seeing the mush that was her rice. How could she have made such a simple mistake like that?

He snapped the top back down with a dull resounding thud. "Please try to be more careful Sakura. It's unseemly to waste food."

He spared her a glimpse before he promenaded out of the kitchen. "I'm going to check on Taka. Maybe you should go train a bit."

And then he was gone, feet thumping up the stairs before his bedroom door closed with a soft click, leaving Sakura to stand in the kitchen with the eerily quiet house once again.

* * *

. 

There was a knock on his door, timid and soft and almost not audible at all. He contemplated answering it. The knock came again, a little bolder this time, forcing him to sigh and place his quill back in the ink well. He wasn't in the mood for visitors, there was simply too much on his mind to enable him to make idle chatter.

Lifting his mask back up and lowering his hitai-ate, he ambled towards his front door at turtle pace, believing if it was important the person would persist, and if trivial then give up and leave him be.

Reaching the door he could sense a presence still on the other side, causing him to exhale noisily before pulling it open.

He stared openly in a semi-shocked state and she smiled meekly in turn.

"Hi Kakashi," followed by tentative finger wave. "I'm glad you're home. Can I come in?"

Stunned for only a fraction of a second, he stepped to the side, allowing her to slip past.

"I'm surprised I actually remembered the right address," she said slipping off her sandals and proceeded to his kitchen, sifting through his cupboards till she found where the glasses were.

He carefully watched her, observing her behaviour from the middle of his living room while she made herself at home.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," she queried, filling the glass with tap water before flouncing back to sit on that familiar black couch of his.

"Nothing of significance," he replied, sitting on his black recliner, the reflexes of his mind on high alert. "Have your parents returned yet?"

She nodded animatedly, face schooled into a lip-splitting smile. Her fingers drummed on the glass, directing Kakashi's eyes to the newly bitten nails.

"But they were tired," she informed, eyes still meandering the contents of the room, or lack thereof. "I'm just happy they're okay."

A few moments pause resounded in the room. "I like you're place," she suddenly said. "I forgot to mention that last time. Everything is so…immaculate and perfectly in order."

He arched his eyebrow, head resting against the side of his fist.

"Can I see the rest of it?"

The request made his other brow arch as well. "As you wish," he stood up, waiting for her to place the glass on the coffee table and stand as well.

She followed the jounin down the hall, hands clasped behind her back as he stopped in front of a door before pushing it open.

"This is the bathroom," he said, leaning against the doorframe to watch her expression with his humored one.

She peered around the door, seeing a typical Japanese bathroom donned in pristine white. Moving on, he took a couple steps to the parallel side of the hallway and opened another door, making it squeak on its hinges.

"My study."

This time she actually walked in, hands still behind her back as she observed and didn't touch. It was simple, but busy with information. His desk, shelves, and bookcases were a dark rose wood, littered with white and pale yellow pieces of paper and scrolls that were neatly stacked and organized.

He certainly was a neat-freak.

"What's this?" She glanced at a piece of paper, half blank left open on his desk. Her eyes squinted. "It has Naruto and Sasuke's name on it." She looked at him questioningly.

"It's a recommendation for the jounin exam."

Jade eyes lapsed into shock, before hardening into impassiveness. Keeping up a happy façade was simply too difficult now. "I see…"

"I take it neither of them notified you."

Her eyes focused on the floor. "How long have they been considering it?"

"About three months."

Small hands clenched into fists. "I see…"

An awkward silence ensued.

"When is the exam?" she continued.

"Three weeks from now."

"Do you think they'll pass?"

"They have the talent, yes."

"Oh…well that's good then," she stated, cheerful countenance sported once more, lifting her eyes to meet his gaze for the first time. "Well, I'll leave you to it then," she beamed, walking to brush past him.

He moved, his larger frame preempting her from leaving.

"Please move, Kakashi," she said, voice listless as she focused downwards.

"Why did you come here, Sakura?"

She crossed her arms. "Do I need a reason?" Then suddenly remembered Sasuke saying the same thing.

He intermitted. "No, I suppose you don't."

Except he seemed to be more accepting and understanding than she had been.

She nodded. "Well, if you'll excuse me then," and tried to slink past him, only he didn't let her.

"I'd like it if you stayed."

She weighed the statement in her mind. "Why?"

"Why? Because I enjoy your company."

She snorted, finding his words hard to believe.

"And because I would like it if you talked to me."

She made a noise resembling a 'hn'. That's all he ever seemed to want from her; for her to spill her problems to him like she was in need of a shrink.

"And what makes you think I have something to reveal now?"

Maybe if he told her the flaws in her performance, she would do better next time to avoid interrogation. Him, making her talk to him seemed to be a new hobby of his that she was seriously starting to loath.

"Ever since you walked through my door you have been putting on an act."

In hindsight, she supposed it was pretty pointless to have done so. "All right, so it was obvious, but don't you feel ashamed forcing me to tell you things I don't want to tell? Wouldn't you rather me come to you on my own?"

He mulled over her words. "Do you promise to talk to me when you feel comfortable then?"

She pondered the question herself. Would she ever willingly reveal her turmoil to him? She was so used to being independent when it came to her emotions – forcing herself to cope and keep it contained, and now she had to make a promise she wasn't sure she could keep.

And then, as if reading her mind, "Don't say it unless you mean it, Sakura."

He was staid, his voice always lowering an octave to a deep bass, warning whoever it is that it was in their best interest not to cross him at this point in time.

She huffed. "Fine, I promise." This was definitely not the way into her good books, she thought.

"Come, I'll make you some dinner," he said, lilt pleased and light as his hand guided her from the room by the small of her back. It appeared she wasn't the only one with mood swings. "Do you like katsudon?"

She nodded, a little off balance from the turn of events. It was strange yet humbling knowing Kakashi had offered to do something so mundane as cook dinner, for her no less.

Sitting on one of two chairs at the blandly attractive kitchen table, with her legs tucked underneath her, she watched in silent contentment as Kakashi zigzagged around his tasks, making her completely forget about the day's events.

It was disturbing that he even had a fluid finesse in the kitchen, doing everything with a practiced ease as he swiftly cut up onions and pork, flipping and throwing it up in the air before cracking two eggs into the pan, the rice cooking away on the counter.

He looked like an oddly bizarre chef and it was fascinating to see such a different side to the man who knew over a thousand jutsu's. He must have been doing this on purpose, she realized, eyes glazed over with a goofy grin in place. He was a man cryptic with his words, but usually his actions made up for his lack of communication.

This was something he wanted her to see, or else he wouldn't be doing what he was doing. She felt ridiculously special all of a sudden. I mean, who else got to see the famous Copy-nin cook?

"Will you be eating too?"

A toss and a flip and a "yes."

She perched up expectantly. "Does that mean I get to see your face?"

She could see him quietly laughing at her, but this was too important of a question to let inhibition take over.

"Do you want to see it?" he teased, going back to his cooking.

She leaned forward, almost toppling over her chair in excitement. "Of course I want to see it! So does that mean you'll show me?"

He chuckled. "No."

Irked, she leaned back in her chair and fixed him with a glare. "Will you ever show me?" she asked exasperated.

He shrugged with a smile. "Maybe."

"Maybe!" She threw her hands up in the air, accompanied with an eye roll, too happy to be really annoyed. "How am I supposed to be with someone who won't even show me their face?" she blurted, laughing a little before realizing what she had brought up. She had meant to avoid the topic for the time being – at least until she had come up with an answer.

He looked at her keenly, wondering if she was going to say more.

"Is that what it will take, Sakura?" he asked after the silence had grown too intense. "Because if it is…I'll show you."

She glowered, hating him for making her temptation clash against her morals. "No, I'm not so shallow as to base an important decision on something like that," she defended, although that hadn't always been the case. "But when you _do_ show me," she paused, making sure she had his attention, "it'll be because you want to, and not because you're trying to persuade me."

He grinned, swishing around the meat and vegetables, making it sizzle even more. "I knew you would say that," he grinned. "That's why I offered."

She faltered; irritated he could read her so well. "So you gave me that proposition because you knew I would say no?"

He concentrated on his cooking, giving a nod in affirmation. Her efforts in scowling were wasted on him, per usual.

"You know, you're the only person who can make me so furious."

He chuckled softly, turning off the stove and scooping some rice into two large bowls. "That's flattering for you to say."

She frowned confused. "How does that make sense?"

Placing the pan contents onto each bowl of rice, he pulled out two pairs of simple wooden chopsticks from a drawer and set it down before Sakura.

"Because if I can get such a reaction out of you, that means you care. You wouldn't waste such emotional effort on a stranger would you?"

She cogitated his words. She supposed his logic did make sense – in a weird twisted sort of way.

She was just about to ask him how he was going to eat without her seeing his face, when he leaned his frame against the fridge, back facing towards her while he pulled down his mask and started his own meal.

He looked ridiculous, standing there eating his food, giving her a nice view of his backside and nothing more. The things he would do just so she wouldn't see his face – it almost made her want to laugh out loud.

Shaking her head, she took an experimental bite, only to have her taste buds go into instant overload. It was positively the best katsudon she had ever had – but of course she wasn't about to tell him that. The man was sickeningly good at everything; he didn't need to hear he was a master chef as well. Strange how his ego wasn't the size of Konoha by now...

"So what was with you and Sasuke this morning?" she asked through a mouthful of rice – she never did have proper table manners, as her mother would always say.

She watched him shrug, feeling the tempting urge to lean back in her chair to try and sneak a peek at his face.

"Nothing; it was just a friendly spar."

She snorted. "And Sasuke and Itachi are best friends."

"You saying you don't believe me?"

She gave him a 'well duh!' look, then realized he couldn't see it. "Well, it didn't seem friendly," she said, shoveling some food into her mouth.

"Well it was friendly on my part, as for Sasuke, you'll have to ask him that yourself."

Which was something she fully intended to do. Scraping the remains of her food into her mouth, and almost considering licking the bowl clean, she set it down with a thump, a satisfied smile in place. She hoped she wouldn't get hiccups from the demonic speed she ate at.

Looking around, she spotted a clock on his wall in the living room, seeing it was 7:30pm. She wondered how long she was allowed to stay before he got tired of her or her parents got curious.

Placing his bowl in the sink, he pulled his mask back up and sauntered over to her, looking at her bowl with laughter in his eye.

"Did you enjoy it?"

Her lips formed a hard line, refusing to tell him the satisfaction her tongue and belly felt. "It was all right, I've had better though," she lied.

His eye twinkled knowingly. "I see," he smirked, mood buoyant and unfazed as he placed her bowl with his, starting the whole cleaning process.

Another weird thing to see: Kakashi doing dishes.

Sakura forced herself to engrave this scene in her memory.

"When did you need to be home?"

The question, although seemingly innocent, suddenly made her realize how young she was compared to him. He was a fully grown man who made his own set of rules, and she was a mid-teenaged girl who had a curfew (at least when her parents were home).

It made her wonder all the more what she was doing here.

"What's wrong?" he asked, flippant quality gone as he dried his hands on a dish towel before approaching her.

"Huh? Oh, it's nothing," she comforted, willing herself to smile. It was a topic too awkward and not ready to be brought up.

He stared at her for a few moments; those moments telling Sakura he knew she was lying, _again_!

"All right, so what did you want to do?" he asked, ambling out of the kitchen to the living room, hands hidden in his pockets.

Sakura stared after him dumbfounded, shocked that he hadn't persisted or called her on her lie. Her mouth pulled upwards in an appreciative smile as soon as the astonishing instant passed, realizing he was staying true to his word as long as she did the same.

It made her all of a sudden want to tell him…

Funny how the human mind worked.

She watched him laze on his couch, looking at her expectantly for her to answer or move. Un-tucking her legs, she treaded towards him.

"I just want you to know," she began, slumping down next to him, "that I don't mean to lie…its just that I'm uncomfortable talking about whatever it is I'm refusing to talk about." She sighed; she sounded like an idiot.

The air of humor surrounded him again. "I know," he grinned, "so stop worrying."

Of course he knew, she thought, he always knew.

It was ten o'clock by the time she left his place, a small smile on her face that refused to disappear. She didn't know why, but she felt strangely at ease with herself – lighter and more liberated than she had experienced in over a year.

They hadn't done anything extravagant, nothing that was worth bragging about – but it was memorable just the same. She had finally been able to ask him things she had always wanted to know; no longer feeling inhibited or strange about wanting to know a more personal side to her sensei. They had talked, him telling her stories about his ANBU years, by her request, and she telling him anecdotes of her childhood.

He had lent her a GenJutsu scroll, which she still held tightly in her hand, which had also brought about tales and question from her about all the Jutsu's he knew.

He had led such an exciting and remarkable life before she had even met him; experiencing things in years which took people a whole life time to achieve.

Her life in comparison seemed so dull and uneventful. What had she done that was so unforgettable? That was so worthwhile and so astounding that people would always remember?

Why did she have to be so ordinary, so revoltingly simple?

She shook her head sighing. Why the hell did Kakashi want to be with someone like her?

She was a girl who valued logic and reason, and so far, Kakashi was anything but, concerning her at least.

She had wanted to ask him what it was exactly he saw in her – his student – a girl fourteen years his junior who had represented a daughter up until recently, but the words had been clogged in her throat, finding it impossible to ask.

She knew she would need to know before she made a decision, but she figured it simply hadn't been the right time to ask and she hadn't wanted to ruin the carefree atmosphere they had created with a serious question either.

The inquiry would simply have to wait until the timing was right.

Opening her front door enough for her to squeeze past, she stealthily closed and locked it, slipping off her sandals and crept through the foyer up the stairs.

She nearly fell over when she saw her father standing atop the stair landing.

"Were you training?" he asked, voice hushed, making her quickly understand her mother was asleep.

She nodded, looking up at the man who normally towered above her on even ground, who seemed monstrously tall now that he had the extra height of two steps. Shadows danced about his face, making it seem more angular and demonic than it actually was, especially as it played along the deep scar that ran down his left cheek.

Her father had the special ability to be scary when he wasn't even trying.

"I was training with Kaka-sensei. He's been privately training me for the last week," she informed, tone just as hushed.

She watched his naturally narrowed eyes widen a tad. "Privately training?" and stroked his brown stubbly chin with his thumb and index, eyes upturned in thought. "That's a good idea. You should have had a private trainer years ago. If you did, maybe you would have passed the chuunin exam the first time and might even be looking into jounin status by now."

Her smile fell into indifference. "He says I have potential and that he hopes he can bring it out in me," she said, remembering those words effortlessly because he had meant them wholeheartedly.

"So what did he teach you tonight?"

She faltered for a second, forcing herself to quickly come up with a lie. "He's been helping me with my stamina and speed recently," she said, which wasn't actually a lie per se. She was thankful Kisho couldn't read her like Kakashi could – the thought of being caught lying making her heart stop.

"That's good; you always did have difficulties with endurance."

She nodded in accord, scroll clutched between her hands, making him glance at it briefly.

"It's late, you should go to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

She gave him a weak smile in return and didn't move towards her bedroom till she watched him disappear behind his own.

She let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, and scurried towards her room, stripping out of her clothes and into her pajama's before crawling into bed. Why did she feel like she had done something criminal?

Sighing, she curled herself into a tight little ball and compelled herself to sleep.

* * *

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**AN:** This chapter is sort of an interlude…but not. It might not seem like much is happening but you get to see what sort of relationship Sakura has with her parents…and how Sakura and Kakashi interact with one another now that his feelings are up in the air.

And on to author responses which I'm sure no one cares about or reads :D

**AfroKane** – I believe it became apparent in chapter 5 and 6 when he was rubbing her legs…how his objective got side tracked and how he got a little too much gusto from the little sounds she made and the way she looked and responded and just everything. I don't think it was like 'bam', all of a sudden he realizes he feels something for her…I believe he was harbouring it deep within him although he wasn't sure or aware of what it was till that day, especially the day he found out about her and Yukio. I hope that helps a little. Thanks for the lovely comment!

**Demeter1** – you know its funny 'cause I'm kind of a rambler in the way I talk, so its interesting that it comes out in my writing also. I'll try harder to cut back and catch it when I do. And Kakashi's drawl isn't just sexy, its orgasmic inducing sexy! Oops…did I actually write that? Hehehe Thanks for the comment and critique!

**Tami **– I'm going to say this at the cost of being moronic, but sometimes the Sharingan eye has me really confused lol I read in the manga that it involves hypnotic techniques and an attention to detail, which enables them to easily copy Jutsu's involving hand seals…but besides that and Mangekyou Sharingan (which I don't fully comprehend either) I'm not really sure what else the Sharingan can do. If you or anybody else knows, feel free to tell me! I'm probably well overdue for a Sharingan lesson.

**Esther** – wah, that sucks! I'm sorry FF was being crappy that day…I would have loved to have read your review, although I still loved the one you left me :P And I can sympathize with you having to deal with friends who don't think much of fanfiction. I have my share of 'em also. They just don't know what they're missing!

**KaraQ** – blah, I just realized I never answered your question in chapter 9, which is yes, you can give the link to my story in other places. Feel free to pimp it as much as you want lol And to answer your question (along with many others) is Sasuke jealous, protective, or what? Well, you'll just have to wait and see what he's up to, if anything hehe

**Undercoverchad** – Hell ya! I wish it were me also! And I have permission to smack you, you say? (sends you a virtual smackdown) lol nah, you aren't spoiling anything 'cause I ain't confirming nothing! Bwhahaha you along with others will just have to wait and see what our favourite anti-social Uchiha is up to. And you feel it was rushed? I can understand that, but I guess the way I view Kakashi is someone who doesn't have any reservation or inhibition, and also someone who doesn't deny themselves of the things they want (holds up Icha Icha Paradise) But then he is also a very secretive and a private person and gah, it's a confusing topic ne? At least to me. And don't apologize for leaving a long review. I LOVE long reviews, so discuss whatever you want as much as you want :P (hugs)

**Iro-Ao** – you want more you say? Are you sure? Maybe if you add one more 'more' in there, I'll consider it hehe just teasing. Thanks for the encouragement!

**Christinarr **– Ah, don't die! I need your inspiration to keep me going! And sorry there wasn't any physical interaction between them in this chapter. Maybe the next one? And I can't wait till I build and build this story till I finally reach the second arc! Jebus, this arc feels like it just keeps going, but I'm thinking 4-5 more chapters and it'll be finished, and then the mission! Dun dun dun…(grins) thanks for the review!

**Aoko** – you're confused? Awesome! Mission complete! Hehe no but seriously its how I kinda want the readers right now…questioning what Sasuke is doing and wondering if he is up to something. And I like the fact he made the first move also (even though I'm the one writing it...)

**Mad Pierrot Le Fou** – Yay, I'm glad my story isn't boring you! The only thing I really learned from my highschool writing class is that 50 percent (why don't they allow the percent sign?) is supposed to be narration, 25 percentis description, and the other 25 percent exposition. I think I only got the 25 percent exposition down and everything else is just jumbled. Maybe that's why my teacher despised my writing…(ponders) And I agree, the majority of KakaSaku stories that I've read have been just really incredible, and I'm flattered that you think mine is as well. One last thing; thank _God_ the times have changed. Go KakaSaku!

**Lara Roberts** – Thanks! I'm glad you liked the chapter. It's people like you who leave reviews that helps the author along. Whenever I feel sorta stuck at a part, I'll take a break, read some of the comments people have left me, and go back to writing feeling inspired :D

**xLindsayx** – lol yay, more Sasuke guessing! You know I've been worried a lot of my story has been kinda predictable and boring, but it seems I've pulled off Sasuke being quite the enigma. Your excitement makes me excited! Wah!

**Unknown** – the best you've ever read? Wow, I'm flattered…but were you under the influence of something when you wrote that? Lol jk. My ultimate fav fanfiction stories that I've read are:

'Laying Amongst Dokatsu' by Nostawen Allesiel (Inuyasha).

'The Disappearing Life' by Meris ann (Witch Hunter Robin).

'Shadows Against a Shoji Screen' by Cappie (Inuyasha).

'Fugue' by Resmiranda (Inuyasha).

'Shadow Dancer' by Belladonna1 (LOTR).

The 'When Dreams Change' trilogy by Cymberleah (Trigun).

And finally 'Chasing Methuselah' by Sandra E (Inuyasha)

All very long – very beautiful – very well-written stories. So if you like any of those categories, you should give 'em a try!

**Maris **– (sighs along with you) Kakashi is just simply scrumptious, isn't he? Now if only it had been me instead of Sakura on that bridge (and if Kakashi was real…) then I would be set. Oh how cruel reality is, but I'm getting off topic. Thanks for the review :P

**Nimacu - **(dances a jig) oh, you didn't mean that kinda groove did you? I'm also glad that maybe now she'll start being a little like the old Sakura, although not entirely. Maybe just not as mopey and depressed now, which is always a good thing :D And yay, you think they're in character! Sometimes it's hard for me to judge if they're in character or not since i'm the one writing it, and some of the chapters I've been quite uncertain, including the last. So thanks for not confirming but obliterating my fears!

**Afiag** – (joins in on your cursing against Naruto and Sasuke) Think of all the lemony goodness that would have come if those little buggers hadn't shown up! Hehe actually not…I don't think they're quite ready for that yet, even though Kakashi is a lecher. Poor Sakura, how is she going to handle him?

**Mizuki** – (hugs) I'm happy I'm portraying Kakashi as somewhat believable and human. Seriously, the man is sometimes flippin hard to write! But I'm glad it's turning out okay so far. I want Sakura and Kakashi to be characters that maybe reader's can identify with (although probably not so much Kakashi as Sakura). Oh ya, I really hope you cut and pasted all those 'continues' lol here's a cookie for your effort!

And that's it! I'll probably never do that again, but maybe I will…who knows. Human nature is unpredictable (or maybe just me). Happy reading peeps!

–Eris


	12. I, xii

**AN: **Alright, things are going to be picking up a bit in this chapter, in regards to the timeline that is. This chapter spans exactly one week, so it'll be kinda jumpity. I can see the next few chapters being like this also 'cause I really want to get things moving along now.

And beware of the fluff! Actually treasure the fluff in this chappie 'cause there won't be a lot of it in my story. I have plans you see...:shifty eyes:

And that's it. Enjoy!

* * *

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**Courage Needs You – Chapter #12**

Wednesday afternoon, 3:29pm. Weather: overcast. Company: Kakashi. Destination: field 10km due east.

Five days since Kakashi's confession and Taka and Kisho's return.  
Four days since seeing Ino and Tenten; Ino's mission return date: tomorrow.  
Three days since Naruto left on a mission; return: three days from today.  
One day since seeing Sasuke; reason for visit: undetermined.  
Number of times Sakura visited Kakashi's apartment in the last five days: five.

"What are you doing?"

"Thinking."

"About…?"

"Life; the last few days; you…me."

"Aa."

"Kakashi?"

"Hmm?"

"Tell me a story."

"Aren't you a little old for stories?"

"Maybe, but tell me one anyway."

He tilted his head back against the trunk, eyes surveying the tree's bows above him. Sakura was leaning against his chest and between his legs, repeatedly popping open and closing the button on his shuriken holster. It was endearing in a way he couldn't explain.

"There once was a girl–"

"Is this girl me?"

"No; just listen. There once was a girl who was the most beautiful girl in the village, but for all her beauty, she did not possess a heart. Everyday she would have suitors requesting her hand in marriage. They would offer her jewels and silks and land and titles, if only she would return their love. In response, she would always say, 'I'm sorry, I am unable to love one such as thee'.

"One day she was in her grove of apple trees, when a man approached her, sword at his hip and dressed in filthy rags. 'I have traveled many miles and seen many things but alas, I have never seen such beauty. Please, tell me your name,' he implored. The beautiful girl laughed and sneered at the man. 'Go away, there is nothing you can possibly offer me in turn,' she said.

"Saddened, the man said, 'I may not have much to offer, but I promise to love you for as long as I live.' The girl laughed and scoffed. 'I could never love one such as thee!' Enraged by her ugly nature, the man pulled his sword from its sheath and stabbed the girl through her heart, pinning her to an apple tree.

"Startlingly, the girl did not die. 'So I see,' the man said. 'You do not have a heart and are unable to die. Tell me that you love me and I shall release you from this fate.'

"Terrified of being pinned to an apple tree for the rest of her life, the girl tried to speak the words, but sadly she was unable, for she didn't have a heart and could not declare such a statement.

"'If you are not able, I will leave you pinned to this tree everyday until you are capable of telling me that you love me,' he said, before walking away, leaving the beautiful girl in sorrow.

"Everyday the man returned, and everyday she was unable to tell him that she loved him. Days turned to months, and months turned to a year. Finally the girl could not take anymore and beseeched the heavens. 'Please, I beg of you, bestow upon me a heart so I am able to love.'

"The heavens, sympathizing with the girl, granted her wish and released her from the tree, bearing her a heart in return. Ecstatic, the girl ran through her grove to tell the man only to find him already approaching. She quickly told him the heavens had taken pity upon her and granted her a heart, enabling her to love.

"Happy, the man hugged her. 'Tell me the words I have been waiting to hear,' he said. Smiling, the girl nodded. 'I…I…' only the words would still not come out. Impatient, the man said, 'Why are you still unable to say it?'

"Confused, the girl only shook her head. 'I don't understand' she said. 'I have a heart, so why am I still unable to tell you?'

"Furious once more by her rejection, the man pulled a dagger from his boot and stabbed the girl in the heart once more. Blood poured from her wound and she died shortly after."

Kakashi peered to the side, tucking stray pink hairs behind Sakura's ear, enabling him to see her expression. "Do you know what the moral of the story is?"

Sakura's brow scrunched in thought, as she drew lazy circles in the middle of his palm. "That men are violent beasts who try to dominate women?" She grinned up at him.

Kakashi arched his silvery brow. "I suppose you could view it like that. The moral is _supposed_ to be that just because you have a heart, doesn't mean you are capable of loving."

"Hmm…" she paused, eyes blank with thought. "Or that love can't be forced."

"That too."

"Or it could also mean that heartlessness keeps you alive."

He frowned. "That's a pessimistic view on life."

"Well, it was _your_ story," she emphasized, jabbing him in the thigh with her finger.

"If I remember correctly, it was a certain pink haired kunoichi who requested a childish story in the first place," he countered.

Growling low in her throat, she tried to push off him, only to have his arms snake around and hold her in place. She leaned back into him compliantly, smiling on the inside that he refused to let her go. "Well I never told you what _kind_ of story to tell. That was totally up to you," she said, continuing their dispute.

"Here, I have another story. There once was a girl with pink hair and green irises," Sakura rolled her eyes, "who completely disrupted a certain silver-haired, handsome, intelligent, strong and capable man's life."

_Oh brother. _

She hoped this story was short.

"And when the man tried to help her train, she would tenaciously refuse and ask him to tell her stories instead."

She elbowed him in the gut, earning a little 'oomph' from him for her trouble. "I'm not stubborn!" Alright so that was a lie. "And I don't always slack off during training," although she always wanted to. "And this is the first time I asked you to tell me a story," excluding the second time she was in his apartment. But anecdotes about his past didn't count.

"Hmm? Who said I was talking about you?" he asked; countenance innocent.

Jade eyes glowered at him over her shoulder. "Fine, I have a story of my own. There once was a silver-haired jerk whose ego was so big that it earned itself the title of 'First walking continent'."

He intermitted. "That was a pretty crappy story," he said finally, tone a matter-of-fact.

"Ugh!"

Grunting, she tried to pry his fingers off from around her waist, and squirmed to be let free. He started chuckling and pulled her back against him.

"I'm teasing, I'm teasing," he said, laughter ringing in his speech. "Relax."

Giving him one last view of her miffed expression, she sulked and crossed her arms, Kakashi's silent mirth still vibrating into her back.

Things certainly had changed between them, she mused, going over memories and conversations of the last few days. She still hadn't told him how she felt, even though she was pretty confident in the answer. Kakashi too hadn't brought up his own sentiments, not since the first day he told her, and even then it had been evasive. He hadn't said he loved her, hadn't even said he liked her; just that he didn't want anyone to touch her and that he was jealous when someone had.

Which reminded her, she still had a score to settle with Yukio; taking advantage of her like that then hitting her when she had slighted his ego by calling out another's name. She was still slightly miffed that someone had beaten her to the punch and had broken all of his fingers – stealing away both her revenge and satisfaction.

Her overwrought muscles caused by recollections of Yukio, unwound as Kakashi unconsciously traced the length of her arm with his fingers, lazy and arbitrary in its pattern. She had discovered two days ago that long interludes of silence between them was actually comforting and soothing, sometimes even more enjoyable than any conversation they could have.

She had also discovered that they had a knack for arguing with one another; not passionate arguments per se, but heated discussions which usually led to his amusement and her vexation. It made her wonder for a fleeting moment if he stoked her inner flame on purpose just to have a good laugh and rile her up. No doubt the option was plausible since it was considering Kakashi; the man with no reservation unlike herself.

It made her deliberate her position now with him, feeling the slow movements of his chest rising and falling – the warmth of his body – the smell of his skin. Only last week things had been much different, contact between them being awkward at first, at least on her part, too shy to actually initiate anything and let him make the moves with the possibility of rejection.

On Saturday it hadn't been more than a few brushes of contact – an arm bumping here, a hand lingering longer than usual; a proximity that kept them gratuitously close without actually touching. It almost felt like they had taken a huge leap backwards in terms of contact when she thought of the way he had touched her a few days prior.

She ruminated the idea that he felt he had been too quick too bold too soon with her, and in result had deliberately slowed things down between them. If that was the truth and he was holding back, she wondered if it was because of her age.

Sunday had been interesting, nearly giving her a heart attack when he had showed up at her door – her, coming down the stairs to see her father making idle chit chat with the man who had less than pure intentions with his daughter. Not that Kisho knew of course, or else Kakashi wouldn't be living and Sakura would have had a two-foot leash strapped to her wrist which connected to her father.

"Would you like to get some extra training in today, Sakura?" he had asked, knowing fully well her answer would be a blunt no, but also knowing she was bright enough to know he was implying something entirely different.

She had looked at him skeptically, before giving a curious nod and charged upstairs to change into her training outfit.

Her parents had been ostensibly pleased; glad she was willing to train on her day off – that or they were just plain pleased she was leaving the house.

Taka had even expressed gratitude to the Copy-nin, telling him she was delighted by the fact that he was spending extra time with Sakura, privately training and taking care of her.

If she only knew, Sakura had thought.

Kakashi had only graciously accepted the praise, leaving no room for suggestion or implications of a hidden agenda with their daughter. He was just about to ask her parents how their mission had fared, when Sakura had snagged him by his arm and shuffled him out of her house.

Watching him casually converse with her parents had just been too nerve-racking to bear. At least it had been then, reminiscing about it now she supposed it had been sort of funny, but no where near humorous enough to wish for a repeat.

Monday things had progressed considerably in the means of contact. They were in a position much the same as now, yet he had been reading Icha Icha Violence and she had been reading a romance novel suggested by Tenten.

She had been stiff and uneasy at first, feeling uncomfortable as arrows of pain shot up and down her spine, her back unwilling to relax into his chest. Kakashi hadn't commented, however he surely must have noticed even though his attention had been directed towards his book.

After half an hour, her spine finally gave out, her back going limp against his chest, bashful from the sudden physical contact. He had remained taciturn, relaxed as he flipped a page in his book, either oblivious or not choosing to remark on her behaviour. Something she had been utterly grateful for.

It had taken her another half hour to be fully unperturbed, and as soon as the moment struck, she wondered how she could have ever felt awkward to begin with.

And it wasn't just their rapport altering either; she noticed subtle changes in herself additionally. She smiled more, and laughed, also got angry and nettled more frequently too.

It was like her puppet suddenly got strings, bringing it to life, refurbishing the wood and glossing up her paint. She was almost fit to perform on stage again – blessed with the capability to wear different emotional masks, replacing the blank one she had been performing with before.

"Kakashi, do I really disrupt your life?" she asked, suddenly remembering his taunt.

His fingers halted their dance on her arm. "Yes." He felt her stiffen against him, shocked or hurt he couldn't ascertain unless he forced her to look at him. The cliché saying 'eyes are the window to your soul' was particularly true in her case. "But I never said it was an unwanted disruption," he continued

"Interesting, since that's usually what a disruption is – not exactly something coveted."

"Aa, I guess you're just a special case then."

Shortly after, they departed, Sakura going home remorse ridden that she had been spending all of her time with Kakashi when she had been anticipating her parents return so eagerly before. Upon arrival, she found her father writing up a report in his study, and her mother careening around the kitchen busily.

"I heard Naruto-kun and Sasuke-kun are going to be participating in the next jounin exam," she said giving her daughter a smile. "I'm sure they'll have no problem in passing."

Sakura mutely nodded in acquiescence, curious as to how her mother already knew.

"So how about you, dear? Have you considered the jounin exam?"

If her mother truly knew her, she would have known the answer to be no.

"Kaka-sensei doesn't think I'm ready for it yet."

Taka, stopping her preparation for supper, smiled understandingly and stepped forward, enveloping her discontented daughter and kissing the top of her cherry head. "Don't worry, your time will come," she said, smoothing back Sakura's hair, resting her cheek on top. "You just have to be patient till that time comes."

Burying her face into her mother's shirt, she suppressed the surge of emotion that swept forward, bewildered why she suddenly felt so saddened by Taka's comforting words and warm embrace. Really, it should have been cathartic instead.

Thursday, Sakura walked into her house at 5:13pm, looking a little worse for wear than ordinary. Explanation: Kakashi and his barbaric boot camp drills. Apparently he was making up for lost time spent on fables and comfortable silence the day before. She supposed it was a good thing though; it wouldn't be beneficial to either of them if their new rapport caused distractions, although she wouldn't have really minded either.

Eight thirty-three pm, Sasuke appeared in her window, rapping softly on the glass and startling Sakura into attentiveness. Opening her window, he clambered on in, imitating a panther with his cat-like grace and pure black garb.

"Is something wrong?" It wasn't everyday Sasuke appeared in her window-way – that was more of a Naruto trait.

He assuaged her fear with a simple, "No" as he looked around her room with a Charlatan interest.

Feeling rather surly at the moment, Sakura figured this was a good enough time to ask as any. "Why didn't you tell me you and Naruto were considering the jounin exam?"

She was decidedly put-out about the whole thing, he noted. "So you found out," he remarked blandly, quietly humored as he spotted a romance novel resting on her night table. "A new hobby of yours?" he ribbed, gesturing towards the book.

Sakura pointedly ignored him. "You're not answering the question."

He spared her a glance this time, endless pools of black boring into her and rooting her to the spot. Amusement suddenly danced across his eyes as he gave a simple shrug, sitting down and leaning back on his elbows on her bed.

The way he was acting so cavalier in her personal space, grated on her nerves.

"I suppose we didn't tell you because we knew you would be upset."

Irked, she crossed her arms, weight resting to one side of her leg. "So you thought it would be better to keep it from me?"

"Seemed like a good idea at the time, ya."

The more he spoke, the more exacerbated the situation became, forcing Sakura's mood to dour even more. Clomping towards him, she grabbed his arm and hauled him off her bed, shoving his resisting weight back outside her window – or at least that's what she tried to do.

"Get out," she grumbled, grunting as his larger frame refused to move.

He glimpsed over his shoulder, mass leaning back into her shove and seeing her face steaming righteous fury.

"God you're annoying," she panted, tired of trying to move his inflexible person.

He smirked. "I thought that was my line."

Completely put-off by his high-handed attitude, she made a sound resembling disgust and strode towards her bedroom door. Sasuke could stay in her room for all she cared; she just needed to get away from him lest she did something drastic. Good thing the guy was gorgeous, since he certainly didn't have anything else going for him in the personality department.

That was her last thought before she suddenly found her torso smashed against her door, Sasuke's body restraining her on the other side. She snarled in aggravation as her hands were held fast behind her back – again!

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she snapped, attempting to stomp on his foot only to have him move it in time. She froze as she felt him bury his nose in her hair, hearing him take a deep inhale against her ear.

"You smell like Kakashi. Why?"

She tensed unwillingly, her mind racing a mile a minute. Did he know? Had he seen them? Suddenly she didn't care about him pinning her against the door anymore.

"I was training with him you idiot."

He didn't respond; face still nuzzled against the crook of her ear. Revolted by his gauche methods of garnering information, Sakura snapped her head back – connecting with chin, mouth, nose – she wasn't quite sure, but knew she had damaged something by the sound of pain he emitted, and released her hands to stumble back a couple feet.

Turning on a fulcrum she glared; green eyes dark and menacing as she observed blood trickle from his nose in sick satisfaction.

Unperturbed by the bloody nose, he simply wiped it off with the cuff of his sleeve, appraising the girl in front of him before a sly smile glided into place. He gave her a nod, as if acknowledging something for the first time, then left without a word.

The next day, Friday, she hadn't spoken a word to Kakashi about Sasuke's little surprise visit, unsure of how he would react to such a thing. Their controversial affair had only lasted a week today, and already Sasuke was showing signs of suspicion. She concluded that if he brought up another remark concerning her and Kakashi, she would tell the older man and they would have to be even extra cautious.

Although Kakashi had never informed her if he had told anyone, and hadn't verbally banned her from telling others either – there was an unspoken agreement that this 'thing' they had between them – whatever it may be – was not to be mentioned to anyone, under no circumstances.

She supposed it was exciting yet slightly stressful as well, doing something covert and taboo, but she couldn't help but wonder if the taxing part of their affair would later overshadow the thrilling part in the future.

Later that day when she met up with Ino and Tenten, it had proved interesting and also a smidgen informative.

"All right, what happened? I haven't even been gone for a week and you're positively glowing!"

"Huh? Glowing?" was Sakura's intelligent reply, discretely giving herself a once over.

"Yes! You look like a walking glow stick for crying out loud!"

Tenten had only enthusiastically bobbed her head up and down in agreement.

She feigned innocence. "I don't know what you're talking about. Nothing has happened since you left."

Of course they hadn't believed her, but then again, she really hadn't expected them too.

Managing to skillfully dodge question after question, and giving her acting talents a good work out, she nimbly slipped by her gregarious friends who were, per usual, chatting up the opposite sex. Now at home, standing in front of her mirror, she tried to see what her friends had seen; nope, no inner luminosity whatsoever. She wondered if they had a sixth sense with everything male related.

The sound of her front door opening and closing distracted her from her own appraisal, making her instinctively smile and walk down to greet her parents.

"Dad," she started, following him into his study, "I was wondering if you wanted to supervise my training tomorrow after I finish with Kaka-sensei?" The truth of the matter was that more training made her want to scream and yank out all her hair, but she couldn't cogitate a better reason that her father would agree upon.

She often made such decisions and sacrifices in order to have a little father-daughter time that she always heard about but never had the opportunity to experience. Ino was a prime example who liked to boast about the latest ability her father had taught her – the bragging grating on Sakura's nerves. Somewhere deep inside her logical self she knew the blonde never meant to swank and that she only viewed it as such because Ino tirelessly talked about things which Sakura had always surreptitiously sought out. But still…

"I'm sorry Sakura, but your mother and I are leaving tomorrow on a mission," he said, leafing through some papers on his desk, back facing her as she lingered in the doorway.

Her happy demeanor wavered. "The both of you? Again?"

"You know we're often paired together on the same mission, Sakura. We're one o–"

"–of the most efficient pairings Konoha has to offer because you have been training and working together since the academy," she said, finishing his sentence for him. She had heard those words so many times that they sprouted from her like second nature now.

Sighing, she tried to keep her disappointment hidden and to a minimum.

"Precisely," he replied, unfazed by her interruption. "I'm glad you understand."

Only she didn't, despite what he thought. He strode by her carrying a few papers, giving her a fleeting glance before proceeding upstairs.

She didn't know why, but she continued to follow him. "How long will you be gone?" she asked meekly, her steps overheard by his thumping ones.

"Two months."

"Oh…"

She lingered in her parent's doorway, already seeing her mother preparing for whatever journey they had to embark on tomorrow.

"What's the mission?"

Kisho gave her a cautioned glare, telling her she shouldn't be asking – of course Taka never felt the same reservation as her husband.

"Just that there's been recent skirmishes along the boundary of Grass and Leaf. We're being sent there as border reinforcements for the time being, making sure it doesn't escalate further into the Fire Country."

"Taka, you shouldn't be telling her our mission outline," he said, acrimony undertone tangible.

Sakura shrank back, cowed by her father's caustic tone, but Taka simply smiled and brushed off her husband's anger.

It was interesting though, that they were being sent to the border. Shikamaru and two other chuunins arrived approximately two weeks prior from what seemed to have been the same mission, although theirs had only entailed information retrieval and confirming rumors or not. It seemed Shikamaru and his team had been misinformed, since her parents were being sent there tomorrow. The fact that Shikamaru – Konoha's number one genius, had been incorrect left a disturbing knot of discomfort in Sakura's belly.

"Do you have to go? I mean…did Hokage-sama request your presence?"

"We offered to go, dear," Taka said, placing a few necessities in her travel bag.

Sakura looked at them incredulously. "You offered? But why? You've only been home for a week and you're already leaving for another mission?"

Kisho and Taka simultaneously looked over at their daughter's sudden outcry; Taka offering a sad smile, semi-understanding, and Kisho simply schooling annoyance.

"What's this about, Sakura?"

She cowered slightly, brows knit in a beleaguered fashion, hating the displeased tone in her father's voice.

"It's just so…sudden," she replied, eyes focused on her fidgety hands, knowing she couldn't say what she really meant.

"You're a shinobi Sakura," Kisho stated firmly, attention focused on his own packing. "You should be proud that your parents are serving Konoha."

"I am proud!" Sakura countered, earning her a glare. "I just wish you wouldn't serve Konoha so frequently." Was it really so horrible that she wanted to spend time with her family? She didn't think so, but the demeanor her parents were sporting made her believe otherwise.

"You're selfish, Sakura," he said flatly and so confidently that she instantly believed him.

"Kisho…" Taka said, not reprimanding but sadly, making Sakura wonder if her mother agreed.

"This isn't about you Sakura, you should know that," he said, sifting through his drawers, back facing his broken daughter. "Konoha will always come first – before you – before me – before your mother. If Konoha needs me, I will never hesitate in serving." He stalled his movements to regard his daughter gravely, ignoring her distraught expression. "It would do well if you learned to accept that."

Sakura said nothing, only giving an obedient nod while hatred swam in her eyes; willing the tightness in her throat and the stinging behind her lids to disappear. She surveyed her parents looking at her stunned, making her blink and clear away the loathing that had surfaced.But it was pointless – they had already seen it. Shocked and dismayed by her sudden abhorrence towards her parents, she quietly snuck away to the refuge of her room.

* * *

. 

He tensed, a presence jolting him awake. Reaching under his pillow, he pulled out a kunai that he always kept close to hand by force of habit and instinct. He slipped from his bed soundlessly, moving along the floorboards with a panther-like stealth. Kunai poised and ready, he glided open his bedroom door, seeing a shadow moving through his living room, slithering back and forth.

Masking his chakra and creeping along the side of his hallway, he stopped. The sound of gentle footsteps reached his ears, listening to the quiet patter of the person approaching before walking away again, repeating the cycle tirelessly. He lingered against the side of the wall, waiting till the person reached the nearest point of distance.

With a silent preternatural speed, he seized the trespasser and brutally forced them to the ground, his knee effectively pinning them down and the tip of his kunai pressing dangerously into the back of their neck.

"Kakashi, you're hurting me."

The familiar voice shattered his killing instinct, making him immediately let go and turn the intruder over, barely seeing pink hair through the dark. "Jesus Sakura, I could have killed you!"

He stood up stiffly, running a hand through his sleep tousled hair before taking one deep infuriated breath in. "It's three in the morning Sakura, what do you think you're doing sneaking into my place at this hour?"

She pulled herself up timidly, hugging herself uncomfortably with her head bowed awkwardly. The thought of him being angry at her for coming here, had never crossed her mind. Now that she thought about it, she wasn't quite sure why she had come. When she had crept outside her bedroom window, her feet had steered her on autopilot and stopped her outside of Kakashi's apartment.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to wake you," she whispered, although the truth of the matter was that she did want to see him, but inhibition had made her pace indecisively in his living room instead. Turning to leave, she didn't want to give him the opportunity to tell her to go. It hurt too much to hear someone vocally tell you they didn't want you around.

"What do you think you're doing?"

He sounded annoyed, making her insides cringe and her defenses rise. "I'm leaving."

"You sneak into my place, wake me up, then simply think you can leave?"

She stood a few feet away with her back turned to him, her arms still wrapped protectively around her elfin frame with her mouth refusing to give a reply.

"You know what, fine! If you don't want to tell me then don't. I'll keep my end of the promise," he said unusually bitter, striding away down the hall and shutting his door more fiercely than necessary.

He lay in bed on his side rigidly, breathing even and quiet and not wanting to miss a beat in her movements. It had been five minutes, and her presence still lingered out by his front door irresolutely. He was positive she hadn't even moved since he had left. Tensing, he held his breath, sensing her aura approaching him slowly – he, uncertain and strangely anxious and hopeful as to what she would do.

He felt her gradually yet steadily near his bedroom door, making his heart palpitate a little louder than ordinary. She was on the other side of his door now, pausing, making him aware of how hesitant she was. It was almost a whole minute before he heard the knob turn, the almost imperceptible creak of his bedroom door slowly being pushed open, followed by her presence slipping in and closing the door behind her.

He didn't move, didn't blink, didn't make a sound as she quietly remained hovering by his door. She had never been in his room before, a part of the tour he had purposefully left out; not daring the chance of having her think he was insinuating how fast their relationship should be progressing. Things with Sakura had to be slow, delicate and prudent. He was more aware of her age than anybody else, and thankfully he was also a patient man who knew how to wait for the good things in life, and Sakura, well she was definitely one of those good things.

Sensing her move, he felt the bottom of his mattress dip with her weight and continue dipping as she crawled towards the head of his bed. He watched her slow and cautious motions, her uncertainty and timorous conduct as lurid as a siren. Streams of flower-pink hair hung around her dipped head like a curtain, shielding her face from his view.

He wasn't sure what to expect – what to prepare for, as she moved ever closer. She didn't say a thing or make a single sound as she laid on her side, her chest pressing against his bare one, one arm feeling its way around his naked back to hold him more tightly against her.

When she buried her face against the hollow of his neck, he felt her tears; and when he snaked his arm around her shoulders, he felt them slightly trembling.

Neither one said a thing as he kissed the top of her head and nuzzled his nose in the thick of her hair. His other hand reached to cup the back of her neck, holding her ferociously close against him and refusing to let her go.

She never noticed he wasn't wearing his mask.

* * *

. 

When Naruto had knocked on the Haruno residence's door, with his feet shuffling back and forth in nervous anticipation, he hadn't expected and nearly jumped back in reflex by the sight of Kisho.

"Naruto," Kisho nodded in acknowledgement, "how can I help you?"

Naruto looked up at the huge brunette, always finding it difficult to tear his eyes away from the deep scar that marred the man's face.

"Hi Kisho-san, is Sakura-chan home?" The instinctual reaction to be polite always arose when Naruto was faced with Kisho. Not even Ibiki caused such an effect on him.

Green eyes tilted perniciously. "My daughter isn't home at the moment. I'm assuming she is training."

It was 10:00am, and checking their usual training field had been Naruto's first priority when he arrived back from his mission, but strangely enough no pink or silver had been there. If Kisho had convinced himself his daughter was training, well Naruto wasn't going to try and persuade him differently.

"All right, Kisho-san. I'll go check the fields then," he lied, turning away.

"Naruto," Kisho resounded, making the blond stop in stride. "You will pass the jounin exam."

He didn't know if it was meant as a compliment or a warning by Kisho's profound tone and cold-set eyes, so he simply gave a brief nod and walked away.

* * *

. 

She was awake, and had been for the last few minutes, yet she tenaciously kept her eyes closed, refusing to greet the afternoon sun that was warming her back. She was so disgustingly comfy that no coercing could draw her away. Her cocoon of perpetual bliss was just too enticing to be rivaled against.

The bed was simply too comfy, the pillows aroma just terribly addicting, the spring sun too soothing – all making her want to never move again. She felt like she was on a beach, envisioning the sound of water lapping at the shoreline, the sway of the palm trees in the breeze, the gorgeous bright sun tanning her back.

Suddenly there was something tracing the length of her arm, annoying as it tickled her skin with its path, and further drawing her awake when she had been desperately clinging onto unconsciousness.

She mumbled something – what? She wasn't quite sure but it effectively stopped whatever it was that had been touching her – at least for a little while till she felt it again, this time in her hair.

Thoroughly irritated by having her beach fantasy interrupted, she snapped open sleep fogged eyes and squinted through the sunlight.

Her vision was partially blurred and blinded by natural light, but nevertheless she still saw somebody near her, causing her to shriek and jerk back, gaining her a groan and a bump on the head when she fell half off the bed, her legs still tangled in the sheets above her.

_Smooth Sakura…very smooth…_

She heard laughter – familiar laughter, and used her hand to shadow the light before blinking rapidly a few times to clear away the haze.

"Are you all right?"

"Kakashi…?"

He cocked his brow, wicked amusement playing underneath his mask, as if silently asking 'who did you expect?'. His mask was on, also a pair of loose black drawstring pants, however that was all his attire consisted of, making her voice a little mantra inside her head to remain calm and mature when all she wanted to do was gape like a fish.

Sheepishly, she untangled the sheets from around her legs, avoiding his stare as he watched her every move. Standing there awkwardly, unsure of whether to leave or crawl back into his bed, she did a quick scan of his room; beige walls which matched his black and taupe bedding, which matched his dresser and night tables, which co-mingled with everything in the room except her.

"Something wrong?"

Something always seemed to be wrong with her, she noticed, making her wonder when he was going to get tired of asking the same question.

"I don't like your room," she said uncommonly blunt.

"Ohh…?" he drawled, humoured instead of insulted. "And why's that?"

She watched him languidly shuffle from his bed, black pants hanging loosely around his waist as he sauntered towards her casually. Her cheeks heated unwillingly, hating her juvenile self that would blush just because he was shirtless. She forced herself not to gawk, not to notice the tone of his skin; the definition of his muscles; the scars with all their stories; so instead quickly paced towards one of his windows and peered outside with a false interest.

"Because I don't match."

He laughed, deep and beautifully carefree as he stepped behind her, placing his hands (which seemed enormously large) on her dainty shoulders.

"How so?"

She was leaning back into him now, his hands still securely perched, his chin resting lightly on the cushion of her hair.

"Everything in your room matches – all earth tones and blacks. Even _you_ match with your hair and clothes."

"So does the rest of my place yet you said you were fond of it."

"I said I like how clean and organized it is, not the choice in colour."

"So you don't like the colour beige or black? And here I thought black was universally appealing."

"First of all, black is a shade and not a colour, and second of all, it's not so much the colours that bother me but what it signifies."

"Ohh?" He burred, subconsciously stroking the pad of his thumb along the arch in her shoulder. "And what do you think it symbolizes?"

"That I don't belong – that I shouldn't be here," and continued to sigh dejectedly. She felt him chuckle again, loving the way it shuddered into her body.

"Funny, 'cause I can't imagine you belonging anywhere else."

She paused, leaning further back into him. "You certainly didn't give that impression last night," she said, trying to keep the hurt from her voice, recalling how mad he had been at her. Even if it had been justifiable, it still stung.

"Sakura, you need to understand that I wasn't angry that you came here last night; I was angry that I could have seriously hurt you. Next time just give me a warning."

She sighed; she hadn't viewed it like that. "I'm sorry."

_For everything…_

He stroked her cheek. "It doesn't matter anymore. I'm just glad you came back."

She had hadn't she? She hadn't run away to cower in a corner where she was always so determined to cope with her dilemma's on her own, the dilemma's which ate her alive and made her suffer in her own personal Purgatory. She had stayed, gathered up her mettle and faith to seek him out and trust him when she was vulnerable the most.

And just as she should've expected, he had been disturbingly understanding; holding her without her having to tell him, whispering sweet reassuring nothings into her hair, letting her tears soak into his chest. It felt good to be taken care of – to be treated as if she might be broken – having him pander her childlike need for reassurance, because it's what her shameful side always wanted; always screaming in the background when she was trying to prove to the world that she was grown up.

"Will you tell me though what was upsetting you?"

His question roused her memory, eyes the size of little full moons. "My parents! What time is it?"

"Almost noon."

She groaned, sinking to her knees, utterly crestfallen. "They're gone…I never got the chance to apologize," she whispered, stating it more as a confirmation for herself than informational purposes for Kakashi.

Kakashi, not fully understanding but knowing something wasn't right, lifted her up and sat her on his lap, waiting and hoping she would amplify.

"They were sent on another mission," she whispered listlessly, eyes glazed with emotion, "and they _actually _volunteered to go!" she went on still unbelievably flabbergasted, eyes moist with tears and silently beseeching him to make things better – to lift this ache from her chest. "Why? What is so wrong with staying in Konoha?"

Kakashi shook his head, a sad sigh leaving his lips. "I've had the privilege of working with your parents before, and though I might not know them well, I know enough to know that they are loyal and faithful to Konoha; that they believe serving our village is top priority over everything else. It is because they love Konoha, that they leave her."

She frowned, hating the truth to his words. It was just as Kisho had told her last night; it wasn't about her – it never would be, but she couldn't help but wish it was – just for a day, just to know what it was like to be the most valued thing in her parents life. She brooded if Kakashi would do the same, abandon her for the sake of the village.

"He said I was selfish," she whispered suddenly, the statement still nipping at her insides.

"Aa," he breathed, hugging her from behind. "I'm afraid it's something you're unable to control."

"What?" She peered over her shoulder to look at him incredulously, feeling the familiar throb of tears behind her eyes. "You think I'm selfish as well?"

"All love is selfish, Sakura. It's something we as people can't control."

She dipped her head down, brows creased together in thought. "But I–"

"Being selfish isn't always a bad thing, mind you. Everybody deserves a little spoil." He tilted her chin up, permitting her to see the merriment in his disposition. "Don't you agree?"

She couldn't help but submit a small smile. A happy Kakashi was almost as contagious as a serious one.

"Does that mean we're being self-centered by being together?"

"Aa," he whispered.

"But is it okay for me to be this selfish?"

"Only with me."

* * *

. 

She wondered if they knew; if they could sense the shift of air around them; could read the veiled emotion in their eyes. For someone so pragmatic, she knew her notions were impractical, but nevertheless they haunted her just the same.

They were simply walking, normally if not more distant than usual from each other; him with his pocketed hands and slouched gait, she with her posture rigidly stiff and shifty eyes. He had told her twice already to relax, amused by her incessant worrying, and she would, at least for a couple minutes till her overactive imagination re-emerged.

She had done this dozens of times with him, she rationalized, just walking through Konoha to wherever they intended, with nobody ever giving them a second glance to speculate their agenda.

"If you don't calm down Sakura, people _will_ start wondering."

He was right; he was always right.

"Hey Sakura," she heard, turning to the right where the voice was coming from. "Naruto's been looking for you," Shikamaru said, slinking past a few villagers to walk beside her. He gave a respective nod towards Kakashi who simply returned the gesture.

_That's right, he came back from his mission today. _

"And I heard your parents were sent to the border as well," he continued, although there was an inflection to his tone that meant more than he was saying.

"Which I don't understand why. Weren't you assigned there a couple weeks ago?"

He gave a nod. "There were rumours that something fishy was happening along the border, so Hokage-sama sent me and a couple others to substantiate the buzz."

"But you didn't find anything."

"That's true, we didn't. Everything seemed perfectly normal…"

Her expression twisted, knowing he was holding something back. "But…?"

"But even though things appeared ordinary enough, there was something that just wasn't quite right; the way the Grass villagers would look at each other; converse with this disquieting politeness. Not even the children acted unruly."

"Maybe they were just well behaved," Sakura suggested lightly.

Shikamaru shook his head, eyes dazed in front of him. "No, it was something different, as if they were on guard for something – afraid almost..." He said; voice fading near the end as his mind delved deeper into the matter. "But I couldn't report or confirm any hidden designs based on the villagers eyes and tone or that their conduct was suspiciously well behaved."

"But obviously your hunch was right since a half dozen shinobi were sent there," Kakashi said, making both chuunins turn to regard him. "A ninja should never ignore his gut instinct – it's what keeps us alive ninety percent of the time."

Shikamaru nodded in acquiescence to Kakashi's words. "Ya, there's something just not quite right happening in the Grass Village. Almost a foreboding, if you may – umm…I mean," he stuttered, taking note of Sakura's distraught expression. "I'm sure I'm just overreacting. It's probably just some petty misunderstanding."

Sakura shook her head in dissent, giving him a weak smile. "It's alright Shikamaru – you don't need to lie for my reassurance."

He nodded, partially uncomfortable but mostly in guilt. "Well I got to get going before Ino kills me for being late. Talk to you later, Sakura – Kakashi-san," he said, nodding to each one before walking away.

"Don't worry, Sakura," Kakashi said monotone as soon as Shikamaru left, "have faith in your parents."

She listened to his words but said nothing in return. They walked for a few minutes in the silence and night, passing through the market and park towards their glade. It was darker here than in the village, a couple distant street lamps which shone their yellow incandescent lights between the park benches. Grasshoppers sang; crickets chirped; leaves rustled in the trees around them. The night was warm, but not comforting.

"Do we have to train?"

"Yes."

She sighed; he was in one of his obstinate moods again. Squinting her eyes, she tried to concentrate on the ground below her as he led her through the woods to their dale.

"It's too dark to train," she groused.

He gave her a sideways glance. "That's the point." He stopped in the largest opening, making sure no trees or boulders were within a fifty foot radius.

"What's that?" she asked, a smidgen suspicious as he pulled something from his pocket.

"A blindfold. We're going to train your senses."

Sounded frustrating, but she let him tie the black cloth around her eyes anyway. "Do you not trust me to keep my eyes closed?" she teased.

"Yes, but accidents happen."

She rolled her eyes underneath the cloth – doing it primarily because she knew she could get away with it.

"So how does this work?"

"I want you to get a series of shuriken ready, and I'm going to circle around you. When you think you know where I am, throw a shuriken at me."

She fretted. "What if I hurt you?" Then realized what she had said. "Right, dumb question," and unsnapped her weapons pouch, pulling out the shiny stars.

"Whenever you're ready."

She nodded and stood stock still, listening and forcing her senses to expand and reach out around her. It was more windy here than between the streets in Konoha – no buildings to obstruct the breeze. The long grass tickled her naked calves, and swooshed around her noisily.

_There!_

She threw a star, only to hear, "You're thirty-five degrees off, Sakura."

Damn, she had been so sure…

She listened again, hearing nothing but the rustle of grass around her. Her forehead creased in a stressed fashion before she quickly threw a star behind her.

"You're still off." The voice came from somewhere in front of her.

She ground her teeth, agitated with her incompetence. Naruto and Sasuke probably would have succeeded on their first try, she thought bitterly then abruptly shook her head. Negative thinking would only distract her; she needed to focus!

"You can do better than this Sakura," Kakashi whispered in her ear, making her rapidly swing around only to be met with empty air.

She threw a star out of desperation, praying she would be granted with some rare luck and have it head in his general direction.

"You're still off," he whispered, nuzzling her hair with his nose then quickly disappeared as she sliced her shuriken behind her.

"You're patronizing me!" she accused heatedly, then felt him brush his hand against her cheek. "Stop it!"

He laughed, fanning her inner flame madly.

Fuming and about to erupt, she used her senses frantically to search out her derider. After a few moments she felt a tingling sensation to her left, making her brows frown in wonder. It was moving, slowly, coming around behind her and closing in. She let it, feeling an edgy anxiety as it hovered behind her.

"You're behind me aren't you? I can feel it."

She jumped diminutively as he grasped her shoulders gently. "Very good," he breathed into the core of her ear. "Now do it again," and he was gone.

She pursed her lips in attentiveness, although she was eminently aware of the tingling sensation hurriedly moving around her now. It would fade, almost to the point of being none existent, then suddenly careen and become overwhelming if it got too near.

His movements were too erratic and too quick, twisting her bearing to one of aggravation. Unexpectedly he slowed, and she quickly whipped a shuriken before the opportunity was missed. A few seconds passed, and hearing nothing from Kakashi, she peeled off the blindfold.

Blinking a few times she saw his silhouette twenty feet in front of her with her shuriken gleaming in the moonlight around his index finger.

"You did well, and you'll do better. The more you practice the farther your senses will expand. Right now it's at about a thirty foot radius but with training you'll reach towards a kilometer or more."

"Then how is it that shinobi's are killed or wounded? If they can sense their attacker from that far away, wouldn't they be prepared?"

"Because," he began, picking up her stray stars, "you aren't taking into account if their chakra's are cloaked or not. You know that tingling sensation you felt? That was my chakra you were detecting, but if I were to mask it, you wouldn't have sensed anything. Also if the situation is dire, shinobi's usually don't have the luxury of time to pause and focus all of their concentration on chakra detection."

She mulled over his statement. "Well what about you sensei; how far can you detect?"

"Hmm…" he tapped his chin in thought. "About two miles."

"Ehh!"

It was interesting how he never failed to amaze her.

* * *

. 

**AN:** Umm ya, that part you just read, about the chakra and detection thing…completely made up! Whenever something sounds kinda fishy, you'll know it's my unconvincing mind splurging out these ideas :D

To answer a couple questions:

1. Will she ever see his face? Yes, she will see his face eventually, before the second arc for sure.

2. Will I up the rating and will there be smut? Yes I will up the rating to 'M' soon enough, and about the smut? lol I haven't really decided, but I'm probably like 80 percent sure, but if there is going to be, it won't be till wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy into the second arc 'cause I'm constantly reminding myself that she's 16, his student, a virgin whose never had a bf and I think things need to be taken slowly with her. But that's not to say there won't be a little citrus action along the way. Build up people. Build up! lol :P

Sorry, just gotta comment to a couple people.

**Tami** – I've read up to the most recent manga scanlations, and finally decided to watch the anime from 127-133 the last few days, but until I watched the anime, I didn't even remember poor little Sasuke trying to be acknowledged by his father. It's so true when I re-read my last chapter its like looking at a pink Sasuke lol what an image that brings.

**Nimacu** – when I read your review all I could picture was Sakura having a gun, and I just kept picturing her threatening to shoot Naruto every time he annoyed her lol My conclusion: Sakura owning a gun sounds dangerous! And I'm glad you liked the fact of them just hanging out…I like that aspect too :D

And thanks to everybody, as always, for reviewing and commenting. I love reading what you guys have to say, and if you ever have a question, leave an email and I'll get back to ya.

One more thing. I'm going away to Hong Kong for two and a half weeks on Sunday, so my next update will be…oh, I don't know…far away? lol so sorry bout that :(

Take care everyone,

–Eris


	13. I, xiii

Thanks to my newly acquired beta, **Christinarr**, for helping me tweak the chapter. Oh ya, beware of the jumping around...

* * *

. 

**Courage Needs You – Chapter #13**

It was hot, unbearably so, scorching the grass and parching the earth with an advisory warning to refrain from staying outside in the sun for too long. Birds took shelter in the woods; people who dared to venture outside hid under umbrella's; even the clouds seemed to have scurried away from the suns searing rays, leaving a clear crisp blue sky behind.

"It's hot."

"Ya."

"Too hot."

"I know."

A pause.

"I'm still going to kick your ass though."

"So do it already. It's been four years – I'm sick of waiting."

"Sasuke?"

"What?"

"You really are a bastard – you know that?"

"And don't you forget it."

"As if I could forget with you constantly reminding me."

"Dense person's such as yourself need a constant reminder."

"Bastard."

"Idiot."

After a couple of minutes in gravid silence, Naruto sighed. "It's seriously just way too fucking hot."

Sasuke rejected a response, but Naruto hadn't expected one anyway. He rested his hands comfortably behind his head as he lay under a Japanese oak tree, with Sasuke a few feet beside him in much the same position. He narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing and wondering how Sasuke was still able to don all black even in this agonizing heat.

Once again they were in 'their' glade, their surreptitious curiosity kept hidden as to why they were alone – again – when two others should have been with them.

"Ne, Sasuke?"

He sighed. "What is it now?"

"When was the last time you saw Sakura-chan? Or Kaka-sensei for that matter?"

He shrugged. "Two Thursdays ago for Sakura, and the last time I saw sensei was the same time you last saw him."

"It's weird," Naruto said despondently, "I've never gone this long without seeing her, unless it was because of a mission, but I've been back for a week now and I still haven't seen her. Every time I go by her place, she's never home – doesn't matter if it's late into the night or early into the morning…she's just never there."

The blond sighed airily, squinting at the sun and feeling beads of sweat trickling along his hairline to dampen his already soaked mane. "How bout you? Have you tried to visit her at all?"

"No," he lied. "I haven't bothered trying," and flicked a grasshopper off that decided to perch upon his knee. "She's probably still training with Kakashi," he said blandly.

"Kaka-sensei should be training us though – we're the ones with the jounin exam coming up."

"Well," Sasuke sighed, settling on the back of his elbows, "looks like you got your wish."

Naruto perched up. "Huh?"

"There," Sasuke gestured with a minute movement of his head, causing Naruto to squint blue eyes off in the distance through the waves of heat. Suddenly, he was off like a bullet, leaving behind nothing but the wind of his movements. Sasuke leisurely sat up, brushed some stray pieces of grass off, and strode towards the newly formed trio.

Sakura suddenly felt herself tackled from behind, nearly causing her to face-plant into the grass if Kakashi hadn't steadied her.

"My god, Sakura, where have you been!"

She gasped in response. "Naruto, you're breaking my ribs."

When Sasuke showed up, Naruto was still gripping Sakura from behind in a bone-crunching hug. His navy-black brows coerced together in annoyance, detesting how Naruto was always so blatant with his emotions. Sensing Kakashi looking at him, he regarded the older man with a nod.

Reticently, he watched as Naruto finally released her, only to turn Sakura around as if she were a marionette and he the puppet master, holding her in place by her shoulders.

"I've been back for a week! A whole week! Where have you been? Did you move? I've been by your house almost everyday and you're never there!"

Sasuke crossed his arms, weight resting to the side of his leg, letting Naruto ask all of the questions and more-so, on both of their behalves. The blond was acting like a couple weeks sans Sakura had put him in his own respective hell – it was as amusing as it was pathetic.

"I've been busy training Naruto," she started gently, wishing he would release his bruising grip.

"Too busy to even see me? That still doesn't explain why you're never home."

A pause; she was stalling. She steeled her eyes on Naruto, resisting the tempting urge to give Kakashi a pleading look for backup support. If she did, it would be a dead giveaway and with the penetrating gaze of Sasuke on her, she knew it was too hazardous to try.

"I've been staying with Ino ever since my parents left again. You know how much I hate it when my parents leave," she said, having no reservation about using his feelings to her advantage – not like she normally would.

"Mou, I wish you would have told me. You could have stayed at my place!" he grinned boldly.

"And put up with your snoring? I don't think so," she laughed, casually removing his hands from her shoulders. No doubt she would have a healthy bruise come tomorrow, Naruto just wasn't aware of his own strength sometimes.

"You're different," Sasuke remarked, cocking his head to the side as if the position would help ascertain what it was.

"Different?" she reiterated, trying to remain nonchalant as critical black eyes inspected her. "How so?"

His eyes narrowed searchingly, but otherwise, said nothing.

Naruto slit his eyes as well, mimicking Sasuke by looking at the apprehensive kunoichi up and down.

"Hey, you're right Sasuke – something is different," Naruto declared, stepping back to get a better view. "You got fatter."

"Excuse me!" and felt the familiar heat of her righteous indignation.

Sasuke sighed heavily, turning his eyes skywards, a look as close to disbelieving as Sasuke could muster. "Naruto, you truly are an idiot."

The blond turned on a fulcrum. "And you're an ass, so what's your point?"

"Well, since you two seem busy arguing, Sakura has some training to do," Kakashi interrupted, sparing her a saying glance to follow and not argue.

"Kaka-sensei we have the jounin exam coming up! Why aren't you training us?" Naruto bleated, stepping in front of the silver-haired man, preempting him from leaving.

"I kn–"

"He's right sensei, you should be training them for the time being," Sakura interrupted, catching the subtle flash of incense in his eye, an aspect she probably wouldn't have noticed a couple weeks prior.

She had learned that his inscrutable mask although impressive, was not completely perfect. She was capable of seeing the slight crease of his eye – the tick in his brow – the clench in his jaw, and was proficient enough to label each to an emotion. The restrained characteristics which were indeed normally faint were only blindingly bright and evident to Sakura's knowing green eyes – her instincts telling her to listen but her brain tenaciously flouting the warning and refusing to be bullied.

"It's only fair and besides, I have nothing pressing to be training for anyway," she reassured convincingly, turning to leave. "I'll leave you boys to it then."

Naruto frowned and doggedly grasped onto her wrist. "Why are you leaving? Stay and train with us."

She attempted to remove his hand tenderly, trying her best to give him a smile which only turned thin and broken on her lips instead. It would be too emotionally strenuous to sit by nonchalantly and watch them train, knowing they were that much closer to the title of jounin whereas she was still several universes away from ever achieving such a goal – especially since she had barely passed the chuunin exam (according to her father).

They couldn't see what she could – not from their position, not from their placement in the world; they couldn't see the chasm they were digging between them – the distance every minute of their training produced – the ocean's gap if they attained a higher status. They were set, focused, completely enthralled by all the positives such a position would bring. Naruto that much nearer to the Hokage title – Sasuke that much closer to defeating his brother – Sakura that much more aware of everything changing around her.

She sighed, trying to keep her exasperation and desolation opaque as she looked at intense blue eyes, confused and hopelessly lost at to what she was thinking. "I'll just get in the way Naruto and besides, its way too hot for me today. I'd rather go home, chill by the air-conditioner and read a book."

"A romance book perhaps?" Sasuke smirked teasingly from the sidelines.

She glowered; Sasuke's repartee was something she could have done without today. "What's it to you?"

He grinned, a horrible smug grin that didn't earn him the response he was expecting from the kunoichi as she completely turned around, ignoring all three as she walked away from them – their goals – their titles – their everything. If there was going to be canyon between them, she was going to decide the distance.

* * *

. 

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Ino gave a clipped sigh. "You're lying."

"Ya."

"Well I don't know if you've heard, but lying to your friends is an awful bitchy thing to do."

"Hey Ino, can you do me a favour?" Sakura asked, the deserving insult not fazing her in the least.

Ino paused, disposition scowling. "Depends – right now I don't think I should do anything for you."

She brushed the comment aside. "If anybody asks where I've been, just tell them I've been at your place, alright."

"Why? Who would be asking?"

"Just tell them okay?"

"…"

"Please."

"Fine."

"Thanks."

"Whatever."

Sitting up, Sakura gazed out Ino's window, dazed and pensive before ambling towards her door.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?"

She shrugged, back turned towards the blonde. "For a walk," she replied deadpan, grasping the burnished knob.

"Fine, but before you go, tell me one thing," and took Sakura's silence as the go-ahead, "just where _have_ you been lately?" she asked, bright cerulean eyes unusually distressed.

Sakura paused. "I'll see you later, Ino," and left.

* * *

. 

She tapped her sandaled foot impatiently against the chair's leg, her finger thrumming along in an annoying rhythm, oblivious if her actions were causing others frustration as they were too polite to demand her to stop.

"Tsunade-sama will see you now," Shizune said, seeing the instant relief of fellow ninja's as the incessant pattering stopped.

Sakura stood and walked purposefully inside the Hokage's office, willing her mind to go still less she regret this rare impulsiveness.

"Sakura-chan, how can I help you?" Tsunade asked, chestnut eyes focused downward as she continued to scribble something on one of the many scrolls that surrounded her.

"I've come to request a mission."

* * *

. 

"Why?"

"Why not?" she countered blandly.

"They'll be hurt."

"They won't even notice."

"They will!"

She sighed. "It's not like I can cheer for them anyway, since my status prohibits me from seeing the exam."

He shook his head, silver hair disarrayed and unnaturally tangled. "Just don't, Sakura – don't do this."

"Do what?"

"This. Running away from them…from me."

She paused, eyes turning hard. "I'm not."

"You are! The exam is next week, why else would you request a mission that specifically lasted for two?"

She shrugged. "'Cause I felt like it."

He gripped her shoulders hard, unknowingly pressing into the bruised area, making dull green eyes languidly glance at him. He gave her a shake, making her head snap back and forth painfully but she didn't care – didn't wince didn't complain and stared at him listlessly.

"Fine, but why me? What did I do?"

She turned her head to the side, glancing out the window, watching the clouds – thin and transparent, become illuminated by the moon.

"Do you want me to leave? Is that it? Because you're doing a fucking brilliant job of pushing me away."

She shrugged uncaringly, gaze lost in the inky sky.

"Look at me!" he growled, gripping her chin and jerking her face to meet his – hating the fact that she was forcing him to act so virile. "Don't do this – don't push me away when things have just begun," he whispered, trying to regain some of his composure.

Detached jade eyes finally centered on his face, and brushed the back of her hand along his masked cheek.

"Wait for me?"

He sighed closing his eyes, trying to come to terms with the battle he had inevitably lost. "You know I will," he ground out wretchedly.

She nodded, then ever so slowly and lightly pressed her lips against his clothed ones; too lost within herself to realize the full extent of her actions – that this was a first – that it was supposed to have been special, not tinged with a sadness and a frustration and a goodbye. "I'll see you in a couple of weeks," then walked away.

It felt good, to be the one to leave, to have that moment of temporary power; of having someone else watch the back of your shirt as you walked away. It was as horrible as it was satisfying, and she couldn't help but wonder if she was morphing into a bad person.

And just like always, Kakashi had been right. She was running away – from them and the exam, eschewing change and her problems – it was so wretchedly obvious and yet she had still hoped with that little part of her that would always remain hopeful, that he wouldn't have noticed.

It didn't matter how many times her optimism would be crushed, pissed on, smashed into oblivion – it would always obstinately reappear and take up the plot in her brain labeled 'hopeless dunce'.

How wrong was it to know that you were being petty and selfish but just simply not care? She shuffled through the dark and stone pathway, wondering if she didn't care because she was simply too tired and jumbled, or because this was just the person she really was.

She knew Naruto and Sasuke would be disappointed and if their roles had been reversed, she knew she would have been distraught as well, and yet that still didn't stop her from requesting a mission that would take her away from their success and Kakashi's comfort. She wasn't sure anything could have stopped her – it merely felt too wonderful to be liberated from her problems, even if it was only provisional.

And if they hated her for it – then so be it. She didn't deserve them anyway.

* * *

. 

"I see."

"I'm sorry."

Naruto shook his head, a sad smile of understanding on his fox-like face. "It's my fault – I should have told her, she deserved at least to hear it from me." He looked up at the taller jounin, brows furrowed and face contemplative. "Do you think she'll forgive me for not telling her about the exam?"

For Naruto to worry about her forgiveness, over the terrible fact of her abandoning him and Sasuke in her selfishness – left Kakashi in disbelief.

"To ask such a thing, even after I told you what she did…" he said with an undertone of incredulity. When did Naruto develop such an understanding and mature nature? Was this his bona fide character, or was it because this dealt strictly with Sakura? He found it didn't matter, and smiled fondly underneath his mask.

"Truly Naruto, one day you will become Hokage."

* * *

. 

If somebody had come up to Sakura and told her she had won the congeniality award of the year, she would have laughed hysterically in their face and suggest they go see the village shrink. If somebody had told her she was being a selfish brat, she would've given them a simple nod, having no proof to dispute their claim.

She gazed out the window, seeing huge gray billows of clouds, pregnant with rain. It had been like this all week and she couldn't help but ruminate if this was the God's way of telling her what a vile thing she had done. If the God's found reason enough to loath her as well, she would graciously accept their punishment. Who was she to argue with the divine rulers of justice?

"Why do you do that?"

She saw in the window's reflection one of her teammates standing behind her and looking at her wonderingly.

"Do what?" she replied flatly.

"Stare outside the window as if you're trapped inside a prison."

Silence was returned, because what could she say to such truth and observation? She watched his reflection leave and take post outside the main chambers door – the post she was assigned to yet found herself constantly gazing out the window instead. No doubt her poor performance would be written up in the report, but she realized she simply didn't care, and watched the clouds give birth to rain.

The second week of bodyguard duty, although slow and uneventful, went by too quickly for Sakura as she found herself hesitating outside of Konoha's gates.

Was the jounin exam over? Did they pass or were they still enduring it? She shuffled from foot to foot, glancing behind her periodically as if weighing the option to leave again, although there was no mission this time.

"Is there something we can help you with, miss?" a male voice bellowed from above on the protective wall.

She could feel the pressure of several pairs of eyes on her, forcing her to make a decision before she was ready. Exhaling noisily, she shook her head to clear away her thoughts and looked up at her suspicious audience.

"No, I'm fine. Sorry to have troubled you," she replied impassively, closing her eyes and forcing her feet to move forward.

She was being silly, she knew – amongst other things such as being selfish, infantile, and ungrateful. This was a long time coming – she should've been used to being left behind by now and there was a point where she had even accepted being the overcast shadow of her teammates. When did things change again? Why was she so pitifully frightened?

She detoured around Konoha, taking back alleys and side streets that were frequented rarely – avoiding anyone and everyone possible as she made her way home. It was nighttime, impossibly black as the moon was shrouded by the familiar swell of clouds, and for that she was appreciative although she still felt undeserving of such simple luxuries.

She slipped inside her home, not bothering to turn on any lights as she let her pack fall unceremoniously on the ground, some of its contents spilling forth. She kicked it to the side uncaringly, sitting on the third step of her stairwell, back leaning against the wall.

"You'll get a cramp if you stay like that for to long."

She peered to the side, too spaced to have been scared by his sudden appearance.

"Duly noted," she murmured, closing her eyes.

"How do you feel?" and sat down across from her.

"Like shit."

He smirked at her vulgarity. "So how was your mission?"

She peeked open an eye. "Do you honestly have to ask?"

"Boring?"

"Boring," she reaffirmed sighing airily, feeling the weight of silence surround them, getting entirely too much gusto from his presence. "So what is it?" she finally asked.

"Hmm?"

"There's something you want to tell me."

"Ohh? You could tell?" he asked, tone buoyant despite her serious air. "What do you want to hear first; the good news of the bad news?"

She exhaled deeply through her nose, eyes still closed and head still resting against the wall. "Bad news."

"The jounin exam isn't over yet."

"I expected as much." Although it didn't mean she was happy about it. "So what's the good news?"

"Both Naruto and Sasuke failed the second element of the exam."

"What?" She snapped her head forward, eyes large, wide, and incredulous. "What do you mean they failed? You said they would pass! And how is this good news?" She was surprised to find herself yelling, it echoing through the stairwell.

He raised a silvery brow. "I thought you would have been happy. Isn't this what you wanted? Isn't that why you ran away?"

"I didn't run away!" She lied, voice on the verge of vitriol. "And yes, it was what I wanted…but…"

But what? This is what she had asked for; the failure of her comrade's so team seven's ties wouldn't be broken – so she could selfishly remain and walk the same path as them. So why did it make her feel so horrible inside? Why did it feel so wrong?

"This is wrong…" she whispered, eyes staring leagues ahead of her, introverted and lost. "They deserved to pass," she said balefully, eyes downcast and hard.

"How do you know? You weren't even there."

"Because I know them! If anyone deserved the title it was them! Everyday they would train themselves – studying to become that much wiser – bleeding to become that much stronger! I've watched them through the cold and the rain, the sleepless nights they spent dedicating themselves to be that much _more_!" Her voice cracked at the end, realizing she was crying. "It just isn't fair," she whispered.

He stared at her evenly, seemingly unaffected by her tears. "If you wanted them to pass so badly, then why did you leave?"

She paused, eyes profound with tears. "Because I couldn't watch them take another milestone in life and leave me behind," she said, voice stifled and strained. "I wanted to be there with them – as an equal, as part of the team. Not a bloody proponent!" She sighed. "It's just…it's just I'm so tired of being the underdog – of getting by with the bare minimum – always and forever known as being mediocre. I'm sick of people looking at me and wondering what happened, why I'm not as good or as talented as my parents – always comparing, always criticizing, always whispering behind my back."

He intermitted. "So this is all because of you then?"

She cringed. It was as if he was using a euphemism, instead of just stating she was a selfish fiend. Avoiding his gaze she inwardly shrunk away, wanting to fold within herself and disappear.

"Go ahead and say it!" she ground out nastily as her defenses unconsciously rose.

He remained unreadable. "Say what?"

"That I'm selfish and that I'm a coward; that I probably don't even deserve to be a shinobi."

"Sakura," he said slowly, deliberately, wanting her to face him. "You must realize that everybody goes through a stage of feeling inadequate, and that it _will _pass."

"But this isn't a stage," she said a matter of fact. "This is who I am – common, simple, incompetent Sakura. I bet you've never had such a stage before," she bit out tersely then suddenly sighed, long and exaggerated as she clenched her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry; I don't mean to be like this. I'm just–"

"I know," he interrupted calmly. "I know."

She timidly scooted over to him hating herself, squirming her way to sit on his thigh where she played with the button on his shuriken holster. "God, I don't deserve you," she muttered, resting the side of her head against his torso. "But I'm glad that I have you…I'm glad that you're here."

He said nothing and lifted her more securely on his lap, arm resting and supporting around her back. "Now that you know they have failed, would you have stayed?"

She had hoped the topic would have been dropped, but answered him anyway. "Yes, everyday that I was gone I was fretting and wondering how they were doing – what they were going through – if they were mad 'cause I was gone. I realized I had just created more problems than I had left with. Now I know why I'm never impulsive."

"Well," he started, fingers threading through her hair, "at least you know how you really feel. Now you can come with me next week to see them at the final stage."

She sat up stiffly, mien utterly embrangled. "At the final stage? But…you said that they failed…"

He chortled softly, eye creased in good-natured humour. "I'm sorry, it seems that I've deceived you," he said not remorseful at all.

"You mean they didn't fail?"

"Of course they didn't – remember it was the infamous Copy-nin who trained them – as if my students would fail," he smirked, purposefully stroking his own ego just to further irk the girl and diminish the somber melancholy atmosphere.

"Why _you_…" she started, then found her well-founded anger transforming into laughter and smiles. They did it – they had passed the second component, and by the sound of Kakashi's cocky confidence over his own students, she was assured they would succeed in the final element as well.

"But I can't," she said sullenly, whole body wilting at the realization. "I'm not allowed to see the exam."

"You just let me worry about that."

Her eyes trained on him with an odd look, before it slipped into a grin she was unable to prevent.

"Well I'm glad to see you're happy," he said, eyes curving softly.

"Oh, don't get me wrong. As soon as my shock and happiness wanes, I'm going to kick your ass for lying to me."

He grinned affectionately. "I'm looking forward to it."

She leaned into him again, an uncommon goofy grin on pink lips with glazed green eyes creased in contentment. She was so dazed and withdrawn within her mind that she didn't have time to think how natural this was, how well she fit against his body, how much she had missed his scent – missed him.

Kakashi rested his head against the wall, eyes closed and concentrated, basking in this moment from the heat of her skin to the fragrance of her hair. He hadn't anticipated how much he would yearn for her presence when it had been absent for two weeks; how uptight and edgy he would feel just because he couldn't be near her; how his fingers would itch and burn just to feel the texture of her skin – her hair – her lips.

"Kakashi?"

He made a sound in his throat to say he was listening.

"I've decided." She was firm, confident, and resolute in her tone, making him open his eyes to regard her. She looked up at him. "I'm not going to be a coward anymore. I'll never be who I want to be if I keep running away."

He nodded mutely, seemingly unsurprised by this turn of events. Whatever path she chose when appearing before life's crossroads, he would be there.

* * *

. 

So many feelings – anger, happiness, resentment, pride, delight – but with all of her thoughts and emotions, she could only say one thing.

"Congratulations." And she meant it – or at least most of her meant it. There was still that nagging little voice in the back of her mind that remained petty and bitter that they were now officially better than her – that they accomplished the title before she had – could – or ever would.

"Thanks, Sakura," Naruto said quietly – tenderly. "I'm glad you're here."

It was strange to see him looking at her so fondly and softly while dirt smeared his cheeks and blood designed his face. She reached up and brushed away his hair that clung to the blood and grim, smiling faintly as Sasuke approached, clutching his dislocated arm. She tried to look past his red-stained clothing and the guise of pain his face tried to hide with proverbial aloofness.

"Congratulations, Sasuke. I knew you would pass." She paused, unable to keep the concern from her next question. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, thank you."

She nodded, knowing he would've said the same thing even if he wasn't. Displays of weakness weren't permitted to someone of Sasuke's caliber.

"Well, you two better go get treated by the medics. I'll wait for you here," she said, trying to keep her confusing emotions at bay as she watched them walk away through the coliseum's tunnel and up the stairs, leaving her behind and alone. The walls and floor shook like a volcano as people stomped and cheered in the stadium above her. The next match had started…

* * *

. 

Would they notice if she snuck through the crowd and made a beeline for the door? Would they even care if she left?

"Going somewhere?"

She jerked to the side, seeing dark brown eyes smiling down on her knowingly. "No, why do you ask?" She wasn't _physically _moving anywhere; she was just envisioning it happening instead.

"Because you keep looking at the door like it's your salvation."

Was she really that obvious?

"Well I'm not going anywhere Shikamaru, but I think you should go and keep tabs on Ino – looks like she forgot she isn't single," Sakura grinned, seeing the genius scowl and flounce towards his rambunctious girlfriend through the gaggle of people.

As soon as he left, her smile faded to one of indifference as she looked from her now former teammates to the door once more. She hated feeling obligated, and right now being at this party, was an obligation. She didn't like throngs of people, loud and gregarious – laughing and shouting – bumping into her as if she were an inanimate object instead of a person.

Why couldn't they have celebrated with just the four of them instead? Why did the whole village have to be invited? She shook her head vigorously, ignoring the questioning stray looks sent her away, and forced her negative and self-centered thoughts to evaporate.

God, why wouldn't that little voice in the back of her head leave her alone? It was exhausting competing against it.

Abruptly someone was beside her, talking and laughing and paying attention to her as if she were actually interesting. She glanced at him impassive, before closing her eyes and blocking out his voice. Unperturbed, he stayed.

When she opened up her eyes again moments later, she saw silver break through the blacks, browns, and blonds of the crowd, making its way towards her and instantly settling her mind and nerves. She saw him glance at her 'companion', face an unreadable stoic mask but effective in scaring the young lad away. He placed his hand on the small of her back and leaned down to shudder into her ear: "Come with me."

Her eyes fluttered shut, enjoying the sound of his voice and the warmth of his presence. He was like a drug, she realized – her drug, and she was becoming addicted.

"You're a dangerous man, Kakashi," she whispered vampishly, peering up at him through her lashes.

He smiled wolfishly under his mask. "You have no idea."

She was led by the small of her back, his thumb brushing surreptitiously against her in an endearing manner. They were in a room full of shinobi – she wondered and feared if they were obvious.

"Won't they be upset if we leave?" she asked as she was guided away from the pub.

"They'll understand."

She nodded, trusting him as they steadily walked away from the boisterous crowd and lights. It was frightening, how much faith she had in him. If he told her she could fly, she'd spread her arms and leap.

"Where are we going?"

"Does it matter?"

No, she supposed it didn't, and let him lead her blindingly through the streets. The air was warm – the moon, full – the silence comforting, as she was steered towards his apartment complex. She had never been taken here at night; worried that strangers might see and assume the worst – which was actually the truth.

"Don't worry," he whispered, quickly assuaging her fears, "no one is around."

How he knew and why she believed him, she didn't know, and found herself walking into the building, up the stairs, and through his door without any reservation.

He slipped off his sandals, heading to his room by memory through the dark; her, following the subtle steps of his gait. She had done this several times already – staying in his room, innocently spending the night – but when he shut the door she felt the air shift and churn around them, turning into something much more consuming than ordinary. She focused on him through the shadows, wondering why things felt different this time around.

Her curiosity peaked as she watched him casually close his curtains, her heart jack-hammering against her ribcage as he approached her, gaze heavy and intense through the dark. Her body seemed to be acute to the changes but her mind was still chasing and trying to catch up.

He had looked at her like that before, making her mouth feel dry while her lungs sought air – although the intensity had been mild in comparison, always restrained by his willpower to take things slow. She wondered why he was unveiling himself to her now – why there was no apprehension or qualms in his stride.

He was in front of her now; his presence overwhelming, making her want to flee yet cling to his strength at the same time. She could barely see the outline of his hand as it rose to cup her face, his other hand joining shortly after, warming her already flushed cheeks. His aura was solemn, encircling her as he leaned forward to press his clothed lips against her own, making her breath hitch in her throat and her blind eyes close in the dark.

She felt submissive – protected – beautiful in his arms as he held her ferociously close against him; the heat of his mouth leaving hers, bending down to nuzzle his face in the crook of her neck while still pressing her winded body painfully against his.

The fervor in his actions made her mind swirl and her heart ache, causing her to grip his vest – his hair – his shirt, viciously in turn. His mouth and hands were bruising; clutching and skirting along her jaw, under her shirt, and through her hair; making her gasp and smile from the roughness of it all – pleased and frighteningly excited that he was unable to control himself.

She had never felt so wanted – so needed, and let her mind go numb as her other senses heightened.

She was so impossibly close to him, almost the whole length of her body pressing against his in an excruciating manner, and yet, it wasn't enough, and he must have had the same sentiments because he was backing her up now; his body subconsciously guiding her till the back of her knees hit the end of his bed, leading her to lie back down as his larger body smothered her slight frame.

Every part of her being was sweltering with her mouth panting – the air around them thick with unrestrained passion. His masked lips were on her again, one hand laced in her hair, the other clasping the underside of her leg with her clutching him in return, drawing him even harder against her.

He pulled back slowly – hesitantly – breathing labored and strained as he hovered above her on his elbows, pacifying himself enough to release his possessive grip.

She stared up at him; jade eyes glazed and heart pounding; breathing matching his own as she tried to read his expression through the dark.

Nervous and uncertain, she cruised the angle of his jaw with her fingers, slowly and deliberately inching them upwards till they played with the hem of his mask. He didn't move – didn't speak, simply steeled his gaze on her and waited.

Her heart was thumping – the blood ringing in her ears as she slipped two fingers underneath his mask – so tempted; so scared; so eager to see what was hidden. Just as she was sliding the black cloth down his face, he snatched her wrist, making her whole body jolt from the unexpected action.

"Close your eyes," he demanded softly.

Her eyes widened then frowned, disappointed by his request. "But I–"

"Shh," and placed a finger against her lips. "Just close them."

Her lips formed a hard line but otherwise obediently obeyed. His hand freed its ironclad grip on her wrist, and glided on top of hers, leading her fingers in pulling the rest of his mask down.

"Are you tempted?" he whispered hoarsely, bringing his bare lips to brush across her cheek.

She gulped noticeably. "Yes."

He breathed into the nook of her ear, letting her feel his lips spread into a smile. "Good."

"Please," she panted desperately. "I want to see."

He kissed her jaw gently. "Not yet," he whispered, then drew back when he felt her fingers feeling their way through his hair, slipping under his hitai-ate before sweeping it off and making it fall carelessly beside him.

Mismatched eyes closed as soft finger pads traced the contours of his face with a slow and meaningful purpose – touring across his cheek, his nose, his jowl, feeling the texture of his skin and the stubble on his chin. He sighed content, grasping her wandering hands and slowly pulling them back down above her head.

"Please…"

He cupped her face with his free hand, stroking her cheek affectionately before sealing her lips with a delicate kiss. Her heart stopped along with her breathing – body arching into his irrepressible one.

When he withdrew, her eyes were open, dazed and disoriented as she looked up at him with soft wonder.

"You're beautiful," she sighed, gazing at him with half-lidded eyes, unable to pull away; beautiful with his sloppy disarrayed hair, with his incompatible eyes, with the marring strip of skin. "Absolutely beautiful." Somehow, she always knew he would be.

He said nothing, face indecipherable as he stared down at her parted lips, flushed cheeks, and lust-filled eyes.

His mouth was on hers instantly, crushing and demanding and making her whimper – kissing her like a man gone starved. Her heart was racing again, her senses overpowered by the feel – smell – taste of him, completely devouring her and making her his.

She sighed at the taste of his tongue; groaned at the domineering grip on her thigh; moaned at the grinding of his hips, and gasped for breath as he pulled away, forehead resting against her own.

His breathing was haggard and fanned against her face; body tense and rigid as he gritted his eyes together tightly.

She watched him close his open mouth and breathe through his nose heavily, slowly regaining his composure as he blinked open hazy eyes. He let them linger on her swollen and bruised lips, tempting him to kiss them one last time before he rolled off onto his side and pulled her body flush against his.

"Stay with me." His voice was still profound and gruff, making her shudder unbidden.

Whether he meant for tonight or forever, she didn't know.

"Always."

* * *

. 

Bright cerulean eyes scanned the perimeter, overlooking blobs of hair that would blur into one big brown mesh if he crossed his eyes just right – but what he thought would have been easy to spot, was proving rather difficult. They had two of the most distinctive hair colours, why couldn't he see them?

Someone clomped him on the back, shouting a, "Congratulations!" into his ear before squeezing himself between several shinobi on the table, turning to Naruto and going into a long-winded speech about the responsibilities and expectations a jounin status entailed.

Naruto nodded his head politely, one ear half listening while his eyes roamed the bustling pub anxiously. Finally he turned to Sasuke, sitting across from him and receiving a compliment from Tenten about how handsome he looked in his new jounin vest. Naruto rolled his eyes theatrically.

"Yo Sasuke, have you seen Sakura-chan or Kaka-sensei?" he asked, completely unabashed about interrupting Tenten and his gregarious 'friend' beside him.

"You do realize that Kakashi isn't our sensei anymore, right baka?"

Naruto paused, mind frozen in shock before swirling around in a maelstrom of emotions and realizations.

"Of course I know!" he defended quickly lest he give himself away. "I just said it from force of habit." Which was partly true – the other part just coming to terms that team seven was now officially slaughtered – maimed 'cause he and Sasuke had achieved something higher. He wouldn't be waiting for Kakashi anymore – wouldn't hear his idiotic excuses for being late, or Sakura's exclamation of, "LIAR!" which was always in unison with his own. He felt horribly alone all of a sudden, confused as to why since he was surrounded by friends and acquaintances.

"I saw Sakura leave with Kakashi-senpai about a half hour ago," Tenten remarked, oblivious to the sudden suspicion in Sasuke's eyes, and the cloud of disappointment in Naruto's. "They've been spending quite a lot of time together, ne? I hardly see Sakura anymore," she went on, soaking up the attention she was gleaning – unaware that it was her words, and not _her_ they were paying attention to.

"Why would they leave?" Naruto asked absently to himself, not noticing the others focusing on him.

"Well Sakura doesn't like big gatherings does she? Didn't you notice she was lurking by the back entrance the whole time? And this is probably a little rough on her – I mean, things have changed now and there's nothing she can do about it. Must be hard to watch both your teammates succeed and walk forward without you. Kakashi-senpai probably just walked her home," she said, practically glowing like a sunbeam that the 'stars' of tonight were hanging onto her every word.

Naruto's lips formed a hard line, brows creased in contemplation and hands clenched tightly before him on the table. He stood up. "I'm going to go look for her," he said, surprising all occupants of the table before letting out a little yelp as Sasuke kicked his shin.

"You can't leave your own celebration party, idiot!"

His hackles rose. "Why the hell not?"

Sasuke pulled back stupefied. "What do you mean why not? You just _can't_!" he hissed, forcing himself to keep his tone leveled.

Naruto eyed the exit; Sasuke's words mulling over in his mind – making his wants and the other's expectations war brutally against one another till the latter managed to win – blood-stained and grinning over its defeat. He sank down in his chair crestfallen, much to his audience's relief.

The night wore on, minutes dragging into hours as people milled about on drunken and natural highs with Naruto's eyes never wavering from the door. His heart had yet to falter in hoping she would come back.

* * *

. 

**AN:** Wow, chapter 13 has finally arrived. Sorry bout the wait! So ya, lots of things happen in this chapter, covers a 4 week timeline! And I have finally decided to up the rating to 'M', just to be on the safe side. Thanks for being patient while I was gone, and thanks you guys for reviewing and wishing me a good and safe trip :P I hope this chapter was worth the wait…

And for those of you who love fanart, go check out Holofernes and Christinarr's beautiful pictures they did for chapter 12. You guys are awesome! You can find them in my homepage link in my profile. If the link ain't there, it should be within 24 hours...

**Roark28** – The SAT's? I live in Canada, and we don't have the SAT's, so that's really funny/interesting that I seem to follow a lot of their recommendations. Heh.

**Esther** – you crack me up! That little conversation between the dad and mum was hilarious. lmao, Kakashi in a bmw. Hehe you like all the parts I like in that chapter :D

**Nimacu **– Congrats on graduating! And that's interesting that it was criminal justice you just graduated from 'cause I'm taking criminology in the fall heh, so we're alike…kinda…maybe…O.o

**Christinarr** – hehe the smut fund. I wonder if there's other perverts besides us (glances around) And yes, bless Karaq's little heart for posting my story in the KakaSaku LJ. I swear I'll make an account soon…someday…when I'm not lazy. And I think you're the only one interested in the mission arc lol Ooo if only you people knew what I had planned for our favourite couple. Well you do, cause you're my beta :hugs:

**Lara Roberts** – I can sympathize. I can't read anything but English either. I bring shame to my Chinese heritage.

**Silentsurrender** – Awesome, I converted someone:D welcome to the insane realm of KakaSaku shippers!

**Gin Yume** – okay, don't freak out when you read the next chapter. I have plans you see, and you'll see what an important role Sakura's parents have to play in this story, oh I don't know, by chapter 15? It's a shame I have most of this story already plotted out, 'cause you just sent a horde of plot bunnies to bite me in the ass!

Blah, I'm going to stop now before I reply to everybody's review, which I'm tempted to do at the moment but that would mean a longer delay in posting the chapter. So ya…

Anywho, CONFRONTATIONS in the next chapter. Ooo the drama:D

–Eris


	14. I, xiv

**Courage Needs You – Chapter #14**

When Sakura strolled home – spirits ridiculously high and lips still delightfully tender from Kakashi's kisses – she found a plain white envelope on her doorstep, a letter inside summoning her to meet with the Hokage later on in the afternoon.

Her blithe countenance tottered as her mind kicked up into high gear, fearing and hypothesizing why she was being summoned when it had never happened before.

She was considering going now instead of later, knowing her curiosity would drive her mad when her front door suddenly opened, startling her out of her musings as Naruto stepped through the threshold, looking a little worse for wear.

He looked at her sullenly, eyes tired and heavy from lack of sleep as he took in her faded blue jeans and simple white tank top – the same clothes she had been wearing the night before.

Her heart started thumping with a vengeance – her lungs constricting with the sudden terror that he knew.

"What are you doing here?" she managed to wheeze out from her uncooperative throat.

He looked down, eyes focusing on the porch's floorboards. "I was worried that you were upset last night so I came to see if you were all right. Since you weren't here, I waited."

His confession ate at her heart, making her feel like digested dog food thrown up into a pile of crap. But there was an unspoken question lingering in the air – she could see it in Naruto's expressive blue eyes as he finally locked his gaze on her. She ruminated what was holding him back, making him second guess in whether to ask or leave.

"Ino was at the party the whole night," he stared, averting his eyes once more, voice uncommonly deadpan. She held her breath. "And even after I finally snuck away, she was still there," he continued.

Here it comes; she braced herself.

He turned back to look at her, mien frighteningly hard and unexpressive. "Where were you last night, Sakura?"

The miniscule part of her that hadn't succumbed to panicky retreat, realized that that was the first time he had ever said her name without the suffix of 'chan'.

"I...I was..." her voice trailed, terror careening downhill and gaining momentum. This wasn't right – he wasn't supposed to be here; he wasn't supposed to know!

"Were you with Kakashi?" he asked, cool and collected and totally un-Naruto-like.

Her heart stopped beating, the pallor of her skin turning frighteningly white as fear sunk in her belly like a rock.

She finally turned, focusing on nothing in particular as green eyes coated over with anger and shame. "Yes," she whispered, her breath becoming shallow. She hugged herself defensively, feeling the shift in his aura which made her bite her already swollen lip softly.

"How long?" he asked, voice dangerously close in spilling its rage. She winced, feeling his fury coming off in tangible waves, making her hug herself more fiercely in preservation.

"A little more than a month," she replied then quickly backed up when he tramped forwards, gripping her chin and narrowing his gaze.

Her eyes widened unnaturally, as he brushed his hardened thumb shrewdly across her bottom lip.

"Do you love him?" he ground out.

She looked up at him dumbfounded. "W-what?"

"Do you _love him_!" he yelled, chin quivering, eyes crying.

She focused on his vest, his hand still clutching her chin. "I don't know," she said, just loud enough for him to hear, trying not to pay too much attention to the guilt that was shredding her insides apart. She lifted her gaze, his eyes boring into hers and trapping her with its intensity. She couldn't move – couldn't breathe, and just when she felt like she would faint from his silent overbearing power, he was gone, leaving nothing behind but the cloud of his bygone presence.

* * *

. 

She was late, something very unusual for the girl who was anal retentive about punctuality – especially when it came to him, which of course only gave him more incentive to be tardy. There was a thump on his door, thundering down the hallway and into his room. His brow creased in wonder. Hadn't he told her just to walk in?

The _pound pound pound _echoing through his home drew him upwards on his elbows, realizing the belligerent beating on his door wasn't the usual soft rapping from his pink-haired kunoichi. Quickly slipping on his jounin shirt, mask, and hitai-ate, he treaded down the hall and opened up his door, seeing furious cobalt eyes and two hands clenched in fists.

He didn't show the surprise he felt on the inside by Naruto's unexpected visit; his mind's reflexes on high alert and fortifying himself for the worst. "Naruto," he said evenly, "how can I help you this morning?" He didn't bother asking Naruto how he knew his home address, a gut feeling telling him that that was going to be the least of his worries in a few moments.

"Is it true?" he asked, voice deep and grave and on the edge of boiling over.

Kakashi kept his cool. "Is what true?" He watched the blond's fists clamp more firmly together, the round of his knuckles bleeding white.

"You and Sakura-chan. _Is it true_!"

Kakashi crossed his arms loosely, seemingly relaxed and tranquil. "I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific than that, but in the meantime, why don't we discuss this inside." It wouldn't do well if his neighbours heard Naruto's outburst concerning him and Sakura. He had enough problems to deal with as is.

Naruto brushed by the taller man, silently counting to ten in the middle of the living room and using all of his willpower to not pounce on his former sensei. Swiveling around with narrowed eyes, he slid his gaze to land on the unperturbed jounin. It was vexing that he was so calm.

"How did this happen?"

"How did what happen?"

"Don't _fuck_ around with me!"

A long silence followed; the hostility and tension thick in the air.

"Why her?" he grit out brokenly, frame shaking from repressed ire, cerulean eyes glimmering with tears.

"Why not her?" Kakashi countered blandly.

"She's _fourteen_ years younger than you!"

The corners of Kakashi's mouth tightened. "I'm aware of that."

"If you're aware of that then that should be reason enough! What the hell are you thinking!" Kakashi denied a response, further infuriating the new jounin. "Stay away from her."

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"I wasn't asking."

Another pause ensued, Naruto about to inwardly combust and Kakashi an impressive unreadable statue.

"Naruto I'm sorry, but there's nothing you can do or say that would make me stop seeing her."

"I'll tell Tsunade."

Silence, then: "If that's what you think is right, I won't stop you."

Naruto ground his teeth, eyes little pools of watery flames. "Goddamn you Kakashi; I'll never forgive you for this," and stormed past the man he had admired for four years, slamming the door hard enough to rattle the walls.

It was two hours later when Sakura walked into his apartment, looking like the living dead with a white piece of paper held loosely between thin fingers.

She said a halfhearted, "Sorry I'm late," and slinked through his living room to flop beside him on his couch. Her eyes were dazed and unblinking.

"I had a visit from Naruto a couple hours ago," he said rather flippantly. "He was pretty upset."

"Oh…what did he say?" she asked, her battery still burnt out and smoking, incapable of giving more of a shocked response.

"For me to stay away from you or else he was going to tell the Hokage."

"I see..."

He stared at her for a moment. "I take it he visited you as well."

"Ya. A visit I could have done without."

"Did you tell him?"

"He already knew. I guess I was just the confirmation."

He watched her stand up, still doing a wonderful job of impersonating a zombie as she sluggishly walked towards his bedroom. "Where are you going?"

"I thought screaming into a pillow might do me some good."

He didn't argue with her logic and sauntered after her, and true to her word she was screaming beautifully into his black plush pillow. She stopped after a few moments, her lungs out of air and her throat probably sore, as she collapsed on his bed, face impassive as she surveyed his smooth ceiling.

"Feel better?"

"No," she sighed, realizing the only thing she had accomplished was slobbering all over his pillow. The mattress sunk with his weight as he lay beside her, arms relaxed under his head. "How can you be so calm about this?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I was screaming. That isn't calm." She turned to look at him. "Kakashi this is serious! If Naruto goes and tells the Hokage who knows what she'll do. This is going to be the biggest uproar since Orochimaru attacked Konoha!"

He cocked a brow. "What would you like me to do?"

She threw her hands in the air. "I don't know! Just fix it!"

He abruptly rolled over, hovering above her on a single elbow while his other hand traced the outline of her lips. Her heart started fluttering about marvelously in her chest – doing a great repeat performance of last night.

She gulped imperceptibly. "What are you doing?"

"I'm fixing things," he said sliding his mask down, his lips upturned ever so slightly as he secured her with a kiss – tongue and all. When he pulled back, trailing his mouth along her jaw and the slope of her neck, she opened half-lidded eyes and went to push him off, only to find herself grabbing fistfuls of his vest and pulling him closer instead. She simply had no willpower when it came to this man.

"How is this fixing things?" she murmured into his hair. "Seems like you're just distracting me instead."

"I'm relaxing you so we can talk about this logically afterwards," he said, not missing a beat in his journey along her collarbone. If her mind hadn't turned into a pile of goo, she would have debated his reasoning and shoved him off of her. If she had been really smart, she would have caught the mischievous glint in his eye and never have allowed him to kiss her to begin with; but when his tongue touched hers again, so velvety and smooth, she supposed being dumb and blind wasn't so bad after all.

After a few more minutes of turning her body into a big pile of sweltering mush, she had to agree – she certainly did feel more relaxed. She'd have to remind herself in the future to try and freak out more often.

"All right," she panted, "I'm calm, so now what?"

"So now you tell me what was in that letter you brought."

She cut her eyes to him. "Isn't that a bit off topic?"

"Maybe."

She sighed, having no energy to argue. "It was a summoning letter. I'm to meet the Hokage in–" she glanced at his bedside clock, "one hour from now," and sat up in sudden alarm, eyes growing impossibly large. "You don't think it's concerning us…do you?"

He shrugged. "When did you receive it?"

"I found it on my doorstep this morning."

"Before or after you spoke with Naruto?"

"Before."

He rolled over onto his side, snaking his arm around her waist and pulling her down against him. "It's unlikely then that it's regarding us."

She entwined her fingers with his larger ones subconsciously. "He could have told the Hokage before approaching me though."

"Could have but probably didn't. You said he used you as confirmation and besides that, I think his threat was idle. He loves you too much to hurt you like that – even if it does tear him in two."

She groaned. "Do you have to state it like that?" Talk about a guilt trip.

An hour later she was standing in front of headquarters, hands clutching the letter in a bone crunching grip. On a regular day she would have shied away from the oddball glances sent her way, but as it turned out this wasn't a regular day and the glances were at the bottom of her list of things to worry about.

She closed her eyes and counted to ten, only to find the method highly overrated as her nerves still clattered against her insides like a pinball machine. Kakashi's method of relaxing her had been much more effective – amongst other things.

With a couple deep breaths she strode purposefully into the building before her sudden mettle caved under the stress. She was still worrying that maybe the Hokage did know, that Naruto had gone and told her, and that there was going to be a big long-winded lecture about the morality of being with a man at such a young age. Or worse yet, forbid her from seeing him. Could the Hokage even do that? Maybe she would even give her a lesson on the pressures of sex. She cringed from head to toe at the mental image.

Whatever was about to happen, she knew it wasn't going to be good.

She sat in the lounge area, fingers tapping away against the chair's arm and looking expectantly at Tsunade-sama's temporary secretary. Big blue eyes, chubby rosy cheeks, curly blonde hair – she reminded Sakura of one of those little cherubs you would see in Renaissance painting.

It was three agonizing long minutes later when the cherub secretary told Sakura she could go in, making her back go rigid and her fingers clench shut. Walking in, she saw Tsunade looking at her solemnly with her chin resting on fisted hands, immediately confirming Sakura's suspicion of the inevitable bad news.

"Sakura-chan, please sit down." Her tone was business-like, making the young kunoichi apprehensively obey, her guard on high alert. "I'm glad you managed to arrive on time. I bet you didn't get much rest with Naruto-kun and Sasuke-kun's celebration party last night."

She gave a meek polite nod but said nothing in return, knowing the Hokage didn't summon her here to have an idle meaningless chat. The blonde woman suddenly sighed, her business front disappearing.

"There's no easy way telling you this so I won't waste your time by beating around the bush." She fixed her gaze on Sakura. "Two of my men came back from the Grass-Leaf border mission last night, half alive and barely breathing. The same mission your parents were assigned to. There was an attack at the border a week ago, my men identifying them as rogue ninja's, but nothing is for certain as of yet." She paused and Sakura held her breath, watching and waiting for her life to shatter at the Hokage's next words. "There is a good chance that your parents won't be coming back, Sakura. The unit was split up and I have already sent scouts to–"

But Sakura wasn't listening, her ears going numb to the environment around her as the Hokage droned on. They were attacked...they weren't coming back...she would probably never see them again. The words kept cycling around her mind like a carousel, crunching and spitting on the glass shards of her life.

"Sakura...Sakura!"

She snapped her head up, eyes a whirlpool of emotion and tears as her shock subsided enough to enable her to hear once again.

"I'm sorry Sakura-chan, but don't give up hope. Your parents are wonderful ninja's and they might be coming back."

The words were as phony as the Hokage's appearance, but Sakura didn't have the energy to call her on it and nodded her head instead, lips pursed and eyes hard less the tears fall unbidden. She stood up, barely hearing Tsunade asking that she stay as she stumbled out of the office. Dazed and still semi-shocked, she let her feet steer her on autopilot.

Funny how the previous dilemma's which were thought to have been catastrophic, were only a tiny pinprick of discomfort now. Life shattering news tended to do that to a person.

Reaching up she was stunned to find her eyes now dry. When she had envisioned this happening in her mental list of 'worst case scenario's', she always imagined herself curled into a pitiful little ball crying a waterfall of emotion; not walking through Konoha in a state with no idea where she was heading.

She supposed human nature was unpredictable.

After an hour of mindless wandering, her feet managed to bring her home, and the instant she stepped through the threshold, reality sunk in; crawling from the tips of her toes and slithering into the base of her gut, making her hunch over and hold in the bile that threatened to rise. Her eyes grit shut and her knees thumped against the floor falling forward, resting her forehead against the ground with one hand clutching her aching chest, with the other clawing the polished ground.

The pressure of tears was stinging her eyes and making her head unbearably throb – but it didn't matter – she didn't care; she just wanted the suffocating squeezing in her chest to disappear. She was seizing the front of her shirt now, pulling it away from her body and willing her lungs to breathe – her mouth gaping wide, trying to suck in air, only to find it jammed with emotion.

Her chasm was reopening, wedged inside her heart and tearing it to shreds; that icy thick-linked chain slinking around her chest, piercing her with its coldness and compressing her lungs till she wailed out in pain.

She could smell them; their aroma lingering in the carpet and curtains; their voices echoing down the halls; their presence milling around the kitchen and down the stairs.

It was just too much so she let herself succumb to the darkness that crept from her heart and swam to her vision.

And that was how he found her, tear-stained and collapsed on the ground in a loose little ball. He kneeled on the floor, scooping her into his arms and brushing away stray wisps of hair. He whispered her name, quietly at first, then more demanding when she didn't respond. He gave her a small shake – still no response, then lightly slapped her cheek.

She was stirring now, making incomprehensible sounds and subconsciously clutching her shirt in the middle of her chest. Her eyes blinked open unfocused, feeling moist and sticky as remnants of tears clung around her lashes. She peered around her, mind feeling fuzzy and chest constricting painfully.

"Sakura, what happened?"

She groaned, not wanting to be awake and finally centered on the person holding her. "Sasuke? What are you doing here?" She cringed at the hoarseness in her voice.

"I could ask you the same thing. What happened?"

And then it hit her, her expression turning to one of anguish and her lips letting out a pitiful sound.

"Oh god," she wailed quietly into his shirt, the asphyxiating sensation returning once more.

He tried to pull her away from his chest, trying to get her to look at him so he could understand. "Sakura, tell me what's wrong."

Her eyes squeezed shut and her lips pressed firmly together, shaking her head from side to side as her already tear-stained face shed more emotion. It didn't matter what she looked like; what he thought of her – nothing seemed to matter; nothing but the ache in her heart and the hollowness in her gut.

She wanted to scream; to shriek and stomp and wail this feeling away – and she would have if she wasn't choking on her own sobs, crumbling against an addled Sasuke and letting him be her temporary pillar of support.

She was grasping into him now, knuckles turning white from the force, her weeping muffled by the new feel and smell of his jounin vest – and what could he do but hold her back? His mind wondering if this had to do with him and Naruto passing the jounin exam.

They sat like that for a few minutes, his legs developing a cramp from the position and her weight, but it was barely noticeable under the mass of his thoughts; his mind whirling around at breakneck speed, littered with doubts and questions. He felt her grip loosening, her sobs quieting down, her tensed up body relax, and felt his doing the same as well.

"Sakura?"

She remained silent, her frame slumping against his torso, letting his arms support her body. He said her name again, not as patient this time and she simply blinked – feeling drained and drugged and numb to her surroundings.

_Why…why did this have to happen?_

Her eyes were drooping closed and her heart beat was slowing down, making her wish it would stop all together. No doubt it would be less painful.

He was shaking her now, her body rattling around like a marionette and he the infuriated puppeteer. His tone was commanding, desperate, and worried – voice becoming louder and louder and drilling into her ear till she blocked it out all together.

_Why?_

"Goddamnit Sakura, answer me!"

He suddenly felt the wind knocked out of him as his body was thrown against the wall, making him cough and wheeze and regain his bearings. There weren't many people who could catch him unaware like that, Kakashi achieving top spot on such a special list, so that's why he wasn't especially surprised now to see the silver-haired jounin cradling Sakura's unresponsive body.

He eyed him warily, trying to patch up his bruised ego. "No need to be so overprotective Kakashi-san. I was simply trying to figure out what was wrong."

The older man's eyes cut to Sasuke's dark ones. "Forgive me then," he said, voice dangerously low and deadpan, making Sasuke realize he was mad in that completely controlled and measured way of his.

There was a moment's pause, each male sizing each other up in surreptitious manner. Sasuke was the first to break. "I found her on the floor unconscious when I arrived. When she woke up she was crying."

Kakashi gave a curt nod, Sakura lying listlessly in his arms, eyes blank and detached. "Thank you, I'll take it from here."

There was no room for argument, an obvious dismissal, and the hostility in Kakashi's aura made Sasuke wisely take a couple steps back, but he refused to submit so easily and daringly pressed forward once more.

"What's going on Kakashi?"

He was spared a narrowed glance, and watched him take Sakura to the living room where he set her down on the couch.

"I'm as much in the dark as you are, Sasuke."

He snorted, arms crossed and leaning on the doorway's frame. "You're always telling us to read underneath the underneath, so forgive me when I tell you that maybe you should have been listening to your own teachings instead of preaching to us 'underlings'."

Kakashi denied a response, always perfectly patient and serene when others would have been bristling from the insult.

"What is going on with you and Sakura?"

Kakashi pocketed his hands, weight leaning to one side and anger still lurking behind his cool façade. "Nothing." Simple – calm – direct, not that Sasuke had been expecting more.

"You're lying."

"Am I?"

Sasuke grit his teeth. "I _know _you are"

"Where's your proof?"

"The last month!"

"How so?"

"When you sent us away so you could _privately_ train with her–"

"I _was_ training her," he interrupted smoothly.

"How she's been changing – talking more and laughing; gazing at the world with this faraway look in her eyes. It's like she managed to stop digging that pit from under her feet and climb her way back out."

"I wasn't aware that was a bad thing."

He brushed the comment aside. "How both Naruto and I can never seem to find her, or you for that matter."

Kakashi shrugged. "Like I said, I've been training her."

"All through the night?"

"She's been at Ino's."

Sasuke smiled haughtily. "You thought I wouldn't know she was lying?" When Kakashi said nothing, his smile only broadened, egging him on to continue. "How you were the only one she told when she left for her mission – how last night _she _left with _you_ during the celebration."

"I took her home."

Sasuke chuckled without the humour. "You sure about that? 'Cause when I came here I certainly didn't see any pink-haired kunoichi."

Kakashi straightened his posture, the atmosphere heading towards acrimony. "I think you better leave now, Sasuke."

His face tightened. "I'm not leaving her here alone with you."

"For someone who took such pleasure in slicing her heart to pieces for all those years, I'm surprised you're so concerned about her well-being now."

"Is that bitterness I hear in your voice Kakashi-_san_?" he mocked. "Do you resent me for the way I treated her?" he grinned. "Well like you said, that was in the past, and none of us are the same anymore."

Kakashi's eyes turned firm. "Just what are you implying?"

His answer was a smirk.

"If you're done with your little tirade, I think you should leave now."

The new jounin clenched his fists, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck stand up to attention as they caught the first waves of an overwhelming chakra. It was profound and heavy, unbearable with its intensity. If Sasuke had been any lesser of a ninja, he would have yielded to the overriding sensation of lightheadedness long ago.

"This isn't over Kakashi," he declared resolutely, walking away with shoulders squared and arms stiff, still finding enough composure to quietly close the front door when all he wanted to do was to obliterate it.

Kakashi eyed the exit till he felt that last surf of Sasuke's chakra, indicating he was now far enough away to relax his stance. He sighed, squeezing the bridge of his nose. Two confrontations in one day, being forced to lie to people he cared about, and now Sakura…

He pacified himself enough as to not let emotion overrule him, and squatted on the ground next to her on the couch, frowning at her wet clumped up lashes, puffy eyes, and stained cheeks.

"Sakura?"

No response.

"Talk to me."

Silence.

If he had been a sentimental man, he would have felt hurt by such disregard; feeling that he had a certain right now to hear and have her confide in him. He was glad life had hardened him enough to not feel childish resentment.

When he looked at her, he realized she was gone, sunken in on herself and incapable of hearing or seeing anything behind her ghastly thoughts. Somehow he knew this, causing him to scoop her in his arms once more and bring her upstairs, laying her down softly on her bed. Even now he felt she was better suited under his sheets.

There was a terrible foreboding creeping along the floors and into his bones; his logic and instinct telling him that this was somehow related to her summoning. He gazed at her one last time and walked away, a certain destination calling his name.

* * *

. 

His face was unreadable; his thoughts in turmoil. "You shouldn't have told her."

Tsunade arched a brow, noticing Kakashi was the only one who had enough audacity to tell her what, and what not, to do. "Don't you think she deserved to know? This is her family we're talking about."

"Exactly. You should have waited. You're timing is cruel."

"Are you trying to tell me there is a perfect time to tell someone their family is dead?"

"There are better times than others, yes, and you don't know for a fact whether they're deceased or not."

She sighed, chin resting on the flat of her knuckles. "She's a shinobi Kakashi – you can't protect her from life and reality. She knew the dangers of her parent's job. I don't want to say she should have expected it but…she should have been prepared for it at least."

Kakashi eyes slit minutely. "Although she tries to hide it, Sakura is an emotional girl. You don't know her like I do; she'll take this harder than most. I wish you would have advised me first."

"She'll be fine."

"She's in shock."

She was Hokage; her word was law…except when it came to Kakashi. Tsunade growled in the pit of her throat, not used to being rebuked or feeling uncertain about a decision she had made. Sense counseled her in agreeing with Kakashi, but pride stood tall and strong in refusing to vocally admit her fault. After much inner bloodshed, logic and dignity compromised.

"In the future I will keep your words in mind and I will try to be more tactful when delivering such news, but you should know Kakashi, an emotional shinobi is not a good shinobi. Since you're the epitome of blasé, maybe you should give her a lesson or two in how to cope with her emotions. As you know, tears aren't allowed on the battlefield."

Yet they happened all the same.

"Tell me about the mission."

She stood up; countenance displaying her depletion as she walked over to lean against the window frame, arms crossed loosely and gaze wondering off to space.

"What's there to tell?" She glanced over her shoulder briefly as she felt the weight of his stare; appearance cold and eyes layered with steel. She hated to admit it, but sometimes Kakashi's presence could be a little overpowering. With her best interest in mind, she relented.

"It was a unit of six jounins stationed at the border of Leaf and Grass. More than a month ago there were rumours concerning Grass wanting to infiltrate the Fire Country, so I sent a squad of chuunins to investigate. Their report confirmed the rumors were false but Shikamaru-kun spoke to me, telling me there was something unsettling with the inhabitants."

"Yes, I spoke with Shikamaru about this."

She nodded and continued. "I considered the matter closed till word got out that a small rebellion was occurring in Grass near our border, so as safety precaution I sent the jounin squad to make sure it didn't expand into our territory. They were to be assigned there for two months, and according to two of my men, three weeks into it they were attacked."

"By Grass?"

She sighed. "That would be the logical assumption, but they were unmarked ninja's; no forehead protectors, no distinguishable clothes or colours, so as far as I'm concerned, it could have been anyone."

"What about their Jutsu's? Did they specialize in any area?"

"From what my men saw, none that could give you any good leads."

Kakashi's thumb stroked his chin in contemplation. "It's not easy to take down a unit of six jounins. Do you think it was planned, that someone felt threatened?"

Light brown eyes turned hard. "It had to have been planned. Unmarked or not, drifter ninja's wouldn't have had the power nor want to direct too much attention towards themselves. It was organized, and someone doesn't want us to find out who or why."

There was a seconds lull in their conversation, both erudite minds mulling over and pondering the information; Kakashi slouched in his chair – Tsunade still camped by the window.

"When will the ANBU scouts return?"

"If things go smoothly they should return in a couple of days."

Kakashi nodded and stood. "I'd appreciate it if you kept me informed."

She made a sound, one he took for agreement and vanished from her office.

* * *

. 

There was a tingling in his chest and a thrumming in his heart that signified the beginnings of panic but which he interpreted as surprise and alarm. He would never let himself submit to an emotion such as panic.

She wasn't here in her bed, or anywhere in her house. He had checked Ino and Tenten's residences plus Naruto and Sasuke's, who were thankfully not home, and even their training ground and meeting bridge thinking she would go there for nostalgic purposes.

When he opened his front door overcome yet still determined, he felt her presence waif towards him from his bedroom – directly soothing him like a shot of morphine. His heart gave two last energetic beats before turning quiet and somber within his ribcage once again. He heaved a long and thankful sigh, ridding himself from the rest of his consternation.

Pleased – relieved – foolish, were just some of the things he felt as he stared at her slumbering form, tangled in his bed sheets where she always looked best. Pleased that it was his bed she had retreated to; relieved that she wasn't hurt and was simply sleeping; foolish because checking his apartment hadn't been his first priority.

He was glad she wasn't awake – that she could escape from her pain in her dreams and let her body relax from the shock. He soundlessly slipped off any unnecessary clothing, slinking into his bed with just his pants and shirt, gradually pulling her back to rest against his torso. His unconscious need to always touch her was something he could ruminate over later. She stirred diminutively, before settling comfortably in his embrace.

There was a selfish part of him which never wanted her to awake to the horrors of reality which would possibly crush her till there was nothing left but despair. He didn't want to see it – feared that he couldn't save her from it – and cursed the world with its ill-timing fate.

She was shuffling under the covers, the first signs of her rousing. She twitched once then flickered open dull green eyes.

"Kakashi?" she murmured sleepily, shifting slightly.

"Shh, go back to sleep."

The afternoon sun was streaming through, coating her in its light and warmth. She frowned; it just didn't seem right. She felt as if it should have been raining with huge swelling clouds thundering and rolling against one another, spitting down acidic precipitation. Maybe even a tornado or two to complete the bill – maybe then it would compliment how she felt.

She closed her eyes, willing herself to listen to Kakashi's advice and fall back to sleep before her mind could tune in with her emotions.

After a few minutes she sat up frustrated, Kakashi following suit. Her back was facing him, her attention on his comforter.

"Why are you here?" She asked; still sounding like her energy had been sapped.

The question caught him off guard. "Besides the fact that I live here, its 'cause you're here."

She paused questioningly. "So?"

"So I'm here."

She heaved a sigh through her nose, seemingly annoyed and cantankerous. "Why though? Why are you here – with me – right now? What is just so terribly special and addicting that you can't leave my side?"

He frowned, wondering where this line of questioning was coming from. "Isn't it a little late to be asking me this?" This was leading to an argument, he could feel it enclosing around them. When he imagined her awakening, he had expected tears and heart wrenching sobs, not the beginning of an interrogation about their relationship.

"Just answer me, Kakashi."

"I can't."

She cut her eyes across to him, a mélange of shock and anger. "What do you mean you can't? Just answer the goddamn question!"

"Why do you need to know?" he countered. "Isn't it enough that I'm here?"

"Just answer me!"

He sighed and laid back down offhandedly, arms crossed behind his head. "I don't have an answer," he said impassively, eyes sliding to lock with her stunned ones. "I don't know why I'm with you."

"What?" she whispered, his confession making her feel overwhelmed in the worst possible way. "You don't know why you're with me! You don't have any _fucking_ clue?" She felt herself spiraling downwards – farther and farther and almost reaching a point of no return. Tears were suddenly streaming down her face. She wiped at them viciously.

He turned his eyes away from her. "I've seen and experienced a lot of things in my life Sakura," he started, gazing up at his ceiling wistfully, "and though I don't know everything nor do I have the lore of many, I know that there isn't always a reason for everything. That there are just some things in life that can't be explained…and you Sakura, are one of those things. I can't tell you why I'm with you – why I want to be near you – why I want to touch and protect you; because I don't know. I just know that you here, with me, is something I want – something I need." He sat up and cupped her face, his thumb stroking her cheek and brushing away her tears. "Do you understand?"

She was shaking her head from side to side; lips pressed forcefully together with watery eyes squeezed shut.

"But I'm sixteen."

"I know."

"You're my teacher."

"I know."

"This is wrong."

"Sakura?"

"Ya…?"

"Shut up," and he smiled softly at her, guiding her against him where his chest felt unusually tight; something which he knew had nothing to do with her grip against him. Stroking her hair, he mechanically rocked her back and forth, breathing in her hair and the salt of her tears.

She was crying now, hard and uncontrollable sobs which shimmied her body mercilessly.

"Don't ever leave me Kakashi," she cried into his shirt, hoarse and chopped by her weeping. "I couldn't take it." He held her more closely. "Please, just promise me you won't leave – even if you don't mean it, I just need to hear it."

He nuzzled the top cushion of her hair. "I promise."

She sniffed. "Say it again."

"I promise."

Her sobs quieted down a quarter. "Do you mean it?"

"…yes."

And he did.

* * *

. 

Erg, the cheesiness! Anywho, I'm wondering if any of you are starting to get annoyed of Sakura. I am a little, and I'm the one writing her! So ya, more of the plot is slowly unraveling, and only two more chapters before the second arc. Yay!

A huge thanks to those who review/comment. I love to hear what you love/hate about my story. Great motivation really :D And of course, the awesome **Christinarr** for betaing (glomps)

**DarkElmo** – girl you better watch it or you may inflate my ego, and Eris with a swelled head is not a pretty image :P And you say you'd kill for me to finish this? Well how convenient, I have a list right here all ready and waiting for a person such as yourself :) heh, jk. Thanks for the amazingly nice review.

**xLindsayx** – haha if you thought I was being hard on Sakura before, I wonder what you'll think of me now? Poor Sakura, so many trials I'm putting her through (evil grin)

**Tonkeli** – More Shika you say? Hmm, I wonder if I can squeeze him in somewhere for ya. And yes I did come back from overseas, and yes I did have a great time. Thanks for asking :D

**KaraQ** – Bah, I'm sorry your review didn't show up. FF likes to be a brat sometimes. Heh, and you know it's funny 'cause I was talking to Christinarr before about how vastly different chap 12 and 13 are of each other, and I was rather worried how people would take it. I was considering some revising, but alas, my laziness kicked in, per usual O.o Hopefully the little lime made up for it. Hah, if you think Sakura is annoying now, you may just hate her by chapter 16, but we have to be a _little _lenient with her 'cause I'm not exactly giving her an easy time. Consider these some tests she has to pass :D

**Esther** – lol you just reminded me of a LONG discussion I had with my beta concerning smut, and all of the clichés and unrealism everyone falls victim too. It's as funny as it is sad. Anywho, my little crackpot, you never fail to amuse me, and I'm horribly sorry I kept you up late when you already had a tiring day. Thanks for taking the time to review. You're awesome :P

**Gin Yume** – Nah, you didn't freak out. I was just like, "oh god, this girls gonna hate me now!" lol. But just remember, them being dead isn't confirmed (hint hint) Bah, did I just ruin it for everybody now?

**Nimacu **– "My criminology teacher was a former chief of police from my hometown and rather aware of his own self-importance." For some reason that line had me chuckling for a good while, and I have no idea why I'm fascinated with criminal justice. Must be this whole C.S.I. craze. I swear, I'd be a cop if I hadn't been dwarfed to a height of 5'2 (cries) The unfairness of it all.

And for those of you who love sour things, look forward to a little limey action in the next chapter O.o Mmmm citrus.

Eris


	15. I, xv

**AN:** I'm developing a problem, and that problem is my AN's at the bottom like to become progressively longer by each chapter. Awe well, most don't read em anyway, which is probably for the better XD

And ya, lime ahead. Those who get offended by it, just try to skip it. If the general consensus is that it's too vulgar or crude or explicit for this site, then I'll take it off and put a link to it.

Yup. That's it.

* * *

. 

**Courage Needs You – Chapter #15**

It was cool, the sun's orange rays just peeking at the edge of the horizon. He enjoyed it at this time in the morning – at this time of the year; watching the first beams of light reflect off of the memorial stone.

There was a presence nearby and had been for quite some time. Ordinarily it wouldn't have disturbed him but today wasn't ordinary. He felt frustrated – on edge – his normal patience abandoning him through the back door. Was it justifiable? He felt it was.

The presence was moving towards him now; slow and paced and bothering him for reasons unknown.

"You come here a lot."

"Aa."

There was a soft respite as Sasuke watched the sun peak higher and higher above the valley with Kakashi still focusing on the engraved names. Which specific names brought Kakashi here time and time again, Sasuke would never know.

"I heard," Sasuke stated, his voice sounding ridiculously loud in the thickening silence. "How is she?"

"Not good."

"_Where_, is she?"

There was a moment of quiet as Kakashi turned his head to meet the boys gaze. "In my bed," he said in such frigid accents that it nearly gave Sasuke frostbite. There was a smoldering glare in his one eye that dared him to comment – dared him to argue.

Sasuke's features hardened as he looked towards the horizon once more. The admittance had caught him off guard while spiking a sudden rage, but he hadn't come here for an argument, although he felt like it was most likely inevitable now.

"I'd like to see her."

Kakashi turned back to the stone. "That's up to her."

"You _can't _keep her from us!"

"I didn't plan to."

"There's no way a man like you could make her happy."

His eye was on him again; maliciously slit and perilous. He was suddenly in front of the new jounin, sneering down on him and invading his personal territory.

"Why are you here?"

Sasuke clenched his fists and stood his ground. "Isn't it obvious?"

"The only reason you want her is because you can't have her."

"Want her? I think you're jumping to conclusions Hatake."

Kakashi leaned forward further; chakra dancing around him dangerously. "Then what is it that you want?"

Onyx eyes narrowed. "For you to stay away from her."

Kakashi pulled back, amused incense claiming his disposition. "Unfortunately your demands concerning my personal affairs are of no consequence, Sasuke."

"If you won't stay away from her Kakashi, I'll make it so she stays away from you."

Self-preservation urged Sasuke to take a step back as Kakashi eyed him with a predatory glare. "If I even catch a _hint_ of you upsetting her, you'll be sorry."

This wasn't an empty threat; Sasuke knowing if he stayed any longer things might turn physical. He had never seen him like this – the usual composed, collected, and calm Kakashi losing to his out of control inner flame.

With nothing left to say or do, Sasuke wisely walked away.

It was three days later and there had been no more altercations from either Naruto or Sasuke; much to Kakashi's relief and dismay. They had been like family to him – and now there was only hatred.

He was sitting in one of his corner chairs, slumped and relieved that Sakura was finally asleep. She hadn't been eating well and was sleeping even less; every time she would toss and turn and moan distraught incoherent words before waking in a cold sweat. She was falling and he felt like there was nothing he could do to catch her.

Just being there for the girl at every waking hour didn't deem good enough for improvement. It would keep her relatively stable but that was about it – and when he wasn't there, either in the kitchen, bathroom, or living room, before coming back to take up guard duty on his broken kunoichi, he would find her wide eyed and teary, panicked that he had left her.

He wasn't used to this role of caretaker – of having to nurture and comfort. It was alien to him, something he had never been programmed to do, so he wasn't entirely surprised to find his mind plagued with doubt in whether he was doing an adequate enough job or not.

Other doubts encroached his mind as well, such as: was she actually worth this?

This was the fifth time he had asked himself in three days, having nothing better to do since his mind was the only source of entertainment. Was she worth the hatred of Naruto and Sasuke? Of the loathing from the village if they ever found out? Of his reputation being sullied and labeled a pedophile?

There were times when he would think to himself that yes, she was worth it, but other times such as now, he wasn't so sure.

There was a soft rapping on his front door, causing him to rapidly 'poof' from his room and open it before it could wake Sakura. The messenger seemed startled, hand poised in midair to knock once more.

"Yes?"

The messenger shook out of his stupefied trance. "The Hokage wants to see you and also told me to tell you to get a phone."

Kakashi nodded. "Duly noted," and shut his door. He stood in his foyer in thought. It must be about the return of the ANBU scouts, he rationalized, then glanced at his closed bedroom door. He didn't want to wake her but he had no choice – she would be in hysterics if she woke to find him gone.

Soundlessly slipping into his bedroom, he found her still fast asleep – no stirring or whimpering of any kind. Figures the only time she would sleep well would be the time he would have to wake her. Just when he was going to shuffle her, he thought better of it and quickly wrote a note instead; leaving it on the bedside table.

He flew towards headquarters in record time, bounding into the Hokage's office and totally disregarding the current secretary.

"What's the report?"

Tsunade peered up at him semi-amused, before closing the mission folder and handing it to him.

"They found one dead and the other three are missing."

"Missing?"

"Missing," she reaffirmed.

"Any traces that they might be alive?"

"None whatsoever. Not even footprints to track."

He sighed, running a hand through his silver mane. "Do you think they took the other three bodies?"

She leaned back in her leather chair and let out a tired exhale. "Could have, but then it doesn't make much sense that they took those three but left the fourth behind."

He agreed; it didn't make much sense – in fact, none of it did. "So what are you going to do?"

"Even though we don't know the identities of the attacking ninja's, I've sent a letter to the Lord of Grass requesting his cooperation in the dealings with my ANBU as they search within Grass's territory near their border. It's the only lead we have so far. And I've already sent a unit to comb through the forests in hopes that something might turn up."

Kakashi nodded in accord before closing and giving the report back to Tsunade.

It was an hour later when Kakashi arrived home; coming back from the med-building with Tsunade. Although all of the information had been reiterated to him and stored away in the annals of his mind, he had still insisted upon seeing the two wounded jounins who had been stationed at the border. He was told the full statement of their condition and the injuries they sustained, hoping that any of it might give him further clues.

He wasn't quite sure where this fascination from the border mission came from, but there was an unsettling knot in his belly that wouldn't seem to leave, and he knew it wouldn't till this mystery was solved. Not to mention it dealt with Sakura's parents…

With the grace of a tiger, he glided through his living room and hallway before pausing outside his bathroom door. It was closed and he could feel her on the other side. He tapped quietly with his knuckles, ear slanting near the door.

"Sakura?"

There was a muffled, "Come in," on the other side, followed by Kakashi turning his burnished knob.

The room was vaguely bright, no lights turned on with only the sun peeking through the wooden blinds, but it was plenty enough to see Sakura, lounging in his bathtub underneath a blanket of bubbles.

There was no emotion on his face as he toed her scattered clothes, underwear included, in an unreadable manner.

She was watching him equally reticent, head resting back on the slope of his tub.

"Hi," she whispered with a meek smile. "I got your note."

He said nothing, watching steam trails radiate off of her exposed arms that rested on each side of the tub. She lowered her bent knees, filling the silence with the swoosh of bath water.

He took a couple tentative steps forward, giving her more than enough time to forestall anymore movement on his part. "How are you feeling?"

She shrugged. "Better…I think." He nodded, seemingly pleased with her answer. "What did the Hokage want?"

He took two more cautious steps forward. "I asked her to keep me updated on the previous border mission," and waited for her demeanor to waver – relieved and almost startled when it didn't.

"Did you find anything out?" she pressed lightly.

The temperature of the bath had warmed the room, causing a sticky humidity to cling to Kakashi's hair and clothes uncomfortably.

"Aa…I did." He was standing right next to the tub now, thumbs hooked in his pockets and peering down on her in a predatory fashion.

She sunk a little lower in the bubbled water. "Well? What did you find out?" She felt the tempo of her heart kick up a notch, watching him as he watched her, eyes trailing along the length of her arms, the arch in her shoulder, the juncture to her neck. Her breath was slowing, comprehending the meaning in his gaze, recognizing the haze of emotion that was always kept hidden till moments such as these.

His eyes finally settled on hers. "Would you mind if we talked about this later 'cause all I feel like doing right now is climbing in there with you."

She flushed, all the way down to her neck and chest, breathing stopping and allowing her to hear the _thump thump thump _of her heart.

He dragged a finger down the span of her arm, burning her in its wake as his darkened eyes followed the same trail. "So...would you mind?"

She sunk even lower till the tip of her nose hovered above the water, pulling knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them subconsciously. She shook her head almost imperceptibly, feeling her apprehension circle around her insides; partially frightened to what she had just accepted to.

Just when she thought her heartbeat had reached its crescendo, he peeled off his hitai-ate and mask, dropping it on the floor haphazardly beside him, making her heart beat at rib-cracking speed and power.

Every time she saw his face; the shape of his lips; the beautiful angle of his jaw; she would feel like it was the first time all over again – unable to tear her eyes away from the stunning sight.

Her body was overwrought with anxiety, watching him strip off his gloves and unzip his jacket. His movements weren't slow, nor were they fast – just perfectly purposeful and calculated; nothing but confidence and hunger in his being.

Sakura was the antithesis; shivering in the stifling bath, hugging her knees to her chest and looking at him with a childlike interest and fear.

When Kakashi wasn't impartial – when he let himself display whatever emotion he was feeling at the time, whether it was anger, happiness, or lust; it would simply be totally domineering and powerful in that completely controlled way of his. The outcome would always make her mouth go dry and her throat become tight.

When he slipped off his shirt, she was glad her gaping mouth was underwater with the bubbles shielding most of her awed expression. She was hollering to herself that this is where she should turn away and give him some privacy, but her eyes weren't listening – glued to his masculine physique; tracing the outline of his muscles; memorizing the shape and placement of his scars.

She didn't see the dark amusement dancing across his mismatched eyes; entertained because he knew of the effect he was having on her. When he reached for his pants, modesty clicked inside her brain, making her swivel her head and gawking expression; eyes clenched shut and biting her lip underwater.

She tried not to listen to the shuffle of fabric as it landed with the other discarded clothes; tried not to freak out knowing he was probably standing stark naked before her with no sense of humility whatsoever; tried to remember why she had agreed to his daft request in the first place.

She jumped when he placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Would you move up a bit for me?"

Not trusting herself to answer, she scooted forwards; knees to chest and eyes still closed. Her heart was now performing its own personal drum-line in her chest cavity – hearing and feeling the water rise as he took his first step behind her, pursued by the other shortly after.

The water bounced around her, the bubbles tickling her nose, every muscle in her body tensing as he was now fully positioned behind her; one leg outstretched while the other was bent by her shoulder.

"Are you alright?" he asked, humour betrayed in his voice. She on the other hand, didn't appreciate his amusement. It was aggravating how calm and nonchalant he was. He leaned forwards, water sloshing around them as he placed large hands on small shoulders, torso pressing lightly into her back.

Her whole body went iron-board stiff, eyes finally snapping open to the size of one dollar coins.

"Relax," he whispered, laughing tone disappearing. Easier said then done, she thought, her frame going impossibly rigid as he guided her back further against his chest, forcing her arms to unwind around her shins and instinctively cross against her breasts.

She could practically feel every curve of his corded muscles engraving the flesh on her back; feeling the expanse of his solid chest, hard, hot, and slick with water.

She considered herself pretty mature for her age, but this just attested to be a new league of maturity that she had never set bounds into before. It was as frightening as it was thrilling – however she was still waiting for the thrilling part to kick in.

He was kneading her shoulders now; perfect measured strokes that made her tingle all the way down to her pruny toes.

"Are you feeling up to going out after?"

She sighed; loving the way his voice would rumble into a deep sultry bass. "I'm not sure. What did you have in mind?"

She felt him shrug. "Nothing in particular."

Glancing at the closed blinds, she saw the suns rays peeking through weaker than before, taking on the beginnings of an orange hue.

"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry," she said, regretful and soft.

His brows knit together. "For?"

"For the last few days; being the way I was. I just couldn't control it."

"Sakura, you don't need to apologize. It's unnecessary."

She paused, shoulders slumping. "Maybe so, but it felt like I was pushing you away…like you were drifting somehow." He said nothing, continuing his massage. "You were having doubts about us…weren't you?" her voice was hollow, yet faint.

He stopped his motions for a beat. "Aa."

She tensed minutely, shocked by his agreement. "And now?"

"None at all."

She frowned. "But you did."

"Yes."

Her brows scrunched in a beleaguered fashion. "What does that mean?"

"Nothing. Just that I had a momentary stage of weakness and uncertainty."

"How do I know it won't happen again?"

"You don't."

She twisted incompletely around, fixing him with a slightly narrowed gaze. "You aren't being very reassuring."

He smirked, making her forget for a fleeting moment that she was annoyed.

"Forgive me."

"And if I don't?"

His hand was instantly on the side of her face – holding and drawing her mouth to meet his own. Soft – tender – affectionate; lips massaging against lips.

When he pulled back slowly – always hesitantly – her eyes were muddled and her heartbeat had slowed down to a crawl.

"You know," she paused, licking her lips, tasting his tongue, "you can't always do that to avoid confrontation."

He angled her head to the side, sweeping away water-logged pink locks to brush his mouth along the column of her neck.

"You're ignoring me," she whispered, not entirely caring, eyes closing involuntarily.

His hands were gliding down each of her arms in a synchronized fashion, reaching her wrists and pulling them away from her body. His lips were sucking the flesh above her pulse – hot and searing while the rhythm drummed against his tongue.

Her fear and apprehension had petered away to nothing – replaced by that numb dumbstruck feeling that always assaulted her mind when he touched her.

Her arms were at her sides, lying limply on the top of his thighs as his hand cupped the top column of her neck and dragged it downwards; creeping between the valley of her breasts to splay across the expanse of her belly.

Her breathing was haggard – something she always expected and had become accustomed to when his mouth and hands were on her – hot and firm and speaking to her in wantonness tones that words could never convey. She felt his digits circling around her navel, her stomach clenching in knots. She was gripping his thighs now, an unconscious act for support.

A sound escaped past her lips, something she catalogued as a moan when his other hand brushed along her hip – grasping it and stroking her with the pad of his thumb.

Her head had lounged back now, resting on the edge of his shoulder as she panted into the trunk of his neck. God, he smelled good – he always smelled good as she breathed in distinct Kakashi – delicious and warm and something forbidden.

Strong hands were bold yet languid in their movements – taking his time as he familiarized himself with the feel of her body, unaware of the electrifying trail his fingertips brought against her skin. Brushing along the underside of her breasts; waltzing on the inside of her thighs – always so dangerously close yet never touching where he wanted to touch most.

She questioned herself in whether she would stop him if he tried; ruminated how he was able to eradicate all her morals and principles when she had spent her entire lifetime perfecting them.

Suddenly her back went stiff and her breath hitched in her throat. She gulped, trying to swallow down the lump of realization that effectively blocked her windpipe. She could feel _him_, hard and hot at the small of her back. Her breathing turned shaky, not scared but nervous – anxious – hesitant and worried and so many other things that her brain couldn't comprehend – wouldn't allow her to grasp.

Abruptly and too quick for her foggy mind, which was undeniably his fault, he was out of the tub, back faced toward her and wrapping a towel around his narrow waist. Turning on a fulcrum he bent down and scooped her out of the tub, making her shriek and cover her essentials to the best of her abilities in such a situation.

She was looking at him panic-stricken, voice lost in confusion and terror as he strode out of the bathroom to his bedroom and dumped her on the bed unceremoniously, where she then quickly scurried under the covers like a weasel in its burrow. And then just like that he left, heading back towards the bathroom and closing the door behind him without so much as a backwards glance.

Pausing momentarily to shake out of her stupor, and to make sure he wasn't coming out, she took the bed sheets with her and ransacked his closet and drawers, searching till she found a nice big black shirt that fell to her on mid thigh. Hurriedly, she crawled back onto his bed, sitting there and waiting with his blankets shrouding her frame protectively.

It was five minutes later when he reappeared, with her still hyperventilating to a small degree, watching as he walked into his bedroom still sporting the same white towel and heading towards his closet where he continued to pull out his typical jounin pants. Slipping them on under the towel, he turned towards her, regarding her for the first time since he snagged her out of the tub.

Her eyes were still wide, indecisive and puzzled by his actions. Unperturbed he walked over and sat on the end of his bed, expression sober with his usual boisterous hair weighed down by water.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have rushed things like that."

She wasn't sure whether to nod that yes, things had taken a giant leap forward, or shake her head that no, he shouldn't be apologizing for something that had although been hasty, had felt so right at the same time. In the end she did neither.

"What were you doing in the bathroom?"

There was a moment's hesitation; her, tipping on the edge of curiosities seat; he, trying to choose his words carefully.

"Something you aren't ready for."

She was bewildered for only half a second before the dawn of comprehension sunk in, making her cheeks flame and her body tingle for unfamiliar reasons. It didn't take a genius to read between the lines. She bent her head down and hoped her face didn't appear as hot as it felt.

A change of topic was definitely in order.

"Can you tell me what the Hokage told you?"

He eyed her; something akin to worry in his gaze. "Are you sure you're alright to talk about it?"

"Yes," she said, not as confident as she desired.

"Very well. Out of the six man team, one was found deceased, two returned wounded, and three were reported missing."

She steeled her eyes on him, proud when her voice didn't crack. "And my parents?"

"Are two of the three that are missing."

"When you say missing, do you mean they could be alive?"

"Nothing is for certain as of yet."

Her eyes lit up, unable to control the hope that swelled in her heart. "But it's a possibility right?"

He sighed. "It would be best if you didn't have any expectations as of yet. You might only hurt yourself more in the long run."

Her mind listened but her heart obstinately ignored him; inflating against her better judgment.

"There's something else I need to tell you," he said, regaining her attention. "I had a little chat with Sasuke, twice actually, and to put it bluntly: he knows."

"About us!...but how?"

"It turns out we weren't as devious as we thought."

Her shoulders slumped, her eyes drooping in proverbial thought. "Does he hate us now?"

"He hates me, not you."

Her lips twisted unhappily, wondering how he could say such a thing so casually. "Do you think there are others?" He shrugged, a little too offhanded for her liking. "Do you think Naruto or Sasuke will tell?"

"Unlikely. Like I said before, Naruto cares too much about you to hurt you like that, and Sasuke? Well he isn't exactly your average social butterfly, and you might not know it, and even refuse to believe it, but Sasuke cares about you also."

And he left it at that, and she didn't prod any further.

* * *

. 

A knock on his door: a dreary sigh escaping. He didn't want to move, in fact, wasn't even sure he could. After finding about Sakura's parents, and then running into Sasuke, he just felt drained – soulless – a body alive but not really living.

He felt oddly numb on his side; his arm asleep under his head; the sun too bright through the window. He heard his door open, the soft gait of someone's footsteps, paced and unhurried and heading towards him.

"Aa, so you are here."

He recognized the voice. "Why are you here Shikamaru?" Naruto asked, voice sounding strange to his own ears.

"I was wondering if you've seen Sakura. Ino's on a rampage trying to find her ever since she heard…" he trailed, unsure of how to word the rest of the sentence.

"I haven't seen her," Naruto relayed monotonous. How could he when she was with _him_, according to Sasuke. How could he talk to her, never mind comfort her. How could he face her and pretend that he wasn't angry or hurt by their deception, their lies? To look at her, into her eyes, and know that he wasn't good enough – wasn't what she wanted and had finally found someone she did. He couldn't do it, at least not yet when the pain was still so raw.

"Really? That's…odd," Shikamaru said, words alluding further. Naruto didn't have the energy to care. "Do you know where she is at least?"

Blue eyes closed; jaw clenching shut. "No," he ground out, trying to purge the image of truth from his mind. Why was he protecting them when it would be so easy to hurt them? To retaliate and mirror some of the pain they inflicted on him.

Why?

His fists clamped, he not even feeling the digging of his nails as they imprinted tiny half-moons into his palms. He knew why, was helpless in deceiving himself of the fact. It didn't matter how much fury and torment she caused him, he couldn't hate her, and he couldn't bring her pain; no matter how much the darker side of him wanted to.

"Alright, well I'm sorry to have bothered you," he said, eyeing the length of Naruto's back suspiciously; contemplating in whether to stay and prod Naruto in telling him what was wrong. Figuring it wasn't his place, and interrogation too tiresome, he left; his conscience feeling heavy as he did so.

* * *

. 

Four more days passed by, slowly and excruciatingly due to the knot of anxiety that fettered around her insides; frigid fear and hot hope adding to the concoction. Ever since Kakashi had informed her of her missing parents, an idea had formed – a crazy, preposterous, moronic idea that didn't seem so outlandish the more she thought about it, and even plausible and doable if she had been feeling particularly assured at the moment.

Two more days slugged by, the knot of discomfort only increasing tenfold – growing so large that she was unable to eat or straighten her back.

"Sakura?"

"They're alive," she stated, firm and resolute, sitting by his windowsill.

He tried to hide his exasperated sigh. "You don't know that."

"I do."

He stepped behind her, arms snaking around to hook his thumbs in the front of her pants. "Come on, let's go ge–"

"I want to look for them."

His posture stiffened diminutively and his expression bordered on grim. "What do you mean you want to look for them? Tsunade-sama has already sent a search team."

"Ya, but you said they are only searching near the Grass border and the rest of the Fire Country. What if they aren't even in Leaf?"

"If the ANBU can't even find them, what makes you think you can?"

She shrugged serenely. "I'll find a way."

He grabbed her hips and turned her around, a little more roughly than he had intended. "Sakura, you're being unreasonable. Are you aware of the implications your making?"

Her visage was hard, nothing but a somber air surrounding her. "I'm aware."

He pulled back, head shaking back and forth. "Never, I won't allow it. Tsunade-same would _never_ allow it!"

She turned to her side, lips forming a hard line and lackluster green eyes becoming introverted. "I don't need yours or her permission." So strong, so leveled, so resolved.

"That's enough Sakura. We're not discussing this anymore."

The rest of the day continued on with awkward avoidance – words scarce and when spoken; chosen vigilantly. She debated in the prospect of leaving, the only hideaway available being her house – which certainly didn't feel like home anymore, and she wondered if it ever did.

The stench of frustration was clinging to his skin, rolling off of him and brushing along her senses when he walked by. She was too mind-warped by her own idea to care. The likelihood of their porcelain affair breaking seemed probable if not expected.

She wondered about the severity of his doubts right now – she, sprawled on his impossibly comfy couch, waiting for him to approach her as the bearer of bad news; stating in impartial bland tones that they were better off apart, with maybe a smidgen genial so she wouldn't cry.

So sitting on his sofa with nothing better to do, she waited, since her life seemed to be in some horrible standstill disallowing her to move and take that first progressive step forward.

She had meant what she said to him; every word, all her will; that niggling little instinct, woman's intuition if you may, hammering inside her skull like little elves with little elfish ice picks. They were alive. They just had to be, and she wouldn't be satisfied until she saw them.

Frustration suddenly nipped at her bones; frustrated because of this asinine scheme that had tiptoed past her defenses and nestled inside her mind where it reproduced and grew so large that it could no longer be ignored – and kept on growing till the other parts of her brain concurred less they be overrun. And why couldn't Kakashi have been a little more supportive of her idea? Albeit it wasn't brilliant, he didn't have to go and put his angry mask on.

Her limbs started twitching, her body jumpy and edgy, filled with an uneasy restlessness caused by being cooped up in his apartment for too long. Even the idea of training was sounding appealing.

She suddenly bolted forwards, a surge of vigor sweeping forward due to her irritation. No longer was she upset, panicked, and distraught at the idea of her parents lying amidst nature becoming one with the soil, because deep down in that part of her that never made sense, she _knew_ that that wasn't what was happening. Now she was purely anxious, restive to leave and search for them instead of waiting idly by for either good or ill advising news.

"Where are you going?"

She jumped at the sound of his voice before glaring icy daggers in his direction. "Out, I need some fresh air."

He nodded. "I'll come with you."

She padded towards the front door. "That's unnecessary. I don't need company." It felt weirdly good to be bitter and a little snippish – she blamed it on her restlessness and pent up energy.

"All right," he said, her comment brushing off of him like dust.

She had been hoping for more of a scene or reaction, but supposed maybe this was for the best as she hopped down the stairs and greeted the darkening sky outside.

Strolling the streets with an indolent stride, she breathed in big gulps of air, enjoying the slight coolness of the evening. A presence interrupted her gusto of the night, making her halt and swivel around to face one curved eye and a lot of silver hair.

"What are you doing? I said I didn't need company!"

A silvery brow rose. "I felt like going for a walk too."

She growled in the base of her throat. "Well walk somewhere else."

"It's merely a coincidence that we're heading in the same direction."

She huffed. "My ass it is."

All her remarks were halfhearted with an undercurrent of humour lacing the bottom – feeling good that some of her energy had been expended with faux aggravation. Truthfully, she enjoyed the company, but he most likely already knew this.

Somehow, her feet brought her to their glade with Kakashi still 'coincidentally' hounding her steps.

"Let me guess, destiny brought you here as well?" she teased.

"Funny how fate works, huh?"

She only shook her head, amusement fading. "You know I was serious earlier," and wrapped her arms around herself, green eyes focused on the moon. "I'm going to find them."

"What if you find their corpses instead?"

She was surprisingly not startled by his comment, had expected it to leave his lips as a statement to discourage her. "Dead or alive; closer is closer."

"You seem to be taking this much easier now." It wasn't a compliment, just an observation.

"It's because I know they're alive."

He sighed, as if this conversation was taxing him. He couldn't work his brain around the fact that this brilliant girl was being so thick-headed and stubborn under the pretext of hope.

"You said it yourself Kakashi; ninja's should listen to their instincts and my instincts are telling me to leave Konoha and search for them."

There was a rumble of provocation in the pit of his chest as he pulled down his mask, twirled her around by the shoulders, and hastily kissed her.

When they separated, she was staring at him stupefied. "What was that about?" Not that she was complaining.

He ran a hand through his silver spikes. "I can't help it. You frustrate the hell out of me."

She wasn't quite sure what to say to that. "So does that mean you're breaking up with me?"

He jerked his head a little in surprise, giving her a disbelieving look. "Why would you think that?" he asked, sounding a smidgen incredulous.

She shrugged. "I don't know, I just thought you were. I was kind of waiting all day for you to kick me out of your apartment."

"Although I'm not entirely pleased with you at the moment, it doesn't give me enough basis to leave you."

She sighed. "You're the only thing in my life right now Kakashi which is making me second guess my decision in going. I don't want to lose you but I know I can't keep you either."

He shook his head. "You don't need to worry about that because you aren't leaving."

Soft pink lips pressed together firmly. "You can't stop me."

Eyebrows reached toward his hairline. "Is that a challenge?"

"No, it's a fact."

"It'll be a fact when you do indeed get by me." Which they both knew would never happen. "Why are you so intent on searching for them anyway? I don't mean to sound degrading, but you're only a chuunin. What hopes do you think you have in finding them?"

More discouraging questions and truths, but Sakura refused to let it faze her. "You don't understand," she said incisively.

"Try me."

Her jaw clenched. "I owe it to them."

"Or is it that you need to prove something to them?"

Her frown was instantaneous, face scrunched in deliberation and trying to refute the truth of his words.

"The last moments I saw them," she started, eyes downcast and lost in her memories, "we all sorta had an argument. I was upset 'cause they were leaving again and my father was lecturing me on the foundation of a shinobi – telling me that the village will always come first, and I guess…well… I was jealous," and she laughed a little, the sound coming out more sadly than she intended. "Silly huh? Me being jealous over a village, but I couldn't help it. I guess I just wanted their attention, and when he told me I was selfish…I _hated _them! Truly honestly hated them; for not understanding; for their obligated neglect; for their pressure; for their putdowns and expectations. It all just started resurfacing like one big tidal wave and I couldn't control it! It was only for a few seconds until it passed…but they had already seen it." Her words quiet, regret clinging onto her like saran wrap. "So that's why I know they're alive because they just can't die thinking that their only daughter hates them. It just can't end like that."

She knew her reasoning echoed that of stupidity, but she didn't trouble herself with that at the moment; she just _had_ to believe that they were alive – it was the only thing keeping her upright and sane.

"I'll talk to Tsunade-sama in the morning," he sighed, utterly hopeless when it came to her.

The smile she gave him displayed all of the gratitude she could muster.

* * *

. 

"Have you lost your mind Hatake!"

"Don't lecture me as if it was _my_ idea. Just tell me no so I can go tell her no."

"Well obviously my answer is no! What does she possibly think she can do? I have some of my best men scouting the country right now!"

"She doesn't think they're in Leaf."

"Well until my men have explored the whole country, then I will send them further into Grass. The Lord already isn't happy with Leaf treating them as suspects. Jesus, why are we even talking about this! She's a lower rank chuunin for crissake!"

He ran his hand back and forth through his hair vigorously; a sound of frustration emanating past his lips. "Look, I already know all this and believe me, I have the exact same sentiments as you do, but I told her I would ask you anyway."

"Well she has my sympathy and my answer. Give her my regards."

Sighing, he left.

* * *

. 

Something was unusual. She was too composed – too laid-back, not enough tetchy or morose emotions to make this situation feel right. She simply listened then nodded her head after he informed her of Tsunade's answer. Even he, known for his perception and observational skills couldn't detect anything but flat indifference from his insipid kunoichi – it reminding him of himself to a disturbing degree.

The next day there was a jounin meeting, making him feel extremely hesitant in leaving Sakura to her own devices. She was making him bloody paranoid – and he _never _felt paranoid. Things were starting to take more of a resemblance to a babysitting job than an intimate relationship.

"I'll be back in an hour so don't go anywhere." He felt like he was talking to a child…or a dog, he couldn't tell which, and the fact that she remained unfazed only heightened his suspicions as well.

Throughout the whole meeting his mind didn't stray far from pink hair and green eyes – his foot tapping impatiently, his gaze lingering on the door way. This wasn't good, he couldn't allow himself to be distracted and gave himself a mental lecture, but just like the councils words, it went in one ear and out the other, as if there was a freeway in his brain disregarding everything not Sakura related.

He wasn't used to feeling this anxious – this restless, and as soon as the meeting was adjourned he was sprinting at an ungodly pace back to his apartment; a terrible foreboding gathering in his stomach like a rain storm.

Even before he opened his door he knew she wasn't inside – feeling no sense of her aura or the familiar tingle of chakra.

She was gone, and the only thing she left behind was an insincere note stuck to his fridge saying, "I'll be back soon."

He crumpled the gossamer piece of paper in a knuckle popping grip and threw it away in his waste basket. Sitting on his couch, he eyed his door with a feral glare, waiting for her return.

* * *

. 

**AN:** Tsk tsk Sakura, look at what you're putting poor Kakashi through. Alright, so some of you thought she was too emotional in the last chapter, and some others didn't, and as for me? While I have to keep just reminding myself that she thought her PARENTS WERE DEAD! I don't like crying, not in real life or in stories but alas, I felt her breaking down was unfortunately necessary. I mean, how would you react if you thought your parents had been killed? Bah, no more justifying!

And for those of you who are expecting Sakura to suddenly blossom into this strong capable character, filled with confidence and self-assurance, well, I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you because I just don't see that happening over night, but over a period of time which I'm trying to build to. For a couple years she has seen herself as weak, has experienced this sort of mild self-loathing, and it's going to take time for her to change. Right now she's in a sort of rut – testing her resolve to be strong since Naruto and Sasuke just graduated to jounin, and because of the news of her parents – she has to learn how to cope with this. I don't plan on making things easy for her, 'cause well, life ain't easy :D

That's basically what the whole mission arc will be about – her wanting to change, willing to change and become the person she wants to be through trials and experiences and Kakashi. Believe me, I don't like her being like this either, but even so, I don't plan on rushing things – although it is tempting. That's the feminist side of me speaking XD

**Roark28** – ahha damn you're good at guessing at what's going on in my mind. Get outta my head:D So ya, that's basically what's going to happen for the mission, although it's far more complicated that even I have trouble understanding it myself…if that makes sense? And for Naruto and Sasuke, they will be involved, but probably not in the way you're imagining. Gar, I wanna tell you what's going to happen so I'm shutting up now before I spoil it! Thanks for reviewing (glompity glomp)

**KaraQ** – nah, don't feel bad. It's the nicest criticism I've received, and I was thinking the same thing as you anyway lol. Is Sasuke a little more clear now? It seems I may have made him into a paradox, although he does vaguely state in this chapter he doesn't want her like_ that. _And Sakura is jeopardizing their relationship, that little brat, but don't worry, Kakashi is far too adamant to her go that easily :P

**Christinarr** – ya, FF changed a lot of things around. I'm not too sure I'm fond of this hit counter thing, although it is fun to watch it increase all the time, it just proves how many people read and don't leave reviews lol Ah well (chugs back a margarita with ya) you can't win em all…whatever that means…

**Active-heart** – well if you do find any spelling errors I want you to do two things for me. Yell at my beta for missing it, and tell me where it is :D lol jk, don't yell at my beta…only I may get that special privilege XD (hugs Christina)

**Violet Gerald** – you know, I wish I was smart enough to come up with a really good reason as to why they snuck away from the celebration party, and thinking for a few minutes, I just gave up and reduced myself to using the scapegoat of hormones. Although you could view it as Kakashi noticing Sakura was miserable there, and decided to take her away where things just kinda led to another…heh, you'll probably notice more things like that in future chapters. This chapter probably being a good example. Anywho, thanks for the really nice review, and I'm glad I brought you back out somewhat into the world of fanfiction:D

**Demetre1** - Thanks for the critique, but what I'm trying to get across is that yes, Kakashi does have an unusual amount of self control, but just not when it comes to Sakura :D I've been trying to lead up to this understanding with examples like: when he first invited her over to her house and the whole balm thing, how he 'attacked' her in the field after training, how he confessed to her, and how he stole her away from the celebration party. If he had had his customary self-control, then, I don't think he would have done any of those things, but as it is, it still may have been a bit harsh for him to have thrown Sasuke. I agree with you there :P Hopefully I'll be able to further bring about this understanding with future chapters. Thanks for your honesty.

**Panic** – Wow. You're review was nice – too nice! And it had me grinning like an idiot all day. I appreciate it sooo much that you took so much time to tell me what you think. Your review was just so…insightful and poetic and I felt like I was reading a comment by a professional editor. It's definitely one of the nicest I've ever received. Blah, I've always been crappy at expressing my gratitude . Oh ya, sorry I kept you up so late lol. 'Hoot hoot' goes the nocturnal owl.

**Su** – Wah, so many nice reviews! And I feel so inept 'cause I can't describe how stupidly happy your words made me. It had me laughing and grinning and gushing all over the place. I never knew my story gave off the vibe of addiction 'cause I don't use cliffhangers, although this chapter has a little bitty one. But I know what you mean when you just ignore everything. There's a been a couple stories like that for me, and unfortunately one of the authors discontinued and even took her story down (cries) So don't worry, I really plan on finishing this story, although my muse is harder to track down now, I won't give up! (Does nice Gai pose) You have my word on it. And ooo, did I hear something about fanart? (grins) Gimme gimme! XD

**DazedMarauder** – heh, I'm glad you like my version of Kakashi. I must say, I find him pretty appealing myself lol Thanks for the awesome review. Hey, you have the same name as me! (high five)

**Shuichi-kun** – lol I'm sorry my story annoys and confuses you, and that it didn't meet your expectations. I wasn't aware the dialogue was so ambiguous. I thought it was all pretty clear and self-explanatory, but if more people grouse about the same issue, I'll make a better effort to fix it.

And thanks to everybody else who took the time to review, and to the awesomest beta in the world, **Christinarr. **So next chapter is the last for this arc, and I think after I post that I may take a little break 'cause I need to sort the mission arc out, do a little research, and all that non-fun stuff.

–Eris


	16. I, xvi

**Courage Needs You – Chapter #16**

"This isn't so bad," she muttered to herself, leaping from tree branch to tree branch, using the moon's glow as her lantern. So why did she continue to peer over her shoulder every few seconds as if death was snipping at her heels?

She readjusted her pack. It wasn't heavy, nor was it light, but burdensome enough to make her shoulders feel stiff after a few hours of wearing.

A sheen of sweat glazed her forehead and dampened her hairline, making it only tolerable 'cause of the breeze her movements created. Her heart was beating three times its regular rhythm, thundering away in a compound of fear, anxiety, and excitement.

How much farther was the border? Maybe a day's worth? She wasn't quite sure, nor was she sure what she was going to do once she got there. She felt so unprepared, so nervous and maybe even a trifle stupid because of where this idea had brought her.

And also, she hated to admit it, but there was an eeriness in the woods at night which she noticed would only surface when she was conveniently by herself, and then disappear if she had been fortunate enough with company. So much for shinobi courage, she thought bitterly.

Stopping on a branch, she graced herself the allowance to catch her breath. She couldn't rest long she knew, and felt like this was a good a time as any to practice her chakra detection.

"Two birds one stone…" she murmured closing her eyes, all her focus and attention centered on the surrounding area; blocking out her sense of smell, touch, and sound – waiting for the electrifying tingle of chakra. After a minute she sighed relieved. No one was around, and if she was lucky (which she never was) it would be smooth sailing from here on to the border. But once there, she wasn't fool-heartedly enough to expect to saunter on by through Grass without any deterrent whatsoever. She was young, not stupid, although her current situation couldn't provide any backup support on the claim.

Leaning back on the smooth bark of the tree, she let her mind stray and wander to a particular elite jounin; envisioning him coming home to an empty apartment, furious as hell from finding her note, and bounding out the door when he was finished.

That seemed to fit the reality bill perfectly, although she preferred her version of him coming home, calm and collected, reading her note and composing himself enough not to get angry and wait for her instead.

She wondered how much of a lead she had on him, incase he did decide to search for her. Not only did she have to worry about him, but also the other hunting ANBU who were exploring every inch of Leaf in search of her parents and the other mystery ninja she knew nothing about. Not to mention any nomad ninja's that would more often than not lurk around, doing God knows what. And what about thieves and bandits? It seemed as if the whole world was her enemy at the moment, which wasn't a very comforting thought.

_I should get going._

Yet she sat for another minute.

_Now I should really get going._

But her body was doing a terrific job in teenage rebellion.

_Alright, one more minute and **that's it!**_

Unfortunately for her, that one minute was one minute too late as cool steel wire circled around her like a tornado, pinning her to the tree effectively as she could only watch in stupefied horror.

A little two-shaded brown dog was suddenly in front of her, and although she tried to delude herself in thinking that it was indeed just any dog, it was hard to misplace the origin of the blue jacket and forehead protector that decorated the little fleabag.

"Well, well, well," Pakkun drawled, disapproving tone firmly in place. "You gave me quite a chase."

"I'm sure," she snipped back, not entirely pleased with her predicament.

Where there was a Pakkun, there was Kakashi, and sure enough, the jounin materialized out of nowhere to stand in front of her – looming with impending doom above her.

She was suddenly glad it was so dark 'cause she wasn't sure she wanted to see the true extent of his anger at the moment. She had a feeling that all the thieves, bandits, ANBU, and nomad ninja's put together wouldn't be as terrifying as the man who stood in front of her right now.

Trying not to focus on his fury, she pondered the pace he had set for himself in order to catch up with her instead; no doubt it had been a preternatural speed that would boggle the mind.

"When you said you'd be back soon, how soon are we talking here?"

She shrugged a little, putting up a good charade of nonchalance. "A couple months?"

He said nothing in return, undoubtedly trying to control his inner rage. She saw him flick his wrist out of the corner of her eye, and the wire suddenly loosened and uncoiled around her body. The thought of fleeing was as ephemeral as it was idiotic, so unsure of what to do or what to say, she settled for peeking at the enraged jounin above her.

She wished the moon hadn't been so full or so bright that night, then maybe she wouldn't have had to bear witness to the angry slit of his eye, the hard clench in his jaw, the complete and utter animosity that swirled around him in controlled and measured waves.

She could feel it caressing her naked arms and legs; licking up her body in smooth fluid motions; seeping under her skin and making her gasp from the magnitude of it all.

She had never seen him display such anger, such frustration, such ferocity – at least not to the point where she had ever physically felt it before; rubbing against her flesh like some sick lover's embrace.

"We're going back, _now_." A command that booked no argument and he turned to leave.

She stood, emotions jumbled and disarrayed. She wasn't sure if it was because his anger had spiked her own; if it was because he was ordering her around like some sort of lackey; or if it was because he had managed to track her down and preempt her from leaving; but whatever the reason, she was furious as hell, and he must have sensed it too because he pivoted around to regard her threateningly.

She squared her shoulders; a false show of confidence. "I'm not leaving."

He stepped towards her, teeth grit underneath his mask, voice strained to keep from yelling. "You weren't given a choice."

The statement pushed an invisible button inside of her, otherwise known as the 'do not touch' button; making her face change three different shades of red which she was unsure if he could see or not considering the lack of light.

"Go ahead and kick up a fuss, throw a tantrum and stomp your feet. Scream, cry, beg, do whatever the hell you want because it's not going to change a goddamn thing. I'm taking you back, and nothing you do will make me change my mind."

She was shaking so hard now; rage and hatred boiling in her veins, feeding her ludicrous thoughts of how much she despised him right now – of how much she _did _want to scream and cry and thrash out at him, and probably would have if dignity hadn't held her back.

Her vision was bleeding red, trying to come to terms with the unfairness of it all; unfair because she was fighting a losing battle; unfair because she was so utterly powerless against him; unfair because why the hell did her parents have to disappear to begin with? Why couldn't they have come back with the other injured jounin, or better yet, why couldn't they have stayed in Konoha with her from the start?

Whatever happened next she wasn't sure, and before her mind could even sidestep her anger to try and comprehend the situation, there was a bright flash of white…and then nothing.

* * *

. 

Waking was never an event she enjoyed, especially when she could feel the pressure of an all-consuming headache loitering at the base of her skull; just waiting and grinning till she was completely conscious before unleashing its full enormity. She decided to kill it later with pills.

It was morning, that much she knew without having to open her eyes; the skin of her eyelids too thin to block out the light. Another thing she knew was that she wasn't alone, and if she hadn't recognized the familiar aroma of pine and cinnamon, then she may have very well started panicking, not that an angry Kakashi was the safest of things to be around.

Squinting one jade eye open, she managed to catch a glimpse of him sitting in his corner chair. No longer was she gearing for a fight, of having her blood boil in an uncontrollable rage; now she simple felt tired and groggy, the after effects of being knocked out and adrenaline gone dry.

She slipped her eye back closed, hoping maybe he wouldn't notice and walk away from loss of interest.

"I know you're awake," he said calmly, but she could tell he had nursed his fury all night long.

Playing dead wasn't an option anymore, so she rolled onto her side, tangled in his sheets, and stared at him tiredly. She had never dealt with an angry Kakashi of this magnitude before, so she was kind of at a loss as to how to smooth things over.

She was almost tempted enough to gouge out her own eyes in order to distract him from the current flow in which this confrontation was heading.

"I'm going out for the day," he said standing up. "I'll be back later tonight," and then he looked at her for a beat, a momentary pause that seemed to speak volumes, before padding out of his apartment.

And once again she was dumbstruck, wondering if a lightning bolt filled with stupidity had struck her without her knowledge. Her stupor lasted for a few more moments until she bolted upright in bed; instantly regretted her actions. It felt like somebody had just taken a sledge hammer and whacked her upside the head.

_What the hell did he do to me?_

Whatever he did hadn't hurt at the time…but then again she hadn't been conscious for it. Slinking back down slowly, and smothering her face with a pillow to block out the sun, she picked her brain trying to understand his actions.

She had anticipated yelling, lectures, and maybe even threats – or at least a heated discussion. What she hadn't expected was him leaving her deliberately alone with her conscience as company. Where the hell did he get off on the assurance that she wasn't going to run away again anyway? His confidence in the matter vexed her to a disturbing degree – almost making her flee the apartment in order to spite him and his overbearing machismo attitude.

But she couldn't leave; she knew that – not unless she was feeling unusually suicidal.

Glancing at his clock she spotted it was only 9:23am, and already she was feeling antsy for his return. And his reference of 'tonight' was pretty vague in her mind. Tonight could range from 6:00pm to midnight for all she knew.

Maybe this was some sort of punishment…or maybe a test – she couldn't decide. Either or she considered them to be interrelated anyway.

Sighing she watched his clock tick from 9:24am to 9:25am. She groaned; it was going to be a long day.

* * *

. 

She heard the door open promptly at 11:11pm, and she couldn't explain why, but the whole entire waiting process had made her irritable and inexplicably angry. She wondered if that had been his intention to begin with…maybe as some sort of vengeance.

Waiting for a whole minute for him to greet her, she sat on his bed; fistfuls of his sheets clenched in her hands, with eyes a murky green storm. When he still failed to appear, she waited _another_ minute only to find it lapsing into another. She wasn't sure how much more waiting she could do; it seemed with every passing second her patience would stretch and thin like an elastic band till she was positive it was going to snap.

Trying to be the better person about all of this, she forced herself to count to ten, which turned into a hundred, which turned into two hundred, and then she clenched and unclenched her hands fifty times as a last attempt to curb her temper. The result was only more anger with her fingers feeling strangely funny and stiff.

She decided she had given her best at this whole 'being the better person' thing, so she felt no remorse when she ripped open his door and treaded into the hallway in search of him.

Her anger had almost reached its apex before she saw him leisurely lying on the sofa, Icha Icha Violence draped over his face in what she could only guess as a sleeping pose. She stomped towards him, still a little uncertain as to why she was so furious, and jutted her hip out with her hands placed on either side.

Still no reaction – no acknowledgement of her presence whatsoever. Her rage meter suddenly topped off before it breeched and overflowed in a tidal wave of anger.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing!"

He didn't flinch, or even move. "Thinking," was his bland reply.

She bridled at his current lackadaisical persona. It didn't seem fair that he was so calm while she was so livid.

She tried a different approach. "_What_ were you doing?"

"Thinking."

"For _fourteen hours_?"

"Yeah…"

Anger was a funny thing where it would make people do outrageous things which they normally would _never_ do if they were in their right state of mind, so when she smacked the book off his face, slapping him a tad in the process – she didn't have room in her brain, what with all that anger in the way, to feel shocked by her actions.

She was about to go into a whole new tirade – mouth open, finger pointing – when she suddenly stopped and sniffed the air, tentatively at first, then more boldly when she realized it was emanating from him.

"What the hell…were you _drinking!_"

She realized how much she was starting to sound like some nagging girlfriend; the kind who hound their boyfriend's footsteps, asking them where they've been, who they were with, why were they out so late, and so on and so on.

Kakashi remained unfazed, resting the back of his hand over his eyes in substitution for his book, and resumed his previous sleeper pose.

"Yeah."

She didn't even know the man liked to drink – at least he wasn't drunk…or at least she couldn't tell if he was.

"Why the hell were you drinking?"

"It helps me think," he said, sounding tired and a minor exasperated.

She huffed, unable to stop herself. People usually drank to _stop_ thinking, not the other way around.

"Well do you mind telling me what on earth you were thinking about this entire time?"

"Sakura?"

She paused uncertain. "Yes..?"

"Shut up for a few minutes, will you."

Fury turned to astonishment, before turning back to fury and making her glare waves of loathing in his direction before tramping back to his room and slamming the door.

Funny how at times like these she still stayed in his apartment. She blamed it on his bed; the damn thing was just too comfy for her own good. So flopping down on it with a puff of frustration, she waited.

There just wasn't much else for her to do. It was too late to go back and yell at him for his crude comment and weirdly enough, she still didn't want to leave, although she had a perfectly viable reason to. When had she become so attached to his apartment? Or more precisely, his bed?

She smacked his comforter, and it felt so good she did it again, and then again and again and again till she saw a couple feathers poof out, almost pleading for her to stop.

She sighed, watching an invisible draft gradually blow the feathers around till they rested somewhere on the ground where she couldn't see.

Her fingers starting tapping; an annoying habitual trait caused by frustration.

_What the hell is he thinking about that would make him ponder for fourteen goddamn hours?_

Really, the amount of time he was spending on this was…disturbing, as much as it was worrisome.

She started wondering what would have happened if it hadn't been Kakashi who found her. What if it had been one of the ANBU? What would have happened? She didn't have a mission scroll signed by the Hokage, and she knew she wasn't apt enough to come up with a reasonable lie (albeit she felt her lying capabilities had improved greatly). Would they have tried to…assassinate her?

Her eyes grew wide momentarily till she realized how ridiculous that notion was. They had no order for her head, and they couldn't very well go around executing all those who might have been a potential threat. Weren't there discussions about these sorts of things?

And what if she had been ambushed by a group of nomad ninja thugs? What would she have done then?

She sighed, realizing her anger towards Kakashi last night might have been unjust, but it was still too early to quench the bitterness in her heart caused from him detaining her.

Sitting up she heard him stalking down the hall; a silent proclamation that he had come to a conclusion about whatever he had been dwelling over.

Uneasiness quickly overshadowed her anger – her senses finally catching wind of the seriousness of the situation.

When he opened the door she was surprised to see how tired he looked – drained and exhausted which she could have fooled herself into thinking was caused by the alcohol, but knew deep down that wasn't it, and found no reason strong enough to try and delude herself into thinking it was.

He regarded her wearily, as if her very presence was taxing on his entire soul. He leaned against the doorframe heavily.

"I'm going to ask you a couple questions, and you're going to answer either yes or no. Do you understand?"

He watched her nod hesitantly, the first waves of her apprehension lapping against the sole's of his feet. He paid it no mind.

"Do you still plan on searching for your parents?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to try and sneak away again if I disallow it?"

"Yes."

"Are you aware of the dangers that you're placing yourself into? That hunter-nins, skilled in the art of assassination, will be sent after you, tracking and stalking your every step?" His voice wasn't as leveled now, but still impressively calm.

He stared at her for beat, seeing a glimmer of doubt streak across her eyes. "Yes."

"Are you aware that you are absolutely no match for them if they find you?"

"…yes."

"Knowing all this, that you will never be able to set foot in Konoha again, that far more skilled ninja's will be hounding you the entire way, and that the chances of finding your parents are slim to none – you are still set in leaving?"

This wasn't a scare tactic, just the harshness of reality, trying to make her see the jeopardy she was putting herself into.

"Yes."

He sighed then, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose as if warring off a migraine. He seemed more worn out now than when he had approached her. There was a growing ball of frustration and helplessness in the core of his being – growing bigger and bigger as it rolled downhill, picking up all of his doubt, fear and anger.

"You'll kill me if you make me stay," she said, just adding to his growing ball of misery.

"You're killing yourself if you leave!" he bit back tersely.

He surveyed her slipping into a heated silence – seething because his remark held too much truth. Eyes bright with repressed anger, soft pink lips pressed hard together, chest heaving up and down in deep infuriated breaths. There was a flush in her cheeks that made him step forward, that made his heart slow down and his fingers itch anxiously. She was so tempting, so beautiful, so furious, and he felt himself yielding.

Taking an unconscious step forward he watched her head cock slightly to the side, the vaguest hint of curiosity etched in her features, and then suddenly a jolt zapped through his system, and his self control returned enabling him to step safely back.

"Why are you with me?"

She had asked him that before, but this time he found himself tipping his head back and laughing – low and incredulous, not due to the question, but due to everything – her, him, their situation…life!

"Lord help me Sakura, I just don't know. Maybe you should just consider me a masochist from here on out."

His laughter died down and he could tell she didn't appreciate his comment, but he lacked the energy to care. There was still too much on his mind – still too much which needed to be said. He just couldn't afford any other worries or thoughts to invade his mind.

Sluggishly and sloth-like he ambled over to his corner chair, slumping down in a position which would have given a chiropractor a hernia. His head tilted to rest on the flat of his fist, then turned to stare out the window.

"I've come to a decision," he said somberly, firm, and grave – seeing her holding her breath and practically feeling the questioning in her gaze. "I'm going to leave Konoha with you."

There was a silence filled with shock on her end, he waiting for whatever reaction.

"_What_! What do you mean you're going to leave with me? Are you _insane_? You can't do that!"

He closed his eyes, sighing through his nose. "You've given me no choice. You're set in leaving and I can't watch you every second of every day. I could tell Tsunade-sama to assign a guard on you till your parents are discovered and are brought back to Konoha – but then you would hate and resent me for it. Besides, even if I do let you go I'd bedriven insane with worry, and if you got hurt…or worse," and he paused there, face tightening with his thoughts. "I would never forgive myself."

She shook her head slowly, stunned and confused and angry because it was all too true. "No…I won't let you do this. I won't let you ruin your life because of me."

His eyes cut across to meet her resolved ones. "And I can't sit by and watch you ruin yours," he said a matter of fact.

"_I won't leave then_!" she screamed, the bottom of her eyes pooling with water.

He smiled forlornly beneath his mask. "You don't mean that, and you know it."

She squeezed her eyes shut, her tears leaking through when she did so. Her head was shaking back and forth rapidly now, as if she were trying to deny the reality of the conversation. He was right, and she hated herself for it. She would still leave, the fact horribly etched into her soul. Crying into the heels of her hands, she loathed her fate; the decision he had made; and herself most of all.

"Please," she whispered between her choked out gasps for breath, "just please don't do this, don't sacrifice everything you've worked for just because of me. Konoha is your life," she sounded so miserable, so defeated, so at a loss in what to do. "Please, just think about what you're saying."

His eyes turned from her, the lull in their conversation filled with her hushed sobs.

"I've already spent enough time thinking about this and honestly, I'm tired. I'm done thinking for the day. There's just nothing you can do or say to me anymore Sakura. I've decided."

She was crying harder now; guilt, remorse, abhorrence, love – all of her emotions jam packing into her chest and pressing for release.

She crawled off his bed; the sheets falling on the floor caused by her actions, worming her way onto his lap and curling herself into a little ball where she cried into the heat of his neck.

"I'm sorry," she strangled out, and kept repeating it over and over and over again – gripping his shirt and moistening his neck – feeling the warmth of his arms embrace her shortly after.

_Please, just…oh God…_

She was ruining his life, and she felt like there was nothing she could do to stop it.

* * *

. 

**AN:** And it's over…the first arc that is. Some will probably not like how I made Kakashi, saying he would never betray Konoha, but tough noogies! And I mean that in the nicest way XD

Err, and a little announcement. I'm taking a break from writing (dodges rocks and boulders) Inspiration for writing has been dwindling, and responsibilities are looming over me, but I'm NOT giving up on the story…just taking a break. How long? I'm not sure, but I thought this may not be such a bad place to leave it for now since it's the end of this arc and I'll be slapping up the beginning of arc 2 next time.

I'll try to keep these responses short and quick…but it's just so much fun replying to you guys!

**Kyuubi-Sharingan** – heh don't worry, just because it's the 2nd arc doesn't mean it'll end soon. I'm only basically halfway done the story. Lots of more goodness to come in the future :D

**Gin Yume** – XD I'm so glad that you see where I'm coming from! If you understand, that means you can tolerate Sakura for the meantime, like me, but some people just hate her right now lol. Sorry this took so long to post.

**xLindsayx** – bah, sorry I confused you. I see where you're coming from. I'll try not to be so evasive in the future. Thanks for commenting. And lime indeed :D

**Karaq** – (hugs) I always look forward to reading your reviews 'cause you're always truthful and you notice and comment on things which other's don't XD I don't imagine her parents would be too thrilled with her either…but we won't find that out till like chapter 35 lol Jeez….

**Celes** – ya, there's probably a lot of spelling mistakes in my earlier chapters when I was beta-less. Feel free to point em out to me! Ehehehe a fellow perv (high fives) there will be a lemon…just a lot later on. Patience is a virtue…right:D

**Ruka-kun** – (nervous laugh) sorry, this one took long…again (hides) and it was shorter than the usual chapters too (dodges tomatoes) and forgive me that I'm taking a break (runs away) XD

**Shy-Lil-Dreamer** – yup, she sure did leave to go find her parents. And poor Kakashi…all this worrying is going to give him gray hair…err…you get the picture…heh

**Roark28** – sorry sorry sorry! I'll post it in the KakaSaku community this time for you :D haha and I like that line too. Sasuke needs to be put into his place. And I'm happy someone noticed how much planning there is involved in my story, although you won't see too much of that planning till the 2nd arc. Thanks for reviewing. You the awesomest

**Jewel9992** – heh, lots of headbutting in this chapter (bonk bonk bonk) And you can expect lots more too. I see their relationship having a lot of conflicts and verbal debates in the future…cause well, what couple doesn't have disagreements? "I'm packing your angry eyes" hehe good ol' Mr. Potato Head XD

**TheFlyAway00** – I'm glad you like the characters and my story! There has been some OOC, but I guess it hasn't been too blaring where it takes away from the story a whole bunch. Thanks for reviewing )

**Demeter1** – you don't think so? (ponders) Maybe so, but I don't want to think the whole male population is one giant lecher lol. But ah, we could view it this way. If Kakashi had a lot of self control concerning Sakura, then he shouldn't have gotten into the bathtub to begin with lol He's a smart guy, I'm sure he realized what he was doing and what the possible consequences may be caused by his actions. So I see it as he was prepared…in a way…to stop. Heh, friendly debates rule (although I'm going to lose I know T.T)

OH ya, lots of problems face Sakura in the future, and Kakashi. It's fun presenting conflicts for them to work through XD I can't WAIT till Sakura gets stronger…emotionally and physically. Gar, stupid buildup :P

**Neo91** – Mmm, lots of squashing. Ya, be prepared for a lot more of it. And I'm right to assume that when you say squashing, you mean them not having sex…right? So ya, lots more squashing ahead lol But wouldn't you find it odd if they just jumped into bed together? Couple's stay together months before having sex…but that's not to mean they can't enjoy themselves in other ways (naughty grin) XD

**Saskia2** – lol I seem to have made a Sasuke-hating club for my story O.o I think he adds a nice element to the story…whatever that element may be. Heh, yay for fun in the tub! Thanks for commenting

**Stitchfrequency** – heh you're awesome. I'm glad Sakura came out the way I wanted her to. I'm trying to have her be a character maybe people can relate with…and it's harder than I originally thought it would be. And I'm really surprised that so many people are taking a liking to Naruto in my story. I didn't put too much thought into his role, but he's fun to write. And I agree. Kakashi being perfect all the time is boring. Who would want to be with someone like that? I guess that's where he deviates from the anime/manga, but I'm glad you like him like that XD (whispers) So do I.

**Seppuku doll** – ya, I admit I'm taking quite a few liberties with Kakashi. Maybe I should put an OOC warning on the first chap. But I'm glad Sakura appeals to you. She's getting easier to write than before where she was so emotional and weak all the time. I find that kinda thing tough to write. Thanks for pointing out the hallow and hollow thing. I'll get right on it XD And I love your new KakaSaku story. That last part in your first chap still has me laughing.

**Maris** – Yay Maris! Heh, you knew what to expect. Damn right Kakashi is going to follow her. And I think you're the first one to think Sasuke is being cute hehe And yes, he is worried about Sakura, he's just expressing it in unconventional ways O.o

**Psychicbunny** – lmao, I love your little skit. And I'm glad you like me taking things slow with them. I know some people want me to hurry up with it…but rushing things between them isn't even an option in my mind..although it would make my story quicker and end sooner…hmm…

**Short 1 fourty** – I'll keep on writing…just more slowly heh. And I can't believe I've reached over a 100,000 words already, but I have to take into account of my lengthy author notes each time too. But ya, expect it to be a lot longer still. The mission arc isn't a small arc, will probably be equal or bigger than the first (sweatdrops) Will I ever finish this monster?

**Littlelies **– Honestly, I don't really like Sakura in the manga/anime, or at least the way they portray her. But I do like the potential she has. I guess I have this vision of her, or maybe it's hope…who knows. Lol yes, me and my words. I love my words. I'm a nerd you see, where if I come across I word I don't know, I'll write it down in my little book and look up the definition. I like learning new things like that XD

It makes me happy you like their reactions and think them believable :D Thanks for leaving such a nice review.

**Lihang asul** – Ya, lots of frustration Kakashi has to work out with her. Do you think he'll reach a limit where he's like, "I can't deal with this anymore?" heh, who knows what I'll do :P

**Violet Gerald** – haha for someone as smart as Sakura, she's pretty dumb eh? How's your story coming along? (goes and checks) huh? Why didn't I get that little story alert? OH well, new chapter to read and review XD

**Nasis** – ya, some people have commented on that before, and I never even realized what I was doing; how I talk about their emotions and feelings all the time. It just sorta happened. I'm actually trying to work a little past that, especially for the coming chapters because I can't just focus on their feelings anymore. I don't think it would work too well with the plot for the 2nd arc.

**Tami** – haha ya, I glare at doors too, or phones, waiting for that person to call just so you can yell at them when they do lol. Maybe Sakura making people wait for her is revenge to a mild degree heh. Smelt…such a funny word. I'll take your advice and change it to smelled in the previous chapter, although I'm not sure how people could think I was talking about fish or metal with that scene lol

**Banana-yosh** – you're most very welcome! And thank you for commenting XD haha dysfunctional…that's probably the most accurate way to describe my characters and their relationship. I'm glad you like my dysfunctional little story :D

**Tonkeli** – yay, one of my favourite people! (hugs) You know I didn't even have that little scene of Naruto and Shikamaru before, and I added it at the last minute cause I remembered you wanted some more Shika XD lol it's true, you can ask my beta. And Sakura is being a little bitch…but it's kinda justifiable…right? (hopes) Thanks for being awesome.

**TrueLoveHurts** – that's the best knowing I can draw a reader in and make them forget their surroundings. I love it when I find stories like that, so to know I can kinda almost do that, makes me really happy! Thanks so much for the lyrics. I hadn't heard those songs so I d/l it and their perfect! Thanks again for telling me about them XD oh ya, one last thing, I love your name because it's too true! Love can hurt like a byatch!

**Shinkastar** – yay to believability! I always feel that's key to a story, so I'm glad mine comes across like that to you XD Sorry this chapter took so long..eheh

**Krylancelo** – That would be the smart thing to do eh? People need space, but unfortunately, it's a little too dangerous for him to let her do what she wants at the moment lol (sigh) silly irrational Sakura. :D

**Celira** – when you say his emotions, are you talking about the story in general, or just the last chapter? But ya, my Kakashi isn't completely canon. I've realized this from all the comments lol Thanks for commenting!

**Maidenoftheelements** – sorry, I procrastinated this chap too long. And the next one will be even longer O.o Forgive me? I'm glad you like my version of Kakashi. I hope you do in upcoming chaps as well. XD

**Esther** – yay Esther! You always leave the best and funniest comments XD And I can sympathize with not having much access to the computer. I just got mine fixed, stupid motherboard crashed. I'm just glad I didn't lose my story, if I did, I see seppuku in my future. I feel bad for writing Naruto so angsty, but I don't feel like I have much of a choice. I wonder how I'll weave him in the future? (ponders) heh, the bathroom scene, I'm glad you liked it cuz I feel you're a good judge when it comes to limes and lemons. And Sakura is indeed silly (shakes head) I guess she isn't thinking too rationally. And ya, Kakashi is hopelessly nuts about her…god knows why lol

**Najat** – ya, there won't be too much depressing stuff anymore. Most of its outta the way now. Now it's going to be about development, mystery, and adventure XD Yay no more crying! I'll try to elaborate more on Sasuke, although he won't be written about till a few chapters in the future. But I am trying to keep him a little mysterious in this. He says he doesn't want Sakura like that…but it doesn't seem like that right? And he is protective of her and worries about her, but is there more to it than that? Haha you'll just have to wait :D sorry…heh

And thanks **Christinarr** for betaing XD (glomp glomp glomp)

Hmm, I would apologize for babbling so much, but you guys are probably used to that by now, heh. Thanks for reading and reviewing, and I hope you guys aren't mad/disappointed bout me putting the story on a tiny hiatus.

–Eris


	17. II, xvii A New Beginning

**Courage Needs You - Chapter #17**

**A New Beginning**

-

It was all so surreal – something that seemed more likely to happen in the movies than in real life. She was a missing-nin now, and she had dragged Kakashi along with her (albeit not by her request so much as it was by his persistence and obstinate nature).

Although she had pleaded with him not to come, she wasn't even sure she could have made it this far without him. There was so much gratitude, so much love, and so much guilt that she was at a loss in how to properly convey it. Words felt cheap for such a situation, seemed so lacking in compare to all that he did for her…sacrificed for her.

The reality of it all would sink in during these quiet moments – these peaceful moments – these moments when they were alone and she was granted reprieve from the day's events. During these times it would bury itself deep within her conscience, whispering in rasped foul words what a horrible person she was – how selfish, inconsiderate, and undeserving she was of Kakashi. She would then have to bite her tongue and hold her breath, fighting off the tears which she promised she would never shed again.

Rolling on her side she tried to ignore the smell of dust and mildew that decorated the room's corners and in between the wood paneling. It was old and decrepit; cracked floorboards and ripped sheets; brown tinged tap water and bright orange rust.

His back was to her but she could tell he was fighting with his contact lenses in the bathroom, trying to clean and get them out. He still wasn't used to them, and a new wave of guilt attacked her knowing it was her fault that he had to bear them in the first place.

She watched with sad tired eyes as he slipped a kunai out and shaved the slight stubble that had begun to grow on his face. It just wouldn't do if he grew a beard that didn't match his hair. Her lips suddenly twisted unhappily, missing his silver mane. She had become so accustomed to it, so used to it and reassured by it, that it was hard to see the new Kakashi in the old. All the characteristics that had made him distinctly him, were covered now – were dangerous and ill promising if seen.

No more mismatched eyes; no more silver hair – only simple green and bland brown, colours which would blend in a crowd and be easily forgotten.

"Why are you frowning?"

She caught the tiny undercurrent of distress in his tone, unpleased to see her looking so glum. She smiled at him weakly as he padded from the bathroom, the floor creaking beneath his feet as he made his way over to his sorry excuse of a futon (not that hers was much better).

"Nothing, just thinking about stupid stuff."

She saw him raise a brow before he crouched down to push his futon against her own; the act always making her feel unexplainably happy. It was comforting to know he always wanted to be beside her – close to her and touch her.

He turned off the flickering overhead light, casting the room in shadows and moonlight, and since it was uncomfortably warm due to the lack of an air conditioner, he slipped off his shirt and chucked it on his traveling bag in the corner as well.

When he lay on top of the covers beside her, she automatically pressed into him; arm draped across his naked torso, and head nestled in the juncture between shoulder and chest. She felt him twirling a strand of her hair in a leisurely manner.

"I miss the original colour," he said softly, she hearing the vibrations in his chest.

She grinned. "I was just thinking the exact same thing, only with your hair," and brought a few of her own tresses in front of her face to scrutinize. "I don't care that mine's brown though. It's just hair colour right?"

"Right."

A comfortable silence followed, with his hand still threading through her locks.

It had been a long day – a long week more like it, and the fatigue of it all was finally catching up to her. Had it really only been a week? It seemed like so much longer…

Seemed like months ago when she had bought the hair dye and contact lenses – when she had slept in Kakashi's bed – when she had walked down the streets of Konoha with nothing but a pack, Kakashi, and a hidden agenda.

There was so much she hadn't even considered when she fled for the first time, and although she could have blamed it on haste, the act of fooling herself seemed too troublesome at the moment. In retrospect, it had been pretty idiotic on her account thinking she could have done this on her own.

She mulled over the fact that money would have been a wise thing to bring, that unidentifiable clothes would have been smart to wear, that changing her appearance would have been beneficial – but she hadn't thought about any of that at the time, and now she was wondering just what the hell _had_ she been thinking?

Even though inwardly berating herself for her previous stupidity was useless, she still felt the need to do it.

Sighing, she started trailing her finger along the expanse of Kakashi's chest, concentrating on the arbitrary patterns in hopes it would distract her from her current worries.

"Ne, Kakashi? When'd you get this?" she asked, tracing a cross shaped scar, three inches in diameter, a little below his shoulder.

"Hmm?"

She felt his head shift, no doubt trying to see what she was referring to.

"I got that in my early jounin days."

Her brow creased, tracing the smooth, albeit slightly jagged scar. "Whoever patched you up didn't do a very good job."

Her head bounced beneath his chest as he gave a gentle laugh. "That would be me you're referring to."

"Oh…" and then she felt sort of bad.

"But you're right," he went on. "I did do a pretty sloppy job. That's what happens when you're ten years old and inexperienced with stitches."

Even though it had happened about twenty years ago, even before she was born, she didn't like the picture in her mind of a young wounded Kakashi having to stitch up his own bloody skin. He would probably laugh at her now if he knew what she was thinking.

"So how does it feel walking around without your mask on?" For some reason it felt like a touchy subject to bring up, but impatience, curiosity, and the desire to eradicate the young suffering Kakashi from her mind, won in the end.

"Feels the same I suppose," but she could tell he was lying. He just wasn't the sort of man who would admit to discomfort or insecurity when related to such a thing.

"Seems so unfair," she murmured, still running her finger along his torso, "that all these strangers get to see your face when I had to wait so long."

"Are you trying to tell me you're jealous, Sakura?" he teased, earning himself a poke in the ribs.

There was a relaxed silence after that, he absentmindedly stroking his hand through her hair, she, outlining the curves of his abs. Her eyes closed unwillingly, hearing the rickety plumbing below her, a couple arguing across the hall, the drunken banter bleeding from the streets.

She wondered how much longer they were going to be in this town, lurking from inn to inn, nosing around and asking questions. She realized Shikamaru had been right, there was something unsettling with the inhabitants here, or maybe it was just this town – she wasn't quite sure and she wouldn't find out unless they moved on, which they still had yet to do.

"What's the plan for tomorrow?" she mumbled half asleep, just clinging onto the edge of consciousness.

"The same as today's."

"More questioning and snooping?"

He hummed in this throat, a lazy response of 'yes'. She wasn't going to interrogate him why they remained in this rundown town – faithfully trusting his motives and instinct. His breathing started to even out and the up and down movements of his chest lulled her to sleep.

When she woke up light was seeping in through the curtains, or what was meant to have been curtains but were actually two pieces of puke green cloth, tattered, old, and probably smelly, clinging onto their purpose in life with the most pitiful of threads.

Turning over she was greeted with a much more appealing view of Kakashi's backside – back slick with the morning's humidity and black pants hanging loosely on his hips. She admired him in her groggy state, a goofy grin appearing at the thought that he was hers, but as the morning's sleepiness waned with the passing seconds, she realized he wasn't moving – just standing in the bathroom, hands gripped on either side of the sink with his head bowed so low that she could barely see his dark brown spikes.

There seemed to be an unending supply of guilt waves which would assault her more frequently than she desired during the day. Now just happened to be one of those times.

She sat up frowning, and opened her mouth to say something when she heard him sigh. It tugged at her heart, the sound coming out so tired and strained.

This was exactly how he looked on the night that they had left – abandoning the Leaf for what she felt was a better cause. He hadn't seen her at the time, but she had seen him, looking much the same now as he had then – head bowed, shoulders slumped, hands gripping for support. He had been looking at his hitai-ate, thinking only God knows what, and he had stayed like that for a good half hour…just standing there, gazing at this piece of metal and cloth that rested on his dresser.

She hadn't thought much of hers when she took it off, discarding it on her bedside table to be forgotten, but now looking at him with her memories resurfacing, she felt ashamed. The hitai-ate represented so much more than what she had given it credit for.

She wondered if he was picturing it now – if he missed it and was regretting his decision in coming with her.

Averting her eyes away, she was unable to watch him looking so melancholy; he wouldn't want her to see him looking like that anyway and she suddenly felt like she had invaded something very personal and private. Lying back down slowly and quietly, she feigned sleep, and stayed that way till she heard him move where he started another morning ritual of their new life.

-

-------------

-

"Ne, Kakashi?"

"Hmm?" he responded, eyes focused forward as they sauntered through town.

"I have this eerie feeling that someone's watching us."

"Just ignore it."

Obviously he had felt it too but was otherwise acting very calm about it. She on the other hand couldn't, and found herself peering over her shoulder one time too many.

She wondered what would make someone spy on them, besides the fact of them being missing-nins. It had only been a week though and she doubted any ANBU had been sent for them yet. They were probably still debating what had happened to them…or so she hoped.

No one could recognize them…could they? Not that she was infamous enough to be recognized, but the only thing that might've given Kakashi away was the vertical scar cutting through his eye and cheek. Besides that, she couldn't find anything. His hair was brown; his eyes green; his clothes casual muted earth tones and blacks – looking so much like her own. His reasoning for this was to blend in with the crowd as much as possible. No bright colours, no fancy designs; everything had to be nondescript – ordinary – the goal to be a forgettable person.

She sighed, wondering where they were going. So far what they had discovered was squat, and it was getting on her nerves. They had visited the site of the attack only to find most of the forestry miraculously re-grown with no signs of previous combat.

"I expected as much," he had said, surveying the land. "It doesn't seem like we can find out any information here."

"What do you mean you expected it? How come everything looks normal?"

He had raised a brow at her then, giving her a semi-amused smile which stopped mere millimeters from patronizing. "We _are_ in the Grass Country Sakura. Their specialty is in the manipulation of plant life. They probably re-grew everything to stop people like us from snooping around."

"So they're hiding something?"

"Most likely," had been his reply.

Mulling over that conversation now, she could easily see that yes, people here in Grass were most definitely hiding something. Everybody seemed to be on guard – vigilant and cagey when it came to questions. Every person they asked would always reply in the same clipped tones that, "I don't know what you're talking about. There haven't been any disturbances around here for months," which had been a blatant lie. Of course Kakashi never called them on it and would always politely say, "Thank you for your time," which bothered Sakura to no end.

She was growing impatient, and every day the urge to snip back at these lying buffoons was growing stronger. What was it that kept Kakashi here? It certainly wasn't the people or atmosphere. It was filled with low lives, moronic thugs the kind you would find in dark allies, sleazy rundown women the kind Sakura only ever saw in movies. It smelt of death and grime, the sort of smell a sensitive nose would never grow accustomed to.

So what if this was the closest town to the attack, only a few scant miles away – obviously these people had nothing to say to them so why stay? Why couldn't they head to the main village and prod around there?

"Kakashi, where are we going?" she asked in hushed tones, still on high alert by all the lingering stares.

He jerked his head in front of him, too indolent to point as his hands were as per usual, pocketed. "You see that pub up there? That's where."

She looked in the direction he had indicated and indeed there was a pub, although it was more akin to a dilapidated shack than anything. Just the look of it gave her weird vibes, making her face scrunch in aversion.

"Why there?"

"Because," he started, turning his head partly to the side where she saw him smirk, "hopefully we can find someone drunk enough with a loose tongue."

She just stared at him for a beat, still not used to seeing a mask-less Kakashi walking around in the open. It was captivating in a sense. His smirk broadened then, as if he knew what she was thinking.

"But it's only the afternoon," was her delayed reply.

He shrugged. "For some people being drunk is a profession, and this seems like the kind of town where there a lot of said professionals."

She couldn't argue there, and obediently followed him into the pub. The smell of cigarette smoke and booze attacked her senses, making her wrinkle her nose in barefaced distaste. It took a couple moments for her eyes to adjust to the dim interior and when they did, she could see several pairs of eyes on her – scrutinizing her through the dark and the smog.

She shrunk back behind Kakashi and focused on the dirty floorboards, trying her best at invisibility.

"Come on," he said, moseying on over to the bar – her, having no choice but to follow. The place wasn't very big, about ten tables with three chairs per table, with the bar running along the wall at the back. Three men, somewhere in their mid thirties, gruff and sour faced, eyed them from the table they occupied in the far corner. The other lodgers paid them no mind – rosy cheeked and droopy eyes indicating they were to inebriated to notice anything but their next refill.

Sakura used all effort to ignore them. Pillows of nicotine clouds lounged in the air and above their heads, she squinting her eyes as the smoke stung her eyes and burnt her lungs. Kakashi glided onto a bar stool; cool, casual, confident, and rested his hands on the counter while dropping his pack by his feet. Sakura tried to imitate him but found her hands fidgeting with her whole body stiff.

"Sorry, but we don't serve minors here."

Sakura's attention was immediately averted to the bartender, feeling a tinged embarrassed about the whole situation. Not only was she a minor, but the only female as well. She didn't want to cower, but couldn't help it as she lowered her head and shielded her face with mud-brown hair.

From the corner of her eye, she saw Kakashi wave his hand dismissively. "Don't worry, she's not ordering," and then felt the bartender's deep set eyes bore into her a moment longer before turning to Kakashi.

"Alright, what can I get ya then sir?"

"Just a single malt of scotch will do."

The bartender nodded and put down the glass he had been drying. He was burly and stout, a man who looked like he could hold his liquor. He had brown thinning hair, a five o'clock shadow on his chubby face, and a sizeable beer gut hanging over the edge of his trousers. All in all he looked like most of the inhabitants around here besides the dirty white apron tied around his large midsection.

She glanced at Kakashi expectantly, wondering what he was going to do or what he was going to say. If he felt her gaze, he didn't show it, and started slowly nursing his drink when it was placed in front of him.

"So, where you folks headed?" His voice was deep and brusque but there was an air of friendliness about him that didn't make Sakura feel so on edge.

"NorthWest," was Kakashi's simple reply.

"Aa, heading to Kusa are you?"

"Ya, taking my niece here back to my sister's."

_Niece? Sister's? Kusa?_

She felt her brow crease, trying to make sense of the conversation. Was that how he was going to go around referring her as? His niece? The concept made her feel…funny, not a good funny, but a 'I-have-no-idea-how-to-feel-about-this', sort of funny.

"Aa, so that's who the little missy is. I was wondering since you're too young to be her father, but too old to be her brother. But now it makes sense."

Was the option of them physically being together not even feasible?

"So how are the roads from here to Kusa? Any rumours I should be worried about?"

"Rumours?" the bartender reiterated, stroking his stubbly chin with his index and thumb. "Nope, none that I can think of. It's been pretty peaceful around here as of late."

"Really?" and Kakashi raised a brow, pitch a little higher as if saying 'I don't believe you'. "I heard that not too long ago there was a disturbance along the border just a few miles away."

"Well," and he shrugged, "you heard wrong mister. It's been nothing but peace and quiet for months now." He was avoiding eye contact, making a false show of being busy as he wiped down the countertop with a dirty rag which Sakura suspected was his cleanest.

He was lying, they were always lying, and Sakura had to grit her teeth and purse her mouth less a snippety comment flew past her lips. She inwardly sighed, waiting to hear Kakashi thank the man before they left in search of more lying scumbags.

"Forgive me when I say I don't believe you," Kakashi said evenly, making Sakura's eyes widen a tad before she broke out into a mad grin.

The bartender paused mid swipe before continuing on with his task. "I'm not sure what you're searching for mister, but you ain't gonna find it here. I think you and the little missy should be on your way now," and he turned his back on them, still putting up a front of being preoccupied.

Suddenly the front door was banged open and a bearded robust man barged in, making his way over to the table where the three sour-faced occupants sat. He was loud and gregarious, laughing and talking amiably to what Sakura assumed were his friends. She was glad that there was some noise in the room now besides Kakashi's prodding and the bartender's lies.

"What if I told you I witnessed the assault along the border," Kakashi went on, demeanor utterly serious.

The bartender swiveled around and leaned towards Kakashi, eyes narrowed and posture stiff. "If you _did_ see it, then you would know _not_ to talk about it," he hissed, Kakashi remaining unfazed.

"Awe, so something _did_ happen," he drawled smugly.

"Look m–" and then he stopped, cutting his eyes across the room before hunching down and lowering his voice to an angry whisper. "Look mister, you shouldn't be here and you certainly shouldn't be going around asking such questions. If you care about this little girl at all, you'll turn tail and leave."

Looking beside her she saw a tick in Kakashi's jaw but was otherwise unsure of what it meant.

"Are you telling me that we're in danger?" he asked lowly, capturing the angry bartender's gaze in his own.

"Yes!" he hissed, just managing to keep a whisper.

"Why?"

The man leaned back, letting out a frustrated 'ugh' as if he couldn't believe this was happening, then quickly leaned forward again, placing plump hands on the counter to steady himself.

"Because you keep sticking your nose in business where it don't belong!" he grit out harshly. "People have been talking about you two – saying there's a man and a girl going around asking questions, causing trouble. You're making the whole damn town nervous as hell!" then he abruptly peered his head up, making sure no one had heard him. He sighed, resting his forehead against the heel of his hand. "Look, I don't want any trouble – none of these folks do so please, just keep your questions to yourself and leave!"

"We'll leave as soon as you tell us what it is we want to know and if you don't, we're going to stick around, and we're going to _keep_ on asking questions and we're going to _keep_ on bothering the people of this town."

Sakura leaned back impressed, watching proudly as Kakashi pushed all of the right buttons. She could see the man's bushy eyebrow start twitching, and his fat little fingers grip the edge of the worn-out countertop.

"You don't know what it is you're asking," he said sort of strained, as if an inner conflict was occurring.

"Try me," Kakashi said smoothly, totally unperturbed under the weight of the man's panic.

The two males eyed each other, dark brown and gem green clashing, trying to force the other to break. Finally the bartender relented. "_Fine_! What is it that you want to know?"

"A group of rogue ninja's attacked a unit of six Leaf jounin's stationed at the border. Three of them are currently missing; a woman with pink hair, a large brown-haired man with a scar along his left cheek, and a man about my height with spiky blond hair. Have you seen them?"

The man shook his head stiffly. "I haven't seen anyone of that description."

"Fine, what about these rogue ninja's? Were they Grass?"

He shook his head. "Not likely. Grass has no quarrel with Leaf."

"Then who is likely?"

He hesitated; teeth gritting, fingers clenching, vein-popping anger, showing through. It looked like he was about to strike Kakashi, and Sakura wasn't so much worried about him hurting Kakashi as it was Kakashi retaliating in defense. "It was Stone," he finally forced out, anger dissipating to a mien of defeat, hanging his head with a look of utter pain written across his soft features.

Sakura saw Kakashi's eyebrows slightly rise with an almost perplexed expression ruining his calm façade. It took a lot to shock Kakashi. "Why would Stone attack Leaf in your territory?"

He sighed frustrated. "It's complicated."

"Well _un-_complicate it."

Dark brown eyes turned to slits, and the contours of his face tightened dangerously. "We have no control over what Stone does. Our military is one-fifth of theirs!"

"You have Cloud as your allies."

The man snorted; a disgusted contemptuous sound. "I wouldn't exactly consider them allies. And besides, they're Stone's allies as well. There's nothing we can do about them."

"Why would Stone travel all the way from their country to yours, just to attack a half dozen shinobi from the Leaf?"

"They weren't after Leaf, they were after the forming uprising in Grass. The Leaf were just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"_The wrong place at the wrong time!_ That's a horrible thing to say! How–" whatever she was going to say next was quickly cut off by the warning glint in Kakashi's eyes. Biting the inside of her cheek and digging her nails into the fleshy part of her palms, she forced herself into quiet seething.

Ascertaining Sakura wouldn't succumb to another outburst and that the other occupants were still nursing their drinks unaware, Kakashi refocused on the man in front of him, seeing him partially embrangled due to Sakura going from a timid kitten to a furious tiger.

"When you say uprising, do you mean a rebellion?" He watched the bartender stare at his livid kunoichi a moment longer before turning his attention back to him.

"Look, I can't tell you anything else – I shouldn't have told you anything at all!"

"If you d–"

"I know!" He was losing patience, frustration and panic making his cheeks burn. Kakashi remained neutral, observing and waiting for the man to dispel his anger. Suddenly he turned away; chest puffed, eyes hard, and pulled out a little piece of paper before hurriedly writing something down. Pivoting back he slammed the paper down in front of Kakashi – waves of resentment circling around him and mingling in with the cigarette smoke.

"Go to Kusa. Look for this man. He'll tell you everything you need to know." Each word was strained – emphasized – forced out through clenched teeth. "Now _leave_ this town! There's nothing more for you here."

Kakashi tucked the paper into his pants pocket and gave the bartender a nod – whether it was a dismissive, respectful, or thankful nod, Sakura didn't know and quickly shouldered her pack as she saw Kakashi do the same.

Outside never felt – smelt – tasted so good, and she couldn't help but pause to suck in a couple deep gulps of air while breathing out all the pollution that had accumulated in her lungs in turn. Even the death and grime stench smelled infinitely times better.

"Sakura."

She opened her eyes, not even realizing she had closed them, and saw an unreadable jounin shadowing above her with his height. He didn't look happy, nor angry – just bordering on displeased.

"Next time in the future it will do well if you controlled your emotions a little better."

Her face twisted unhappily, begrudging him for the truth and pointing out her faults. "But h–" and then his finger was on her lips, silencing her and any rebuttal she could make – doing it in such a controlled and confident manner while grinning down at her that she couldn't help but capitulate and let her anger vanish like soap on filth. Kakashi was the only person in the world who could make her hate him then love him in a matter of seconds.

"Come on, Kusa awaits us."

-

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-

"I don't understand…why would they leave?" Naruto whispered, eyes introverted and unblinking, brows knit in confused wonder. "I mean, all of this isn't confirmed right? We don't know for a fact that they left the country."

"It is still speculation as of now, yes, but I was hoping with the both of you here it might give a better foundation on our assumptions," Tsunade said, looking to each of Kakashi's former students. "Do either of you have any notions of your own to add?"

Naruto looked to Sasuke, his undecipherable black eyes harbouring a deep cavernous loathing. Did he know as well? Had he figured it out?

Sasuke broke the connection and regarded the Hokage. "I haven't seen much of Sakura since the news of her parents, and why she might have left? Your guess is as good as mine."

Tsunade leaned back in her chair, the leather squeaking with her movements, crossing her arms and closing her eyes as if this were weary. "Kakashi came to me on behalf of Sakura one day, asking if I would give her permission to look for her parents. Of course she was denied, but Kakashi said she thought they might not be in the Fire Country."

Blue eyes grew wide. "Are you saying she left Konoha in search of them?"

"That's my assumption so far, but the only thing that doesn't make sense is that it seems Kakashi has also left with her. Any of you want to enlighten me as to why he would do that?"

A respite in their conversation trailed – the atmosphere losing the air of business-like affability and morphing into a cagey crescendo. Naruto's chair suddenly toppled over when he abruptly stood up; starting all occupants of the room and arresting their attention.

"If your final decision is to consider them missing-nins, I demand you give me permission to search for them," he said forcibly, eyes hard with determination.

Tsunade considered him for a moment before shaking her head, disregarding his insolence. "You're too involved in the situation – you're making it too personal. It would jeopardize the mission."

"But because I know them on a personal level I know their habits, their routines, the way they might think. It would help in the search if someone who knew them was there," he countered, the fire of his resolve still burning bright.

She sighed. "If it does come to the conclusion of them being missing-nins, I will consider your proposal Naruto."

"Then consider mine as well," Sasuke spoke up; voice monotone but crisp. "If anyone can find them, it's us," he said, with a resolve and a confidence which one might have considered arrogance.

With that, they were both dismissed, standing outside of headquarters with tense and thoughtful expressions, waiting for the other to make the first move.

"You know…don't you?" Naruto asked; thumbs hooked in his pockets as he squinted at the sun.

"Aa…"

He gave a laugh, unsure of where the urge came from. "Strange huh? Whoever would have thought that those two would get together." He continued to chuckle weakly, possibly to stop himself from crying.

"You're hurt," Sasuke replied impassively.

Naruto suddenly stopped his forced out laughter, eyes firm as he glared at the ground. "Ya…I guess I am."

The dark-haired boy turned his eyes skyward, the sun highlighting the indigo in his hair. "We'll find them. Of that I'm sure," and he walked away, leaving Naruto with his doubts, fears, and hopes to stand by his side.

* * *

. 

Dun dun dun! So ya, I've finally updated! Shocking eh? Consider it my little Halloween treat! Unfortunately there won't be another update anytime soon.

So besides that, a lot of things happen in this chapter. I've started it out where Kakashi and Sakura have already left Konoha, and are staying in a town in Grass near the border. Oh ya, I've also changed their hair colour, which some might highly abhor, but meh, I find it necessary. And Kakashi now wears contacts heh poor guy; and also walks around mask-less. Also, we find out a little more about Sakura's parents disappearance, and that weirdly enough, Stone is involved. The edginess of the villagers is still a mystery, and ya, I think that finishes the main points in this chapter.

Edit May 12 /06: This story is now discontinued. No more updates. Sorry!

– Eris


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